


In My Body

by HeartofGlassMindofStone



Category: The 100, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bellarke, Eventual Madi, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Post-Season/Series 01, Protective Bellamy Blake, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, this gets dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-06-26 13:17:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 89,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartofGlassMindofStone/pseuds/HeartofGlassMindofStone
Summary: He let out a short laugh of relief and hugged her even harder. She was here, she wasn’t dead. He felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes but blinked them back.“I thought you were dead.”“You’re okay... we’re okay.” He whispered, relieved.* Story takes place after Clarke escapes Mount Weather and will go all the way up to my own personal version of Season 5, so buckle up. It’s gonna be a long ride. Main plots do not change, so while some things may be obscured, it’s the same general concept. This is strictly a Bellarke fic and they will not bullshit around their feelings. Lots of other characters will be a part of this fic and may come and go. Fair warning, if you’re a big Abby fan, you will not enjoy this fic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story starts after Clarke gets back from Mount Weather. This story will have mentions of many subjects that may be sensitive to some readers. Attempted rape, suicidal attempts or thoughts, sexual content and more. That being said, you guys, I’m so excited for you to read this story. I needed a place to start their relationship and I chose the beginning of Season 2 for that. Although it gets dark at points, there are some very beautiful moments of love and happiness, and some beautiful friendships, so just bare with me. If angst is your thing, you’re in the right place. The connection they have in this fic is what drives them and there’s no on/off bullshit. Drama for sure, don’t get me wrong. But they know they want each other and don’t try to hide it. I’ve changed the Clarke/Finn story. It shouldn’t be hard to imagine really. It just didn’t happen. One other change you’ll notice in this chapter, Miller is not in the Mountain - I needed him too much.

She was out of the mountain. Her friends weren’t. Anya was dead. She didn’t know where Bellamy was... Her mother was alive.

All of those facts, none of them good, threatened to squeeze her chest too tightly with anxiety.

“Clarke, please, listen.” Her mother pleaded. “You have to stay here. You have to rest!” 

“No! You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore.” She spat. “Not after everything you’ve done.”

She pushed her way out of the med bay. She couldn’t stay here. She had to find a way to get the others out of that mountain and she had to find Bellamy- if he was alive. She hadn’t let herself think he wasn’t yet. Maybe she should’ve stuck around to ask her mother if she’d seen him.

As she stepped out of the med bay, she found Raven slumped against the wall, on the ground. 

“Thank god.” Raven said standing up and pulling Clarke into a hug. “We were so worried. We didn’t know what happened. I’ve been out here all night, but your mom said you needed rest.”

“I’m okay.” Clarke answered, hugging her back, grateful to have a familiar face. She froze mid-hugas she saw him, and she smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. 

Raven pulled back and turned to look the direction Clarke was. “Go.” Raven smiled. “I’ll catch up.”

She ran as fast as she could, throwing herself into his arms. He stumbled back, surprised as someone threw their weight into him. He couldn’t see her face, but saw a flash of blonde... he knew it was her. He’d know her anywhere.

When his brain caught up, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and pushed his face into her hair. 

“Now there’s something I thought I’d never see.” He heard Octavia say slyly, but he could hear the smile in her voice.

He let out a short laugh of relief and hugged her even harder. She was here, she wasn’t dead. He felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes but blinked them back.

“I thought you were dead.”

“You’re okay... we’re okay.” He whispered, relieved.

She pulled back, but kept hold of his arms.

“God, Bellamy. I-“

“You did what had to be done. There was no other choice.”

She gave him a small smile and Octavia stepped closer, moving to hug her. 

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Octavia said.

Clarke pulled back and smiled at her. “You too.”

“The others?” Bellamy asked.

The mountain.

She shook her head. “Follow me.”

She pulled them to her tent and hurriedly told them what had happened, that they had to find a way to get them out. They were going to killed in there and it wasn’t going to take long.

“An alliance with the Grounders is in our best interest. The problem is, the guards from the ark killed the best shot we had.”

Bellamy sighed. “What are we gonna do? The Grounders-“  Oh shit , Bellamy thought. The Grounders... Finn.

“Shit,” he said. “Finn.”

She looked startled at the sudden change of his voice and urgency.

“What about him? What’s wrong?” She asked.

“He’s out there looking for  you .” Octavia said, sounding just as urgent as Bellamy. 

“Clarke, he left the group when we stopped to help that girl off the cliff. He wanted to let her die. He didn’t want to waste time. I sent Murphy with him so he wasn’t alone, but Finn was out of it. I shouldn’t have let him go.”

“Hey, we’ll find him, Bellamy. It’s okay.” Clarke told him.

“I know he’s been a bit of a flight risk before, but since you went missing he’s gotten dangerous. He killed a grounder when we were trying to find you, and he did it without even blinking. He had given us information and Finn killed him anyway. He’s headed to Lincoln’s village. Trust me, we need to find him and let him know you’re okay, and fast.”

“Alright. Get Miller. My mom isn’t going to let us just walk out of here. We’re gonna need Ravens help and we’re gonna need guns. I’ll go find her and we’ll meet at her gate.”

They all took off and met not even 10 minutes later. Raven had Wick turn off the fence. 

“Clarke,” Raven grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. “Bring him back, okay? I know you haven’t seen the same Finn I used to know and I know this place has changed him... but I still love him.” 

Clarke gave a small smile and nodded. 

They all easily slipped through the fence and they were off. 

Miller and Monroe’s group stayed slightly behind to keep an eye out for anything missed, as well as be an aid to rush forward if it sounded like trouble was ahead. 

They’d been walking at least five hours when they stopped, hearing shots. They all looked at each other for a split second before sprinting forward.

Octavia was in the lead with Clarke and Bellamy not far behind. They got to the clearing, and skidded to a stop, not believing the scene in front of them.

Murphy was yelling, desperately clutching at Finn, trying to get him to calm down, to stop shooting, and Finn... well Finn looked crazed. Gun in hand, shooting any Grounder that dared to move. Every gunshot that sounded off echoed, and with it, more screaming, and more yelling. The group was too shocked to move. 

Finn’s eyes locked onto them and he let go of the trigger. His gun was still in hand and raised, as if still ready to continue his massacre, but his face lit up, his eyes finding Clarke. 

“I found you.” He said.

She shook her head, her mind not quite willing to take in what was in front of them. He took a step forward and she immediately took one back. Octavia ran to the nearest injured Grounder, checking for signs of life, with Murphy close behind her. 

Bellamy looked just as shocked as Clarke, eyes surveying the dead or dying Grounders.

Finn stepped forward again, “Clarke, I-“

“No.” She cut him off, shaking her head again, but he kept moving forward.

At her voice, Bellamy seemed to be shaken out of his stupor and stepped in front of her. She immediately pressed against him and clutched the back of his shirt. 

He’d never seen her act like this before and he knew she was scared of what she was seeing. He could sense it, and that put him on even higher guard. She was scared of Finn, and he wasn’t about to let him anywhere near her.

“Back off.” Bellamy held his hand out and his voice was firm, demanding, not leaving room for question. “You need to put the gun down.”

“You don’t understand, I was saving you! I had to find you!” He yelled, directing his words at Clarke and not looking away from her.

“But you didn’t,” Bellamy said calmly. “She found her own way, and saved herself. You just massacred a village, and for what?”

Finns eyes got even wider as he shook his head and took another step forward. “I did it for you, Clarke!”

She held her head up, but clutched Bellamy tighter, pressing closer to him subconsciously as she spoke. “I didn’t ask for this... this is a slaughter. You killed these people, destroyed their village! How was that for me?”

Finns eyes looked wild and he took yet another step closer. “Clarke-“

“Back up and put the gun down, now!” Bellamy demanded, raising his gun to Finn. He was starting to get pissed now. 

Finn finally looked to Bellamy. He looked confused, like he didn’t know what they were upset about, but with a gun trained on him, he slowly lowered his own.

Miller and Monroe finally ran up behind them. 

“Guys, what the hell is-“ Miller cut off at the scene in front of him. “Oh, fuck.”

Oh fuck was right , Bellamy thought. “We need to get out of here! Everyone together. Let’s go!”

“Bellamy, we have to help these people!” Octavia protested.

“We don’t have time, O. We can’t stay here, you know that.” His words were final.

Octavia turned and gave Nyko a look that was almost screaming her apology, and ran over to the rest of them.

Bellamy turned and grabbed Clarke’s hand, pulling her with him. She had straightened her back, putting her shield up, but he could feel she was shaking. She wasn’t ready to let him go yet, and he wasn’t about to let her go either. It’d be easier to keep her safe if she was right next to him anyway. At least that’s what he told himself.

On the way back to the Ark she had calmed down. She looked up at Bellamy and he met her gaze. 

“They’re gonna kill us all.” She said.

He sighed. “We don’t know that for sure. We don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“We know that he slaughtered a  whole village of innocent people. And if an alliance was possible before, it’s not now.”

Bellamy closed his eyes for a second. She was right. They were in deep shit because of this. He looked back at Finn, who was laser focused on Clarke’s back. He slid his hand out of hers and moved it to her lower back as they walked.

“Stay away from him.” Bellamy said, turning back to her.

“No worries there. I don’t want to be anywhere near him.”

“Bellamy,” one of the others called from the front.

“Be right there.” Bellamy called back, but went to Miller first.

“Don’t let him near her.” He whispered to him. Miller gave him a sharp nod and with that, he ran ahead.

Finn saw his chance and took it, going straight for Clarke. He put his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, listen to me, Clarke.”

She immediately jerked away. “Don’t touch me, Finn.”

Miller stopped, standing in front her.

“She doesn’t wanna hear it, man. Back off.” He spoke with almost as much authority as Bellamy would have. “Go to the back of the group.”

“What are you, her protector now?” Finn spat.

“She doesn’t need a protector. She also doesn’t need you, and I know she doesn’t wanna hear it. So  back off. ” Miller said, getting closer to Finn.

Clarke was so grateful for him in that moment that she wanted to hug him. She was even more grateful when she heard Bellamy’s voice. 

“There a problem here?” He asked.

Miller and Finn just kept staring each other down and Clarke couldn’t seem to look away either. 

When Finn finally relented, looking away from them and shaking his head, Miller responded. “No. No problems here.”

“Good.” Bellamy said. “Because we’re setting up camp here. It’s getting too dark and we won’t make it back to Arkadia in time.”

“And the Grounders?” Miller asked, clearly worried about the fact that they’re alone out here, having just shown their face in a village where innocent people were killed by one of their own.

“They’ll be too busy tending to the injured and burning their dead to deal with us tonight.” Octavia said, shooting daggers at Finn with her eyes.

“She’s right, we’ll be safe tonight.” Clarke said.

Miller turned to look at her, “thank you” she mouthed to him. He nodded at her with a small smile and went to help set up camp.

Octavia stared at Finn still. “You gonna help, or do you have more people to slaughter?” She said, voice filled with hate and disgust.

Clarke couldn’t blame her. She felt the same way as she watched Finn trudge away to help.

“You okay?” She asked.

Clarke sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I just- I don’t trust him with everyone. He killed those people so easily. He looked... he looked insane.”

“That’s because he is. He’s a killer.” Octavia said.

Clarke knew it. She saw it with her own eyes. Something changed in him slowly when they’d landed and she didn’t know if he could come back. All she knew was that when he looked at her, it made her skin crawl and she wanted nothing more than to hide from him, keep him from burning a hole in her with his eyes.

She’d trained in martial arts back on the Ark, she knew how to fight- how to protect herself. She shouldn’t be scared of him, but she just couldn’t settle herself when he was near.

Her and Octavia had just started to set up their tent when Bellamy walked over to them. 

“You two, stay as far away from him as you can. Set your tent next to mine at the edge. We’ll keep him at the other end. I don’t want him anywhere near you.” He finished, looking at Clarke. 

They both nodded. Clarke didn’t usually take orders from him. They made decisions together and sometimes they argued and there were disagreements, but this was something she didn’t want to deal with, didn’t want to take charge on.

She was staying close to him and he could practically feel the anxiety rolling off her. He knew her and he knew she was still scared. Honestly, so was he. He had no idea if Finn would do something to her. Finn looked at her like he’d found the most sacred, sought after treasure in the world, and not in a good way.

He wouldn’t let anything happen to Clarke. When he became so concerned about her, he didn’t know. But he did know that when she ran up to him after being missing for so long and wrapped her arms tightly around him, he could finally breathe again. Once his arms were around her, he didn’t want to let go - didn’t want to lose her again. He didn’t think too much into it now, but he knew this girl- no, this woman, meant something to him. And he would protect her no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn looked at Miller and the look in his eyes almost made him take a step back, but he held his ground. He knew Bellamy would rip Finn apart for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Finn is out of character in this fic. I’ve taken his slight psychosis, to an extreme. You’ll have to excuse me, but it is what it is.

Later that night, after everyone had finished setting up and had something to eat, most of them settled in their tents for the night. They left two on watch and would rotate every two hours. No one needed to say it, but Finn would not be a part of that rotation.

Bellamy was on first watch on one end of the camp, with Murphy on the other. Everyone else had already went to sleep in preparation of their watch. Clarke couldn’t sleep though. She was too restless, so she sat by the fire. She kept picturing the scene over and over again in her head. Kept hearing their screams, the gunshots. 

She thought of when they first got to the ground. Finn had always come onto her. She never played into it but never put a stop to it either. Not until Raven came down anyway. Then she made it clear he needed to stop, but he still kept on. 

Maybe that’s where she went wrong. She let him get this way. Let him get to the point where he’d murder in cold blood, in _her_ name. He became more and more possessive and she didn’t know what to do about it.

“Clarke,” his voice scared her out of her thoughts.

“Finn, I don’t want to do this.” She said firmly. “I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Why are you acting like this?” He asked. “Why won’t you just give us a chance?”

“You’re serious?” She asked, raising her voice slightly. “I’m not sure how many ways I can tell you that nothing is happening between us.”

Her head whirled. Were they really having this conversation?

“And have you forgotten what you did to Raven? How you crushed her, leaving her for nothing more than a fantasy in your own head? She deserves so much better than you. And now you’ve killed so many people, so many  kids , Finn. For what? They weren’t a threat to us.”

“It was for you!”

“Don’t!” She almost yelled. “Don’t you put this on me. This is on you.  _Their blood_ ,  is on you.”

She didn’t even feel like this was real. This boy in front of her, so all consumed that he would murder and not even think about it twice.

“Just give us a chance, Clarke.” He pleaded.

She really couldn’t believe her ears. Did he even hear what he was saying? Was he ignoring the fact that he killed these people, that they’ve never been anything and never will be. Did he realize that if they weren’t at war before, they sure as hell are now.

“You’re insane.” She whispered, disbelief clear in her voice. “Are you even listening to yourself?”

He stepped to her, making her stand up, but he kept moving till she was backed up against a tree. She didn’t know why, but she felt frozen. She should call for help, push him away, fight him, something... But she can’t make herself move. Can’t seem to make her voice work the way she wants it too, and she’s  _scared_. 

“Finn, stop.” She said as loud as her voice would let her.

“You won’t know unless you try Clarke.” He grabbed her wrists so hard, she was sure she’d have bruises.

“You’re hurting me, Finn. Let me go.” She tried to make her voice sure and calm, but she was starting shake and couldn’t stop.

_Where is everyone_ _,_ She thought.

She pushed her knee up in effort to fight but her limbs were shaky and he had a size advantage. He shoved her harder to the tree, leaving no room between their bodies- no room for her to _fight_.

He leaned in to kiss her and she finally found her voice and screamed. “Bellamy!”

Finn slapped her, pushed her harder against the tree and clamped a hand over her mouth. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

Bellamy’s blood ran cold and his heart stopped at the sound of her scream. He was running before his brain could even think about it.

Miller, had of course heard too and was closer, along with Murphy. They ran up and Miller immediately started trying to talk Finn down. 

“Hey man, let her go.” Miller tried to keep his voice even. “This isn’t what you wanna do, Finn.”

Finn looked at Miller and the look in his eyes almost made him take a step back, but he held his ground. He knew Bellamy would rip Finn apart for this.

“What the fuck are you doing? You’re just gonna get yourself killed. Bellamy’s gonna-”

Miller was cut off as Bellamy came out of nowhere. With a blinding rage, he shoved Finn to the ground and started landing punch after punch to his face. Everyone was out of their tents at that point, watching the scene in front of them.

“Bellamy, let him up!” Miller yelled, but Bellamy didn’t seem to hear him. 

All he saw was red. Finn just had Clarke pinned up against a tree, hand shoved over her mouth and Bellamy wasn’t about to let him up.

“Bell! Stop!” Octavia tried from behind him, not willing to get too close, but again it fell on deaf ears.

As much as they hated Finn right now, Bellamy would hate himself if he kept going. 

“Bellamy.” Clarke moved from the tree, the only one brave enough to approach Bellamy at the moment and pulling him back by his shoulder. “Bellamy, stop! You’ll kill him!” She said.

He finally stopped the punching, grabbing Finn by the collar of his shirt and shoving him against the tree he had just had Clarke pinned to. “He deserves to die!” He yelled.

At that, both of them flashed back to the night Charlotte jumped off the cliff- When Bellamy had almost killed Murphy.

She didn’t say anything though, just looked at him. He kept her gaze for a moment, still pushing Finn against the tree. His eyes grew softer for a split second and then hardened again, turning back to Finn with a rough shove.

“You touch her again, you even _look_ at her the wrong way again, and I won’t hesitate to kill you next time. Got it, _Spacewalker_?” Bellamy growled, dangerously.

Finn gave the smallest nod and Clarke let out a sigh of relief as Bellamy let him go, letting him fall to the ground again. Her heart was going a million miles a minute.

Bellamy pointed to Miller and Murphy. “You two, tie him up and don’t let him out of your goddamn sight.” Bellamy said, trying to catch his breath.

As they did, Octavia and one of the other kids wordlessly went to separate ends of the camp, taking over watch. The other two went back to their tents, reluctantly.

Clarke came up to Bellamy, taking his hands in hers, looking them over. They were cut and already starting to bruise.

He took his hands out of hers, lifting her chin up to look at her face where Finn had been grabbing her. His thumb brushed over the red mark from Finn slapping her. 

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She heard the worry in his voice, so she met his eyes and nodded. “I’m okay.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “He hit you... I shouldn’t have left you alone.” He reprimanded himself. “I’m sorry, princess.” He said softer, with a look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite place.

She shook her head. “What are you sorry for, Bell? You stopped him... I... _froze_.” She admitted, angry with herself. “I know how to fight and I froze.”

Bellamy’s eyes dropped and he looked sick. “Do you think he would’ve...” he couldn’t make himself finish the sentence and honestly he didn’t want to.

Clarke knew what he was asking. Would Finn have kept going? Would he have raped her? She didn’t know and it didn’t really matter.

“Whether he would have or not doesn’t matter, Bellamy. Because he didn’t.” 

He shook his head and she cupped one of his cheeks, making him look at her. “You stopped him. Nothing happened. I’m okay.” She finished softly.

He gave her a small smile and nodded, still looking a little unsure.

“Come on. Let’s get your hands fixed up. I’ve got some bandages and moonshine in my pack.”

She grabbed her pack and headed into his tent, finding everything she needed and setting it out.

“Ready?” She asked him. She knew it would sting and he was aware of it too, so he just nodded.

He tried not to hiss at the pain of it running against the cuts on his knuckles but didn’t quite succeed.

“Sorry.” She whispered as she took the cloth she had wet with moonshine as well, wiping his hands clean.

“It’s okay, princess.” He said quietly, and that earned him a small smile.

He watched her face as she worked, concentrated and sure. He found himself smiling softly at her until he remembered where she’d been just moments before. 

“You sure you’re okay?” He asked.

She looked up and nodded, but looked a little unsure still. “I just-“ she cut herself off, shaking her head.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I feel like this is my fault, Bellamy.” Her eyes met his again.

She looked lost. She was scared. He also knew she felt guilty.

“Clarke, listen me,” saying her name for emphasis. “Nothing he did is on you. None of this is your fault, okay? What he did... he did on his own. You saw the look in his eyes. It would’ve happened eventually, whether you were missing or not. Clarke, he’s a killer.” He said, not realizing he was echoing his sisters words from earlier.

“Something is wrong with him. And if it wasn’t you, it would’ve been someone else that he fixated on. He was looking for a reason to break and he found it. That is not your fault.”

She nodded at him, though she still didn’t look like she believed him.

When she finished wrapping his hands, he moved to sit on the bed roll and she followed suit, laying her head on his shoulder. “We have to get the others out, Bell.”

“I know, we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, until he felt her head start to lull a bit. It had been nonstop for her, for days and it was catching up to her. He chuckled a bit, moving to lay back and bringing her with him. She didn’t fight him, instead nestling her head in the crook of his shoulder, but she opened her eyes back up, trying to stay awake.

“Sleep, princess. It’s been a long day.” He surprised himself by kissing the top of her head.

He almost panicked at that. Would she freak out?

Instead, he heard her sigh and she snuggled into him a bit more. He let out a breath and relaxed a little more.

“Will you stay here?” She asked.

He pulled her closer into his side, reassuringly. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Hadn’t planned on it even if she wanted him to.

“Thank you, Bellamy.” She said quietly.

He kissed her head again, feeling braver about it. 

“Anytime.” He whispered.

And he meant it. He wanted nothing but to protect the two women he loved.

_Love_ . That took him by surprise. He loved Clarke Griffin. Somehow he found himself okay with that. 

That was his last thought as he listened to her breaths even out as she fell asleep and he soon followed her. He loved her, and he’d never stop protecting her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I just love them so much. Again, I apologize if you’re a Finn fan. I needed him to be the bad guy here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bring me the one you call Finn.” The commander said. “Our truce begins with his death.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As long as this chapter is, it’s sort of like a filler chapter, to move on to the next thing. I am however, extremely happy with the next one, so stay with me here. We breeze over some things, just briefly explained instead of all being played out. But you guys have seen the show and it’s not hard to follow!

Flash forward a few days, Kane and somehow Jaha was at camp with news that the Grounders were attacking. They ordered evacuation and Jaha was spitting what sounded like nonsense about some “City of Light”, but what remained of the 100 planned on staying whether that meant they were exiled or not.

Bellamy and Octavia had found Lincoln turned into a Reaper. 

Bellamy grabbed Clarke as soon as he could and led her to him.

“Can you help him?” Octavia asked as Clarke walked in. 

They had him tied up in the drop ship and Clarke realized he’d been drugged. That’s how Mount Weather controlled and made the Reapers. She racked through her brain. Once the drug was out of his system, he’d be okay, but he’d have to survive the detox first.

Clarke got closer to examine him, nervously moving around him.

Bellamy nearly had a heart attack as Lincoln broke out of his restraints and caught Clarke around the neck, then knocked Octavia to the ground. He didn’t want either of them here but he couldn’t do anything without them and he knew even if he could, they wouldn’t let him.

Octavia grabbed a metal bar lying on the ground and swung it to the back of Lincoln’s head, making him lose consciousness long enough to tie him down more securely. They managed to keep him stable, at least for now. 

Octavia stepped out and when she came back she’d brought Nyko. 

“He’s their healer.” She said. “Maybe he can help.” 

Turns out his only solution was to kill him.

Nyko held a liquid above Lincoln’s mouth, and Clarke heard the words he said - Anya had said them. The words used before death.

“Wait!” She yelled and shot her hand forward to catch the drop of poison that was inches from his mouth. “You’re not helping him, you’re killing him.” She accused.

With his perfect timing, Finn barged in.

“What the hell are you all doing here?! We have to go. We have to follow the Ark if we want to live. Let’s go!”

“You.” Nyko spat with venom.

He ran up to him, shoving him against the wall. “You killed my people! Women, children, EVERYONE!”

Bellamy grabbed his gun, holding it to Nyko but Octavia stepped in front of him.

“No! You’re not shooting him.” She yelled.

“Octavia, move!” Bellamy yelled back at her.

Nyko was close to killing Finn and everything around them was chaos. Clarke grabbed the shock baton that Bellamy had managed to acquire, shocking both Finn and Nyko, making them fall to the ground. 

Octavia looked over to Lincoln.

“Lincoln?” She ran over to him and knelt down. “Clarke! He’s not breathing.”

She ran over and pushed Octavia out of the way, starting CPR. Everyone watched in silence for what seemed like hours but in reality was less than a minute until Lincoln gasped in air.

Octavia sighed in relief and smiled at Clarke.

“He was dead...” Nyko said, disbelief written all over his face. “How did you do that?”

Clarke looked over to him. “You’ve tried bringing the Reapers back before? They’ve died like this?”

Nyko simply nodded and Clarke looked to Bellamy.

“What is it?” Bellamy asked.

“I know how to stop the attack.”

•

Clarke managed to convince Abby to let her talk to the commander and to help keep Lincoln alive to prove they can turn back Reapers and get them through the detox, calling off the plan to leave. 

It wasn’t hard considering her mother was trying hard to get back in her life. But Clarke also made sense. Jaha tried everything he could to change her mind and take back over as chancellor, but luckily Abby had earned the respect of the guards and Jaha’s take over was unsuccessful, landing him in the stockade.

Clarke met with the commander and while tensions were high, Clarke stood her ground, holding her head high even when threatened, letting them know she wasn’t going to back down. 

Their commander demanded to see Lincoln, to prove he was alive and could be turned back into a man again. 

Clarke agreed and led the way to the drop ship, trying to calm her nerves as she walked, surrounded by Grounders.

_Please let him be alive_ , She thought.

As they walked in, her worst fears were confirmed. Octavia was crying over Lincoln’s lifeless form and her mother met her eyes with fear. Bellamy’s eyes immediately went to his gun and he slowly reached out for it.

No one moved for a moment as the commander took in what was around her. They hadn’t kept him alive. She looked at Indra, her second.

“Kill them all.” The commander ordered.

Weapons were drawn by both sides. Bellamy shoved Clarke behind him.

“Wait!” Clarke yelled. “You don’t have to do this.”

“You lied.” The commander said. “And you’re out of time.”

Clarke opened her mouth to speak when Abby surged to the side, shocking Lincoln with the baton. Everyone was too shocked to move.

Clarke’s eyes widened as she looked at Lincoln’s body rise off the floor before coming back down. 

“Hit him again.” She said urgently.

Abby did and as Lincoln’s body came back down from this one, he took a shuddering breath of air.

The Sky People all let out a collected sigh of relief, feeling maybe this wasn’t hopeless after all.

The Grounders all stood, mouths open in shock.

“Lincoln.” Octavia said, crawling closer to him.

His eyes weren’t quite clear but he still met hers in confusion. “Octavia?”

Clarke smiled. He was back. They brought him back.

When the commander looked at Clarke, she put her weapon away, nodding. They could make a deal.

Clarke and Abby can turn back Reapers and the Grounders wanted their people back.

But they wanted Finn too.

“Bring me the one you call Finn.” The commander said. “Our truce begins with his death.”

As much as Bellamy hates the guy, he’s still part of the Hundred. He’s still a person. Finn deserves to die, of course he does. He killed almost an entire village out of pure rage and insanity. But he knows the Grounders won’t just kill him. They’ll torture him. They’ll make it as slow as possible, and even Bellamy doesn’t think he deserves that. 

Death by 1,000 cuts.

_They won’t hand him over,_ he thinks. 

But they do.

Or more like he handed himself over. And Clarke wasn’t willing to give up an alliance, a chance to save the 47, just to save Finn. Bellamy can’t disagree that in the grand scheme of things, it’s the smartest, safest move to let them have Finn.

She has a plan though, he’s sure of it. She’s not the Clarke she was just days ago, scared of Finn and hiding behind Bellamy, no. She walked sure of herself and her confidence radiated off of her. She knew what she was doing. She was going to save their people.

Raven slipped a knife in Clarke’s sleeve, begging her to get him back, to take out the commander.

“I can fix him, Clarke. I know I can. He won’t hurt anyone else.” Raven cried. 

Clarke nodded but Bellamy already knows that what she’s asking isn’t possible. He knows she can’t do it without getting herself killed and even if she could, it would break any chance of an alliance. They would all die. He also knows that Finn can’t be helped. Whatever is wrong with him, it’s a part of him now, integrated inside him. No one here can help him.

When she meets Bellamy’s eyes he knows what she’s thinking, what she’s planning. And all he can do is nod.

As she walks to the commander, Lexa, they called her, she walks with confidence, while Bellamy had never felt less confident in his entire life. 

“Don’t get yourself killed, princess.” He whispered to himself. 

He can’t hear anything so far away, but he watched as she talked calmly to Lexa.

“Get her, Clarke.” Raven said quietly, hopefully and Bellamy just looks at her with pity in his eyes.

Raven loved this boy. She wasn’t blinded by the things he’d done but she  was blinded to the fact that this was inevitable and there was no fixing him. Not after what he had done. What Clarke was doing... it wasn’t going to be good for Raven.

“What are you doing?” Raven panicked as she watched Clarke walk away from Lexa, straight to Finn.

She was close to him, too close for Bellamy’s comfort. Even if Finn was tied tightly to a post and he was pretty sure not even the Grounders would let him hurt her. They wanted their people back too and she was the key.

Clarke leaned up to whisper something in his ear and Bellamy felt jealousy rise up inside him, while he felt Raven stiffen at the same time next to him. She backed away slowly and he watched as Finn’s head slowly hung down. He knew what happened before Raven did, before he saw the blood spread on Finn’s shirt, before he saw the knife covered in blood, in Clarke’s hand... She had saved him.

Raven started to sink to her knees as she took in what had just happened. Bellamy tried to keep her up as she let out a gut wrenching scream. Sinclair was there too, arms wrapping around her.

Bellamy’s heart dropped and he lurched forward, letting Raven go as the Grounders all made a move towards Clarke. Not that he could reach her before anything happened and even if he could, he’s no match for an entire Grounder army. He’d go out fighting though.

“It is done!” He heard Lexa yell with finality.

And then he could breathe a little more easily.

He couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation, but sighed in relief as Clarke started walking back to them.

The rest of the night was mostly a blur. Chaos around them, the sound of Ravens cries. It was all too much.

As Clarke walked back up, Raven screamed at her.

“How could you?! You monster!” She was in hysterics and she lunged herself at Clarke. “You were supposed to save him!”

Bellamy was quick, jumping in front of Clarke and hauling Raven back as she continued to scream. Bellamy was dodging her hits best as he could and Sinclair wrapped his arm around her waist, securing her against him while the fight in her body dwindled. 

“I did.” Clarke whispered.

She turned towards the med bay and walked. Her mother tried to follow but Clarke pushed her away immediately. She didn’t want to see her, in fact, she was just about the last person she wanted to see right now.

She knew she did what had to be done. Sacrificed only one for so many. She didn’t feel regret, yet as she stood over the wash bowl, she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking, couldn’t stop the sick feeling she had in her stomach.

Bellamy walked in, cautiously. He knew Clarke and knew she did what was best, but he also knew that she would beat herself up for it.

She was staring at her shaking hands, over the wash bowl, still covered in blood.

“Hey, princess.” He called softly, but his voice still made her jump. “Your mom said you wouldn’t talk to her.”

“I killed him.” She whispered.

He shook his head and walked to her. “You saved him. You know what they would’ve done to him.”

“He was one of us... he was one of us and I killed him.” She said, not looking away from her hands. “And now Raven will hate me forever.”

“She won’t... she just needs time to think about what would’ve happened if you didn’t. She’ll see it, I know she will.” Bellamy said.

“I heard her scream all the way from the field, Bellamy. I would hate her if she had killed you.”

“But I’m not Finn,” he said. “and you’re not Raven.”

He knew there was no point in continuing this tonight. She wouldn’t listen. So instead, he slowly took her hands and dipped them into the water, grabbing the cloth and wiping her hands clean. She didn’t fight him, but she didn’t look away from her hands either. 

When he was done he dried her hands and set the cloth down, ushering her to sit on one of the cots. It seemed like she was on auto pilot. He sat next to her and they both leaned against the wall behind them, neither saying anything for what seemed like hours. He knew she didn’t want to talk, but he didn’t want to leave her alone either.

“We meet with the commander tomorrow.” She finally spoke. “Start trying to find a way to get our people... all of them.”

He nodded, understanding that was her way of asking him to be there with her. Of course he would. They were a team. Co-leaders. He didn’t want to do this without her and she didn’t want to do this without him-  couldn’t do this without him. They leveled each other out, both better together and one of them always knew what to do. If not, they figured it out together. They weren’t Chancellors or Commanders. They were just Clarke and Bellamy. But for the 100, that was enough.

“You should try to sleep.” He said, knowing she wouldn’t get much, if any at all, but she still nodded at him and stood off the cot.

Bellamy felt cold when she moved. She almost turned around- almost asked him to stay with her, but she didn’t want to place another burden on him. He’d been there for her the whole time and he shouldn’t have to be babysitting her. 

Little did she know that he wanted nothing more than to crawl into her tent with her and just lie there. To try and protect her from her own self and her own nightmares that he knew would haunt her in her sleep, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t his place, but as he watched her walk away he was realizing... he wanted it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter has what we’ve all been waiting for. I apologize for the slow burn up until now 😉


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looked at Bellamy, shaking her head.
> 
> “Please, don’t do this.” she whispered just loud enough that only he could hear and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes.
> 
> And that was almost enough to stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day, again? I just can’t help myself, I was too excited for this chapter. I need to slow the fuck down.

The grounders stayed near the camp longer than they anticipated, and didn’t start to form a plan the next day, like they agreed to, but finally it was time to figure it out. Several of them ended up traveling to TonDC as the Grounders called it. They had to solidify their alliance. 

Once there, one of Lexa’s guards made a massive attempt to break it before it had even started. Hell broke loose when the Grounders believed the moonshine brought by the sky people was poisoned in an attempt to end Lexa’s life. Bellamy was immediately on guard, pushing Clarke behind him as weapons were drawn and accusations were thrown.

The Grounder had framed Raven, slipping the poison into her pocket and no one could do anything but watch as Lexa had her tied to a post and cut deep into her skin.

It came to a stop soon enough as Clarke proved it wasn’t the bottle but the cup that was poisoned.

Bellamy felt his heart drop as Clarke took a long drink from the bottle, but he told himself that she knew what she was doing.

Bellamy saw the look on Lexa’s guards face and knew it was him. He’d been trying to protect her, though she didn’t want his protection here.

Raven was released and they watched as Lexa ended the guards life without the slightest hesitation. A man who had guarded her most of her life, tortured, killed without a second thought.

“That would’ve been Finn.” Raven said, realizing how much worse it actually could’ve been.

If they didn’t know it before, they knew now that they had to handle this alliance with extreme caution.

Once they had solidified the alliance, plans started.

Lexa was only interested in working directly with Clarke, who demanded Bellamy was apart of everything as well. Lexa saw them as the leaders of the Sky People, holding no respect for one they called ‘Chancellor’. 

Clarke, Bellamy and Lexa all sat, trying to figure out the best plan of action. It had been five days and it seemed like they finally had a solid plan, however Clarke was seeming to have none of it.

Lexa was tired of listening to the two go back and forth. Bellamy wanted to be the inside man, infiltrate the mountain. It made sense. Being behind enemy lines was dangerous, but if he did it right, it could work. It was a good plan. Lincoln would take Bellamy, get him in the mountain, Bellamy would radio once in, find a way to disable the fog, find the 47, set the Grounders inside free, and the rest was a waiting game until the Ark and the Grounders blew the door open, making their way into the mountain. Then they’d have an army on the outside and the inside. 

Listening to Clarke though, you wouldn’t think so. She couldn’t argue the logic of the plan, really her only objection was Bellamy being the one to infiltrate and not someone else.

Lexa was losing patience. Listening to Bellamy try to convince Clarke that this was the best way, the only way, was tiring.

“You can’t just waltz in there and expect to turn off the fog, find them, set the Grounders free and be ready to fight, all without getting caught.” Clarke said, angrily. “It’s too risky.”

She wasn’t about to risk his life, risk losing him for a long shot.

“You think I can’t do it? Lincoln can get me in, princess. Raven can help me get the fog disabled, you know we can figure it out. Then I’ll find the 47. They know the mountain, they’ll stay safe. Do you not trust me to do this?” He asked, sounding offended.

“Of course I trust you, Bellamy!” She said, raising her voice. “But I can’t risk- I just- I can’t and you can’t ask me too, Bell.” Her voice was threatening to break.

“Hey, you won’t lose me. You’ll get me back, plus 47 others.” He said, softening his voice. “This is a good plan. I know I can do it... I know Raven can help me get it disabled. I know you and the rest can break inside that mountain and get us all out. This is the only way, princess.”

She looked at Bellamy, shaking her head.

“Please, don’t do this.” she whispered just loud enough that only he could hear and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes.

And that was almost enough to stop him. The fear in her eyes, making her look so small, so scared. Looking at him in a way that made him feel like if he did this, if he left, she wouldn’t be able to take it. He didn’t want to be the one to make her feel this way, but he knew she could take it. She was strong, and he couldn’t leave their people in that mountain. 

He knew that even if Clarke didn’t see it now, that she would regret it if he didn’t do this. He was the most trained and skilled of the 100, had the most knowledge of the mountain, thanks to his long talks and planning with her and he cared more than anyone that came down from the Ark. With the help of Clarke and Raven, he knew he could do this. 

Lexa was starting to feel uncomfortable, like they had forgotten her presence in the room. She stood from her throne, head held high and looking defiant. She walked to stand slightly in front of Clarke. 

“Do not let your weakness for one person, stop us from saving hundreds.”

“My  _weakness_ ?” Clarke raised her voice, eyes snapping to Lexa, who if only for a second, looked taken aback by the anger in Clarke’s voice. She didn’t want him going into a mountain that in almost a century, only two people had returned from alive.

Bellamy kept his eyes on Clarke, ignoring Lexa. He stepped closer to her, putting his hand on her neck and making her meet his eyes.

“Listen, you know I’m the best man for the job.” She looked like she was going to cut him off so he quickly continued. “You know I can do it. Lincoln will get me in, I’ll radio as soon as I can, find a way to disable the fog, and find them.” he lowered his voice. “I’ll get everyone out safe- bring them home.” 

She looked at him, holding back her tears, but still managing to keep her face hard and sound angry. “What about you?”

He smiled slightly at that and stepped even closer. “I’ll be fine, princess. We’ll get out, all of us.”

Clarke closed her eyes tightly, hung her head down and sighed. She wasn’t going to win this. It was the only option.

Bellamy knew the second she had excepted it. He gave her arm a quick squeeze and then turned to Lexa. 

“When do we leave?” he asked.

Lexa looked slightly surprised, having not yet heard Clarke agree, but quickly regained her composure. She didn’t understand the communication between the two. Their understanding of each other, knowing what the other meant without words, and how they seemed to move together, always in sync. She felt jealousy start to flicker in her chest, trying to push it down as quickly as she could. Why she felt for this girl, she didn’t know.

“Tonight, we rest. We’ll head back to your camp at dawn.” She turned to her guards. “Lincoln and Octavia will both need to be present, along with Raven.” 

Both Clarke and Bellamy nodded and went to leave the room when Lexa spoke. “Clarke, stay for a moment.”

Bellamy hesitated. He didn’t want to leave Clarke alone with her. Didn’t like the way she looked at him and definitely didn’t like the very different kind of way she looked at Clarke. But Clarke’s eyes met his and she motioned them to the door, indicating she would be fine. She can handle herself. And of course she can handle herself but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need his help sometimes. Still, he sighed and nodded, heading out the doors.

Once they were alone, Clarke turned to Lexa, who was suddenly much closer than she had been 5 seconds before. She almost jumped back in surprise, but held her composure.

“You care about him.” Lexa stated, more than asked.

Clarke blinked, “Of course I care about him. I care about all of them.”

“But you worry about him more... Do you love him?” Jealously almost seeping through her voice.

Clarke didn’t answer, and didn’t see a reason to really. What business of it was hers? Instead she kept her head held high and just maintained eye contact.

“It is weakness.” Lexa said, as if it were the most simplest, clear thing in the world.

Clarke looked puzzled at that. “What is?... love?”

Lexa simply nodded. 

Clarke looked bewildered, shaking her head. “You’re wrong.” She said. “Love is how we’re going to get our people out. Why Bellamy is willing to sacrifice himself and go into that mountain. It gives you something to fight for and if you think tha-“

Her words were cut off as Lexa closed the space between them, crashing her lips against Clarke’s. Clarke stood frozen for a few seconds and then to both her and Lexa’s surprise, responded to it. It quickly ended though as Clarke stepped away in a rush, looking confused and almost hurt.

“I can’t.” Clarke whispered, her voice breaking.

“Then you do love him.” Lexa said quietly.

Clarkes eyes shot to hers, surprised. She knew deep down that she loved him, of course, but admitting it to herself wasn’t something she’d had the strength to do yet. Was he the reason she couldn’t do this with Lexa? The reason she felt like she was _betraying_ someone? There was no one else she’d be betraying. The only people she’d been with had been on the Ark and it’d been a couple ‘flings’ at best, long forgotten once she was placed in solitary and sent to the ground. As she thought about it, the only reason that it would feel wrong, feel like betrayal, is Bellamy... Maybe it was time to stop fighting it.

Since it wasn’t a question, Clarke again didn’t bother to answer, but she wasn’t finished talking. “Love doesn’t make us weak...” Clarke’s words strong and sure. “It makes us stronger.”

“Perhaps you’re right.” Lexa looked hurt. If she was hurt, that meant she cared, and that meant to herself, she was being weak. Whether she realized it yet or not. “Or perhaps it will be your downfall... you may go to him now.”

Clarke felt like she should say something else, like she wanted to say something else, but she wasn’t sure what. So she nodded her goodbye and went to find Bellamy, already planning out in her head how she would tell him what just transpired.

•

They’d put Clarke and Bellamy in separate rooms, but she headed straight to his. She walked in and Bellamy shot straight up.

“You okay?” He asked.

She nodded and walked past him to sit on the bed. He turned and followed her, the look in her eyes telling him that she was not actually okay. He kneeled down in front of her, taking her hands in his.

“Hey, what happened?” He asked softly. “What’s wrong? Did she hurt you?”

Clarke met his eyes and bit her lower lip. She wanted to tell him but she wasn’t sure how he’d react.

“Lexa...” she started. 

“Lexa what, Clarke? What did she do?” His voice was strained. 

“She kissed me.”

Bellamy shot up fast enough to give himself to give himself whiplash. He wasn’t sure what answer he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. “She what?”

Clarke reached back out to grab his arm. “Bell, calm down, okay. It was nothing.”

She kept her voice calm and steady, hoping not to let his temper get too high.

He pulled out of her grip and walked to the other side of the room, starting to pace. He knew why he was angry, but he didn’t technically have a right to be. At least not yet.

“Who the hell does she think she is?” His voice was raised and his anger showed easily on face. 

“Did you-“ he cut off, because _no_ , he didn’t want the answer to that question. “She can’t just- she thinks she can do whatever the fuck she wants because she’s some fucking commander, but what gives her the right?! She doesn’t even know you, Clarke. I-” He cut himself off and kept pacing. She felt the anger radiating off of him.

Clarke was calm though. She wasn’t mad at him for being angry. She just sat on the bed for a moment, watching him. Her demeanor slowly calming him down, even if he didn’t want it to.

_I should tell her,_ he thought. 

He didn’t feel like he could keep going on like this, with what felt like a thousand pounds pressing down on his chest. His anger turned into anxiety and he felt afraid, because this was it. He wanted to- no _needed_ to tell her. Because what if he didn’t have another chance before she decided she wants someone else.

But what if she’d already decided? Was Lexa what she wanted?

He took a deep breath and tried to shake off all of the emotions swirling around in his head, then finally knelt back in front of her.

When he looked at her, she saw all of the raw emotion in his eyes. He wasn’t hiding anything. She felt like her heart stopped for a second when he looked at her like that. He put his hands around her wrist and held it.

“Clarke,” he finally said. “Tell me-“ He cut off, looking for the right words. “Tell me it didn’t mean anything and tell me it’s the truth... please.” His voice was soft, but shaky. “Tell me she’s not what you want.”

He sounded like he was pleading but he didn’t care. He was past that now.

She tried to slow her heart rate and pushed him back enough that she could get on the floor with him.

“Bellamy, it didn’t mean anything. I promise you.”

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. He felt like he could breathe a little easier.

Clarke put her hand on his face and he grabbed it, pushing it harder against him and with his other hand, he reached for the back of her neck, guiding her forehead to his.

“She’s not who I want, Bell.” Clarke whispered.

He backed his head away, just enough to search her face. He looked in her eyes and he knew... He didn’t need to hear it in words, _he just knew._

“Clarke...” His voice was husky and he felt his arousal already growing. With her being this close, feeling this intimate, he couldn’t help it.

She gave him a small smile and that was all it took to break him.

He pushed forward, pressing his lips against hers, and finally releasing all the weight from his chest. 

The kiss was forceful, deep, but slow. She climbed into his lap and ran her fingers through his hair, sending a shudder through him.

_This was real._

He pushed her back slowly, without breaking the kiss, so she was lying on the floor and he was hovering over her.

Her hands snuck under his shirt and traced along his stomach, making him break the kiss and take in a deep breath.

She wanted him, and fuck he wanted her, but this didn’t feel like the place. This was practically Lexa’s house and he didn’t want to associate this with her.

“Clarke, we can’t...” he whispered. “Not while we’re here. I don’t want it to be here.”

“Bell-“

He cut her off fast, knowing if she asked, then that was it.

“Please, princess. Don’t ask me to. I won’t be able to tell you no.”

“...Okay.” She whispered.

He leaned down to kiss her again and then stood up, pulling Clarke with him. He pulled his shirt off and handed it to her.

“You need something more comfortable sleep in.” He said.

“I don’t have to stay here, Bell.”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes.” She answered without hesitation.

“Good.” He smiled and tugged off his pants, leaving him in just his boxers, then went to blow the candles out on the other side of the room. There were only a few candles lit by the bedside now, and she watched him as he slid under the covers and pulled the other side back for her.

She felt a smile cross her face while she looked at him and turned her back to change into his shirt.

“Oh, come on, princess. You can give me a little sneak peak.”

She shook her head with a smirk. “You make me wait, then you wait too.”

He grinned at her and let out a small laugh.

He had to remind himself it was his idea to wait as she pulled his shirt over her head and slipped her pants off, leaving her in her underwear.

She slipped in next to him, pushing her back against him. He took a breath to calm himself and pulled her to him, nuzzling his face in her hair.

“I don’t want you to go in that mountain, Bellamy.” Her voice was small and she sounded fragile.

He pushed her/his shirt up enough to expose her lower stomach, and started tracing patterns across her skin with his finger.

“Let’s not worry about it tonight, okay.”

She nodded and pushed further into him, relaxing fully and let out a content sigh. He kissed the top of her head and kept tracing invisible patterns until he felt her breaths slow and he was sure she was asleep.

“I love you, princess.” His voice was soft and low, careful not to wake her.

For the first time since they’d landed on the ground he felt happy, but he still felt the fear that’d been a constant. He had to go into that mountain, he knew. And he couldn’t bare the thought of leaving her, possibly not even making it out and back to her.

He tried to take his own advice and not worry about it tonight. Tonight he wanted to enjoy this. The woman he loved was in his arms and she wanted him. So he forced himself to clear his mind and relax, finally letting the sound of her soft breaths soothe him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you as in love with them as I am? Next update probably won’t be until Sunday, as long as I can control myself!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t sleep that night. He didn’t want to take his eyes off her. He ran his fingers through her hair and tried to memorize every part of her. Not once drifting off. He wanted every moment of this he could get. Her face was soft while she slept. No trace of the shit she’d been through or had to do.
> 
> He didn’t want the the sun to come up that morning- couldn’t bare the thought of this ending. He felt sick, like he couldn’t breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who has bookmarked, commented or has left kudos. It’s seriously inspiring me even more. Thank you guys for reading and I hope I continue to meet expectations. Enjoy!

Clarke woke before Bellamy. The sun was just starting to rise and she nestled in closer to him. His arm was wrapped tightly around her, even in his sleep. She felt like she could stay here forever. Wrapped around him, surrounded by soft furs and the low candle light that still burned. 

It ended quickly enough when there was a knock at the door. Bellamy jumped awake, tightening his grip on her instinctively.

“Hey, it’s okay.” She reassured quietly. “They’re probably just here to wake us up. It’s about time to head out.”

Bellamy loosened his grip and shook his head clear before going to open the door. He didn’t bother putting clothes on, if a guard wanted to bother him this early, it was their own fault if they saw something they didn’t want to.

To his surprise it was Octavia.

“Why are you not dressed yet?” She asked, barging through the door.

“Wait, O, don’t.”

“I can’t find Clarke and we’re supposed to leav- holy _shit_.” She stopped in her tracks, seeing Clarke in his bed. 

“Hi, Octavia.” Clarke said simply.

Bellamy sighed and shut the door behind him, not wanting anyone else to come by the door and invite themselves in.

Octavia was silent for a minute, taking in the scene in front of her. Bellamy was in his boxers, Clarke was sitting in the bed, that had clearly been shared, wearing Bellamy’s shirt. Her own clothes lying in a pile on the floor.

“Mom and Dad finally got it together.” She said smugly. “Took you long enough.”

“We just slept, O. Yesterday was a hard day.” Bellamy tried.

“Looks like it.” She replied, sarcasm dripping from her voice and a smirk on her face.

“We’ll be ready in 5 minutes, Octavia.” Clarke said in attempt to dismiss her.

To Bellamy’s surprise it worked. The smirk didn’t leave her face as she left though.

He shook his head and closed the door behind her.

“That’s not the way I planned on her finding out.” Bellamy said.

Clarke let out a laugh and got up to slip her pants on. 

“You can’t lie to her, you know.” She turned her back to him, slipping his shirt off and throwing it back to him, putting her bra and her own shirt back on.

He watched her the whole time, mesmerized by her movements. His shirt smelt like her when he put it on and he had to push down the desire that stirred in his stomach. 

“Come on,” She said. “They’re probably all waiting for us, and I still need to get my pack from the other room.”

They grabbed her things and headed out.

The others were in fact waiting for them, a look of displeasure on Lexa’s face. Bellamy tried to keep his expression blank as she looked at him, but didn’t shy away from her stare. 

When she finally looked away, she yelled. “It is time. Move out!”

All at once they started their journey back to Arkadia. They were going to set their people free.

•

Clarke had spent enough time around Lincoln and now Octavia, to understand a good bit and even speak some Grounder. On the journey back, she heard them mentioning Azgeda-Ice Nation, several times but couldn’t quite catch the sentences that were being formed with it, so she let it go.

She walked next to Bellamy the entire time, sticking close to him. She stayed away from her mother, no matter how hard she pushed to talk to her. Clarke was glad they’d formed an alliance and glad she didn’t have to fight her mother for it, but she still thought she was in charge of the 100. Clarke planned on putting a stop to that soon enough. 

They reached Arkadia and everyone settled in, the Grounders just outside the walls and the Sky People inside them.

They heard an SOS on the radio from Jasper playing on a loop. They had move fast. 

They went through the logistics of the plan, working out every detail that was possible from the outside. 

Raven tried to talk Bellamy through where he might be able to look for a way to shut down the fog, but the possibilities of how it may work seemed endless. They’d just have to wait until he got inside.

Clarke was with them but on the other side of the shop and Raven kept glancing her way. Clarke was silently pacing the workshop, head down in thought and biting on one of her finger nails.

Bellamy followed Ravens gaze and sighed when he saw Clarke pacing.

“She’s fine.” Bellamy said quietly.

“Yeah, sure. She looks fine.” Raven quipped.

She turned her gaze back to him. “What’s going on?”

Bellamy sighed again, not meeting Raven’s eyes. “She just- she doesn’t want me to do this.”

“I don’t blame her, you idiot. You’re gonna get yourself killed.” Raven said.

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Great, now I get to hear it from both of you.”

“But I understand why you need to. You have to come back from this, Bellamy.” She started. “Clarke needs you here, we all do.”

“ _Trust me_ , Raven, I’ll do anything and everything I can to get back to her.”

“I know you love her.” She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

His eyes darted to hers in surprise, but she just shrugged. “She loves you too, you know.”

Bellamy didn’t answer directly, and changed the subject lightly. “You know she did what she had to do, right? With Finn.”

Raven tensed and looked away.

“She would’ve died,” he continued. “We all would have died if she had killed the commander, you know that. She kept him from being tortured.”

“Listen, I know Finn was fucked up down here, but he wasn’t always like that. He cared, he was sweet and he took care of me for so long. I loved him and even if he changed and he turned into this monster, I can’t forget who he was. I can’t just forgive her so quickly... she did the right thing, I know, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need a while to get over what she did... Clarke is my friend Bellamy, and I’m not going to be mad at her forever, but I do need time.”

Bellamy nodded and squeezed her shoulder.

“Hey, princess.” He called out loud enough for her to hear. “Let’s go.”

Clarke startled out of her own thoughts and followed him, but she stopped next to Raven.

“I’m not ready to talk, Clarke... I can’t.” Raven said before Clarke could say anything.

So without a word, she walked away.

Bellamy had stopped outside, waiting for her.

“Hey, come on. It’s been a long day. You need to get some sleep.”

She stood there looking at him and all she could feel was terror. He was so close to leaving. He was really going to do this. 

“Bellamy...”

“Clarke, _please_.” He saw the look on her face, but this was not the place to deal with this.

When she didn’t move he walked up to her, not caring that anyone could see. He put his hand on the back of her neck and made her look at him.

“Hey, you’re okay, princess. Just breathe.”

He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss and he felt some of the tension leave her body.

“Just go to my tent, okay? I’ll be there in a minute. I have something to take care of first.”

She sighed, but nodded and headed that way.

He let out a sigh of his own and headed out the gate. She was going to hate him for this.

He walked straight to Lexa’s tent and was met by two guards.

“I need to see your commander.”

They looked at each other for a second, then opened the tent, leading him in.

“I wasn’t expecting a visit from the Sky King.” Lexa said calmly.

He almost laughed at that. ‘ _Sky King_ ’.

“Yeah well, we haven’t expected a lot of things on the ground.” He said. “I think Lincoln and I should head out at first light tomorrow.”

Lexa raises her eyebrows. “That is not the plan we agreed upon. Why the change?”

He was quiet and didn’t want to give away why but Lexa was smart and soon enough her face turned to one of understanding.

“Does Clarke know about you coming to me?”

Bellamy just shook his head. Lincoln walked in behind him, Bellamy had asked him to meet with him here.

Lexa turned her attention to Lincoln. “The Sky King wishes to leave at first light tomorrow.”

Lincoln looked at him knowingly. “Clarke?” He asked.

Again Bellamy didn’t say anything. He already felt the guilt starting to eat him alive.

“You are afraid she won’t let you leave.” Lexa said. 

Her tone left no need for an answer. 

“He wouldn’t be able to.” Lincoln said quietly, still looking at Bellamy. “Not if he has to face her.”

“Love is a powerful, foolish thing.” Lexa said. “And you would defy her like this?”

“I’m not defying her , I’m protecting her.” His voice was loud and strong. “I have to do this and I can’t if she-“ he cut off looking for different words. “She doesn’t understand it, but this is the only way to save everyone.”

“And I will stay behind to face her wrath?” Lexa questioned.

“It won’t be you that she’s mad at.”

Lexa looked thoughtful for a moment and then stood. “Very well. You’ll leave at first light. Be ready to fight and I will be ready to deal with the Sky Queen’s anger. Make sure to let everyone else involved in the plan know the change.”

“Yeah, and maybe keep your hands to yourself while I’m gone.” Bellamy said harshly.

Lexa’s eyes snapped to his in surprise before the edges of her mouth quirked up in a small, amused smirk. She nodded at him in agreement.

Bellamy nodded and turned to leave. He didn’t like the idea of leaving Clarke with Lexa, he didn’t trust a single bone in her body, but this was the only was he could make this happen. He had to trust Clarke could take care of herself and keep everything together out here.

“Bellamy,” Lexa stooped him just before he exited. “Do not fail us. She’ll be waiting for you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He said as he walked away.

As soon as he was in his tent, he felt her about to attack his plan to go in the mountain again. He turned to her before she had a chance and kissed her again, deeper than before.

She responded immediately and let her hands go around and under the back of his shirt. He pulled her hips into his and grinded, making her groan into his mouth. Just that little noise and he felt all his want for her rush downwards.

He trailed kisses down her neck and unbuttoned her pants, pushing them down without stopping his actions. She eagerly pushed them away and then he picked her up, laying her on the makeshift bed. 

He pulled his shirt off and made quick work to remove hers.

“Jesus, Clarke.” He said breathlessly.

She leaned up to kiss him and he reached around her, unclasping her bra. He quickly moved his mouth to one breast and a hand to the other, making her head fall back and her body arch into him.

He moved slowly down, leaving in invisible trail with his mouth. She knew what he was doing and writhed in anticipation. She felt his smirk against her stomach, so she gripped his hair and pushed his head down farther.

He wasn’t about to argue. He slipped off her underwear and kissed the inside of her thigh. He wanted to make this last.

He slipped a finger inside of her and laid the lightest kiss to her clit. She gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth in effort to keep quiet. Once she recovered a bit, she gripped his hair tighter.

“Please, Bell.” Her voice was raspy and full of want.

He couldn’t deny her and closed his mouth around her clit, swirling his tongue around her and sucking.

He held her still with an arm around her hips as she squirmed. It wasn’t going to take her long, he could tell. Listening to her noises was almost enough to make him finish right then.

“Fuck, Bell, I’m so clo-“ her words were cut off by a moan as he added another finger and moved his tongue faster. She came hard, pulling his hair with one hand and covering her mouth to (not so successfully) keep herself quiet. 

As she came down from her high, he slipped of his pants and his boxers followed them to the ground. He let himself hover over her and pressed his body against hers. She shuddered at the feeling of his cock against her stomach and he leaned down to kiss her.

When he pulled away, she saw his eyes dark with want but she also saw love. She felt her heart swell and she knew she couldn’t take it if something happened to him.

“Tell me you want me, princess and I’m yours.” He rasped. His breaths were coming quick and sharp and she’d never wanted anything more in her life.

“I want you, Bell. Please.”

He kissed her neck and slid into her slowly, giving them both a minute to adjust.

He let out a growl when he started moving, letting his head fall to her shoulder. He wasn’t going to last long, he knew it. But he tried to focus on her. He moved his hands over her body, exploring anywhere he could reach and she drug her nails down his back, drawing a deep moan from him.

He moved his hand to her hair, gripping and pulling. She let out a gasp and struggles to keep her eyes open. With his other hand, he pulled her knee further up, giving them a different angle and she cried out as he moved deeper, thrusting into her harder. His hand moved between them to her clit, rubbing circles around it and he felt her muscles start to contract around him.

“Yes, Bell.” She moaned.

And that was it, he felt her come around him and he silently thanked god, because he was right there behind her. He spilled inside her with one last thrust and let her legs fall weakly beside him.

He tried not to let too much of his weight rest on top of her but she didn’t seem to mind. She rubbed circles on his back and kissed his shoulder while they both caught their breath.

After a few minutes, he got up and brought her a rag to clean off and slipped his boxers back on.

He handed her his shirt when she was done and sat next to her on the bed, watching her while she pulled it over her head. 

“I love you.” He didn’t even realize the words were coming out but he was okay with it. He meant it and she needed to know.

She stopped her movements and looked at him, a soft calm taking over her features and it made him smile. 

“I love you too, Bellamy.”

He kissed her again and went to turn the lantern in the tent out, before climbing under the furs with her.

She laid her head on his chest and just listened to his heart beat. It was still beating faster than normal and she raised her head to look at him. It was hard to see his expression with just a bit of moonlight shining through the tent, but she moved a strand of hair away from his eyes.

“Who knew I’d fall in love with the biggest pain in my ass?” He teased. 

She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes and he could tell.

He lifted a hand to her face and let his thumb stroke her cheek. “Clarke, I’ll be okay. You know there’s no other choice here.”

“Please, Bell, let someone else do this. You can’t leave. I can’t-“

“I’m coming back to you, you hear me.” His voice was soft but firm. He had to give her whatever confidence he could.

“Clarke, I need you to know-“

“No, don’t. Bellamy, don’t do that. Don’t say things that make it sound like it’s goodbye. You’re not leaving right now. You’re here.”

He had to force himself not to tell her right then. Thank god it was dark, because he had to push down tears from his eyes. He didn’t want to do this to her, he didn’t want to leave her, but he had to have faith in himself. He had to rescue the others. Clarke would never forgive herself if they stayed in that mountain and died.

“Okay.” He forced out.

With that, he pulled her as tightly to him as he could and tried to keep himself from shaking. He prayed she wouldn’t hate him after this and prayed that he would actually make it back to her.

He didn’t sleep that night. He didn’t want to take his eyes off her. He ran his fingers through her hair and tried to memorize every part of her. Not once drifting off. He wanted every moment of this he could get. Her face was soft while she slept. No trace of the shit she’d been through or had to do. 

He didn’t want the the sun to come up that morning- couldn’t bare the thought of this ending. He felt sick, like he couldn’t breathe.

Just before the sun rose, Octavia quietly opened the tent. She let out a sad sigh when she saw them. She knew it broke her brothers heart to do this. 

He didn’t have to look up to know it was her and he didn’t stop running his hand through her hair. His eyes didn’t leave her sleeping form.

“Bell,” she called as quietly as she could.

“I know, O.” His voice cracked. God, he didn’t want to do this, but he knew it was time to go.

She heard the pain in his voice, hell she could practically feel it.

“You’re going to come back to us, Bell, and you’re going to save them. I know you will... she’ll be okay.”

He sighed and laid a long kiss on Clarke’s hair. “I’m sorry, princess.” He whispered. 

He got up as slowly as he could, managing not to wake her. 

He pulled his clothes on quietly and with one last look back at her, he was gone, leaving a piece of his heart behind with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I hate breaking them up like this. 😫


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy was alone. And he couldn’t do anything to fight it. Clarke and Octavia flashed through his mind and he tried to run through any possibilities in his head to get out of this, but there were none...
> 
> “Harvest them all.” The woman said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys again for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks. You guys are awesome! For some reason, the fic is not always going to the top when I update. So bare with me while I figure that out.

Lincoln had dressed Bellamy as a Grounder. He had smeared himself in blood, making himself appear that he was in fact, still a Reaper.

“So we get to the intake door without anyone seeing us, well kill everyone and I’ll slip inside.” Bellamy said.

Sure, he made it sound simple enough and Lincoln seemed confident but Bellamy still felt a sense of dread.

“I need to know what happened after the intake door.” Bellamy said.

Lincoln explained to him what happened and how others were tagged “Harvest” while he was tagged “Cerberus” and turned into a Reaper.

“There’s a mine entrance close to where the Reapers hand us over. We’ll go that way.” Lincoln said.

•

Back at camp Clarke woke up and the first thing she realized was that Bellamy was gone. She looked around and quickly got dressed. She had a bad feeling growing in the pit of her stomach.

She couldn’t find him anywhere. She looked all around camp and the further she went, the further her heart dropped.

She went to Raven’s shop and swung the door open. “ _Where is he_?”

She was fuming and Raven jumped at the violent entrance.

“Tell me he didn’t go, Raven.”

“Clarke,” she started. “Listen, I know you’re not happy but-“

“You let him go?!” She yelled. “You know how dangerous this is.”

“This was the plan, Clarke. He knows what he’s doing.”

“The plan wasn’t for him to leave now, Raven, he’s going to get himself killed. I wasn’t ready! I could’ve made him stay!” She was getting hysteric, panic rising her voice.

Raven lowered her eyes. She wasn’t happy about this plan either, but she could tell it was killing Clarke.

Clarke slid down to the floor, her legs no longer willing to support her and tried to slow her breathing.

“He _left_ , Raven.” Tears were in her eyes now and she felt like she was having a panic attack. “He didn’t even tell me.”

“He couldn’t,” Raven said. “You should know that... he couldn’t take it, Clarke... But whether or not any of us like it, this is the only thing we could think of.”

Raven debated in her head what to do. She’d started to come to terms with what Clarke had done, but she wasn’t ready to forgive and forget. She lost her internal battle though and slid down next to her.

Raven leaned her head against her shoulder and felt Clarke’s head rest on hers. She intwined their fingers and squeezed. 

Clarke let her tears fall freely. He left... And there was nothing she could do but wait and hope to hear him on that radio.

•

Later when Clarke pushed her way into Lexa’s tent, she didn’t have the same reaction as Raven. Lexa barely looked up, calmly sitting at the head of the table they’d laid out the plans on.

“You knew.” Clarke said, her voice low and angry.

“Your Sky King is wiser and stronger than I thought.” Lexa said.

When Clarke did nothing but glare, Lexa continued.

“We need to continue with the plan, keep everything on track.”

“You let him do this. You let him leave and you helped hide this from me.” Clarke moved in on Lexa, holding her shoulders back and head tall. For someone so small, she sure managed to have an intimidating way about her.

“If he doesn’t come back from this, you can forget the alliance. You can forget any hope of getting your people from that Mountain and I will make _damn sure_ there’s hell to pay.” Clarke’s fury was like wild fire.

This girl had an aura about her that made Lexa somehow question herself and her power.

Lexa still held her ground though and raised her chin higher. “Have faith in your King, Clarke... I do. I’ll be going to TonDC. You and Octavia need to scout the woods surrounding the mountain as planned. I’ll leave a group of warriors and horses behind that you can take with you. As soon as he radios, you know where to find me.”

Clarke was outraged but this conversation was going nowhere and would do no good. She turned around to leave, making her way to find Octavia. 

•

Lincoln had Bellamy tied up. They were sure to run into other Reapers at this point and had to make it look real.

Lincoln looked down and saw a syringe of “the Red” as they called it, and rage filled him. He slammed the syringe down, breaking it.

“You okay?” Bellamy asked. 

“As soon as they open the intake doors we attack.” Lincoln said. “ _Do not_ let it close. Once they’re all dead, you go in and I’ll make it look like you escaped.”

Bellamy nodded along, already knowing the plan.

“Once you’re in-“

“I know.” Bellamy said. He’d be on his own. He knew.

They’re heads snapped up, hearing yelling in the distance.

“Another raider party.” Lincoln said.

He turned to untie Bellamy.

“What are you doing?” Bellamy demanded.

“We have to go back.”

“ _Go back_? No way! We’ll never get a better chance at this.” Bellamy said. “There’s three, maybe four. We can fight our way through.”

“Look, I thought I could do this but I can’t, okay. It’s over.” Lincoln said.

“No, it’s not. We can join them... listen to me. When they bring out the Red you grab it and run like hell. The Reapers will go nuts, the Grounders will run and the Mountain Men will deal with it. No one will be looking for a Grounder running _into_ the mountain.”

Just then, a Reaper turned the corner. Bellamy pushed Lincoln and whispered. “Fight back, they’ll think I’m trying to escape.”

Lincoln grabbed him, twisting his arm back and holding a knife to his throat.

Lincoln looked at the Reapers. “This one tried to run off.” He said. “He’s mine.”

“Put him on the log.” One of the Reapers said.

Lincoln went to tie him next to the other Grounders on the log and gave Bellamy a nod. They could still do this.

They went further into the tunnel until they came across the intake door. This was it. Bellamy thought.

Mountain Men came out in suits and had a small device that let out a high pitched noise, making all the Reapers cringe and back away.

“Move back if you want your dose!” One of the Mountain Men screamed.

Bellamy looked to Lincoln, waiting for him to move, to attack.

The woman started tagged them. “Harvest.” She said when she looked at him.

He was getting nervous. Lincoln wasn’t meeting his eyes and he saw the Reapers go down, one by one to get their dose and they were drawing close to Lincoln.

“Next.” The man called for the next Reaper... Lincoln.

Bellamy watched as Lincoln walked up to the man and finally looked in his eyes.

Bellamy’s stomach dropped as Lincoln hit the ground, falling to his knees. He shook his head but Lincoln just cocked his head to the side, allowing the drug to be pushed inside him. Lincoln fell then, the drugs taking over his system. He was gone.

Bellamy was alone. And he couldn’t do anything to fight it. Clarke and Octavia flashed through his mind and he tried to run through any possibilities in his head to get out of this, but there were none...

“Harvest them all.” The woman said.

Bellamy knew realistically, he couldn’t fight his way out of this, but he had to try. He was quickly knocked down and chained though, being dragged through the intake door. 

•

Clarke wanted nothing more than to be by the radio with Raven, waiting for Bellamy. But here she was with Octavia on horseback, surrounded by Grounders instead.

There plan was to make sure the woods within a 5 mile radius of the Mountain were clear of any men. It was dangerous work. They had stopped for water quickly, and hurried to get back on their horses. 

Out of nowhere one of the Grounders was knocked off his horse, shot and killed.

“Mountain Men.” Clarke yelled.

She looked around seeing no sign of Octavia. She rode as fast as she could to where the shot had come from. As she rode up, she saw Octavia with her sword to a Mountain Man’s throat.

“Octavia wait!” Clarke shouted. “He’s from Mount Weather. We need to keep him alive. See if he’s got a patch kit. We need to get him back to camp.”

Octavia shoved him away, looking through the backpacks. She stopped and pulled something out of one.

“What is that?” Clarke asked.

Octavia walked over to her, handing her pictures. 

“You and Lexa were the targets.”

Indra’s face dropped. “Send our fastest rider to TonDC now! We need to warn the commander.”

With that, the rest of them rushed back to camp.

Clarke dropped the Mountain Man with her mother, telling her to put him in the air lock and not let him die. Then she went straight to Raven.

She hadn’t heard from him yet. It had been too long. He should’ve been there by now.

_Please don’t be dead, Bell,_ she thought.

•

Bellamy was taken in a room labeled “Quarantine Intake”. They stripped off his clothes and poured boiling water on his skin, scrubbing hard. He felt it burning everywhere, but refused to scream. They yanked back on the chain and he was sure they’d leave bruises and even felt the chain cut into his neck.

Next they covered him in some kind of white powder that somehow managed to feel worse than the burning water, then he did scream.

He was poked, and prodded, tablets of some kind of medicine was shot down his throat, needles were sunk into his body, both taking and injecting. His feet were bare like the rest of his body and they bled as he stood on the drains of the floor that were rusted and sharp.

After that they shoved some medical looking underwear on him and he was locked in a cage far too small. He pushed and yanked on the door, yelling.

He heard a voice next to him, but he couldn’t understand her.

“I can’t... I don’t understand you.” He said.

The girl next to him rose closer. “Sky person.” She growled. She spat at him and Bellamy shook his head in disgust.

“I take it no one has told you we’re not enemies anymore.”

She said nothing, but leaned back against her cage and continued to glare at him.

“I have to get out of this cage.” He said.

The Grounder rolled her eyes. “And then what?”

He looked out of the cage, he was filled with anger. These people weren’t going to get away with this. He couldn’t let them. He was going to get their people out and they were all going home.

“Then I’ll kill everyone in this mountain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And into the mountain we go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke was in Ravens shop on the verge of a meltdown. “They’re already draining them, we haven’t heard from Bellamy yet. It’s over.” She was holding back tears, pacing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happening this chapter, but fair warning- not a whole hell of a lot of Bellarke. Kind of hard when he’s in the mountain. Still managed to fit some in though.

Bellamy woke with a gasp. The last thing he remembered was thrashing against the cage when the guards came. They had opened his cage, electrocuted him and injected him with god knows what.

He tried to stay calm, taking in his surroundings. He was still mostly naked, except now, he was hanging upside down, tubes sticking out him. He was being drained.

He blinked as a girl with dark hair came into view. She was young, maybe 17. She squatted down in front of him. “Who are you?” She asked.

He couldn’t find the words to answer quite yet.

“You’re from the Ark, aren’t you?”

He tried to nod. “Yeah.”

“Do you know Jasper?” She asked.

Recognition flashed in his eyes. The girl Clarke had talked about. “Maya?”

She looked startled for a moment, but nodded.

“How about getting me down, Maya?” He suggested.

She nodded again and stood, ripping out a couple wires attached to him, the heart monitor, no longer attached showed to be flat lining. Before she could get him down, a guard walked in.

Bellamy slammed his eyes back shut and Maya froze.

“Lovejoy.” She greeted.

“What are you doing back here? You don’t have authorization.”

“I just... I wanted to see why he was so special. Why it happened so fast, but...” she flashed her eyes to the heart monitor. “He’s dead.”

He looked at the monitor. “So he is.”

He went to push the button to lower Bellamy down and then went to undo the chains on his ankles. 

Bellamy took his shot, kicking out at the guard. His gun went flying and Maya shot back against the wall. He undid the rest of the chains and the guard, Lovejoy, came at him. 

They fought, Lovejoy pushing Bellamy into the cages, he looked up and saw Maya pointing the gun at Lovejoy with shaky hands.

“No!” He shouted. “Don’t shoot, they’ll hear!”

Maya still looked conflicted, still aiming the gun at him. Lovejoy pulled a knife, lifted his hand as far back as he could, ready to stab. Bellamy braced himself for a blow that never came. The Grounder in the cage had grabbed his hand, keeping it from coming back down.

Bellamy moved quick, wrapping his hands around the mans neck, squeezing hard, and pushing his weight into him. 

Lovejoy slowly turned red and the life left him. Bellamy released him, breathing hard and looked back up at the Grounder. 

“Thank you.” He told her.

She nodded at him and he looked back over at Maya. “Are you alright?”

She was looking at the ground, shaking and didn’t appear to hear him.

“Hey,” he moved over to her and placed a hand on her arm. She jumped and looked at him.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She swallowed and nodded. “I’m fine.”

Bellamy didn’t really believe it, but moved back towards Lovejoy’s body. “Help me undress him. We need to hide the body.”

Once they undressed him, Bellamy put his clothes on, as good of a disguise as he was going to get.

They pulled his body to where the disposed of the Grounders and Bellamy looked to Maya. “You’ve done enough.” He said. “Walk away while you still can.”

“You don’t know your way around.” She told him.

“Then draw me a map.”

“No... I’m in.” She held out Lovejoy’s gun and key card.

He bit back a smile. “Okay then. I need to get to a radio and contact Clarke. We heard Jaspers SOS.”

“I helped them set it up, I know where it is. I’ll take you.” She paused and looked at him. “Bellamy... your people are disappearing. Monty and Harper. I thought maybe they’d be here but...”

Bellamy blinked, processing. “I want to see the rest of them.”

“The dorm is on the way to the radio. The chip in you will start triggering alarms once we start moving.”

He pushed his arm forward. “Take it out.”

“How’d you know my name?” She asked.

He closed his eyes for a second. “Clarke.”

She accepted that, pulling the chip out. “Put this in your cage.” She said handing it to him.

He stopped before leaving, looking at the Grounder again. “I’ll come back for you... all of you.”

With that, he turned around. “Take me to my people.” He told her.

•

Emerson wouldn’t talk. Clarke wanted to kill him but her mother and Kane wouldn’t let her.

“They’re draining our people!” She yelled.

“We have to be smart, Clarke.” Kane tried to reason with her.

She stormed off to Ravens shop, not wanting to hear anymore of this. 

•

Jasper found out what was happening, found Monty and Harper. Wallace found out what his son was doing and demanded they were freed, so he took off to find the others to get them the hell out of this mountain.

As he was gathering everyone in the dorm, alarms went off and the doors slammed shut. Cage had taken over, arresting his own father.

Jasper ran to the door, looking out the window and his mouth dropped open.

Bellamy made brief eye contact with him and looked back to Maya. “Get me to that radio.”

•

Clarke was in Ravens shop on the verge of a meltdown. “They’re already draining them, we haven’t heard from Bellamy yet. _It’s over._ ” She was holding back tears, pacing.

“You don’t get to break down, Clarke.” Raven said firmly. “Bellamy’s got this. Until we hear otherwise, you have to relax.”

“It’s been too long.” Clarke argued.

“No. I’m doing _my job_. I’m building the tone generator for the Reapers. You have to do your job and keep it together!”

“Raven, I _can’t_! He’s-“

“Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Do you read me?”

Clarke’s eyes snapped up and Raven’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit.”

They both ran to the radio and Clarke grabbed the receiver.

“Bellamy?” She called into it, trying to still her voice.

“Clarke.” He let out a breath of relief.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I know you’re mad and you’ll have time to yell at me eventually, but right now we don’t have a lot of time.” He said. “Maya says they’ve already started taking our people. They’re all locked in the dorm now.”

“Maya’s with you?” She asked.

“She helped me escape... I’d be dead if not for her.”

“Well thank her for me.”

“Clarke... there’s kids in here. We need a plan that doesn’t kill everyone.”

“I know. I’ll work on it. For now, Raven is going to help you figure out the fog.”

“Got it. If I’m gonna pull this off I need more time. You have to think of something to keep them off my trail.”

“I’ll figure it out, don’t worry...” She trailed off. She didn’t know the words she wanted to say.

“I’ll be okay, princess. Don’t worry about me. You’ll get distracted. Stay safe, okay?”

He heard her sniff but he could tell her voice was trying to stay strong. “You too.”

With that she handed the radio to Raven and left the shop.

•

Clarke barged into the room with the airlock, backed by Octavia, Indra, and 10 other Grounders. 

“Don’t.” She warned the guard, who stepped quickly aside.

“Get dressed. You’re coming with us.” She told Emerson.

They marched him towards the edge of the camp and Abby and Kane came in front to stop them.

“What are you doing?”

“Letting him go.” Clarke said.

“You’re not! Guards, take him back.” She ordered.

The Grounders drew their weapons and Clarke smiled at her. “You may be the Chancellor, but I’m in charge.”

“He hasn’t said anything yet.” Kane said.

“He doesn’t have to. He’s going to tell _them_ something.” She answered.

“Clarke, people will get hurt.” Abby warned.

“Not if you get out of my way.”

They kept each other’s gaze until Kane interrupted.

“Abby, the Grounders trust Clarke. Maybe we should too.”

Abby sighed and stepped aside. Clarke wasted no time, stalking back to the gates.

Once they were open the Grounders turned Emerson to her.

“I have a message for your people. You may have been watching us and you may think you know what we’re capable of but you don’t know the half of it. You have no idea how big our army is and the weapons we have. This is your people’s _last warning_ . Let our people go, and we’ll let yours live. If not... we’ll destroy the mountain.”

“Got it.” Emerson said.

“It’s an eight hour walk back to Mount Weather...” she grabbed his oxygen tank and let out the air till it read 6. “You’re gonna do it in six.”

“That’s not enough time! How am I supposed to deliver your message?”

She batted her eyelashes, tilting her head. “That’s not really my problem, is it? Now go.”

She sighed when he left. “Please let this work.” She whispered in the air.

•

Raven was working on a way to get Mount Weathers power down until she heard back from Bellamy.

She was in the middle of keeping Clarke from having another break down. She was about to head to TonDC and she was right, they weren’t ready.

Bellamy radioed in. They were taking their people. Slowly disappearing, but they had found a way into the air system and he could get to the fog room. Maya had given him a walkie-talkie so he could be mobile. Bellamy took a turn when he heard drilling and Clarke froze at a familiar voice. Emerson. She heard the drilling and connected the dots. 

“Oh my god. They’re taking their bone marrow.”

They were going to bomb TonDC. She had sent Kane in her place, to worried about their people in the Mountain.

“I have to warn them.” Clarke said.

“Clarke, no.” Bellamy protested.

“Are you _insane_?” Raven asked.

“I can get there in time.” Clarke said.

“In time to blow up, you mean?” Raven said.

“You can’t go, Clarke.” Bellamy said, matter of factly.

“I’m  _going_ , Bellamy. Kind of like how you went into the mountain...” She stopped and took a deep breath. He didn’t deserve that. “I have to warn them.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Just- be careful. Please.”

“I will.”

“Hey,” he started. “You know I love you, right?”

Her heart fluttered despite her anger and she ignored Raven’s look of shock at what she thought was his first admission of love.

“I know.” She said softly. “And you know the same. Stay safe.”

She started to walk away and Raven stopped her, pulling her in a hug.

Clarke was surprised for a moment before returning her hug.

“Don’t get blown up.”

“I won’t. Help him get the fog off. We’ll figure this out.”

•

She reached TonDC, racing on the horse they’d left behind for her. 

The first thing she wanted to do was yell at everyone to evacuate, but she didn’t. Something stopped her. She needed to find Lexa and fast. 

Clarke found her and explained quickly.

“We can not tell anyone, but we have to leave. Now.”

“We can’t leave them here to die.” Clarke argued.

“ _Yes_ , we can. If we tell them, if we all leave, they will know we have an inside man. They’ll find Bellamy and they will kill him... but you know that. That’s why you didn’t warn everyone the moment you got here.”

“What about your people?” Clarke asked.

“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice... this is the way it has to be Clarke.”

“I have people here too. Octavia, Kane, my mother.”

“You have to choose, Clarke. You save your people in the mountain... you save  _Bellamy_ , or you save them.”

Tears flooded her eyes and she fought an internal war with herself.

“How do we get out without anyone knowing?” Clarke finally asked.

“Follow me.” Lexa turned to walk out, away from the pending destruction of TonDC, and Clarke followed.

•

Bellamy had managed to get into the dorm during one the “raids”. He pushed Jasper against the wall and shoved a gun into his hands. “Fight harder next time.” Bellamy growled quietly. 

After, he moved on to his next objective. He had to get to Wallace. He walked into where he was locked up.

Wallace told him he couldn’t help them escape, all the codes have likely been changed, but he could buy them some time...

Once Bellamy told Raven the plan, they executed it quickly enough. They irradiated level 5, leaving the 47-now 46, with the whole level to themselves. Their doctor was dead, but Bellamy still had work to do. 

•

All Clarke could do was hope Octavia, Kane and her mother were far enough away to survive the blast.

They were still close when the bomb hit. It knocked them on their feet and it took all of Lexa’s convincing for Clarke not to run back and help the injured.

“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice.” Lexa said again.

“I want the mountain men dead. All of them.” Clarke answered.

They heard gunshots in the distance.

“The spotter.” Clarke said. “He’s alone, lets go.”

Lexa grabbed her arm. “If he’s a spotter, he’s there to make sure we’re dead. If he sees us he’ll tell his people.”

“He won’t. Because I’m gonna kill him.” She said harshly.

•

Bellamy walked in as they were trying to prep Fox. He killed both guards with her and took off to find a safe place for her.

Maya’s place was all she could think of. Her father was reluctant but agreed to help in the end. With a warning from her father to Bellamy, that the rest would never stop, he kept forward with the plan.

•

Lexa was lecturing Clarke. “Everyone does what they to do to survive. To save their people. It is not personal.”

“It is to me.” Clarke snapped.

“You think killing him will make you feel better, but it won’t.”

They stopped at a twig snap in the forest.

Clarke jumped, aiming her gun and the noise. She breathed a sigh of relief as a figure stepped forward. “Lincoln.”

He stepped out of the trees. “Clarke?... Commander? Octavia said-“

“You’ve seen Octavia?” Clarke cut him off.

“Yes. The few that survived the blast are being held down by a sniper. It’s why I’m out here.”

At that more gunshots fired.

“We need to get to higher ground.” Lexa said. “Let’s move!”

Lincoln got to the man, Clarke shooting to distract him, but with the Reaper drug still running through his system, the man managed to grab his tone generator, leaving Lincoln helpless.

Clarke had had enough of the hiding behind bushes and stepped out, gun aimed.

“Clarke, _don’t_.” Lincoln warned. The shooter had Lincoln in front of him, knife to his throat. “Your people need you.”

“You _are_ my people.” Clarke answered simply. She shot right through Lincoln’s shoulder, effectively shooting the man in the heart.

Lincoln let out a cry of pain and leaned over before looking back up at Clarke. A small smile graced his face. “Nice shot.”

After that, Clarke and Lexa returned to TonDC. Octavia put two and two together, Clarke and Lexa had known about the attack. Lexa almost put out a kill order on her, but Clarke convinced her she’d stay quiet. They gathered the soldiers, waiting outside the border line for word that the acid fog was disabled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter brings everyone back together. Thank god. If I don’t update again later tonight, it’ll be tomorrow!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke both looked to the monitors. Octavia was being shoved down by guards in a swarm of people, Jasper was being brought into the dorm and chained to the wall with the others, Emerson was about to blow the door, and they were still drilling into Abby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. Last nights episode (6x10) absolutely killed me (in a very good way). I’m still recovering. My animals and husband were looking at me like I’d lost my shit, and honestly, I had.
> 
> Someone is trying to tell me Clarke will lose her memory?? Is this just something made up? Please if anyone knows, enlighten me, bc I do not want that to be true. I can’t deal with it.

Bellamy almost got caught, and now they knew he was in the mountain but he did it, no more acid fog. Mount Weather had cut off his radio and he’d panicked for a second, but he though fast. He’d blew the whole tank system, almost getting fried himself... _almost._

Raven sent off the flares and the army moved forward. 

Lexa had told Clarke that plans change in battle, that things never go according to plan and as Lexa left Clarke and the rest of Skaikru standing outside the doors of Mount Weather, Clarke found she was right.

Mount Weather had offered a deal. Mount Weather would set the Grounders free, but they kept the sky people... and Lexa took it. 

Her own people moved out as well, retreating.

It was over, they said. 

“It can’t be over.” Clarke whispered alone into the night.

She ran down to the mines, stopping short when she saw Octavia.

“What the hell is going on?” Octavia demanded.

“We have to get in there.” Clarke said beating on the door. “Lexa made a deal with them and we’re not part of it.”

Octavia yanked Clarke back from the door. “Hey, what is _wrong_ with you? You can’t get in that way. My brother was counting on you! We were all counting on you. You failed  _all_ of them.”

“ I tried, Octavia! I’m _still trying_. Now move out of my way so I can blow the damn door open!” Clarke was fighting tears, close to losing it. 

“No!” Octavia yelled, pushing Clarke’s gun down.

They both jumped, weapons raised as the door started to move and unlocked with a beep. 

“Bellamy,” Octavia sighed in relief, jumping into his arms.

Clarke lowered her gun and let out a relieved, shaky sigh of her own, holding back her tears. He met her eyes over Octavia’s shoulder and his heart clenched.

As Octavia saw Monty and Jasper, she let Bellamy go, moving to her friends.

Bellamy ran straight to Clarke, putting a hand on the back of her neck and the other arm around her, lifting her up. He felt her shaking as her arms flew around his neck. He let himself just breathe for a moment, calming down. As much as he wished they could stay like this, they were losing time.

“What’s happening?” He asked , setting her down and pulling back. “Where’s your army?”

“Same place as yours.” She replied somberly. “Lexa made a deal with them... we’re on our own.”

They were interrupted by Monty and Jasper running to hug Clarke. She saw Maya in a hazmat suit, standing by the door and mouthed a ‘thank you’. 

“We have to get Maya to level 5.” Jasper said. “She’s running out of air and there are no more tanks.”

“ _And_ we have to get to Wallace.” Bellamy said. “He’s our only shot out of this.”

“You guys go,” Octavia said. “Jasper and I will get her to level 5.”

They nodded and headed off their separate ways. 

Turns out Wallace wasn’t going to be much help. They took him to the control room anyway, Monty pulling up the cameras on the screen.

“Oh my god...” Clarke said looking at the screens.

“Is that Raven?” Bellamy asked strained.

“And Kane... and my mother.” Clarke answered not looking away.

Bellamy shoved a radio into Wallace’s hands. “Tell them to stop. Now!” He demanded, angrily.

Wallace just looked at him. “I will not.”

Rage that Clarke had never felt before filled her and she snatched the radio. “Carl Emerson, Mount Weather security detail... come in.” Clarke said through the radio.

“Who is this?” He answered.

“You know who it is. Put the president on.”

Clarke waited until the radio was in his hands. “I have your father...” she said simply. “If you don’t let my people go, I _will_ kill him.”

She saw his face over the screen... he was unsure.

“How do I know you have him?” He asked.

Clarke shoved the radio to him. 

“Stay the course, Cage.” He said.

Panic fell over his face then. “You won’t do it.” He dared.

She almost smiled. “You don’t know me very well... Let my people go.”

“I can’t do that.” Cage said. 

Clarke turned fast, aiming her gun at Wallace.

Bellamy jumped out of the way with his hand up. “Whoa, Clarke. Easy.” He said softly. “We need him.”

“I need his son to believe me.” She said, not taking her eyes off Wallace. “Don’t make me do this.” She said into the radio.

“...Dad... I’ll take care of our people.” Cage said.

Wallace’s mouth dropped open and he looked at Clarke. “None of us has a choice here, Clarke.”

“I didn’t want this.” She said.

“Neither did I.”

Then she shot. She kept the button on the radio down, making sure Cage heard everything.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself. “Listen to me very carefully...” she said. “I will not stop until my people are free. Release them, or I will irradiate level 5.”

She watched him lean forward and take a breath.

“I don’t want anyone else to die here. Stop the drilling and we can talk.”

She watched him say something to Emerson and then he walked away from him.

“Emerson’s coming for us.” Clarke said.

“They deactivated my keycard.” Bellamy said. “Can you do that to his?”

“That ones easy.” Monty answered.

“Can you do it? Can you irradiate level 5?”

“I can do it.” He nodded.

“Wait a second, Clarke. We need to think about this. There are kids here, people who helped us.” Bellamy said, turning her towards him.

“Then give me a better idea, Bellamy,  _please_. Because I’m out of them.” She cried.

His heart dropped and he looked away. He didn’t have one. They both knew it.

Cage made his way to the dorm and he put her mother on the table. Clarke was secretly relieved that they’d taken Raven off to do it... but this had to end. 

“Figure it out.” She told Monty.

They looked up to see people running through a hallway on level 5.

“What now?” Bellamy asked annoyed.

They watched as Octavia appeared, killing three guards.

They all looked to the door as it starting banging.

“Emerson’s here.” Clarke said. “Monty, hurry!”

“I’ve got it!” He yelled, excited. “All we have to do... is pull this.” He said touching the lever beside the control panel. “Scrubbers will reverse, pulling all of the outside air in... irradiating the level.”

Bellamy and Clarke both looked to the monitors. Octavia was being shoved down by guards in a swarm of people, Jasper was being brought into the dorm and chained to the wall with the others, Emerson was about to blow the door, and they were still drilling into Abby.

Clarke let out a shaky breath. “I have to save them.” She said, putting her hand on the lever.

Bellamy put his hands over hers. She looked up surprised and met his eyes. She saw so many things running through them. Fear, anger, confusion, but they both knew they were out of options. If they didn’t do this... their people all died.

“Together.” He said.

Despite everything and despite her tears, she thankful to have him there with her.

“Together.” She answered with a nod.

They pulled the lever slowly back until it clicked. They both watched as all the mountain men starting falling. Clarke closed her eyes and felt Bellamy’s hand go to her back. She grabbed his forearm, needing his strength and looked at the monitor where Emerson was, watching him run away.

She held her head high. “Let’s go get our people.”

•

Clarke slowed a bit as they reached the dining hall.

Bellamy stopped and looked around. They had done this. Taken so many lives. He saw the boy who’s father he had killed. Lovejoy. Now he’d killed him too. He had to choke back a sob and looked away.

Monty just followed behind them slowly, not wanting to look around. While he hadn’t pulled the lever, he had activated it. He was a part of this.

The reality of what they’d done, hitting them all.

They saw Octavia stand towards the center of the room and walked towards her. She had a look on her face mixed with both relief and sadness. When they got to her they saw why.

Jasper was on the ground next to her, cradling Maya’s body. Her skin was red and blistered and it made her almost unrecognizable.

Jasper looked up at them with tears falling from his eyes. “What did you do?” He whispered.

Clarke shook her head, but none of them answered.

“ _What did you do_?!” He yelled this time. His voice echoing through the room.

_I’ll kill everyone in this mountain_.  Bellamy’s head reminded him of the words he had said the day he got here. He always had been true to his word. 

“What we had to do.” Clarke’s soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts. 

“I was gonna kill him! I was gonna kill Cage and this all would’ve been over.” Jasper cried.

“They wouldn’t have stopped Jasper.” Bellamy said.“There’s too many of them. They would’ve killed all of us.”

“You didn’t have the right.” Jasper said quietly now, his voice shaking from tears.

Clarke’s face was void of emotion and she took Bellamy’s hand and pulled him to the others that were still locked in the room. 

When Clarke reached Raven, she flung her arms around Clarke’s neck and held tight.

“You’re okay.” Clarke said and pulled back to look in her eyes and then around at what was left of the 100.

“They can’t hurt us anymore.” Bellamy said, putting a hand on each of them.  Not physically at least, he thought.

•

They made their way back to the Ark in almost complete silence. All lost in their thoughts. Grateful to be alive, but shocked at what it cost. 

As they got closer, Clarke slowed her steps, trying to fall back from the group.

Bellamy stopped and waited for her when they were near the gate.

He took his spot next to her, the one that he had grown used to and come to love.

“I think we deserve a drink.” He said.

She turned and gave him a sad smile. “Have one for me.”

His eyes shot to her and the panic he felt at her words, showed clearly on his face. “Clarke-“

“I can’t, Bell.” She cut him off. “I can’t stay here. Not after what I did-“

“What _we did_ .” He said firmly. “It wasn’t just you Clarke. There was no other way. We saved them. If you need forgiveness, I’ll give it to you.” He said, echoing her words from what seemed like so long ago. “Y _ou’re forgiven_. ”

Clarke shook her head and he saw tears start to form in her eyes and he immediately had to fight back his own.

“I can’t stay here and look at them everyday. I’ll just think of what I did. Look at what I did to Jasper and what I made Monty do.” Tears were falling now and she didn’t even try to stop them. 

“Please.” He begged, taking her arms in his hands and pulling her close. “You can’t go alone, Clarke.”

She looked away and shook her head. “Bell, I-“

“Let’s get out of here if that’s what you want, okay? Let’s just go. You and me, forget everyone else. They’re safe now. The Ark has them, but Clarke,  I need you . I need you, and if that makes me selfish, then _fine_. But I won’t do it. I won’t let you go out there alone. I _won't_ let you leave me.” A tear rolled down his face and she looked at him. 

“Clarke, they...” he trailed off, not wanting to burden her with what he went through, but he didn’t know if he could get through this without her.

Her heart broke just looking at him. She lifted her hand to his face, almost out of instinct. He leaned into it and another tear fell.

“I can’t get through this without you, princess... please just- we don’t have to go in there, but you have to let me come with you.” He said, pleading with her. “We can go to the dropship, Lincoln’s cave, wherever, but _please_.”

“Together.” She whispered after a moment.

It was so quiet, he didn’t even think she meant to say it, but he lifted her head so she looked at him.

“Together.” He confirmed.

She let out a sob and buried her face in his chest. He held her tightly, not just for comfort, but because he was scared she’d run. He motioned for the guard to close the gate. They weren’t going in tonight.

When she quieted down, Bellamy pushed her back and grabbed her hand.

“Come on.” He said. “We’ll go to the Dropship.”

She just nodded and held tight to his hand the whole way there. 

They stopped by the river on the way there, getting enough water to drink and hopefully wash up a bit. 

When they got there Bellamy started a fire and Clarke got one of the pots from the Dropship to heat a bit of the water up, so they could clean themselves.

They hadn’t said anything. Both of them just taking comfort from having the other there. Neither of them felt hungry, so food was never even a thought.

“I let the bomb drop on TonDC.” She said staring into the fire.

“What?”

“I- I let it drop. I didn’t warn them.” Her voice was almost emotionless. “Octavia was there and I wanted find her, but I ran out of time.”

Bellamy just looked at her, his mind trying to wrap around it. “Why?” He sounded hurt and she couldn’t blame him.

“I- Lexa said if we evacuated, if everyone knew, then the Mountain Men would know we had an inside man. She said they’d find you and you’d...” the emotion was creeping back into her voice now. “I couldn’t let them find you.”

He was quiet for a moment, letting it process. Lexa had been right of course. They would have found him. “Clarke...”

“Still want me to stay? Because from my view, I don’t even deserve to be alive.”

“ _Don’t_.” He bit out. “Don’t say shit like that. You know it’s not true.”

He squeezed his eyed shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It _is_ true though.” She said. “I did what I had to do to save them and I don’t even regret that. Because I would do it again if it meant saving them. I’d let another bomb drop on TonDC if it meant saving you, Bellamy. I’m not sorry for it, I’d do it all again.”

“I did it too, remember? I helped you pull that lever. I went into the Mountain after you told me not to, so I put you in the position where you had to make the choice about TonDC, Clarke, and if it were you in that mountain, I would’ve made the same damn choice.”

“You don’t know that, Bellamy. You wouldn’t have left Octavia in danger.”

Of course he would’ve tried to get Octavia out, but he knew instantly that he wouldn’t have risked Clarke dying. Octavia was pulling further and further away from him and there was nothing he could do about it anymore. She had Lincoln. He had Clarke. They’d found a purpose outside of each other and as strange as it felt after all these years, it was true... and there were some things that the Blake siblings just couldn’t help each other through.

“I do. Clarke, I don’t want anything to happen to you. I meant it when I said I need you. In the mountain, I- it didn’t...” he stopped and sighed. 

“The things they did to those Grounders... the infiltration didn’t go like we wanted it to.” He finally pressed out.

Her eyebrows furrowed hard. “What do you mean?”

“I mean-“ he took a deep breath. “I mean that Lincoln wasn’t strong enough. The drug, it’s addictive and when they came out... he dropped and took it. I went in to Harvest with the rest of them.”

“You  _what_?” All thoughts of her own guilt were forgotten as she moved to kneel between his legs. He wouldn’t meet her eyes but he grabbed her hand and held it like a life line.

“When I said I needed you, princess, I meant it.” He said, looking past her to the fire.

“You told me not to go. You knew something bad would happen and it did... but I don’t regret it either, because we saved them. They would have never stopped. They were going to kill all of our people. You saw what they were doing to your mom, to Harper, Raven... And I saw what they did to me.” His voice shaky and he pushed down tears for what felt like the thousandth time today.

“But I would do it all again to save them. What Lexa did was cowardly. She was scared and she saw an easy way out, to get her people, but it was a sure thing. She didn’t have to hope she’d save them. She was willing to let us die to save her people. And we were willing to kill the Mountain Men to save ours.”

“Bell,” her voice was so small, it made him look at her. “What did they do to you?”

Her voice was so full of concern and he saw the tears she was holding back. He sniffed and cleared his throat. He let go of her hands and started to unbutton his shirt. He was covered in bruises and cuts, he was pretty sure he had a fractured rib and he had lost weight while in the mountain.

“Oh my god.” She whispered. “Bellamy, you should’ve said something sooner.” She got up quickly to get the warmed up water so she could wash his cuts, but not before he saw the fear in her eyes.

“Hey, I’m okay, princess. It’ll all heal.”

She shook her head and wiped her tears but continued to pour the water and searched for a rag from her pack. 

She walked back over to him and kneeled down. 

“Take it off so I can clean you.” She said. 

He slowly shrugged the shirt off his shoulders, trying not to wince as it pulled on some of the cuts. Everything was sore now and he couldn’t help but sigh as Clarke moved the warm rag over his skin.

“They were rough.” He said.

She glanced up at him for a brief second, concern still etched across her face before she went back to cleaning him.

“They didn’t care if they hurt you. Some of them _wanted_ to hurt us actually. I think they must’ve been running tests because there were a lot of needles, all different sizes. Some as thick as a straw.” He said pointing to a thicker needle mark on his chest.

She ran the cloth over it, trying to control her emotions. She wanted to kill them all over again, looking at what they’d done to him.

“They put a metal bar and collar around my neck and then sprayed me with something. I don’t know what it was but it- it burned. Everything burned. After the guards took off the collar and kicked my ribs, jostled me around a bit, one of them cut me up pretty bad, as you can see. Then they just shoved me in the cages that you saw.”

Clarke stopped and looked up at him. “Did they... did they drain you?”

He saw her hands shaking and he knew she didn’t want to know the real answer, but he couldn’t lie to her.

“Not for long.” He confessed. “May... Maya helped me down and I had to kill a guard. She helped me hide his body and that’s when I radioed you.”

She closed her eyes and let out a sharp breath. “I should’ve gone in. It should’ve been me.”

“They would’ve seen you, you know that. All the guards were men. You wouldn’t have been able to blend in like I did. This isn’t your fault, princess. It was my idea to go into that mountain... I didn’t give you a choice.”

She didn’t say anything else and he could see her trying to gain her composure. She was trying to be strong and god she was. He didn’t understand how she couldn’t see it. 

She finished cleaning his wounds, wiped her own face and put everything away. She sat next to him on the log, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“We should get some sleep.” He whispered.

“If we can.” She responded.

He let out a short, humorless laugh through his nose. “Got me there, princess.”

He stood anyway, turning to pull her up after him. She followed him to the upper level of the Dropship and pulled a few of the blankets into a corner. They both slid under one and they felt exhaustion catching up to them. Neither had slept in days. Fear and panic and fighting had been consuming them. To both of their surprise, they fell asleep without a struggle, exhaustion taking over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven’t figured it out, Clarke is NOT leaving. I mean come on, I can’t separate them like that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She felt sick. She tried to fight the nausea that was in her stomach since she walked back into that mountain. And with Bellamy, she could fight it. Now he was nowhere to be found and she wanted to feel it, needed to feel it. That’s what she deserved. She deserved to suffer for what she’d done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning this chapter.

Clarke woke up when it was still dark out, needing to pee. She carefully slid from under the blankets and down the stairs to make her way outside.

Her stomach twisted as the reality of what she’d done hit her again as she woke up, then another wave of nausea at the reality that she’d do it all over again if she had to. Was that the kind of person she was? Willing to kill men, women, and children? What makes her any better than Finn?

She was pulled violently from her thoughts with a scared yell from Bellamy. She ran to the upper level and found his thrashing. His skin was slick from sweat and his curls stuck to his head.

“Hey,” she called softly, putting her hand on his chest. “Bell, it’s okay.”

He shot up and took a breath like he’d been underwater for too long. He was shaking and looked around frantically, trying to take in his surroundings.

“Bellamy, hey, look at me.” She said softly.

“Clarke-“ he gasped and met her eyes.

“I’m right here, Bell.” She put her hand gently on the back of his neck and guided his forehead to hers. “I’m right here.” She repeated.

Bellamy let out a sob and she pulled him into her chest, cradling his head. 

She leaned back into the covers taking him with her and stroked her hand through his hair while he rode out his tears. She had to hold her breath to stop a sob if her own from escaping. 

_This is my fault,_ she couldn’t help but think. He’s in so much pain now, so much turmoil and it’s all because of her. Her heart hurt seeing him like this but she refused to let her tears fall. He was strong for her and now it was her turn to be strong for him. 

His body stopped shaking and she felt him slowly relax, drifting back to sleep.

When the sun rose, Clarke still hadn’t fallen back asleep. Her head swimming, flooded with too many thoughts. 

They had to go back, she decided. The 100, or what was left, needed them. They’d all move away from the Ark, start a place of their own. Bellamy would want it too, she was sure. How they’d convince her mother to let them go without a fight, she _wasn’t_ sure.

She felt Bellamy stir and looked down at him.

“Hey.” His voice was soft and husky and it made her smile.

“Hey back.”

Her smile disappeared soon enough though and she pulled one of his curls back. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“I will be. Thank you, princess.”

“Bellamy, there’s nothing to thank me for.”

“That’s not what it looked like last night when you had to hold me like a little scared boy.” He tried to joke but her look of disapproval told him he wasn’t funny.

“What did you dream about?” She asked.

He ran a hand down his face and sighed. “The Mountain. Just- mostly flashes of what they did, but- but they caught you. I saw you through a door and I couldn’t- I couldn’t get to you. I could hear you screaming and I could see you but I couldn’t reach you and I couldn’t breathe.”

He looked up at her and put his hand in her hair. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling and comfort of it. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Hey, don’t be. It’s not your fault and you’re here. I’m okay.”

He shifted so he was sitting up a bit. “So what’s in the agenda for today? Where we headed?”

“Back to camp.” She said carefully.

His eyebrows raised and he looked surprised. “You sure?”

She nodded firmly. “I want to get them out of there. We don’t need to be under the Ark rule. They’ll suffocate them. Treat them like children and they’re not... not anymore. I don’t know how we’re going to do it and I don’t know how long we’ll have to work at it but...”

He smiled at her. “After your lead, princess.”

They cleaned up, made sure the fire was out and headed back. It would be a long road, but they could do it. He had faith in them. Together, they could do it.

•

They worked fast after returning to the Ark. Getting all the 100 on assignments where they could excel and quickly brought up their idea of leaving. It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of convincing and a lot of meetings, but they did it.

Her mother had allowed them this conditionally on them building the shelters they’d need before winter hit. Once the shelters were built and they were out of Camp Jaha, as they’d named it, they’d be free to make their own rules, live by their own will. 

Clarke worked in the medbay for now, opposite shifts of her mother. Bellamy hunted and they both worked near the Dropship, getting cabins up and sturdy. Raven and Wick were of course the largest help for this and they had a good work crew going.

Bellamy didn’t have nightmares unless Clarke wasn’t with him and vice versa. They banded together even stronger than before. Jasper didn’t talk to them, Octavia had grown even more distant, not forgiving Clarke for TonDC no matter how hard Lincoln persuaded her to.

It felt like to Clarke, Bellamy was her only escape. The only one keeping her sane and grounded. Raven and her had started to mend their relationship but it was far from where she wanted it.

The hardest was at night when Clarke could hear some of them screaming, plagued with nightmares and terrors. She tried not to think about the mountain, but at night, everything seemed to try to come to a head. That’s when Bellamy was there, holding her tight, keeping her safe. 

She’d had a particularly hard night, working late that night in the medbay. When she crawled into their tent, Bellamy was already asleep, but woke up when she slipped under the furs.

He pulled her close, breathing her in and closing his eyes back. They both fell asleep, quickly, exhausted by their nonstop movements to get the 100 out of this place.

•

The next morning, Clarke woke up in a sweat, despite the cold. She tried to shake the nightmare but she had to find Bellamy. She’d slept in, getting in so late last night and Bellamy had gotten up to start his day. She searched everywhere before she ran into Monty.

“Monty, where’s Bellamy?”

“He’s out with a hunting party. Probably won’t be back for a few hours.” Monty said, taking in her disheveled appearance. 

“Are you alright?” He asked.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe and she was starting to draw attention from bystanders. 

“I’m fine.” She said. She turned to walk but she ended up running. She ran to the only place outside the walls that she knew was safe. Lincoln’s cave. She needed out of Camp Jaha. Away from all their watching eyes. Away from their screams at night.

Because while she had saved them, it hadn’t been fast enough. It hadn’t been in time to stop the torture they endured.

She didn’t feel regret for what she’d done. She saved her people and she wouldn’t change pulling that lever to do it. She panicked because she _didn’t_ feel regret, because of how far she knew she’d go to save them again- How far she’d go to save Bellamy.

She was a monster, and everything her people had been through was all her fault. She had let them get captured, she escaped without them, she let Bellamy sneak off into that mountain and now he was plagued with nightmares of his own.

It broke her, seeing him like that. She wanted so badly to be strong for him but she knew this was her fault.

_I bare it so they don’t have too,_ she thought.

Except he _did_ bare it. Because he was there with her. Hand over hers. Pulling the lever, same as hers. Killing them, same as hers. And she had let him, because she didn’t want to be alone. 

“Together” he had said. That was one thing she did regret. She didn’t want to put that on him but it was too late.

A million images ran through her mind, faces of children... men, and women who helped her people, burning. Bellamy hanging upside down, being drained for his blood. Flashes of Raven and her mother being drilled into for bone marrow, shooting Wallace, Emerson on the verge of blowing doors, pulling the lever down.

She felt sick. She tried to fight the nausea that was in her stomach since she walked back into that mountain. And with Bellamy, she _could_ fight it. Now he was nowhere to be found and she wanted to feel it, _needed_ to feel it. That’s what she deserved. She deserved to suffer for what she’d done.

She pulled out the knife that was strapped at her hip and pulled her sleeve up. She slid the blade across her wrist and watched as the blood poured down. It wouldn’t kill her, not the way she cut. Elbow to wrist, vertically would get it done. Cowards way out, but tempting nonetheless. 

She could breathe a little easier as she felt the sharp pain from the cut. She brought the blade to the top of her arm, letting it hover there, contemplating her next move.

She heard movement, and saw a large silhouette enter the cave. She didn’t look up, didn’t move the knife from her arm. She already knew who it was.

“Clarke,” Lincoln started, cautiously. “What are you doing?”

“What I need to do.”

“You’re wrong.” He said, shaking his head. “This isn’t what you need to do. I know what you’re feeling right now but-“

“No one knows what I’m feeling!” She cut him off, raising her voice.

He walked the rest of the distance to her and knelt down in front of her. “Bellamy does.”

Her eyes shot away from the knife on her arm, straight to his eyes. They filled with tears at his name. He knew that would slow her down. 

“Clarke, you’re not thinking about this.”

“I am. I know what I’m doing. I don’t deserve to be here.” Her normally strong, sure voice, was trembling.

Lincoln hadn’t seen her like this before. No one probably had, save for Bellamy maybe. 

“Think about your mother, Raven, the 47.” Lincoln tried.

“44” she said, sadly. “There’s only 44 now. And my mother sent me to the ground to die, this is what she wanted. She sent my father to his death. She was fine without him and she’ll be fine without me. Raven will never fully forgive me for what I did to Finn, and the 44 don’t need me now that they’re out. They’ll heal each other.”

“Who will heal Bellamy when I tell him the woman he loves is dead?”

She was shaking now, the knife still on her arm.

“I don’t deserve him either.” She whispered. “He’s better than I am. He’s strong. He’ll be okay... he has to be.”

Tears were falling freely down her face now.

“He won’t, Clarke. He won’t come back from this. He won’t even heal from the mountain without you. Losing you... Clarke, if you do this, you won’t only be killing yourself.”

She let out a sob, the sound of it enough to hurt Lincoln’s own heart.

He reached for her chin, lifting it, making sure she looked at him. If she wasn’t going to have her own life as a reason, he’d throw Bellamy at her all he could.

“You can’t do this to him. You have to keep fighting. Yu gonplei nou ste odon.” He whispered. “And neither is his.”

He saw the defeat in her eyes, she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t leave Bellamy. If anything-anyone could stop her... it was him.

Lincoln slowly reached down to her hand, grabbing the knife and she let out another sob, releasing her grip on it. She slumped against the wall of the cave, feeling all the energy leave her body. While the cut on her wrist wouldn’t kill her, the blood loss could still wear her out.

Lincoln stood and grabbed a cloth from the inner part of the cave, cleaned off her wrist and tried to stop the bleeding. She was still shaking badly and he wasn’t sure where to go from here. He could care for her wounds physically but... emotionally? He needed to get Bellamy to her. The only problem was, he didn’t want to leave her alone like this. It didn’t seem he’d have a choice though. 

He started a fire in hopes to warm her and maybe slow her shaking, as he watched the sun outside the caves entrance get lower.

If he didn’t leave soon, it’d be dark by the time Bellamy made it to the cave. He considered asking her if she was ready to head back, but thought better of it. He wasn’t going to get her back inside those gates. If it got too late though and she wasn’t back, Bellamy would be out her looking for her.

“Clarke, do you want me to go get Bellamy?”

She lifted her gaze from where it had been fixed on the fire and looked at him. “Yes.” She said softly.

“Are you going to be okay?”

She nodded. “I just want him here.”

And with that he was off in a run. He wasn’t willing to leave her alone long. He had to get Bellamy and fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a one-shot, taking place after 6x10, you guys should check it out. Let me know if you like it. Thanks to everyone still reading ❤️


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear gripped his heart as he darted through the trees. He had no idea what was wrong and in hindsight, it probably would’ve been wise to wait for Lincoln to explain. But the look in Lincoln’s eyes scared the hell out of him and he couldn’t wait for an explanation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I’m done with most of this story and I’m so excited. I’m going to warn you in advance, I’m kind of glazing over season 4. I’ll have a brief summary of it, but we’re not running through it like I have been so far. It’s just not as important to the story I’m telling.

Bellamy had been waiting for Clarke ever since he got back 2 hours ago. No one seemed to know where she went and he was getting restless.

When the gates opened Bellamy expected/hoped Clarke was the one on the other side. When he saw Lincoln, he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink. He was about to head out and find her.

Octavia saw Lincoln and ran up to him, but to Bellamy’s surprise, Lincoln didn’t slow down. He headed straight for him, a look of fear on his face. 

Seeing Lincoln’s expression didn’t help Bellamy’s uneasy feeling. Lincoln was breathing hard and fast as he skidded to a stop in front of him.

“It’s Clarke,” he managed. “She’s in my cave. You need to hurry. She’s-”

“What’s wrong?” Octavia asked, catching up to him, but Bellamy was already running, full sprint towards the gates.

Fear gripped his heart as he darted through the trees. He had no idea what was wrong and in hindsight, it probably would’ve been wise to wait for Lincoln to explain. But the look in Lincoln’s eyes scared the hell out of him and he couldn’t wait for an explanation.

Clarke was in Lincoln’s cave and she clearly wasn’t okay. That was all he really needed to know.

He could barely breathe when he made it to the cave. “Clarke?!” He yelled as he ran in.

“I’m here, Bell.”

He looked around and saw her slumped against the wall, on the other side of the fire. 

Seeing her in one piece had already calmed him a bit.

He ran over and knelt in front of her. She was holding her wrist tightly and looked paler than she should have. 

Being on earth all these months had brought a soft tan to her skin, but no traces of it could be seen at the moment.

“Hey,” he said softly, trying to calm his breathing. He grabbed her wrist but she didn’t let go of the cloth that was over it. 

“What’s wrong, princess?” He tried to sound normal, to not sound like he was panicking. He wasn’t entirely sure it worked though.

“It started bleeding again when Lincoln left.” 

She sounded tired, _weak_ even, if Bellamy could even use that word when talking about Clarke.

He pulled her hand off her wrist with a little fight from her, and lifted the cloth.

“ _Christ, Clarke_...” he took in a sharp breath.

He looked at where she’d cut herself and his heart felt like it was shattering. 

“What- what happened?”

He knew already but he heard himself ask anyway. He didn’t want to hear the answer. Didn’t want to hear it from her mouth.

“I... I don’t know.” She whispered. “It just all hit me and I- I couldn’t find you, so I ran and... I needed to feel something other than all that panic... I couldn’t control it. I thought it would help.”

He tried to stay calm even though his heart was trying to burst out of his chest. The idea of her holding a knife to her wrists scared the hell out of him.

“Did it?” He asked, tightly. “Help?”

“Only a little... I was going to finish it.” she paused and Bellamy tensed hard, shaking his head and looking down. “Never have to worry about it again.”

“Clarke-“

“Lincoln came in and saw me.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes. She was looking at the floor by his feet. “He wouldn’t let me.”

Bellamy swallowed hard. He had never in his life been more thankful for Lincoln than in this moment.

He watched her face and saw how broken she looked, how fragile. He swore to himself at that moment, he’d never leave camp without her again.

He didn’t say anything as he inspected her wrist. The bleeding had stopped again but the cut was deep. He wrapped it as best as he knew how.

“I’ve fucked so much up, Bell.” She finally looked up at him, and he met her eyes. Tears from both of them, threatening to spill over.

“I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke and that was it. The flood gates opened and all he could do was wrap her into his arms and hold her.

The anxiety he felt in his chest was something unimaginable. He still felt like he couldn’t breathe. He held her as tight as he could, trying to shield her from anything that threatened to haunt or hurt her.

He buried his head in her hair and swayed slowly, trying to calm not only her, but himself. He hadn’t realized he was crying until he tried to use his voice and it cracked. 

“God, Clarke. I’m sorry. I never should’ve left you there alone.”

She didn’t manage any words, she just gripped him tighter. She could never blame this on him.

“Just please, _please_ , don’t ever do that again... I can’t- I can’t do any of this without you and if you-“ he cut himself off and took a deep breath. “You mean too much to me and if I lost you... Clarke, it would kill me.”

Her sobs had quieted into silent tears and soft sniffles. “That’s what Lincoln said.” She whispered.

“He was right.” Bellamy clarified. 

“I never wanted this for you, Bellamy.”

“I know, princess. But you didn’t choose this and you didn’t force this on me. And we may be all kinds of fucked up, trust me, I know... but you gotta keep fighting. For yourself... _for me_. Please.”

She pulled back enough to meet his eyes, wiped the tears still on his cheeks and nodded. 

“You scared the shit out of me. I need you here with me, okay? And I’ll help you with whatever you need. Anything. Just... please, don’t leave me.”

He replaced the words ‘kill yourself’ with ‘leave me’, not being able to force the word out of his mouth. And she would be leaving. Leaving everything, so it still fit.

“I’m-I just kept seeing them all. Everything I’ve done, everyone I’ve killed and it just replays in my head over and over. And I think about what they did to you in that damn mountain. I can’t control it and I- I just wanted something I could control. I don’t deserve to be here.”

He didn’t think he could hear much more without wanting to hit something. He couldn’t listen to her talk about her life like it was something to be thrown away.

“But I don’t want to leave you.” She said quieter. “Just don’t make me go back there yet.”

“We’ll go wherever, _whenever_ you want, princess.”

“I just want to be here with you.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. It was like the life breathed back into his body. He felt the anxiety ease off his chest ever so slightly. She was here in his arms and safe.

He wrapped a hand in her hair and pushed her closer. 

_She’s okay, she’s here_ _._ He kept telling himself.

He pushed her down slowly so she was laying underneath him on the cave floor. Careful not to brush her wrist and not to put too much weight on her, he shifted his elbows and pulled back, looking at her.

“I love you, Clarke.”

Tears sprung back to her eyes, but good ones this time. “I love you so much, Bellamy. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, princess. Just don’t scare me like that again.” His voice was firm, but still gentle.

He was back down, kissing her and she pulled at his shirt. He ripped it off, breaking their kiss for only a second. He needed to feel her as much as she needed to feel him.

He slid his hands under her shirt, lifting her enough to get it over her head and then unclasped her bra. He didn’t waste time, trailing down her throat to her nipple. His mouth closed over it and she arched into him.

“Bellamy, please.”

He understood her urgency, because he felt it too. He pulled down her jeans and kicked his off quickly, growling low when she slid her hand into his boxers and squeezed him. He rested his forehead on hers and breathed deeply.

“Easy, princess.”

She gave him the smallest smile, but it felt like the biggest victory.

He pulled her hand away and shoved his boxers down. He went to kiss his way down her stomach but she grabbed his hair, pulling back to her.

“Bellamy.” She started breathlessly. “I need you.”

And who was he to argue. He guided himself slowly into her and stilled, giving both of them a moment to adjust. Clarke threw her head back, mouth open in a silent gasp, her hair seemed to glow in the firelight. He swore it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. God, he couldn’t loose her. He’d spend everyday of his life making sure he didn’t.

She leaned up to kiss him and he saw tears again. Pulling back slightly, he looked at her. He felt suddenly, like he could feel everything she did. It all hit him at once, but all of it so clear while it washed over him. He was feeling what she felt. Every emotion and every feeling that she had, was his. He felt love, want, fear, hate, felt the anxiety and guilt that had been pushing her down so hard. He felt it all.

He looked at her, eyes wide, and questioning only to find hers looked the same. His had hit her, same as hers hit him. He felt so much. It all ran through his mind and it was so much to process but none of it meant anything in that moment except one thing... he loved her, and she loved him.

Without questioning it further, he leaned back down to kiss her and started moving. Everything felt intensified and his body felt more energized than it ever had before.

She felt it too. She pulled him to her as close as she could, wanting to feel every part of him. As unsure of what just happened as she was, she couldn’t bring herself to think it was a bad thing. She felt all of him. Good and bad. She felt all the fear she caused him, all the panic and she just wanted to soothe it all away.

She hurt him more than she had hurt herself.

It didn’t take her long before she was on the edge.

She gasped. “Bell...”

“Come on, princess. Come for me.” He breathed in her ear. He moved to kiss her neck and then bit down, right where neck meets shoulder. She threw her head back in a soft cry and went over the edge as he followed her with a low growl and buried his face in her hair.

He let his weight fall on top of her, but she welcomed it. She ran her hands through his hair and down his back until she felt a chill run through him. He stood and grabbed one of the clean cloths, handing it to her with a kiss on the forehead, and then went to clean himself off and grab a couple blankets.

He lied one on the ground and gestured for Clarke to move onto it. Once she had, he covered her with the other and slid under, curling behind her with his arm around her waist.

They laid like that for a while and when she finally spoke, her voice was soft.

“What just happened?”

He thought about it for a second, trying to think back in his brain to see if he had any idea of what it could’ve been. He could still feel her. Laying next to her, he felt it all.

Sadness for what happened to her dad, what happened at TonDC, fear from when he’d left for the mountain. Anger and hate from when Lexa left her standing outside the doors. All of it. And now he time to sort it all out.

He was sure that meant she could feel it all from him too. It scared him. She had her own shit to deal with and his was just going to make it worse. He didn’t want her plagued by not only hers, but his demons.

Finally, he answered quietly. “I’m not sure.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“It’s not gonna hurt me, princess.”

She closed her eyes and nodded. She nestled in closer to him and sighed. 

He pulled her closer but his hand was trembling.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, softly.

“I don’t wanna lose you... the thought of losing you, terrifies me.”

She turned enough to look at him. “You’re not going to lose me, Bell. I’m here.”

“ _Promise me, Clarke_... promise me that- that you won’t try to kill yourself.” It took everything in him to press out the words, but he did it.

She just looked at him for a second and he felt a slight tinge if panic run through her before she relaxed and finally nodded. “I promise.”

He kissed her head, relieved to hear her words. 

“We’ll get through it all. What matters now is we’re here. And we’re okay.... And we’re going to stay okay, right?” He sounded a bit scared and unsure still. Like he was worried she’d disappear at any moment.

“I’m not leaving you, Bell.” She laid her head on his chest and relaxed back into him.

He squeezed her and kissed the top of her head one last time before they both drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys still with me? I don’t know how big of a stretch the whole feeling each other’s emotions is, but honestly it’s the 100, so it can’t be that far fetched. It’s crucial to the story line though and I think you guys will really end up loving it!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone else had a chance to react, Bellamy had Jasper dragged up by the collar of his shirt.
> 
> “What the fuck did you just say?” He growled.
> 
> “You heard me.” Jasper managed.
> 
> “Here we go.” Octavia winced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord, this is a long chapter. I wanna preface part of this chapter with saying, no, I do not hate Jasper. But what we see in this chapter, I think really shows what can become of a person who has lost someone and how they can fall into a deep spiral of loathing and depression. And sometimes no one is willing to/able to help them. We also see Bellamy, a man who can’t bare to hear anything bad said about the one person he feels he needs most and the anger that’s lying inside of him.

Lincoln held his head in his hands. Octavia had pulled him into Raven’s workshop and just wouldn’t let it go.

“Octavia, I told you already, she’s fine. Neither of them are in danger.”

“If she was fine, why’d you run through the gates like you were being chased by Reapers again?”

He winced at that.

Octavia still wasn’t happy with Clarke. She’d left her to die, so that put a pretty big wedge in their friendship. She understood why she did it now, she did. She was protecting Bellamy and trying to save everyone else in the mountain. But that didn’t change the fact that in doing so, she could’ve condemned Octavia to death. 

Most words spoken between the two since TonDC, had not been pleasant ones.

That didn’t stop her from worrying though. She couldn’t find it in herself to hate Clarke, no matter how hard she tried. If she was being honest with herself, she missed their friendship. But not enough to swallow her pride.

Lincoln still hadn’t answered, so Octavia and Raven were both getting impatient.

“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, Lincoln, I’ll go to the cave myself.” Octavia said.

“No, Octavia stop. Just- just listen... she’s not in a good headspace right now. She just needed him there.”

Raven felt uneasy about the way he was talking about her. “Why? Why were you in such a hurry if she ‘just needed him’?”

Lincoln shook his head, these women just wouldn’t let it go. “She was hurt, but she’s fine now. She just needs some time away from here. She’s had a lot going on.”

“ _We all have_.” Octavia stared hard at him, like she couldn’t believe he was defending her. 

“Not like her, Octavia.”

Realization struck on Raven’s face. 

“Oh my god...” Raven started. “Lincoln, did she...” she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. ‘Did she try to kill herself?’

He didn’t answer at first. He didn’t want to lie to them, but it wasn’t his place or his information to give. But turned out, his silence was answer enough.

Raven let out a sob and put her hand over her mouth, sitting down.

“No.” Octavia said, shaking her head in disbelief. “No, Clarke wouldn’t do that.”

Lincoln looked up at her. “Octavia-“

“No! She  wouldn’t , Lincoln. Clarke _wouldn’t_.” She raised her voice at him.

“Anyone would if they were put through enough.” He said simply. “She’s done so many things, killed so many, lost so many... you can only keep going for so long.”

“But she’s fine now, right?” Raven asked shakily.

“She was alive when I left. Fine is not a word I would use. I ran because I was worried about her being alone. She needed Bellamy and I wanted to get him to her quickly.”

Raven sat, tears rolling down her face. “I haven’t been talking to her. Not like I should. She’s needed someone and I just... I was too busy being mad at her for saving Finn from being tortured. I haven’t even told her that I don’t blame her.”

Octavia felt sick, suddenly. The idea of Clarke trying to kill herself all too strong in her mind.

“What did she do?” She asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling.

“She cut one of her wrists. When I walked in, she had the knife at the top of her arm, she was...” he trailed off. None of them could bring themselves to say the words out loud.

“Why didn’t she then? How did you stop her?” Octavia asked.

“Bellamy.” He said simply. “He was the only reason I could think of for her to stay alive. She pushed everything else aside.”

They all jumped and looked up at the sound of a crash. They saw Jasper looking sheepish, having been caught eavesdropping. He had knocked down a bunch of tech from a shelf.

“Jasper, what the hell?” Raven yelled.

Octavia went up to him immediately and pushed him against the wall. “You didn’t hear shit, got it?”

Jasper had been a wreck since they got back. And he hated Clarke. She didn’t want him telling everyone in camp that she tried to off herself. 

Jasper just nodded in response. He jerked free from her grip and ran off, eager to get their eyes off of him.

“So what do we do?” Octavia asked.

“We support her.” Raven said. “Let her know we don’t hate her. She did what she had to do with Finn... with TonDC, with everything... just like she always has.” She finished sadly.

“What will we do about him?” Lincoln asked, referring to Jasper.

“He won’t say anything. If he does, he’ll regret it.” Octavia said.

“Should we go to the cave?” Raven asked.

Lincoln shook his head. “No. We should let Bellamy help her... He’s the only one who can right now.”

All they could do was wait and hope Bellamy brought her back to them alive.

•

Bellamy woke up first the next morning. He looked down at Clarke, her hair spread across his chest.

She was faced away from him, stilled pulled into his chest. He lifted his arm from her waist and brushed her hair back from her face, pulling it behind her back.

While he watched her sleep, his mind wandered to all things they’d been through. He didn’t know exactly how to help her but damn if he wouldn’t die trying. She was there for him whenever he needed it and he’d be there for her. 

Maybe he should’ve let her leave after Mount Weather, but he just couldn’t take the thought of doing this without her. Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed to come  back , to only spend one night away after Mount Weather. 

She should’ve had more time to let her get away from all of the shit they had to deal with day to day. But maybes didn’t help now. And all he could do was try his best to help her.

She stirred and it shook him out of his thoughts. The fire was still going, but barely, so he reached over her and threw another log on it.

She rolled over to face him and he smiled, kissing her head. “Morning, princess.”

“Morning.” She mumbled, but burrowed her face further into his chest.

He chuckled low, squeezing her a bit. He felt his stomach rumble and realized he hadn’t eaten anything since before his hunting trip yesterday and he was certain she hadn’t either.

“We need to get you some food.” He said.

She let out a gruff noise and shook her head. “‘M’ not hungry.”

“You gotta eat something, Clarke. You can’t starve yourself.”

She looked up at him, her eyes still tired from sleep and in that moment she looked so innocent, it made him smile.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

She gave him a small smile.

The smile left her eyes quickly though, as she seemed to let the events of yesterday catch back up to her. He felt the change in her feelings right away, something he still didn’t understand.

“I’m sorry, Bell... about yesterday. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just- I was in a bad place.”

“We don’t have to go back, princess. If you don’t want to. We’ll find somewhere else to go, we can leave.”

“I can’t run forever though.” She said quietly. “I have to live with what I’ve done. I don’t regret anything I did. I’d do it all again to save them... so I should be there with them. The people I love. Those kids need us.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Even if some of them hate me.” She continued.

He sighed. “Jasper.”

“Yeah, Jasper.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Clarke. He just doesn’t understand. He’s under the illusion that he could’ve stopped it all, when really all he would’ve done was kill himself.” He winced as he said the words, reminding himself of last night.

Clarke noticed it and went silent for a moment.

“Do you think less of me?” She finally asked. “... for putting the knife to my wrist? For wanting to die.”

His grip tightened on her involuntarily at her words, but he shook his head. “You are the strongest person I know. And you didn’t do it, Clarke. You’re here because you’re strong.”

“I’m here because Lincoln knew how to stop me. And because he came at the right time. Bellamy, I’m not here because I’m strong... I’m here because I couldn’t bare the though of leaving you alone.”

“I know that I was wrong and I shouldn’t have done it but... but I was ready. I couldn’t think of anything but all the pain and in that moment, I was through.”

Bellamy didn’t feel like he could answer without tears falling again, so he just looked her, trying to keep down his fear.

She felt it, knew how afraid he was and shook her head. “But I’m here now Bellamy and I’m so, _so sorry.”_

He just nodded and pressed his head to hers, closing his eyes tight.

They laid there awhile longer until she lifted her head to look at him. “I think I’m ready to go back.”

“Are you sure? Octavia probably knows, Clarke. I’m sure Lincoln told her and I don’t want her-“

“She can’t hate me anymore than she already does, Bell.” She said lightly.

“She doesn’t hate you. She just doesn’t agree with what you did. She’s just mad.”

“I’ll be okay, Bellamy. We have to go back.”

He nodded and they both stood, putting out the fire and rolling the blankets.

The walk back to camp was peaceful. He didn’t feel anything negative from her until they were closer to the gates.

“I don’t want to see my mom.” She said.

“Then you don’t have to.” He reached over and grabbed her hand, holding tightly.

She smiled at him and Miller, who was on guard finally spotted them. He ran down and opened the gates.

“Where have you two been? Abby’s been on a rampage. We covered for you but she was not happy.” 

He looked down and noticed the bandage on Clarke’s wrist, but didn’t ask questions, which she was grateful for.

“We just needed a bit of time.” Bellamy said. “We’re here now so Abby can relax.”

Lincoln and Octavia turned the corner and as soon as she spotted Clarke, she sprinted towards her.

Clarke jumped in surprise as Octavia slammed into her, wrapping her arms around her neck in a hug. They both would’ve fallen if Bellamy hadn’t grabbed Clarke to steady her.

Clarke felt a little pang of relief as she put her arms around her, hugging her back.

Bellamy smiled at the two of them and stepped back to watch. As tough as Octavia acted and as much as she wanted Clarke to think she didn’t care, he knew deep down she did. And here she was proving it.

Octavia pulled back and put her hands on either side of Clarke’s face. “Don’t ever do that again, okay?”

Clarke didn’t mean to, but she smiled at the way she sounded exactly like Bellamy. “I won’t, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Clarke. I get what you did. I don’t agree with it and this doesn’t mean we’re gonna braid each other’s hair or anything, but I understand why.” And with that she pulled her in for another hug.

“I hate to break up the reunion here but uh, cripple comin’ through.” Raven chirped in.

Clarke pulled back from Octavia to look at Raven. She felt tears spring to her eyes and she tried to push them back. Raven smiled and held back tears of her own.

Clarke walked to her but stopped just in front of her, unsure.

“Are you gonna stand there and stare or are you gonna hug me?” Raven finally teased.

Clarke wasted no time, throwing her arms around her.

Raven whispered in her ear. “Thank you, Clarke... for saving him.”

Clarke felt her tears fall and hugged Raven even tighter. “I’m so sorry, Raven.” She said.

Octavia walked up to Bellamy, looking somber. “Jasper knows.”

Bellamy looked at her surprised, his temper flaring. “Why the fuck does he know?”

“He was eavesdropping. We didn’t know he was there.” She said.

Bellamy was already looking around for him.

“Jesus...” he muttered.

“I’m sorry, Bell. But I told him not to say anything.”

“Threatened him, is more accurate.” Lincoln piped in.

“Great,” Bellamy said. “Two things to hold against us.”

Clarke sensed Bellamy’s change in mood and let Raven go, both of them walking to the group.

“What is it?” Clarke asked.

Bellamy opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t want to tell her Jasper knew. It would just make her worry.

“Abby’s been looking for you. You might wanna make yourself sparse.” Octavia spoke up. “She hasn’t been in the greatest of moods.”

Clarke nodded. “I’ll make myself busy then. Thanks.”

Bellamy moved to follow her but in that moment, Abby noticed them and aimed herself right at Clarke. Bellamy changed his direction and stood in front of Abby, blocking her path.

She looked up at him, furious. “Move out of my way. I need to see my daughter.”

“But your daughter doesn’t need to see you.” Bellamy said.

She went to push him out of the way, when Octavia stepped up. “He said, she doesn’t wanna see you.”

“I don’t care what she wants, I’m her mother.” Abby started to raise her voice.

“But you’re not in charge of her and if she doesn’t want to see you then she doesn’t have to.”

“I’m the chancellor here, Blake. Not you. Move.”

Bellamy grinned at her. “But for how long?”

Abbys face went carefully blank and she stared at him. She knew she wasn’t elected chancellor and even if she had been, the 100 were still building, closer everyday to being free from this place.

Bellamy smiled again, getting the silent reaction he wanted from her. “Clarke is busy working. I’m sure she’ll find you if she needs something.”

Abby shook her head angrily, but walked away.

Bellamy let out a sigh of relief and turned to the group. “The last thing we need is Abby finding out. She’ll just stress Clarke out more.”

“Is she okay?” Raven asked.

Bellamy nodded. “She will be.”

He turned to Lincoln and surprised both Lincoln and himself by pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you...” he pulled back to look him in the eye. “For being there, and for stopping her.”

Lincoln gave a simple nod and a sad smile.

“Are we sure Jasper is under control with this?” Bellamy asked, turning back to Raven and Octavia.

“Sure?” Raven asked. “No. But there’s not much we can do about it.”

Bellamy ran a hand through his hair and nodded. 

“I’m gonna go find Clarke. We’ll see you guys later.”

He found her in the smokehouse about 10 minutes later.

“Hey, princess.”

She turned and gave him a small smile in greeting.

“I thought you’d be in the Med Bay.” He said.

“And risk running into my mom? No, thanks.” She said. “That’s the first place she’d look for me.”

He understood, grabbing some of the meat above and began helping her.

He didn’t want to push her for anything she didn’t want, but he was relieved when she crawled in his tent that night, sliding under the covers with him.

He slipped his arm around her and breathed her in, feeling relaxed.

“I know we stay together every night but... do you think I could move my stuff in here with you?” She asked, sounding unsure. Nervous even.

He smiled against her hair. “I’d like that.”

He felt her release a breath and her body relaxed a bit more. “I just don’t want to be without you.”

“Me either, princess. You don’t need to be walking across camp for your stuff anyway.”

“Thanks for today, for keeping my mom away.”

He laughed. “Can’t say it was easy.”

She let out a small laugh and they both laid in silence for a few minutes.

“Jasper knows.” He whispered.

He didn’t know why he told her, but it just didn’t feel right to keep a secret from her. “He snuck in and heard them talking. Octavia says he won’t say anything.”

She sighed and turned a bit to look at him, then shrugged. “Nothing we can do about it if he does.”

He nodded, knowing she was right. He kissed her goodnight and they both drifted off to another dreamless sleep.

•

For the next few days, they successfully avoided Abby and kept themselves busy around camp with whatever seemed to be helpful at the time. Clarke knew Bellamy wanted to hunt and she tried insisting a couple times that he go, but he wasn’t ready to leave her side yet and she was needed here to split the Med Bay hours. She’d have more freedom soon as they were training Harper and a few others as well.

It was getting cold and several people had come up sick. He helped her with what he could, but his medical knowledge left him more often than not, useless. So he strayed a bit, finding work near the Med Bay. Still close enough that if she needed him, she could find him quickly.

She seemed to be doing well. She smiled a little more, she was sleeping better. Hell, they both were. He hadn’t woken up from any nightmares and if what he could feel from her was accurate, it didn’t seem like she had either.

It wasn’t until 11 days later that the first struggle arose.

She’d had a rough day. Abby was gone on some medical supplies scouting trip, Lincoln was needed elsewhere for most of the day and Jackson had fallen sick like many others.

One of the women from the Ark was pregnant. Not far enough along to give birth, but here she was, going into labor.

Clarke couldn’t do much, they had no medicine, no way to stop the contractions. Lincoln had come by when he was free, to see if there was anything he could do, and help with the other patients.

She stayed with her the whole day, doing what she could, but just as the sunset, a too small, too undeveloped baby was born into her arms.

She watched as the mother clutched her stillborn baby and cried. She felt the anxiety build back into her chest.

_More death_ _._ She thought.

Abby finally got back, walking into the Med Bay.

Clarke stood and walked to her. “She went into early labor. I did what I could but...” she trailed off, seeing no need to finish the sentence.

“Oh, sweetie.” Abby started to reach for Clarke but she pulled away.

“I’m not the one that needs you right now... just be a doctor.”

And with that Clarke was off.

Bellamy had been in and out of the Med Bay all day, bringing her food, water, making sure she was okay. He was walking towards her already when she left the Bay. He already knew something was wrong. Of course he had, he could feel changes in her now, and she with him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked.

She shook her head and held back tears. “I couldn’t help her. The baby didn’t make it.”

He wordlessly brought her into his chest, holding her and she wrapped her arms around his middle.

“Come on, maybe we should get to bed.” He suggested.

She shook her head, wiping away her tears. “No. I’ll just think about it all night. Let’s go get dinner.”

“You sure, princess?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

She straightened herself out and made herself stand tall. He knew she wasn’t okay, but now wasn’t the time to fight her on it, so he followed.

They grabbed their rations and found a group around the fire that consisted of Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, Miller and Jasper by the fire. Jasper didn’t seem to be engaged at all, staring straight into the fire, seemingly oblivious to the world around him.

Clarke hadn’t talked to Jasper since she got back from the cave. Well, since Mount Weather, really. She sat on an empty log with Bellamy and they all ate their rations in silence.

They all knew what had happened today. Lincoln had been there, which meant Octavia knew. Raven has been by to check on her during the day, so she of course knew too.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Raven said. “You did everything you could.”

Jaspers gaze lifted from the fire.

“But it wasn’t good enough, huh? Just like always.” There was malice in his voice and they could tell he was drunk... like he had been since the Mountain.

“Hey,” Bellamy’s voice was already rising. “Why don’t you watch yourself.”

Everyone was quiet around them.

Clarke’s focus was on the ground and he scooted closer to her. He felt her lean against him for just a few seconds and then she stood.

“You know what, I’m gonna go wash up, and head to bed.” She turned to Bellamy. “I’ll meet you there, okay?”

Bellamy wanted to follow her, but nodded instead. He’d give her a bit of time first.

“She’ll be okay, Bell. It’s just been a hard day for her. She’s not going to do anything.” Octavia tried to reassure him after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Jasper started carelessly. “Maybe she should’ve killed herself when she had the chance.”

Before anyone else had a chance to react, Bellamy had Jasper dragged up by the collar of his shirt.

“What the fuck did you just say?” He growled.

“You heard me.” Jasper managed.

“Here we go.” Octavia winced.

“Jasper!” Raven yelled. She knew she wouldn’t be able to talk Bellamy into letting him go, not when he had said that.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Bellamy asked. “She saved you, all of you.”

“Not all of us.” Jaspers voice quieted.

“You don’t know what that decision was like, Jasper. We made a choice. A choice to keep our people alive.”

“You don’t decide who lives and who dies! Neither does she. But she did... didn’t she? She had Monty activate that lever, she made _you_ help her pull it! She killed Maya. I was going to kill Cage. It would’ve been over!” Jasper was crying now, unable to hold back.

“They never would’ve stopped, Jasper. We all would’ve died in that mountain. You wouldn’t have made it to Cage. And she didn’t make that decision alone whether you want to think so or not.” Bellamy’s voice sounded dangerous as he spoke.

“And you killing Cage, sure sounds to me like you’re deciding who lives and who dies. But you didn’t have a problem with that one. Would you rather have had to watch Monty, Harper, Raven, Octavia, _ALL_ of your friends be drilled into and die for them, Jasper? Is that what you wanted?!”

“Bellamy,” Lincoln warned.

Bellamy ignored him and continued.

“You got the best of it Jasper. You were only in the dorm for a while. You don’t know what it was like. You weren’t bathed in acid and chained, you weren’t assaulted, you weren’t hung up and drained for your blood, you weren’t kept in a cage and you weren’t  _drilled into_ _!_ You didn’t have to make the decision to save us or them. WE did! Clarke saved all of your friends, Jasper. You would’ve died just like Fox. Monty, me, Raven, Harper, everyone would have died!”

Bellamy let it sink in for a moment and then brought his voice even lower and gripping Jaspers collar even tighter. “So tell me again that she should’ve killed herself... tell me she deserves to die for saving all of you, I dare you.”

He felt the fight leave Jasper and let him sink to the ground, crying. 

He turned to see everyone on their feet, watching wearily. Lincoln and Miller were standing closest, probably ready to stop him from killing Jasper.

Bellamy raised his hands in defeat and backed away, breathing hard.

They knew everything he said was true. Hearing it all out loud though... it wasn’t easy for any of them to hear.

“Someone get him sobered up.” Bellamy said angrily. “I’m not gonna listen to that shit from him again.”

They all kept their expressions carefully blank, and he heard Jasper still crying on the ground.

He turned to leave. He had to find Clarke.

She was in the tent, putting her clothes back on, probably sensing his anger and going to find him.

“Bell, what’s-“

She was cut off as he kissed her hard. It only took a second before she was kissing him back, reaching her hands up to his hair. 

He pushed her back against the table in their tent and couldn’t find it in himself to care as he heard the contents crashing to the ground.

She moaned into his mouth and reached her hands under his shirt. He ripped it off and made sure hers followed his to the ground.

He was eager, the conversation with Jasper brought back so much that he didn’t want to deal with. It pissed him off and it scared him at the same time. Thoughts of being back in the cage, thoughts of Clarke being left at Mount Weather alone, thoughts of her in that cave with blood pouring down her wrists. He wanted it all to go away and she could tell he needed it. 

Honestly, so did she.

The rest of their clothes were off fast and he didn’t waste anytime burying himself in her. They hadn’t been like this before. So rough, and aggressive. They hadn’t had the appropriate time for it, really.

She let out a gasp as he filled her and he began moving fast and hard. She wasn’t going to last long like this.

He turned her around, bent her over the table and slammed back into her, making her scream with pleasure. He gripped a handful of her hair and pulled back.

“You like that, don’t you?” His voice was husky with need, right next to her ear, and she thought she was going to come right then. “You like it when I fuck you hard.”

“Fuck, yes, Bellamy.”

“God you’re so wet, Clarke.”

She was so close, she couldn’t take it. “Please... Bell.”

“What is it, princess? Tell me what you want.” His voice was filled with dominance and she was right there. “You want me to fuck you harder? Tell me, princess. I wanna hear it.”

“Yes...” she managed to get out. “Fuck, please... please, Bellamy.”

He slammed into her harder and reached around to rub her clit and she finally fell over the edge, covering her mouth to muffle her scream and he was right behind her. Two more thrusts and he came with a low groan. He leaned forward onto her back trying to catch his breath and ride out the high. 

“Fuck.” He muttered.

She felt him shaking and turned around to take his face in her hands. They just looked at each other for a moment.

She could feel all the emotions swimming in his head and he could feel her confusion.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers, not sure how to tell her what happened out there.

“Jasper,” he started, eyes still closed. “He just said some shit that got to me. About the mountain, about you. And I... I don’t know. I let him get to me.”

“We’ve all had a rough day.” She said. “And he has a right to hate me.”

Bellamy pulled back and looked at her, eyes serious. 

“That’s just it Clarke, he  doesn’t . You saved him, and without you, we’d all be dead. We made a hard decision, but we made the right one. He can’t hate you for choosing to let our people live, people we love. The Mountain Men would’ve died without us. They let the Grounders go. We were the only chance they had. Even if there was another way for us to get out, they would’ve just died a slower death than what we gave them. Without us or the Grounders, they had nothing.”

“He didn’t see what it was really like, Clarke. He wasn’t caged, or drained, or drilled into. The people in that mountain didn’t do to him, what they did to me or the others.” His voice was shaking. “He doesn’t get it.”

Clarke nodded. She knew he was right. She pulled him into bed and wrapped her arms around him, letting him bury his face in her chest. She felt his tears and felt her heart break a little.

“I’m so sorry, princess. For everything that’s happened to you, for everything you’ve had to do.” His voice was steadier than she expected, but she still held him tighter.

“None of this is your fault, Bell. I’m okay, I’m right here. We’re all okay.” She said, softly.

“I went into that mountain. _I_ made that choice, Clarke. The plan got fucked and I got tortured because I didn’t listen to you when you told me it was too dangerous. We trusted Lexa and you had to get yourself in to save me and because of that you...” he stopped and shook his head but then looked right at her. “Tell me you still would’ve gone in alone if I wasn’t in there... tell me that it wasn’t for me, Clarke.”

She couldn’t tell him that. She didn’t know the answer herself. Would she have thought of a different way?

“I don’t know.” She said, quietly. “But it’s not your fault Bellamy. We saved them, just like you said. And I don’t regret going into that mountain, not for a second. Without you going in there, they all would’ve died. I don’t know what else we could’ve done. You saved them. And you risked so much of yourself for them. You’re so strong, Bell, and brave and selfless. And as mad as I am when I think of you going into that mountain alone and as much as I hate what they did to you, I know you made the choice that you could live with because you’re an amazing man.”

He pulled himself up closer to her face and kissed her again. “How are you so perfect?” He asked quietly.

She smiled at him. He was okay. She felt his mood lighten a bit.

“Look, you’ve had a shit day and I’m making it all about me.” He joked.

“Well,” She started. “You’ve brought out my nurturing side. So you’ve accomplished something, at least.” She teased him.

He kissed her once more and nestled back into her chest.

Sleep didn’t come quite as easy that night, but finally both of their minds quieted as they listened to the fire crackle outside the tent and the sounds of each other’s breathing. She had him and he had her. They’d be okay. Together.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in my story, Clarke is of course Wanheda, but Bellamy is who they call the Mountain Slayer. Bc lets be real, he was a full participant and bringing down the mountain would not have happened if it weren’t for him.

They finally separated from the Ark, some extras other than 100 opting to follow, Jasper opting to not.

Winter was proving hard, but they had their cabins and they had each other. As time went on Clarke and Bellamy heard whispers about the Ark and the City of Light. Octavia and Lincoln had heard Azgeda had plans to uprise against the clans.

Murphy came back with a grounder named Emori. They weren’t sure about her at first but she’d made herself useful and they’d had no reason not to trust her yet. They both warned the others about the City of Light. Murphy talking about bombs and none of it really making sense.

When the first snow came they were mesmerized- everyone laughing and giddy, just enjoying the moment... until the cold really set in. They hadn’t heard from the Ark in a month and they were supposed to set out in a week to meet.

Bellamy was out with a hunting party when a group of Grounders showed up at their gates.

Lincoln had taught Clarke and Bellamy Trig completely now. It didn’t take either long since they’d spent so long planning in Polis.

Clarke walked towards the gates, Raven and Octavia flanked on either side of her, weapons in hand.

“Emo ste lufa au yu, Wanheda!”

_They are looking for you, commander of death!_

A grounder shouted. 

“Weron ste wamplei de Mountain Slayer?”

_Where is the Mountain Slayer?_

Clarke glanced at Octavia with a worried look.

“Chit dula op yu gaf in?” Clarke asked

_What do you want?_

“De Heda requests yu en de Mountain Slayer in Polis, taim yu wish gon ste klir.”

_The commander requests you and The Mountain Slayer in Polis, if you wish to live_.

“And why should I trust her?” Clarke switched to English. “She left us to die anyway. She doesn’t care.”

“Azgeda is uprising.” The guard said. “They want Wanheda and The Mountain Slayer. Heda wishes you to join the 12 clans, keeping you safe.”

Clarke’s heart skipped a beat. Azgeda was ruthless. She’d heard all their stories. Heard whisperings of the horrid death that was brought upon Lexa’s lover and the banishment of their own prince. 

“So she can betray us again?”

“If you do not join, Azgeda will kill you all.” He said with certainty. “Their attack is near.”

She kept his gaze, debating whether or not she should believe him. Lincoln walked up next to her.

“The commander can not betray you once you are part of the clans.” He said so only her, Raven and Octavia could hear. “If they have named you Wanheda, they will be after your head. They will not rest until you and Bellamy are dead by the hand of their queen.”

Their heads all shot to the tree line at the sound of weapons cocking. Bellamy’s group was back, ready and armed with their sights on the Grounders.

“Bell, wait!” Clarke yelled, then turned her attention to the Grounder. “Why isn’t she here to tell us this herself?”

“The commander has more important matters to tend to. You have until sundown to accept our offer or face death itself, Wanheda.”

And with that, they all turned their horses and headed the opposite direction.

Bellamy ran up to the gate. “What the hell was that about.”

“Lexa. She wants us to join the clans.”

“What? No! No fucking way.”

“Bellamy, Azgeda... Ice Nation, wants us dead. You and I, they think we’re some kind of death god’s or something and if we join the clans they can’t hurt us and Lexa can’t betray us again.”

He looked at her eyes wide. “You’re serious?” And man, was he angry. “You want to go back and join the clans of the monster who left us to die at mount weather. Left you standing at the doors alone.”

“Bellamy,” Lincoln started. “We will not be able to defeat Ice Nation. They are ruthless. The Queen will want to kill you herself. They believe you both command death and execute it and she wants that power. Lexa will keep you safe.”

“How can you believe that?” Bellamy asked incredulously. “Have you all forgotten what she did?”

Octavia wouldn’t look him in the eyes and Raven just gave him a sad look. “Bellamy, I want you and Clarke safe. You guys are our leaders and my family. If this Ice Nation wants you dead and the only way to stop it is to become a clan... how bad can having allies hurt?” Raven said.

“Bellamy I know you think with your heart but right now I’m thinking with my head.” Clarke grabbed his arms, getting him to look back at her. “This is our only choice Bellamy. You’ve heard what Azgeda does. I don’t want to lose you. And we can’t put our people in danger.”

“What if we do anyway?” He asked frustrated.

“Bell, maybe we should at least go talk to her.” Octavia suggested.

He sighed and shook his head, angry. “You all really think that we should do this?

None of them answered, but that was answer enough.

He sighed again and titled his head up to the sky witch his eyes closed.

_This was not going to be fun,_ he thought.

•

They loaded up their things and gathered people they thought could be helpful if things went south. They’d take Octavia, Lincoln, Murphy, Emori, and Miller, leaving Raven and Monty in charge of camp.

“We’ll be okay.” Clarke said, hugging Raven goodbye. “We’ll join the clans, get her protection.”

“But why does she _want_ to give us her protection?”

Clarke thought back to her time with Lexa... back to the kiss. “... I have an idea why. What matters is that we’ll be her people. No betrayal.”

Raven nodded and gave her a smile. “I’ll take care of everyone. Radio when you guys stop for the night.”

They rode to TonDC before heading to Polis. Clarke stopped her horse short, seeing Lexa ahead. Bellamy stopped beside her.

Clarke kept her eyes forward, watching her, but spoke to Bellamy. “If she makes a wrong move, I’ll kill her... until we’re a solidified clan, her word means nothing.”

“We should kill her anyway.” Bellamy was still sour. He had a right to be.

“We need her army.” She said sadly. “Again... and this time, we make sure we get it.”

He looked at her carefully. He saw the blood in her eyes. She was holding herself and the rage she felt, inside. He felt her anger and between the two of them, it really felt like Wanheda and the Mountain Slayer. 

Lexa approached them with her head raised. “The other group of your people-“

“They’re not our people anymore.” Bellamy cut her off. “We’re not a part of the Ark.”

Lexa nodded. “Good. Because they have started to rebel.”

Clarke’s brows furrowed.

“But that’s not why we are here.” Lexa continued. “We are here, because you are in danger. The Azgeda Queen has rebelled. She wishes you both dead, I’d like to stop that from happening.”

“Why?” Clarke’s voice was full of venom.

Lexa’s face turned somber. “I owe that to your people... and to you both. Once we go to Polis, we will make you a clan. Our people will be one. This does not include the people from your so called Ark. Just your people. The Ark has threatened us. Their leader Pike-”

“Pike?” Bellamy question. “He’s not their leader.”

“He is now. He killed a group of my people. 200 of them, slaughtered in their sleep.”

“Kane-“

“Has been overpowered. He is not their leader.”

Bellamy shook his head. There would be time to talk about this later. “What happens when we become a clan? We have your protection, a right to more land? To roam without being worried about being killed?”

“Yes to all. You will be my people, as mine will be yours. If there is a threat against you, you will be protected, if there is a threat against another clan, you would fight for them as they will for you.”

“Why should we trust you?” Murphy asked. “You left Clarke and Bellamy to die at Mount Weather. How do we know you won’t just hand them over to Azgeda?”

Lexa’s eyes snapped to him. “You are angry.” She said. “But I assure you, I will be handing no one over to Azgeda. Our people look to your leaders. They did what no one has ever been able to do. They are heroes.”

“Excuse me if I have a hard time believing you.” His voice laced with sarcasm. “You know, seeing as we all could’ve died.”

“I wish no harm to any of you.” She looked to Clarke, who had murder in her eyes. “I made a hard choice in the midst of a war. What I did, cannot be changed...” changing her gaze to Bellamy. “But maybe I can make up for it now.”

Bellamy kept her stare. She seemed genuine, oddly enough. He found himself believing her. He took a deep breath after a moment and nodded at her. “Okay.”

He was surprised when she gave him a small smile. “We’ll ride out in the morning. The ride to Polis will take all day. Rest now.” She said turning away. 

•

They set their tents up and built a fire, all eating their rations in silence. 

“I think...” Bellamy started. “I think we can trust her.”

“I don’t think we have much of a choice at this point.” Murphy quipped.

Clarke shot him a look and he quickly shut his mouth, putting his hands up in feign surrender. 

“We’ll join the clans as planned and she should send protection back with us.” She said. “We still need to meet with the Ark like scheduled, see what the hell is going on there.”

“You and Bellamy shouldn’t travel more than necessary.” Emori suggested. “Even with protection, they’re out for you.”

Clarke smiled at her. She hadn’t known Emori for very long, but she’d become part of the group quickly. “We’ll be okay. It’s something we have to do. We can’t send anyone else in their alone without knowing what’s going on.”

“We’ll stick together.” Miller said. “We can protect each other. And with Grounders at our back, we should be okay.”

“He’s right.” Bellamy said. “If Lexa is right, these people think we’re essentially gods. They’ll protect us like they do her.”

“They will.” Lincoln interjected. “But Azgeda is ruthless and stealthy. We must always be looking out for them. Regardless of the commanders protection. One of us should always be with you.” He said to Clarke and Bellamy.

“We’re like prisoners.” Clarke quipped.

“They’re just trying to keep us safe.” Bellamy said, nudging her shoulder with his.

“I know.” She looked to them all. “Thank you. All of you.”

She received nods and smiles in acknowledgment. “We should all sleep. Bellamy and I will take first watch. We’ll wake you guys next.” She told Octavia and Lincoln.

They both sat by the fire. He reached over and grabbed her hand. She squeezed it in response, grateful for his presence. 

“Thank you.” She whispered. He’d done most of the talking with Lexa. He usually let her do the talking, content to back her and jump in when he felt necessary, but he’d known Clarke was not in the right headspace to speak calmly, like needed. He felt the rage from Clarke when she saw Lexa, so he stepped in. 

He put a hand on the back of her head and kissed the top of it. 

“Is this the right choice?” She was unsure, he could tell.

“I don’t know.” He answered. “But it seems like the only one.”

She let out a sour laugh. “It always is.”

He knew what she meant. They were always making impossible choices. 

“It’s gonna be okay. We’ll join the clans, then we’ll go to the Ark and see what all the fuss is about.”

She nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder. They were on the verge of exhaustion by the time it was Octavia and Lincoln’s shift.

They crawled into their tent under the furs and were out in minutes.

•

They rode out at first light, ready for the long ride to Polis. 

Lexa rode next to Clarke and Bellamy. “The horses you are all on...” Lexa started. “They are yours now. As well as 5 others you will be granted when you return to your camp.

Clarke kept her gaze forward, silent, but Bellamy looked at her. “Thank you.”

She nodded gracefully and set her gaze back in front of her.

“You two surprised us all... taking down the mountain. You are respected by all.”

“Except Azgeda.” Bellamy quipped.

“Azgeda has respect for no one. They fear you. They want your power. That is why they are after you.”

“There’s no magic power, you know.” Clarke said, still not looking to her.

“Try telling them that.” Lexa answered.

Bellamy stopped his horse, eyes flitting across the woods in front of them.

Clarke and Lexa both stopped, looking to him. 

“What is it?” Clarke asked.

Just as she spoke, a spear shot straight past them. Everything was chaos then. Shouting in Trig, Grounders moving to shield them.

Clarke heard Murphy and Miller yelling for them in the distance and heard Octavia let out a battle cry.

Arrows were flying everywhere. Clarke and Bellamy both got off the horses and pulled their guns, taking down the attackers.

“Azgeda!” Lexa yelled.

They were closer now, hand to hand combat, it was. They were out of bullets.

Azgeda warriors were aggressive, but outnumbered and with the bullets from Skaikru, they stood no chance in winning the attack. 

Finally Clarke watched as Lincoln killed what seemed to be the last warrior.

She felt her heart sink before looking around. Something was wrong. “Bellamy.”

“Bellamy!” She yelled this time.

“Clarke!” She heard Miller yell.

She ran towards him, Lexa following.

Clarke stopped breathing when she saw him. He was lying against a tree, dagger in the right side of his chest, Miller beside him. 

Lexa stood stoically behind her.

Her feet finally moved her body to him and she dropped next to him. “Bellamy, look at me.”

His eyes weren’t focused, but his head turned towards her.

She grabbed his face. “Hey, you’re gonna be fine, do you hear me?” Her voice was shaking but her tone was firm. “Stay awake, Bellamy.”

She assessed the entrance wound. The dagger had been a more narrow one, and on the wrong side to have hit his heart.

_I can fix this_ , she thought.

Lincoln ran up next to her.

Clarke immediately looked to him. “We have to get this dagger out and stop the bleeding.”

Lincoln nodded at her.

“We must move.” Lexa said urgently. “We do not have time to perform a healing.”

“You better make time, because I’m not moving without him.” Clarke said not looking up.

“Clarke... I-” Bellamy mumbled and his hand reached out for hers.

“I’m here, Bell. You’re gonna be okay.”

Murphy and Octavia ran up.

Octavia started to run to him, but Lincoln stopped her. “Stay there, Octavia. We need space.”

She wanted to argue, but stood still, a petrified look on her face.

“More Azgeda!” Someone yelled.

Clarke looked at Lexa, who shook her head. “His fight is over.” She said, sadly.

“It’s _not over_!” Clarke yelled, turning her attention back to Bellamy. “You said you would protect us, and right now we need protection. You have to let me fix him!” She looked to Lexa once more. “Please,” she cried. “If he dies then all of this was for nothing, because I’ll turn my around and hand myself to ice nation.”

“Clarke-“ Miller tried, but she cut him off.

“No!” She yelled. “If he dies, Lexa, this is all off. I’ll hand myself over, or you’ll have to kill me yourself... I can fix him.” She ended pleading.

Thunder rolled overhead and her heart felt like it would explode. Panic was creeping up on her, but she had to keep it together. Lincoln looked to the commander, his hands around the dagger, trying to slow the bleeding.

Finally, Lexa looked to her people.

“Fightera! Oso na gonplei gon shil op skaikru! Frag op ani azgeda warriors in oso edei!”

_Fighters! We will protect Skaikru! Kill any Azgeda warriors in our way!_

“Death will not come for the Sky King!” She continued. She looked to Clarke and lowered her voice. “Not today...”

Clarke let out a sigh of relief. “Murphy, I need you to get a knife and heat it up, we need it to be sterile, it’s the only way to stop the bleeding quick enough.”

He nodded and Octavia shoved him her knife. “Let’s get a fire, quick.” She said.

Clarke looked to Lincoln with tears in her eyes.

He nodded his encouragement. “We have to pull it.”

She closed her eyes. “I know.”

“Clarke,” He said. “Look at me. He is strong enough to survive this. You can fix him and he can fight. It is not his time.”

He was drifting in and out of consciousness. It terrified her, but she nodded.

“Get ready.” Lincoln told her. “You know what to do. When I pull it, apply pressure. Are you ready?”

She nodded, readying herself. “I’m ready.”

Lincoln pulled the dagger and Bellamy groaned in pain. Clarke held back a sob, and applied pressure.

Octavia and Murphy appeared with a blazing red hot knife. She saw chaos and war behind them, trying to ignore it.

“Okay,” Clarke started. “Lincoln, you’re gonna have to hold him. Tight.” She didn’t even realize she was crying until a tear dropped onto her hand.

Dread filled her. She was going to have to hurt him. She grabbed the knife and looked up as a hand covered hers.

She looked up to see Lexa. “Let me.” She said simply.

Clarke closed her eyes and nodded, thankful. 

It had started to rain and the wind picked up. Lexa dropped beside Bellamy, looking at Clarke once more before focusing back on him.

Clarke grabbed a hold of Miller, who wrapped his arm around her, helping support her shaky legs. Octavia had surprisingly enough, took hold of Murphy’s arm, while Emori was attached to the other. 

Bellamy arched off the ground with a yell as the blade hissed against his skin. Clarke buried her head in Miller’s chest, holding his jacket tight.

She felt like her heart was breaking, she felt like she could feel the burn of the blade against her own chest.

Miller pulled her up, her knees trying to give out. “Hey, hey. He’s gonna be okay. Stay with us, Clarke.” He whispered to her.

“It hurts.” She mumbled, still crying against him. “Miller, I feel it. Please, I can’t-” she let out a sob and her legs gave all the way out.

“I know, it’s okay.” He kneeled down, taking her with him. “I know.” He met Murphy’s eyes, both confused, but he continued to hold her. “You’re okay.”

Once done, Lexa turned. “We must get him on a horse. We’ll ride fast. We need to get to Polis before sundown!”

Thunder rolled and lightening struck right over head. 

Lincoln placed Bellamy on his own horse and Miller managed to get Clarke back on hers. He rode next to her on one side and Murphy rode on the other.

Bellamy was still unconscious when they made it to Polis.

“Get him to a room.” Lexa told Lincoln, then turned to one the guards. “Stay with them and help. Get Clarke whatever she needs.”

Miller helped Clarke off her horse, staying near her side as they all followed Lincoln to the elevator.

“You okay?” He asked her quietly.

She gave him a small nod, but he saw the tiredness and fear in her eyes.

“Hey, you saved him. He’s gonna be okay.”

“Thank you, Miller.” She gave him a small smile.

They got him to a room and Octavia took a place by Bellamy’s left side, letting Clarke and Lincoln work on his right. They cleaned it and put some sort of cream on it, then wrapped his chest so it stayed clean. They managed to force some water down his throat, now all they could do was wait for him to wake up.

Clarke let out a shaky breath and sat in the chair Murphy had pulled up for her. Him and Emori had their furs against the wall and had both lied down, Lincoln and Miller sat against the wall and Octavia had stayed on Bellamy’s other side.

Clarke’s eyes looked glazed over, like she was somewhere else. She was exhausted and she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.

Octavia’s voice snapped her back to reality. “Can you... could you really feel it?” She asked.

Clarke just looked at her.

“You told Miller that it hurt, that you could feel it.” Octavia clarified. 

Clarke’s face stayed unreadable and she took a deep breath. “It, um... it’s never happened before... I normally only feel his emotions, but yes. I felt it.”

They all stayed quiet, listening.

“You feel his emotions?” Octavia asked slowly, like she didn’t believe it.

Clarke nodded. “And he feels mine. I don’t... I don’t understand it, or know what it is, but we do.”

Octavia slowly nodded. “Okay.” Was all she had in answer to that.

“We should all sleep. It’s been a long day.” Emori said.

She was right. The rest of them laid out their furs, none of them willing to separate. Clarke waited till everyone was settled to slide on the bed next to Bellamy. He was on his back and she laid on her side, wrapping her hands around his bicep and scooting close. 

She didn’t want to fall asleep- just wanted to lie there and watch him, but she found her eyes closing without her control, drifting off next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter. Hopefully you guys are still enjoying. There’s some moments in some future chapters I can’t wait for you guys to see! They’re actually what inspired me to write the story in the first place!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter. Should be able to update again later today!

She woke at some point during the night, feeling shuffling beside her. “Bell?”

It was mostly dark. Only a few candles lit throughout the room.

His hand found hers and he groaned as he tried to turn towards her.

“Stay still, Bell. You’re gonna be sore.” She whispered.

“What happened? Where are we?”

“We’re in Polis. Do you remember what happened?” She asked.

He was quiet for a second and then nodded. “Azgeda. They attacked.”

Tears sprung to her eyes. “You got stabbed. You lost a lot of blood.”

He nodded slowly. “I remember... I remember Miller and you yelling. Then Lexa was there and my chest burned.”

“We had to cauterize the wound. There were more Azgeda coming and you were bleeding too badly.” She told him, letting her tears fall.

“Hey,” he said, turning slowly to face her. He moved ear hair behind her ear and kissed her head. “I’m okay. I’m right here.”

She let out a soft sob. “I was so scared, Bell. And I couldn’t- I didn’t want to hurt you, so Lexa had to and I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, princess. I’m right here.” He said softly against her hair.

He pulled back to look at her. 

She put her hand on his face. “Does it hurt?”

He shook his head. “It’s not bad. Just stings a bit.”

She closed her eyes and rested her head against his. She moved back after a couple of minutes, getting out of the bed. “I need to get you some more water and when I get back, you need to eat something.”

“You’re going alone?” He asked.

“We have protection here, Bellamy.”

“We had it out in the woods too, and I still got stabbed.” He deadpanned.

She sighed but he had a point. She leaned down and shook Lincoln. He jumped awake, startled.

“It’s okay. Everything’s fine.” Clarke said. “He’s awake. Can you come with me to get him water?”

Lincoln quickly nodded and led her out of the room.

Bellamy blinked as Miller stood up, walking to his side. “You okay?”

“It hurts some. Nothing I can’t handle.” Bellamy responded.

Miller nodded, sitting in the chair and looking to his hands.

“What’s wrong?” Bellamy asked him.

Miller looked up, meeting his eyes. “She told Lexa she’d give herself up.”

“What?” He tried to sit up, suddenly feeling anxious.

“Don’t freak out, man.” Miller said, knowing Clarke would feel it. “She told Lexa that if we left you there, she would hand herself over to Azgeda... she wouldn’t leave you and she- she was scared Bellamy. She was crying and she said she could feel it. She could  feel what was happening to you.”

His heart clenched. He didn’t want her to have to feel his pain.

“Luckily she didn’t have to cauterize it, because her legs gave out from underneath her. I had to hold her up... she was a mess.” 

Bellamy clenched his jaw hard and made a fist, trying not to get upset.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” He asked.

“Probably because you just woke up from being stabbed.” Miller suggested.

Bellamy sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Don’t get upset with her. I just thought you should know. I would’ve done anything I could’ve to stop her, but Bellamy if you had died, she was ready to die too.”

“Thank you,” Bellamy said. “For being there for her.”

“I care about you guys.” Miller gave him a small smile. “So you guys really feel each other? You know what the other is feeling?”

He nodded. “Yeah. It started after she tried to kill herself in Lincoln’s cave.” He admitted. “It’s never been physical before though... Miller-“ he cut off, trying to find words. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

“I know. Not much you can do though, except try not to get stabbed.” He tried to joke.

That got a small laugh out of him.

Clarke and Lincoln came back in.

“Are you okay?” She asked immediately.

“I’m okay. Come sit down.” He patted the mattress.

She handed him the cup and he eagerly drank.

“You feel okay?” Lincoln asked.

“I’m alright. Just aches some.” Bellamy answered. “You guys go back to sleep. Really, I’m okay.”

Miller squeezed his arm and moved to lie back down and Lincoln did the same.

He pulled Clarke into his good side and waited until he thought Miller and Lincoln had fallen back to sleep.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke finally asked him.

He sighed before answering her. “You felt it.” His voice was low and careful. “You should’ve told me.”

She tensed and sat up. “Miller told you.”

“And I’m glad he did. Were you gonna tell me?” He asked, pulling himself up so he could see her better.

She wouldn’t look him in the eye now.

“Clarke.” He kept his voice quiet to not wake anyone, but firm enough for her to look at him.

He felt her guilt and she finally looked at him. “I didn’t want you to get upset. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is though. Clarke, I don’t... I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t, Bell. It wasn’t your fault. It’s Azgeda’s fault.” She clarified.

He pondered for a moment. “Does it... do you still feel it?” He asked tightly.

She shook her head. “No, I’m okay.”

He nodded tensely, accepting her answer.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you.” She said. “I just can’t lose you, Bell. If you had died out there... I wouldn’t have kept going.”

He pushed her hair back softly and rested his hand on her neck. He knew it was true and Miller had said as much. It broke his heart, but he knew. And there was nothing he could do about it, so he just swallowed hard and nodded. 

“I know.” He said. “But I’m here.”

She leaned to kiss him and he pulled her close against him, ignoring the pain in his chest.

When he pulled back, he scooted to lie down again, bringing Clarke down with him against his good side.

“Go back to sleep, princess. We’ll worry about everything in the morning.” He whispered.

She snuggled down, getting comfortable. “I love you.” She whispered back.

“Same here, babe.” He kissed her head one last time and he felt her laugh a little at the nickname, making him smile in response.

Tomorrow they’d have to worry about becoming a clan, and figuring out how to get to the Ark to find out what was going on. But for now, all they wanted to do was relax, surrounded by people they now considered family.

•

The next morning, they all went to the top level to meet with the commander, Bellamy included.

Lexa looked him up and down. He had gained back most of the color he had lost from blood loss and wore a loose button up shirt, so he didn’t bother the wound.

“I am glad you’ve recovered.” She spoke to him.

“Yeah,” he started. “Thanks for not leaving me to die.”

She eyed him, deciding if he was being genuine or sarcastic, but must have decided on genuine, because she simply nodded at him.

“The clans will all be here this evening. You will officially become one of us.” She said looking to them.

“And by all, you mean _including_ the sociopaths that tried to murder us yesterday?” Murphy asked.

“Yes.” Lexa answered. “They will answer for their actions and stand down or I will be forced to outcast them... you’ll all be safe.”

“That’s what you said yesterday before Bellamy got stabbed in the chest with a dagger.” Clarke took an angry step forward and Bellamy grabbed her elbow.

“They will not catch us off guard here. You’ll have multiple guards stationed around you and even more surrounding the city.”

Bellamy changed the discussion point. “We need to get to the Ark after. We had a meet scheduled with them and we need to see what’s going on there.”

“We will send a team with whoever you decide needs to attend that meet, but we will grant them nothing.” She responded.

“We don’t expect you to. We just need to see what’s happened.” He answered.

“We will see you tonight then. Until then, enjoy the city. The guards will see to it that you have anything you need.” She dismissed them.

•

They became a clan, Bellamy now baring a brand that banded them all together. 

Lexa was challenged by the Ice Queen. Nia. But she wouldn’t fight for herself, she’d have her son, Roan, fight for her and in so, offered to lift his band from their clan.

_Some mother,_ Bellamy thought.

Lexa had fought the next day, winning, but instead of killing Roan, she threw her spear through the Ice Queens heart.

They had gotten insight on how the commanders, how the Grounders worked from Lincoln. They knew those who had it were treasured, seen as gods, but fought each other to the death to ascend.

Lexa swore each of the nightbloods to keep Skaikru in the clans.

•

Kane had radioed back at their camp. Raven radioed in and let them know. Pike had captured Grounders, taken over the Ark. Jaha was pushing some chip and corrupting people’s minds. They needed to get the Grounders out and get in to see what exactly was happening, but if they tried to come in the gates with a bunch of Grounders, they’d be shot down. Kane had told Raven that Pike didn’t agree with Skaikru separating and planned to ‘solve the problem’. They weren’t sure what that meant, but didn’t want to find out.

“We need to get to Arkadia, and soon.” Bellamy said.

“You can’t go, Bellamy.” Clarke said. “You need to get back to camp. If they’re a threat to our people, we need someone there. You, Emori, and Murphy should head there. Plus you’re still healing.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“I won’t be alone. I’ll have Miller, Lincoln and Octavia.” She argued.

“Plus we’ll take the radio. Have you guys available for back up if we need it. We can’t take all of our best fighters in there at once.” Octavia offered.

Bellamy sighed and shook his head.

“That settles it then.” Murphy stated. “We’ll take a big mean group of Grounders back to our camp and hope our former people don’t attack us and that you guys don’t get killed walking through their gates.”

Octavia shot him a look.

“What?” He tried to act innocent. “It’s true.”

“We’ll leave in the morning. Everyone be ready.” Clarke ended.

“I don’t like this, Clarke.” Bellamy said as they walked to their room.

“I know, Bell. But we don’t have many options here. You know it’s not safe for you to go to the Ark hurt like you are.”

“And what makes it safe for you?” He snapped.

“It _doesn’t!”_ She turned to him, snapping back. “But you didn’t listen to me once. You went into mount weather and you almost died and two days ago you almost died again.” Tears started to gather in her eyes. “I can’t handle it anymore. I need you to go to camp.” Her voice was tense and tight.

He blinked at her and felt her fear. He sighed and looked to the wall above her head. 

“Fine.” He mumbled, looking back to her. “But you swear to me, the first sign of trouble, you radio us.” He ended firmly.

“I swear.”

He sighed again. “I don’t like this.”

“Me either. But we’ll be okay. We always are.”

She leaned up to kiss him and grabbed his hand, leading the rest of the way to their room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wanheda.” Pike’s voice sounded throughout the speakers on the Ark and Clarke froze, fear gripping her. “I was wondering when you and your Grounder friend would show up. I’ve heard lots about you.”
> 
> Her eyes snapped to Lincoln’s.
> 
> “I have 15 of your people...” he continued. “If you want them to live, I suggest you and the Grounder give yourselves up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so clearly I like going overboard with characters psychotic-ness (Finn as example) and Pike is no exception. So trigger warning for sure this chapter.

They traveled the next day and a half together, separating the last part of the second day. Clarke, Miller, Octavia and Lincoln heading to the Ark, and Bellamy, Murphy, and Emori headed to camp with the group of Grounders.

Bellamy kissed her like his life depended on it and they headed their separate ways.

“I’ve got a bad feeling.” Bellamy told Murphy about an hour later.

“They’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.” Murphy tried to reassure. “She’s the commander of death. I think if we learned anything from you being stabbed and on the verge of dying, she can command it both ways.”

That got him to smile a little.

“Just relax, man. They’ve got radios. Not to mention Lincoln. That guys like a rock. He won’t let anything happen to either of them.”

Bellamy nodded and they continued walking.

•

They had managed to sneak into the Ark and find Kane, relatively quickly.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Kane stressed. “Especially you two.” He looked to Clarke and Lincoln. “Pike is executing the Grounders tonight. Abby told them about you, Lincoln. And he knows about you joining the clans.”

“How could he know about that?” Octavia asked.

Kane sighed. “This chip is this- City of Light. The people are connected. Anyone who takes it, shares information. Someone in Polis must be chipped.”

“That’s what Murphy said. Take us to the rest of the Grounders. We’re getting them  _and you_ out of here.” Clarke said.

“He’ll be after you. You don’t understand, Clarke. He’ll kill you.” Kane urged. 

“Let him try.” She dared.

“Clarke,” Miller started. “Maybe we should radio Bellamy.”

“No.” She said. “We’re fine. It’ll just put them in danger.”

“Let’s go get our people then.” Octavia said, pulling her sword. “This should be fun.”

•

“Somethings wrong.” Bellamy said, stopping his horse.

“What do you mean?” Emori asked.

“Clarke.” He said simply. “Where’s the radio?”

Murphy handed it to him and he pressed the button.

“Clarke, Octavia. Do you copy?”

He waited a beat then repeated himself. Still no answer. “Shit.” He mumbled. “Raven, do you copy?”

“I copy. What’s up?”

“Have you heard from anyone? Anyone from the Ark or Clarke?”

“Radio silence. Haven’t heard anything since Kane.”

“Fuck.” His heart started to beat hard in his chest. He could feel Clarke’s fear. Something was wrong. He pressed the radio again. “Change of plans, Raven. We’re going to Arkadia.”

He looked to Murphy, who just looked at him, eyebrows raised. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

•

They’d gotten to the Grounders. They’d taken out 8 guards to do it. Alarms sounded off through the Ark.

“Shit.” Clarke cursed.

“Now can we radio Bellamy?” Miller asked.

“Wait.” Kane said. “This isn’t all of them.”

Lincoln looked to one the Grounders and asked where the rest of them were.

“The man took them.” One of the men said.

Clarke pulled them out. “We have to go. Now!”

“What about the rest?” Lincoln asked.

“We’ll worry about them once we get these people to the tunnel.” She said running down the hall.

Once they reached it, they ushered the Grounders all in.

“Wanheda.” Pike’s voice sounded throughout the speakers on the Ark and Clarke froze, fear gripping her. “I was wondering when you and your Grounder friend would show up. I’ve heard lots about you.”

Her eyes snapped to Lincoln’s.

“I have 15 of your people...” he continued. “If you want them to live, I suggest you and the Grounder give yourselves up.”

“Is he insane?” Octavia asked. “We have to get out of here.

“For every 5 minutes I wait, one dies.”

They all jumped at a gunshot, followed by screaming. 

Clarke saw Lincoln’s face. He wasn’t leaving. She tried to slow her breaths and think. 

“Clarke.” Miller warned.

“Lincoln, Clarke, let’s go!” Octavia yelled.

Lincoln walked up to her and kissed her, he raised his hand to her neck and pushed a syringe into it.

“I love you.” He said catching her as she fell.

He saw the hurt in her eyes before she passed outhe handed her over to Kane. “Get her to safety.”

“Maybe I should have mentioned.” Pikes voice sounded again. “I have one of your 100.”

Clarke’s heart dropped. There was only one person it could’ve been. Only one person that didn’t follow when they left.

“Jasper.” She whispered.

“He’s next.” Pike finished.

Lincoln looked at Clarke, an eery calm taking over his features.

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She was breathing hard and she was trying to  _think_.

“If we go to him, we’ll be killing ourselves.” She whispered to him, her voice shaking.

“If we don’t,  we’ll be killing them .” Lincoln answered.

She looked at Kane and Miller. “Get them to safety. We’ll send the others out. Find Bellamy.”

“Clarke, I’m not leaving you here.” Miller said.

“Yes, you are.” She told him firmly. “Find Bellamy. Hurry.”

“Clarke-“

“Go, Miller!” She yelled.

He shook his head and took off in a run.

Clarke closed her eyes for a second, before looking to Lincoln.

“You can still run.” He told her.

“And let you sacrifice yourself for nothing?” She asked, angrily. “If only you show up, he’ll kill you  and them, and it doesn’t seem like I’ll talk you out of this. Will I?”

He just shook his head.

She took a deep breath. “Then let’s go.”

•

Miller was trying the radio with no luck. “Bellamy, come in! Clarke’s in trouble. Do you copy?”

“The storms must be interfering with the signal.” Kane said. 

“Shit!” Miller yelled. “We have to find him.”

They ran up to the horses they’d tied on the outskirts of Arkadia, far enough so they couldn’t be easily seen.

Miller turned to see Lincoln and Clarke being pushed into the yard and chained across from each other.

He watched Pike let the Grounders and Jasper go.

Octavia started to stir, waking up.

“Octavia, listen, just wait.” Kane said grabbing her arm tightly. “We need backup. We can not help them.”

“We have no back up.” She growled.

“We have to find Bellamy.” Miller tried to calm her.

“You two let the woman Bellamy loves, and the man  _I_ love , run to their deaths!” She ended, shouting at them. “We have to get them.”

Miller and Kane just looked at each other.

“We need a plan.” Kane said, looking back to her.

•

“Welcome back.” Pike’s chilling voice filled the air around them as they were chained. 

“What do you want?” Clarke asked roughly.

“You and your people betrayed the Ark. Committed treason.”

“Treason?” She rasped out. “There’s no treason. We haven’t betrayed anyone!”

Pike took out a knife and walked to Clarke. Her hands were tied above her head and feet tied to the post behind her. She held her head high.

“Where is the Mountain Slayer?” Pike asked in a low, threatening voice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She growled.

“Wrong answer.” He sliced through her shirt, cutting deep into her side.

She bit back a scream and her shoulders ached as she pulled against the chains.

“Stop!” Lincoln yelled. “We don’t know where he is. We separated two days ago. Leave her alone.”

“Why did you separate?” Pike turned his attention to Lincoln, but held the knife towards Clarke. Lincoln took a beat too long to answer. He ran the knife across Clarke’s stomach, just a couple inches away from the first cut.

She let out a cry of pain this time.

“We came to get our people!” Lincoln yelled. “We came to get our people.” He repeated slower.

“Your people?” Pike asked, looking back and forth between the two of them. “You associate with Grounders, _Wanheda?_ ”

“They’re just people.” Clarke said, trying to hold herself up to take pressure off her arms.

“People who slaughtered our own!” Pike shouted. “Who here wants to see this man and this woman suffer like  our people suffered!” He yelled to the crowd, who cheered back to him.

He turned and ripped Clarke’s shirt wide open, leaving her top only in a bra.

Clarke looked to Lincoln, terror in her eyes. They weren’t getting out of this alone.

•

Bellamy and the group raced towards the Ark, galloping on the horses. He let out a sigh of relief when other horses came into view, Miller in the front of the group.

“Bellamy!” He yelled.

He pulled his horse to a stop in front of Miller.

“We’ve been trying to radio you. They have Clarke and Lincoln. Pike has them tied in the yard. Octavia and Kane are trying to sneak back in.”

All at once, Bellamy felt fire fill his veins. He clenched his jaw. “Get me to the tunnel.” He said through clenched teeth.

He jumped, feeling pain on his side. He looked down to find nothing...  she had felt his pain . He looked to Murphy, dread overwhelming him. “They’re hurting her. We have to go. Now!”

He grabbed his gun from his horse. “Murphy, take the Grounders, go to the front gates. Once we get in the main yard, they’ll be distracted. I don’t care if you have to ram the fucking gate open, you get through it.” He looked to Miller. “Let’s go.”

He tried to force down the unrelenting trepidation and followed him to the tunnel.

They reached the clearing where they could see the yard and Bellamy had to keep himself from racing to the front gates himself. He felt his anger starting to become alarmingly explosive, but he kept himself moving towards the tunnel.

“Bell!” Octavia yelled as he came into view. “They have them! They have Lincoln and Clarke.”

Bellamy pulled the gun off his back. “And we’re gonna get them back.” His voice was eerily calm. He handed Kane his rifle and pulled his pistol, securing it in his hands, heading into the tunnel.

•

“Pike, listen.” Clarke pleaded, as he cut Lincoln for the 6th time and then delivered a blow to his chest. 

“He hasn’t hurt anyone! He hasn’t done anything but help us.” She said hastily. “Just let him go, okay? I’m the one you want. Not him.”

“Clarke, no!” Lincoln forced out. That earned him a stab through his arm from Pike. He cried out, gritting his teeth. 

“Stop!” Clarke cried, tears running down her face. “Please, just let him go. You’re killing him. He’s lost too much blood!” 

“That’s the point, Ms. Griffin. Or have you not been paying attention.”

She was feeling a little weak from blood loss herself. 

She felt a shiver run down her spine as a guards eyes ran over her chest.

“But maybe I should let some of my guards have a little fun first.” Pike said, noticing.

The guard smiled and moved to press his body against Clarke.

“Leave her alone!” Lincoln said as forcefully as he could, yanking against his chains, hard. 

Clarke’s breath hitched and she closed her eyes in disgust. The guard pushed his hand down her pants and she tried to fight back the bile in her throat. 

Pike looked at Lincoln. “Where is the Mountain Slayer?” He asked lowly. “If you tell me, maybe I’ll kill you first, so you don’t have to watch.”

Lincoln yanked against his chains, trying to lunge at him.

“Where is he?!” Pike yelled.

A gunshot rang through the air and the guard on Clarke fell dead, with a bullet in his brain.

“He’s right here.” Bellamy’s deep voice boomed beside Clarke and she gasped in relief.

He came into view, flanked by Octavia, Kane and Miller. He had a gun to a teen girls head, Octavia and Miller both had a guard at gun and sword point.

Pike froze. Bellamy had his daughter. 

“Kane,” Bellamy started. “Untie them.” His voice was low and dangerous, holding back the rage he felt.

“You’re making a mistake.” Pike threatened.

“Drop your weapon.” Bellamy growled in response.

Pike pulled his gun and aimed it at Kane.

“Hey!” Bellamy yelled and Pikes daughter squealed. “Put it down!”

“You’d really kill an innocent girl?” Pike dared.

“She wouldn’t be the first.” His voice cold. “But if you wanna test it, go ahead.” Bellamy had murder in his eyes, unfazed by the girl crying in his grasp.

Pike kept his gaze for a few beats, finally lowering his gun to the ground. 

Kane wasted no time untying Clarke. She immediately ran to Lincoln. The guards from the Ark still had their guns aimed on them.

“Tell them to drop their weapons.” Bellamy told him.

Pike shook his head, but jumped as the front gate busted open, Murphy in the lead with an army of Grounders behind him. They wasted no time aiming their swords, spears and daggers.

“Someone called for backup?” Murphy asked.

The Arkers dropped their weapons.

“Now, here’s how this is gonna work.” Bellamy started. “We’re gonna walk out of here and you’re not going to follow. We’ll take your daughter and if you’re lucky, we’ll let her go a couple miles out and you won’t have to spend all night trying to find her. Then you’re going to stay the hell away from my people. Skaikru and Grounders alike. Because next time, I’ll kill all of you... got it?”

Pike nodded, hands up in surrender.

“Clarke, are you okay?” Bellamy called to her.

She looked up from Lincoln. “We need to get him out of here.” She answered anxiously, her voice shaking.

Kane wrapped Lincoln’s arm around his shoulders, and Octavia released the guard she was holding, running to Lincoln’s other side.

Murphy and the Grounders stayed with weapons raised until the rest were clear and out of the gate. Once they were all in the cover of the trees, Bellamy shoved the girl to Miller. 

“Get him on a horse!” He shouted to Octavia and Kane, then turned to Clarke lowering his voice.

“Clarke.” He said softly, his voice so much different then moments ago. She turned to him. Her eyes had far off look and all he felt from her was haziness. He put a hand on the back of her neck. 

“Are you okay?” He forced his voice to stay calm, though all he felt was rage.

She blinked and shook her head, eyes not meeting his. She was in shock.

“Hey, come on, princess. Stay with me.” He said firmly. _“_ _ Look at me .” _

Her eyes shot to his and he could feel her mind crumble. She gripped onto his forearms so tightly, it was painful. Tears fell from her eyes and she opened her mouth, looking for words. “I- I’m bleeding.”

“I know. I know, princess. It’s okay. Let’s get you on a horse. We’ve gotta get back home.” His voice was uneven from holding back his anger, but he tried to keep it under control. “You’ve gotta keep it together until then, okay?”

She nodded and he slipped his jacket around her and she let him help her on her horse. 

He rode next to her the entire way and by the time they reached camp, she was shaking like a leaf and Lincoln was all but unconscious.

The rain storms would turn into snow storms again soon. It was too cold.

“Get him to Jackson and someone get me Raven!” He ordered as they entered the gates.

He helped Clarke’s shaking body off her horse, supporting almost all her weight. One of the Grounders took the horses to be unsaddle and fed.

Raven appeared at his side. “What the hell happened?” She asked, her voice filled with worry.

“Octavia, as soon as Jackson is done with Lincoln, send him to us.” He ignored Raven, calling to Octavia.

“No.” Clarke mumbled, shaking. “Please, Bellamy.”

Octavia stood waiting for confirmation. Bellamy’s felt his heart constrict as her fear ran through him. Her legs collapsed underneath her and he scooped her up easily, Raven beside him.

“Okay, alright.” He soothed. He shook his head at Octavia and she gave him a look of concern, but followed after Lincoln.

Raven looked at him questioning, but he just shook his head. “Later.” He said. “Help me get her to our cabin.”

They got her in and Bellamy helped her pull off his jacket. Raven gasped as the gashes came into full view.

Bellamy did everything he could to keep calm and keep his voice steady. His anger wouldn’t help them now. Her injuries weren’t life threatening, but they needed to stitch her up and he was going to have to be the one to do it. “Raven, I need you to grab the med kit out of her pack and some water.”

Raven grabbed it and came back to his side. She was still shaking and she had passed out. From cold or exhaustion or pain, or all of the above, he didn’t know.

“Do you know what you’re doing? Why can’t Jackson help her?”

He took a breath to still his hands and calm his nerves. His mother was a seamstress. He knew how to sew. This was the same thing- except on a person. A person he loved. “I know how. It’s fine... I can do it.”

“Bellamy, she’s passed out. Let’s just wait for Jackson.” Raven suggested.

“No.” He said firmly, but quietly. “I told her he wouldn’t.”

Raven still didn’t understand but he didn’t have time to explain it.

He cleaned the cuts and grabbed the needle out of the med kit, bracing himself as he started to stitch her up. He felt sick the entire time, and thanked god that she didn’t wake up during.

“Bellamy...” Raven spoke once he was done. “ What happened ?”

He pulled a blanket over Clarke, to warm her and ran a hand through his hair.

“Pike. He had them both chained in Arkadia’s yard.” His voice was gruff. “When I got there-” he cut off and swallowed hard.

“When I got there...” he tried again. “Pike was stabbing Lincoln, Clarke’s shirt was ripped open and there was a guard shoving his hands down her pants in the middle of the yard for everyone to see.” He pressed out tightly. “He told Lincoln that if he told him where I was, he’d kill him first so he didn’t have to watch.”

He felt a few tears fall and he shook his head. He looked at Raven, who had also teared up.

“Raven, I wanted to kill everyone in that yard.” He admitted.

“...you killed the guard?” She asked.

He wiped his tears away and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I fucking killed him.”

She seemed to think for a moment and then nodded. “Good.”

“He was going to let him rape her in front of all those people.” He said, looking at the floor. “Then he was going to kill her and Lincoln both.”

“You stopped him. They’re both okay.” Raven tried to comfort.

“They’re here.” He said. “But they’re not okay.” He said sadly.

Octavia walked into the cabin and Bellamy quickly wiped what was left of his tears.

Octavia paused at the door. “Is she okay?”

He sighed. “I got her stitched up. She slept through it luckily. What about Lincoln?”

She hovered with the door open. “He uh... he wants to see you.”

Bellamy looked at Clarke like he thought she would break if he left.

“It’s okay.” Raven told him. “I’ll stay with her.”

“Me too.” Octavia offered.

He looked at her a second longer before standing up silently and walking out of the cabin.

•

He walked quietly into Lincoln and Octavia’s cabin. It felt strange being inside it, if he was honest. He saw Lincoln on the bed on the far side of the wall.

“Hey.” Bellamy called softly.

Lincoln was already sitting up in the bed, leaning against the wall. “Hey.”

Bellamy shifted, a little uncomfortable. “Are you alright?”

Lincoln shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Those words made Bellamy cringe. He’d done worse to him not that long ago- him, Clarke and Raven. Tied him up and tortured him, electrocuted him. It made him feel sick to his stomach when he thought about it now.

“Bellamy,” Lincoln voice broke him out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry.”

His brow furrowed at that and he moved closer to the bed. “For what?”

Lincoln shook his head and struggled to look Bellamy in the eyes. “For Clarke.”

Bellamy immediately tensed and his gaze found the floor. He hated that everyone had seen what happened. 

“Nothing that happened is your fault.” He managed.

“You let her go, because you trusted me to keep her safe. Instead she followed me into what could have been our death, and I let her.”

Bellamy stayed quiet, listening. His heart was hammering in his chest. He’d been angry, he still was, but he didn’t put the blame on Lincoln.

“She wouldn’t have given herself up if I had just gone with the rest of them. I saw it in her eyes... she was scared. She didn’t want to.” Lincoln continued. “I couldn’t sacrifice my people for my own safety. I wasn’t thinking that I was also sacrificing her... Bellamy, what happened-“

“Don’t.” Bellamy presses out harshly. “I... I saw what happened.” He said looking into Lincoln’s eyes. “I’d rather not relive it right now.”

Lincoln looked at him for a few moments before speaking again. “I shouldn’t have let her follow me. Regardless of what Pike had demanded. I should have made her leave. I put her in danger... for that, I am sorry. And I’m sorry that I could do nothing to protect her.”

Bellamy took a breath and shook his head. “I don’t blame you, Lincoln. I blame Pike, I blame whatever sick fuck helped tied you both up and I blame the fucker that was going to rape her for the entire Ark to see. It was not your fault.” His voice was tense as he spoke, with underlining anger, but none directed at Lincoln.

After a few beats, Lincoln nodded.

Bellamy took a deep breath and leaned his head against the wall. He was wound up and had no outlet to release any of his fear or anger.

“You’re angry.” Lincoln stated.

Bellamy lifted his head off the wall and looked at Lincoln like he’d grown a second head. “Of course I’m fucking angry. My-“ he cut off. He really didn’t want to talk about it. It just intensified his anger.

He took a breath to try to calm down, bringing his voice down to a lower level. “The woman that I love, was chained up, she was tortured and she was about to be-“ he cut off again and turned to hit the wall. He was tired of saying the words and it hurt.

“She does not need your anger, Bellamy.” Lincoln said.

He tried to not let himself get anymore angry. He didn’t need Lincoln telling him what Clarke needed.

“She just needs  _you_ _.”_ Lincoln said softer. “You make her feel safe. That is what she will need.”

Bellamy forced himself to take another deep breath and nod, because he was right. His anger wasn’t helping anyone.

He took another moment to calm himself down, then looked to Lincoln. “I’m glad you’re okay... and I don’t blame you for what happened. Neither will she.”

After a couple beats, Lincoln nodded gracefully.

He turned to leave the cabin. He had an intense need to see her. He just needed her in his sight. 

•

“Is he okay?” Octavia asked Raven when Bellamy had left.

Raven sighed. “I think he’s beating himself up.” She answered. “He’s... upset.”

Octavia nodded and went to sit next to her. “It’s not his fault.”

“ _I_ know  that and _you_ know that, but that won’t stop him from being upset about it.”

Octavia tapped her finger restlessly against her arm. “There was a guard...” Octavia trailed off.

“Bellamy told me.” Raven saved her from having to explain. “He was scared that they would’ve raped her in front of all those people.”

“...do you think she’ll be okay?” Octavia asked. “She didn’t even want _Jackson_ to  touch her.”

“But she still wanted Bellamy to. She’ll just need some time.” Raven told her.

“It’s different with them.” Octavia stated quietly.

“What’s different?”

“Just...  them . When Bellamy got stabbed and Lexa had to cauterize it, she felt it. And they feel each other’s emotions. It’s- different.”

Ravens face lit up with recognition. “That’s why he turned back and headed to the Ark. He must’ve felt something was wrong.”

They both stopped talking, as Clarke stirred. She groaned a bit as she shifting.

Raven leaned forward. “Hey, try not to move too much. You’ll tear your stitches.”

Clarke opened her eyes and shot up, panicking.

“Whoa, easy.” Raven said, placing a hand on Clarke’s arm.

“It wasn’t a dream.” She whispered.

Raven just shook her head sadly.

Clarke’s eyes found Octavia. “Lincoln? Is he okay? Where’s Bellamy?”

“He’s okay. Bellamy’s with him now...” she said. “Are _you okay?_ _”_

Clarke sat back against the bed. “Bellamy saw him.” She said, tears coming to her eyes. “The guard. He saw him, when he... he saw him.”

Raven looked down, but Octavia met her eyes. “He saw him. He _killed him_ _.”_

“I- is Bellamy okay?” She asked.

“He’s worried about you, Clarke.” Octavia confirmed. “...Are you okay ?”

Raven looked at Clarke’s hands to see them shaking and grabbed them.

“I couldn’t- I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t stop them from hurting Lincoln, I couldn’t stop the guard from-“ her words were rushed and she cut off with a sob. “He was going to rape me and Pike was going to kill Lincoln and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

Her tears came like a flood now. Raven let her own tears fall, climbing on the bed and wrapping her arms around Clarke. “It’s okay.” She whispered.

Octavia climbed on the other side of Clarke and leaned her head against hers, grabbing one of her hands. Clarke grasped it tight and leaned into Raven. They just held her until she had finally cried herself back to sleep, but neither of them found themselves willing to move away from her. Octavia and Raven settled in and did the only thing they could... and that was just be there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So clearly, I’m not killing Lincoln. I just couldn’t do it guys. I really debated it, but he deserves so much better. So, here we are. It was very emotional writing these scenes, but I really love how they turned out. Heart to heart with Bell and Lincoln and the friendship between Clarke, Raven and Octavia. Let me know what you guys think! Love to all those still reading ❤️❤️


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked really hard on this chapter, trying to really work out how I wanted them to deal with the aftermath. It was very emotional to write it and I think it turned out beautifully. Everyone deals with emotions and trauma in different ways. They need different things to move past it and overcome it. It’s a shorter chapter, but I really just wanted to focus on Clarke and Bellamy and their connection- how much trust and love they have for each other and how they try to push their own emotions aside to help the other.
> 
> So I listened to ‘Ocean Eyes’ by Billie Eilish when writing this, but I listened to ‘Have You Ever Seen The Rain’ (Willie Nelson’s version) when proofreading this and it almost made me cry. Idk why it was so emotional and I almost never like country music, but there’s just something so beautiful about it.

What must have been half an hour later, Bellamy walked back through the door. He immediately looked alarmed, finding them all on the bed. Raven had fallen asleep, leaving Octavia the only one awake.

“What the hell happened?” He asked frantically.

“Calm down, big brother.” Octavia whispered calmly. “She woke up and she was upset.”

“Is she okay?” He asked, no calmer than before.

Octavia slowly untangled her hand from Clarke’s and stood up to meet his eyes.

“She’s gonna need you. She’s... scared.” Octavia said, looking for the right words. “And she’s worried about  _your_ ass.”

“Me?”

“She’s upset that you saw him... the guard. Like, she was worried that it would, I don’t know, make you upset. And clearly she’s not wrong... Bell, you _have_ to calm down. I know you will, but just be there for her.”

He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He nodded at her, pushing down his tears. 

“She’ll be fine. She’ll just need some time.” She squeezed his arm. “Bellamy, I’m going to kill that man for what he did to them.” She said slowly, then turned to head back to Lincoln.

He put another piece of wood on the fire, then sat down after she left and just watched them sleep, not willing to disturb them. Eventually Raven woke up and uncurled herself from Clarke.

She didn’t say a word and neither did Bellamy. She stood and walked behind the chair he was in, wrapping him in a hug over his shoulder.

He put his hand on her arm and closed his eyes.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

“She’s gonna be okay.” She whispered back, before heading out of their cabin.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Maybe if enough people told him that, he’d start to believe it.

He leaned forward in the chair to look at her closer. He was afraid to get in the bed with her. She hadn’t wanted Jackson to touch her. What if she didn’t want him to touch her either? His heart hurt just thinking about the possibility.

His anger dissipated the longer he watched her, but sadness and fear took its place. The sun had peaked through the storm clouds, starting to set and shone through the glass, warming her face, but the rain still fell softly outside. 

He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and ran his thumb across her cheek.

Her eyelids fluttered and it almost took his breath away when her blue eyes met his dark ones.

“Hey, princess.” He whispered, stroking his thumb over her cheek again.

He breathed a sigh of relief when she leaned into his touch. She didn’t respond to his words, but she grasped onto his arm and held it tight, squeezing her eyes shut.

He moved to the edge of his chair to get closer to her. He felt her anxiety, her fear and he just wanted to wash it all away.

She opened her eyes back up and looked at him, eyes full of tears.

“Don’t cry, baby, please.” He whispered tightly, holding back his own tears. He didn’t think his heart could take much more. It hurt to see her like this and to feel her pain.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” She whispered back.

“I’m not mad at you, Clarke. I swear.” His voice cracked. “ _None of this_ is your fault.”

She let out a shaky breath and her tears fell.

He stood, making her release his arm and got on the bed, pulling her into his arms. 

She curled herself into him and gripped his shirt tightly, letting out a soft sob. He swayed them softly back and forth and held her to him tight.

“I’ve got you, princess. I’m right here.” He whispered into her hair. “I’m not mad at you, I promise. He’ll never touch you again.” He swore.

She held onto him even tighter, like she was trying to disappear into his body. He wished she could. He’d keep her safe there forever. He kissed the top of her head and couldn’t stop his own tears from falling.

He didn’t need her words to know how scared she’d been or the shame she felt, the helplessness. He’d felt it. He did his best to push his emotions down and just hold her. He didn’t let himself think about his anger, sadness, or his fear. He just held her.

“I’m so sorry.” She cried into his chest.

There was nothing for her to be sorry for, so he just kept swaying her. “It’s okay, princess. You’re safe now, I’ve got you.”

“I couldn’t stop him.” Her voice made him feel like he was going to break. “I couldn’t stop any of them, I-“

He closed his eyes tight. “I know.” He rasped. “I know. It’s not your fault.” He assured her. “You’re gonna be okay.”

He knew her sobs had to have been putting a strain on her stitches, so he’d just have to hope she’d calm down soon.

He whispered to her until her cries had quieted and her body relaxed. Her breaths had evened out, but she hadn’t fallen back asleep.

He moved his arm from around her, to run his hand through her hair. He felt her lean into his touch and his heart unclenched slightly. 

“We shouldn’t have gone, Bell. I should’ve talked him out of it.” She whispered after a while.

“You couldn’t have stopped him.” He answered softly. “He would’ve gone no matter what.”

He wanted to tell her she shouldn’t have followed him, but what good would it have done?

“I didn’t want to follow him.” She admitted quietly, like she read his mind. Hell, maybe she did. “I was scared... but I didn’t want him to go alone and die.”

“I know.” He answered, trying to keep the tension out of his voice.

“You knew.” She said, tilting her head to look up at him. “You knew we were in trouble.”

He brushed his hand across her jaw. “Yeah. We turned around before we made it back to camp. You were scared, and then I felt him cut you.” His voice shook a little.

“Are you okay?” She asked, concerned.

“Am _I_ okay ?” He asked incredulously.

“You felt it, and you were angry.” She told him.

He lowered his voice back down. “Of course I was angry, Clarke. _They hurt you."_

She blinked a few times, resting her head back on his chest. “That guard...” she started.

His heart started pounding in his chest again and his grip tightened on her. God, he didn’t want to hear it again, but he had to let her get it out.

“He was going to rape me.” She said almost so quietly that he didn’t hear it.

But he _did_ hear it and it made him take in a sharp breath against his will. He held her even tighter against him. He couldn’t explain the anger and the fear he felt at that fact. 

“I know.” He felt like that was all he could say, and he hated himself for it.

“If you hadn’t shown up.-”

“But I did. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She nodded against him. “I know.” She looked back up and kissed him slowly.

He forced himself to hold back, staying soft with it.

She pushed herself up and deepened it, sliding her hand under his shirt.

He pulled away and put his forehead against hers, eyes closed. “Clarke...”

“Please, Bellamy.” Her voice cracked and it forced him to open his eyes and search hers. “I don’t want to feel his hands on me... I want to feel you... All of you.”

His heart broke at her words. 

“Please, just make it go away.” She pleaded, a single tear falling.

He searched her eyes a second longer. There was nothing but trust and love there. She needed him. He turned her so she was on the bed underneath him and kissed her deep.

He ran his hand down her body, careful of her stitches and moved his mouth to her ear. 

She gasped and tugged his hair hard. He grinded into her, immediately hard. He pulled back to slip her shirt off, careful of her stitches, and his own shirt following.

He slid the shorts off her legs. He was careful to pay attention to her mindset, worried about pushing her too far, but she wasn’t scared. She trusted him and she wanted him.

He moved to kiss her again and slipped a finger inside her. She sighed into his mouth and he added another finger. He moved his mouth to her breast, swirling his tongue around her nipple.

He rubbed his thumb over her clit, not stopping his fingers and he felt her walls getting tighter around them.

“Bellamy, I want you inside me, please.” She begged breathlessly. 

He pulled his fingers out of her before she came and moved back up to kiss her neck.

He reached down to position himself at her entrance and she opened her legs for him. He kissed her and he slid inside, swallowing her gasp. 

She hiked her leg up on his waist and pulled him down so his entire body was against her. She wanted to feel all of him. He thrusted into her and their bodies were so close that the friction on her clit made her cry out. 

“Shhh...” he moved to whisper in her ear, grinding into her again.

She moaned and jerked her hips up to meet his thrusts. “Harder, Bell- god.”

So she didn’t want gentle. She had said she wanted all of him. He’d give it to her.

“Harder what?” He growled in her ear.

Her eyes closed and she pushed her head into the pillows. “P-please... Please, Bell.” 

“Do you trust me?” He rasped.

“Yes.” She answered easily.

He grabbed her wrists and put them above her head, but didn’t hold them there. He drug his hand across her breast, pulling all the way out and pushing back in slow, but _hard_. His other hand covered her mouth as she cried out at the feeling of him. 

She let her other leg move up his waist and he groaned at the new angle, getting him deeper inside her. “Fuck.” He mumbled into her neck. 

He pushed deep inside her and grinded up, rubbing against her clit. He knew she was close. “Come for me, princess.” He growled, releasing his hand from her mouth.

Her walls started spasm just at his words and he pushed into her even harder.

“Yes, Bellamy. I-“ her words were cut off as she cried out, her orgasm hitting hard. At the feeling of her tightening around him, he let himself follow, spilling into her.

He let his hand run down the side of her neck, to her waist. He was shaking from the force of keeping his weight off her, not wanting to tear any stitches.

He rolled to the side, gently pulling her into his chest , still trying to catch his breath. He was thankful to feel relief from her. She had relaxed.

He felt a pang of worry run through her and looked down at her, but she didn’t look up, keeping her head on his chest. “Don’t leave me.” She whispered.

He kissed her hair and settled further into the bed.

“Go to sleep, princess. I’m not goin’ anywhere.” He promised.

He listened to the rain softly falling outside and felt her breaths even out as she fell asleep. He let his mind clear and with her safe in his arms, allowed himself to drift off. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa’s eyes grew wide and Titus lurched from the wall to Clarke.
> 
> Bellamy pushed him back immediately, away from Clarke and Miller moved in front of her, gun raised.
> 
> “Why don’t you back the fuck up?” Bellamy threatened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all plot. Gotta throw it in there somewhere 😂

In the following days, Kane enlightened them about The City of Light. Abby had taken the chip, half the Arkers and they planned to invade the Grounders next. 

They got more information from Murphy. Now more willing to listen to what had sounded like nonsense before.

Jaha had found The City of Light. It was really an AI. Specifically, the one that had destroyed the world and set off the bombs. Murphy had seen many videos. He’d been stuck in one of Becca Pramheda’s bunkers- the woman who had created what she called A.L.I.E

They were talking people in to taking this chip and A.L.I.E, was erasing their pain, and with it, their memories. They were claiming to be ‘saving the human race.’

It was corrupting people. Their minds no longer their own.

Things were going to shit.

“We have to get to Polis.” Clarke said. “Warn Lexa.”

“We’ll ride out tomorrow.” Bellamy said. “Murphy, Miller, you two will be with us.”

The next morning, they started their ride to Polis. 

When they got there, they walked in on Lexa and the Flamekeeper, Titus, in a heated discussion.

Lincoln has told them that each commander was protected by a Flamekeeper. They hadn’t learned much else about what they did.

Titus glared as they walked in. “You are compromising everything.” He spat at them as he brushed past them.

“What’s his problem?” Bellamy asked Lexa.

“There are some people threatened by you joining the clans. They are worried about the people from the Ark.”

Bellamy sighed. “Well, they may not be wrong.”

Lexa cocked her head in question.

Titus stood at the wall, listening.

“They’re giving people this.” Clarke said, holding up a chip that Murphy had kept from his time with Jaha.

Lexa’s eyes grew wide and Titus lurched from the wall to Clarke.

Bellamy pushed him back immediately, away from Clarke and Miller moved in front of her, gun raised.

“Why don’t you back the fuck up?” Bellamy threatened.

“Titus, stand down.” Lexa demanded. She stepped towards them. “Where did you get this?”

“I gave it to them.” Murphy said. “One of the people from the Ark found The City of Light... this,” Murphy said taking it from Clarke. “Leads you to it.”

“And in doing so, erases all of people’s free will. It’s taking control of everything. It’s what ended the world. Now they wanna take this one over.” Bellamy said.

“What’s left of it anyway.” Murphy mumbled.

“They’re coming for us next.” Clarke said.

“You people are a curse to us all.” Titus said angrily.

“Enough!” Lexa yelled. “You will not speak to your people that way.”

Titus bowed his head and backed a few steps up. 

“How do we stop it?” Lexa asked.

“That’s the problem.” Clarke sighed. “We don’t know quite enough about it. The woman who created it, Becca Pramheda, has a lab here on earth. Murphy says it on an island near by. We have to find it before we know anymore information.”

“You dare speak her name?” Titus spat.

Lexa looked confused.

“You know her name?” Bellamy asked.

“Becca Pramheda was the first commander. The one who brought nightbloods upon on.” She said.

“Pramheda.” Clarke whispered. “Heda.” She connected the dots. “She had to have made the nightblood herself. A way to survive the radiation. A way to survive on earth and it somehow became hereditary.”

Lexa looked confused still, not following.

Titus shot forward and grabbed Murphy’s gun from his side.

Everything after that happened too fast. Bellamy pushed Clarke behind him and Miller pulled his gun, but Lexa had moved to stand in front of both Clarke and Bellamy just as Titus shot.

They heard Lexa gasp and she turned, black blood spilling from her stomach. Too much blood. He’d hit something vital.

“Oh god.” Clarke moved to her.

Bellamy used Titus’s shock to seize the gun.

“Heda.” Titus called shocked.

“Miller, help me get her to the bed.” Clarke said urgently. “Lexa, you’re okay. Just hang on.”

Lexa’s face was calm. “You will save our people.” She said, blood was starting to drip from her nose.

Bellamy came to the bed as Miller laid her on it, concern etched on his face. Clarke’s hands were pressed over the bullet hole. She couldn’t fix this.

“Both of you.” Lexa said looking to Bellamy. “My spirit will choose wisely. The next commander will protect you.”

Clarke shook her head.

Lexa looked to Titus. “Titus. Swear to me you will harm no more Skaikru.”

“Heda-“

“Swear it. Swear you will protect them.” She said as strongly as she could.

There was too much blood. She was fading fast.

“I swear it.” He said.

“You will save us all.” Lexa turned back to Clarke. “You will live. The faith you placed in love, was not wrong.” She looked to Bellamy. “Never stop protecting her.” She told him, eyes starting to close.

Bellamy clenched his jaw and nodded tightly.

Her eyes closed completely and her breaths stopped.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” Titus whispered.

He pushed them back and turned Lexa over. Moving her hair, he revealed a tattoo. The same symbol on the chip for The City of Light. 

Bellamy grabbed Titus’s wrist as he reached to the back of Lexa’s head with a knife. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Her spirit must choose the next commander.” Titus answered. 

Bellamy was confused, but let his wrist go.

He cut into her neck and they all silently watched. 

“What the fuck?” Murphy asked as Titus pulled a chip out of her neck.

“The spirit of the commanders. They are all in here. Without it, there is no commander.” He said simply. “The nightbloods will fight and the commander will choose who ascends. Then they will take the flame.”

Clarke backed up, shaking her head. “This doesn’t make sense.”

“It does not matter.” He said picking up Lexa’s body. “We will hold the conclave tomorrow. I must tell our people.”

He walked out the door and Bellamy looked to Murphy. “Follow him.”

Murphy gave him a nod and headed out the door.

Clarke and Bellamy just looked at each other.

Miller walked to stand next to them. “So... what now?”

•

Murphy stayed with Titus, coercing him into spilling as much about the flame as he could. 

The next day, Ontari, who had been Queen Nia’s body guard arrived and declared she had won. She’d killed all the nightbloods, declared herself commander.

Titus shoved the flame into Clarke’s hands. “You will be Fleimkeepa. I will not help her ascend.”

“There has to be another nightblood.” Clarke said. “We can’t let her rule, she’ll kill us all.”

“One.” Titus whispered.

“One what?” Bellamy asked.

“There is one other nightblood. A coward who fled.” He spat. “She does not deserve the flame, nor will she take it.”

“What’s her name?” Clarke asked.

Titus fought himself on answering. “Luna.”

Bellamy’s eyes shot to Clarke. “Lincoln knows her. We have to get to her.”

“We have to get back to camp.” She said.

“They will use me against you. I can not let that happen.” Titus mumbled and then shoved a knife into his chest, killing himself.

“Jesus Christ.” Miller mumbled. 

They didn’t have time for this.

“We need a way to stall Ontari. She’ll want a Fleimkeepa.” Clarke said.

“And where do we find one of those?” Bellamy asked sarcastically.

“... She saw me.” Murphy said. “With Titus.” He clarified. “She doesn’t know I’m Skaikru, and she can’t ascend without the flame. I can stay here and stall her- play _Fleimkeepa_. You three take the flame, get Lincoln and find Luna.”

“Murphy, you staying here is risky. What if she finds out?” Bellamy asked.

He just smirked. “I know all the Flamekeepers secrets. I’ll be good. You guys go.”

Clarke looked to Bellamy. It was the best plan they had. “Be careful.” She told Murphy.

“I always am.” He smiled and turned to the door, heading towards Ontari.

•

Clarke, Bellamy and Miller rode as quickly as they could back home. Running to find Lincoln as they entered the gates.

Octavia ran up to them. “We have a problem.” She said before they could speak. “Everyone in Arkadia is gone.”

“What?” Clarke asked jumping from her horse. “How?”

“Lincoln and I rode by yesterday. It’s empty.”

“Shit.” Bellamy cursed. “They’re headed to Polis and no one’s there to warn them now that Lexa is dead.”

Now it was Octavia’s turn to be surprised. 

“What?”

“Long story.” Miller sighed. “If Arkadia is empty, why don’t we get Raven there? She can use the equipment, maybe find out something more, now that we have the flame.”

“Where did you get that?” Lincoln asked, running up to them.

“Titus.” Bellamy said. “Lexa is dead. So is he.”

“What _the hell_ did you two do there?” Octavia asked. “And where’s Murphy?”

“Playing Flamekeeper with Ontari.”

Lincoln’s brow furrowed. “Ontari? Nia’s guard?”

“A nightblood, apparently.” Bellamy said annoyed. “We need to get to Luna.”

Lincoln shook his head. “She will not help us. She doesn’t want the life of a commander.”

“We have to try.” Clarke said. “Please, Lincoln. You have to take us to her.”

He sighed. “Alright. But do not be disappointed by her answer.”

“I want to come.” Jasper said, appearing out of nowhere.

Bellamy sighed. Maybe it’d be good for him to focus on something else. He looked to Clarke and she nodded.

“Okay. Let’s get the flame to Raven and get her and Monty to Arkadia. Then we’ll get Luna.”

They all nodded, setting out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did kill Lexa. I just couldn’t find a realistic way to fit her into the story. I kinda had fun writing her and Bellamy interacting, so I’m kind of sad that’s over. Next update tomorrow!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaha took a sword and headed to her.
> 
> “No.” Clarke called. “No! Don’t!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter to lead us to the next thing.

Lincoln was right. They’d been drugged to get to Luna and when they arrived, she had no interest in helping them. Some of Luna’s people ended up being chipped, capturing Luna. She broke free, snapping and killing them. 

She drugged them after and shipped them back to the mainland. 

When they got back, Raven had figured out the only way to stop A.L.I.E, was with the flame. They had no choice but to try and use Ontari. But with the people from Arkadia gone, they’d most likely gotten to Polis. Which meant Murphy would’ve been outed and there was a good chance that Ontari had already been chipped.

Clarke had taken a moment to think, walking outside the woods of Arkadia. She gasped and turned as she heard the clicking of a gun behind her, but watched as an arrow shot through the mans neck. He was an Arker. He must have stayed behind to wait for them.

She turned to find Roan, bow in hand. He snatched the flame from her. 

“Wait!” She ran after him. “I need to find a nightblood to put that in.”

“I already have one to put it in.” He said, not stopping.

“Will you just stop!”

He turned to her angry. “No. I won’t stop. Not until the ice nation has its commander. Then she’ll wipe your people out herself, like she’s already vowed to do.”

He turned back around and Bellamy stepped out from behind a tree, gun aimed on Roan. “You were saying?” He asked.

Roan held his hands up and Bellamy looked to Clarke. “You okay?”

She nodded to him. “Yeah.”

“Then lets go.”

“He’s coming with us.”

“The hell he is.” Bellamy said, agitated.

“Why would I do that?” Roan asked.

“Because we both want the same thing... to put the flame in Ontari.”

Bellamy kept his gun raised. “How do we know he’s not chipped?”

“If he were, do you think he would’ve saved me?”

Bellamy looked to Roan. “Still... we need to be sure.” He moved his gun slightly shooting Roan in the arm, causing him to lean down and grunt in pain. 

Bellamy moved to him, hitting his gun across the top of his head, successfully knocking him unconscious. 

“Now we’re sure.” He said, matter of factly.

They got him back to Arkadia and had Jackson help with his arm. 

Clarke came in the cell that were holding him in, Bellamy following behind her. She stopped in front of him and looked to Bellamy.

He rolled his eyes and looked to Roan.

“Sorry about your arm.” He mumbled.

Roan just smirked. 

They convinced him of the danger of the City of Light and he agreed to help them infiltrate the city and get to Ontari.

They loaded up the Rover. Monty, Raven, Harper and Jasper would stay at Arkadia. Raven would help get A.L.I.E’s code, getting into the City of Light electrically and find her kill switch. Clarke, Bellamy, Lincoln, Octavia, Miller and Roan, would head to Polis. 

The plan was to use knock out gas from Mount Weather once they got to Ontari they’d have to use an EMP to fry the chip from the City of Light out of Ontari’s head, then convince her to try and stop it all.

They drove the Rover to the outskirts Polis. That’s where they had to separate. Clarke wouldn’t let the flame out of her sight. She’d have to go in, acting as Roans prisoner. Bellamy, Miller, Lincoln and Octavia would be their back up, going through the cities tunnels, as soon as Ontari came out, they’d throw the gas and run to Roan and Clarke, snatching up Ontari in the mean time.

Roan and Clarke walked through the city. It was quiet. Too quiet. They’d ended up walking into a trap. Jasper has been chipped and A.L.I.E knew everything, but he’d yanked the radio wires, keeping Raven and Monty unable to warn them.

Jaha walked to the center of the city, claiming he’d make sure Ontari would get the flame. Roan clasped his hand back around the flame. Clarke’s eyes darted to the tunnels. 

“Your friends in the tunnel can’t help you.” Jaha said.

Roan turned, holding a knife at Clarke’s throat.

Bellamy saw and shouted. “Now!” He yelled for them to launch the gas, regardless of Ontari’s presence.

They were ambushed from behind before they could though. They’d been trapped.

Jaha looked at Roan. “Save the theatrics. We know you’re together.”

Clarke’s heart dropped. They knew everything. Which meant they’d captured everyone in the tunnels.

“Then you know she’s the only one that can activate the flame.”

Raven was the only other one that knew the passphrase to activate it. And she was safe from these people in Arkadia.

“You’re right.” Jaha admitted. “We need her.”

Roan moved his knife from her throat. “Run.”

They turned to run and Clarke stopped as a gunshot rang through the air. Roan fell, shot.

A Grounder stood in front of them with a gun. “But we don’t need you.” Jaha said from behind them.

•

They led Clarke up to the throne room. Her mother walked out and hugged her. Clarke stood stock still. 

Abby tried to get the pass phrase out of her by talking and tied her up when that didn’t work. Abby sunk a scalpel into Clarke’s chest and twisted. Tears fell from her eyes, and she whimpered, but refused to give the passphrase.

“I told you.” Abby sighed. “Her friends are her weakness... start with Bellamy Blake.”

Fear filled her even more fiercely than before. If they brought him up here, she’d break.

•

Down in the tunnels they had the group held at gun point.

“She wants Bellamy Blake.” One of the guards yelled out. “Let’s go!”

They ripped him up and Lincoln tried to fight, only to be kicked down.

“It’s fine!” Bellamy yelled. “It’s okay, guys.”

Bellamy started to walk through the tunnel and everyone paused at a voice.

“I’d hit the deck if I were you.” The voice said calmly.

A guard shone a light down the tunnel.

“Murphy.” Bellamy smiled. “Everyone down!” He yelled to the group and dropped, the tunnel lighting up with gun fire as the guards fell dead.

Murphy walked to Bellamy and helped him up. “I’m gonna need you to _not freak out_ when you see who’s behind me.”

Bellamy tensed and Pike walked up behind him. 

“He’s on our side.” Murphy whispered, grabbing Bellamy’s arm to stop him from reaching Pike. “Indra already fucked him up pretty good, but we can deal with him _after_ we get the hell out of this place.”

Indra moved to help Octavia and Lincoln up. “You’re with Pike?” She accused.

Indra pauses. “The only way we get out of this is together.”

“You didn’t see what he did to them.” She said angrily, referring to Lincoln and Clarke. 

“Did you guys miss the part where it’s time to go?” Murphy asked.

“We’re not going anywhere.” Bellamy said. “Clarke’s in trouble.”

“We go up there, we won’t be able to fight our way back down.” Octavia said.

“If we stop ALIE, we won’t have to.” He responded.

He looked to Murphy, who sighed. “Up the tower, huh? You know, after this, doing the right thing can kiss my ass.”

“First, we _kill him_.” Octavia hissed, stalking towards Pike, but Indra grabbed her arm. 

“The dead cannot help us.” Indra said calmly.

“She’s right.” Bellamy pressed out tightly. “We need all the help we can get. Let’s go.”

He didn’t know how he’d convinced Pike and Indra to work together, but right now, it didn’t matter.

Octavia yanked her arm from Indra, but followed them down the tunnel.

They’d use the elevator to get Murphy and Bellamy to the throne room at the very top. Once they were there, the others would blow the lift, and climb up using the ladder in the elevator shaft. 

•

Clarke watched as her mother looked to Jaha. He started tying a noose and threw it up to Ontari, who tied it so it was hanging.

Clarke looked frantic and Abby looked at her softly. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. It’s not for you.”

Clarke watched as she turned and walked towards it, standing on a stool and wrapping the noose around her neck.

“What are you doing?” She asked quickly. “This won’t work, ALIE. I’ll never tell you anything!”

She knew she couldn’t see ALIE, but ALIE could see and hear her.

“Mom, you don’t have to do this.”

“Oh but I do, Clarke.” Abby stepped off the stool and Clarke closed her eyes, looking away. She just had to stay alive long enough for Bellamy to get to her. 

And she knew he would. She felt his adrenaline. His determination. He’d get to her.

Clarke’s head shot towards Ontari as she spoke. “I understand.” She said, kneeling down.

Jaha took a sword and headed to her.

“No.” Clarke called. “No! Don’t!”

Jaha swung the sword, hitting Ontari on the head and not a moment later, Bellamy and Murphy appeared.

He looked straight to Clarke but she yelled at him. “Bellamy, stop him!”

He acted fast, shooting Jaha’s arm, just as he swung to hit Ontari again, then ran forward, knocking him unconscious.

Murphy ran to Abby, getting her now unconscious body down from the noose.

Bellamy ran to Clarke untying her, and unhooking her from the torture device. She immediately ran to Ontari. “Give me your flashlight.” She said in a rush. “Put pressure on the wound. We can’t let her die.”

“Murphy?” Bellamy called.

“She’s breathing.” Murphy answered and ran over to them.

Clarke put her fingers to Ontari’s pulse point. “Her pulse is weak.” She took the flashlight and shined it in her eyes. “Her pupils are unresponsive.”

He felt her panic. “So what’s that mean?”

“... She’s brain dead.”

Murphy looked at both of them, realization on his face. “And we’re stuck here.” 

They all jerked towards the door as it flung open. Octavia, Lincoln, Indra and Miller walked through the door, followed by Pike.

Clarke stood up and backed away seeing Pike and Bellamy moved to block her view of him.

“Hey, listen.” He said where only she could hear. “Murphy somehow talked him in to helping us. I promise you, Clarke, I will deal with him when this is over.” His voice was steel. He wanted him dead.

He glanced over his shoulder to see Octavia glaring at Pike herself, then looked back to Clarke. “For now, we need all the help we can get.”

She blinked a few times and worked her jaw before answering. She knew he was right, and she trusted him to keep her safe. 

“Okay.” She said quietly, then stepped out from behind him. “Let’s get everyone that’s chipped together and locked up in a room.” She told them. “Make sure the level is clear.”

Everyone went to grab a body and lock them up. 

Clarke turned to Bellamy. “I have a plan. I think... you’re not gonna like it, but I need you to trust me.”

He gritted his teeth and looked at her with his brow furrowed. “Okay.”

She squeezed his hand and moved to her mother. “Get the EMP, were going to get this chip out of her. It’s no use for Ontari.”

He brought her the EMP and Abby cried as the chip was melted out of her.

Clarke rolled her over and checked her pulse. “Her pulse is there.” She said. “Mom, I need you to wake up. Come on.”

“What’s the plan here, princess?” Bellamy was trying not to be impatient, but he felt her anxiety and he needed to know what she was doing.

Just before she answered, Abby’s eyes started to open.

They say her up without a word and she looked around slowly. “Oh god, I-“ she reached out to Clarke’s face , but Clarke gently pulled them down. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine. It wasn’t you.” She said calmly. “But now I need your help.”

Abby was shaking and wiped her tears away, trying to gather her thoughts. 

The door busted open and Miller, Murphy and Pike came through.

Bellamy stood up. “Everyone locked up?”

Miller nodded then looked to Abby. “What about her?”

“We used the EMP, she’s herself.” Bellamy said.

Murphy shook his head. “I thought we only had one shot with that thing.”

“We did.” Clarke said standing up. “But Ontari is no longer an option. Is the floor secure?”

“We blew the elevator and the ladder as we climbed. The stairs are collapsed. No one is following us.” Pike answered.

“Good.” Clarke said. “That means we have time.”

“Yeah, what we _don’t have,_ is a way down.” Murphy said, annoyed.

“Time for what?” Bellamy asked.

She looked at him and paused. “An ascension.”

Bellamy blinked and Murphy took a step forward. 

“Ascension?” Murphy asked. “But Ontari-“

“We’re not putting the flame in Ontari’s head...” She started. “We’re putting it in mine.”

Now Bellamy stepped forward, angry. “No way. It kills you in seconds if you’re not a nightblood. You know that. We’re not doing it.”

“I will be a nightblood.” She said looking to Ontari.

“A transfusion?” Pike asked.

“Not exactly.”

“Mount Weather.” Abby said.

Clarke sighed and turned to her. “Yes. Everything we need is in your med kit.”

“No. It’s too dangerous. There’s too many variables.” Abby said.

“And no other options, unless we all want to die up here.”

“Clarke-“ Bellamy started, but she cut him off.

“You said you’d trust me, Bell.” She reminded him.

He opened his mouth to respond , but Octavia and Lincoln busted in.

“Whatever you’re doing, do it fast.” Octavia said urgently.

“Why? What happened?” Bellamy asked.

“They’re climbing.” 

They ran to the balcony and looked down. They were grabbing anything they could to get up. They had to hurry.

Clarke grabbed Bellamy’s arm. “I have to do this.” Then turned to her mom. “And you have to help me.”

Abby nodded. “Okay. Let’s set up.”

•

10 minutes later, they had the balcony greased with lamp oil to slow anyone who made it up, down. Ontari was laid on a slab and Clarke was sitting on the throne tubes sticking out of both arms.

“You ready?” Abby asked.

“Yeah.” Clarke answered but her voice was shaking. “This will work.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Abby asked.

Murphy started to walk over. “If it doesn’t work, she dies. If she doesn’t try, then she dies with the rest of us when the climbers come.” He reached towards Clarke and Abby stopped him. “ _Hey,_ if were gonna do this, I need the flame.” He said.

“Mom, he knows what he’s doing. You have to let him.” Clarke said, holding the flame out for Murphy.

Murphy stepped beside her and waited until the nightblood was flowing through her.

“Alright,” He said. “Lean forward.”

She reached out, grabbing Bellamy’s hand tightly and he tried to keep his body from shaking. 

“Ascende Superious.” Murphy said and the flame came to life. He let it go and it dug into her neck.

She screamed as it entered, thrashing in the chair before finally passing out.

“Clarke!” Bellamy grabbed her face and looked to Abby. “Is she okay?” He asked panicked.

“Her heart’s racing.” She looked to Murphy. “Get it out.”

“Get it out!” She yelled when he made no move.

“No.” Clarke’s voice came and she moved her head. “No. I know how to stop her.”

Bellamy grasped her hand tighter and let out a sigh of relief.

“I have to take the chip.” She said calmly.

“What?” Bellamy responded, not nearly as calm.

“I have to go into the City of Light. Find the kill switch.”

“Clarke, she wants the flame.” Abby argued. “If you go into the City of Light, they’ll kill you. If your mind dies, you die.”

“No.” Clarke said as if she was mesmerized. “The flame will protect me.”

Bellamy let go of her hand and headed towards the table to grab a chip.

“I don’t know how I know. I just... I know.” Clarke continued.

Before Abby could argue, Bellamy walked back to her with a chip. “I believe you.”

She looked at him and smiled. Of course he believed her.

“The flame... if Lexa is really in there... she won’t let them hurt you.” Bellamy said.

She nodded at him and he kissed her hard. “Be careful.” He whispered. “We’ll keep you safe.”

He held out the chip to her and she took it in her mouth, swallowing.

He watched as she closed her eyes, leaving for the City of light.

•

They managed to get Jasper back at Arkadia and tied him up. Raven had accessed the code and found Clarke in the City of Light. “ALIE knows she there.” Raven said. “She’s like a virus.”

“Did she put the flame in her head?” Monty whispered.

“No reason to whisper.” Jaspers voice spoke but it wasn’t him. “Thanks to her, I’m already upgrading to version 2 of my program.”

Monty leaned in to Raven. “What happens when it’s done uploading?”

She kept her eyes on the screen. “She’ll delete the kill switch... we won’t be able to stop her.”

Harper looked at her and then the screens. “Then find the damn kill switch.”

Raven wasted no time, typing away.

•

Bellamy went to help guard the rooms and Murphy stayed behind to help Abby. Ontari’s body started seizing and Clarke wasn’t getting enough nightblood. Abby has Murphy do CPR to keep her blood flowing, so Clarke wouldn’t reject the flame, but it wasn’t enough.

Clarke’s body started seizing.

“Shit.” Murphy mumbled. “Abby it’s not working. _Do something!”_

She came over to the slab and moved Murphy out of the way.

“Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like this?”

Abby sliced down Ontari’s chest then cracked it open, reaching in to pump her heart.

Murphy watched horrified.

“Come here.” Abby called. “Do exactly what I’m doing.”

He shook his head. He couldn’t do this.

“Murphy, now!”

He looked at Clarke and with one last shake of his head, he pushed the nausea down and grabbed Ontari’s heart.

Abby rushed to Clarke. “She’s stabilizing. Keep going.” Abby said.

Bellamy and the others rushed in and started barricading the doors. “This is it!” He yelled. “If you don’t have to kill them, then don’t, but no one gets to Clarke. We got it?”

Everyone nodded and took their stance.

“Here we go.” He whispered, as the barricade started to fall.

The doors opened and hell broke loose.

These people didn’t feel pain. They’d ended up having to kill many. Octavia was being choked by a grounder and Lincoln was surrounded by 5 others. Pike glanced here way, killing the Grounder in his grasp and knocking the one choking Octavia in the head. It seemed like hours but was merely minutes until everything stopped.

The people from the City of Light falling and screaming in pain.

Bellamy caught his breath as the Arker choking him released his grip.

Clarke opened her eyes and saw her mother. “You did it.” Abby said.

Clarke looked over to Murphy, pumping Ontari’s heart. “We need to get the flame out.” She said.

She whispered the phrase and Abby pulled it out, handing it to Clarke.

Her mother unhooked the tubes. Murphy leaned down, hugging her.

“Thank you.” She said.

He pulled back, smiling. “Just another day on the ground, right?”

He moved away as Bellamy walked up, giving them space and Abby went to help the more injured.

He gingerly helped her up and kissed her. He pulled back and she looked up at him. “ALIE is gone.”

He nodded. “I figured.” He said, but he felt her dismay. “But what’s wrong? You don’t look like someone who just saved the world.” 

She shook her head. “Because we didn’t... not yet.”

They looked over at the sound of a pained groan. 

Octavia stood, sword deep in Pike’s gut. Clarke looked away when she shoved it even deeper, the sword penetrating through his body and Bellamy felt a sick satisfaction from it. 

He’d wanted to be the one to shove a sword through him, or shoot a bullet through his chest, but Octavia beat him to it.

She pulled out the sword and he dropped hard. Clarke let out a breath of relief and closed her eyes, but didn’t look to him. 

Bellamy walked to him, pulling his gun.

“Bellamy.” Clarke called his name, but he didn’t look at her.

The last thing Pike saw was the Blake siblings standing over him and a gun pointing down.

Lincoln had walked to Clarke and she grabbed his arm, jumping as the shot went off. Lincoln moved to shield her from the view and looked over his shoulder, meeting Bellamy’s angry eyes.

Bellamy looked away and took a deep breath before looking to Miller.

“Toss him off the balcony.” He said, his voice strangely calm. He looked to Clarke and Lincoln. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Finally done with the City of Light stuff. I actually didn’t enjoy writing everything with the City of Light lol. I wanted to get on to the next thing. Next chapter will be a summary of season 4. Actual Praimfaya and after are the main goal from here.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first part of this chapter is the summary of season 4 and honestly, if you want you can skip over it lol. The only thing I added is that Bellamy also took the nightblood serum. That’s really the only big notable change. Last part of the chapter is important though!

The next months were filled with hysteria, panic, fear, uncertainty and any other tragic emotion you could think of. 

The world was ending... again. 

The grounder that Bellamy had met in Mount Weather was Ice Nation. Echo. She’d tried to take over Polis, threatening to kill Clarke, holding a knife to her throat. 

Abby and Clarke managed to save Roan. Echo tried to convince Roan to kill Clarke, but Clarke gave him the Flame and he announced himself ruler of the clans and the peace with Skaikru would stand.

Once back in Arkadia, they laid out plans to survive the end of the world. Raven confirmed ALIE was telling the truth. Radiation levels were rising with the power plants only designed to withstand 100 years without maintenance. 

Their hope was to restore alpha station, but they’d only be able to house 100. They tried to get the hydro-generator from Farm station, which had landed in Ice Nation. They’d ended up finding some of Skaikru, including children, being held as slaves. They’d freed their people, but it cost them their water source.

They’d started rationing, gathering food. Jaha had a lead on a shelter, an underground bunker nearby, but it had led to nothing but an unsealed bunker with thousands of skeletons so far.

A group of Luna’s showed up in Arkadia, asking for help. They were already sick from radiation... it would hit much sooner than they thought. Despite radiation medicine given to one of the younger girls, the only one to survive and recover was Luna. The nightblood was rejecting the radiation. Just like Becca’s had.

They now knew where Becca’s lab was, thanks to the City of Light. Luna agreed to go with them so Abby and Raven could try to recreate nightblood to save everyone, as opposed to just 100 of them.

Back in Polis, Octavia had killed a grounder that had challenged Roan to a fight and the Flame ended up being stolen by another Fleimkeepa, Gaia, who Octavia learned was Indra’s daughter. Octavia helped her, giving Roan a fake flame that had been destroyed.

Bellamy and another Arker had gotten captured. Echo was spying and saw them building the ship. The other boy broke and spilled that it was for radiation. Roan broke the alliance with Skaikru and sentenced Kane and Bellamy to death.

Octavia went to warn Skaikru but Echo had followed her, stabbing her through the stomach and Octavia had fallen off a cliff. She’d barely made it back to the Ark in time for Clarke to save her.

Clarke managed to talk Roan into letting them go, by offering to share the ship 50/50. Before they could get any further with repairs on the ship, a distraught grounder, Ilian, blew what was left of it, leaving their only shot for survival being the nightblood.

Meanwhile, Abby discovered she still had knowledge from Becca/ALIE, in her brain. They had to make the nightblood in space. Clarke, Bellamy and Roan had tried to deliver hydrazine that Raven needed for the rocket, to the lab, but they were attacked by Trikru, leaving them a barrel short.

Abby then decided to try and use Luna’s bone marrow to make nightblood instead. It was too dangerous to test it though, requiring a radiation level that could kill them. Bellamy and Clarke both volunteered to be injected with it, but Abby destroyed the machine that they could use to test it.

Back in Arkadia, Jaha discovered the shelter they found may have been a decoy, and sets out with Kane and Monty to Polis. With Gaia’s help, they found it.

Word of the shelter spread fast, leading the clans to hold a fight to the death for their place in the bunker.

Despite Bellamy and Lincoln’s best efforts, Octavia would fight for Skaikru. Luna would also fight, but plagued from the evil in the world and the loss she had suffered, if she won, no one would take the bunker. The human race would die.

In the middle of the conclave, Echo had been caught cheating for Roan. He then banished her, Octavia being witness to it.

Octavia and Roan form an alliance to take out Luna and in the end, Octavia wins. 

She declares that Skaikru will not take the bunker. Each kru would choose 100 people to live inside of it.

Kane and Jaha decide to hold a lottery to choose, Skaikru. They’d draw names.

Clarke and Bellamy gathered Murphy and Emori. They had to get to Raven. They weren’t going to gamble for a spot in the bunker and they couldn’t leave Raven to die. They’d use the ship, and go up. They’d go back to the ring.

They were almost killed when a grounder clan attacked the Rover, but Echo had been following them and saved them. Clarke convinced Bellamy to let her go with them.

They met up with Monty and Harper and finally got to the lab.

Unfortunately, they still had a lot to do before they could get the ship off the ground...

___________________________________

This was it. They all had their part to do, Clarke’s just seemed the most dangerous of them all. She took a deep breath and tried to calm the feeling of dread that wanted to overcome her. She looked around, it was just her and Raven in the lab now.

“Raven,” she started. “I need you to do something for me.”

Raven looked up from the screen and furrowed her brows. “I don’t like that tone.”

“If I don’t make it back in ti-“

“Clarke, stop.” Raven rolled her eyes, trying to go back to what she was doing. She didn’t want to hear this. She’d make it back in time. They all would.

“Raven.” Clarke said more firmly, and stepped forward to take Raven’s arms. “Listen... if I don’t make it back in time for the rocket to take off, you have to get Bellamy in it.”

Raven pushed tears down and looked away. “How do you expect me to do that? He’s not going to leave without you. We both know it.”

“Get him on that rocket, Raven.” She slipped something into Raven’s hand.

Raven studied it. “You want me to knock him out?” She asked disbelieving.

“Yes.” Clarke was holding back her own tears. “We both know that the chances of me making it back are slim... It’s too far.”

“You can do it-“

“Maybe.” She cut her off. “But just in case I don’t. Promise me, Raven. Promise me you’ll get him there.”

Raven’s hand shook as she clasped the syringe. “I promise.”

“Thank you.”

She flung her arms around Clarke’s neck and Clarke returned the gesture, both of them holding tightly.

“You know I love you, right?” Raven asked through tears.

“Me too.” Her voice cracked and she pulled back.

“Now go.” Raven said wiping her tears. “I’ll see you back here before take off.”

She nodded and turned to run out of the lab, towards what she was confident would be her death. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be this afternoon! I can’t tell you guys how excited I am for the upcoming chapters. It’s a big part of what inspired me to make this fic and I can’t wait to share them with you guys.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bellamy, please.” She begged him, tears welling in her eyes and pulled his arm towards the rocket.
> 
> “I can’t!” He yelled, yanking his arm away. “I’m not leaving her. Nothing you say is gonna change that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the ideas that popped into my head and inspired this fic. We’re probably just over half way through and I really, really love the last half of this story. We’re gonna have drama, angst, fluff, smut and more!

Everyone was waiting for Clarke. They were all in the rocket except Bellamy who was pacing back and forth in front of it. 

“4 minutes and we have to leave, Bellamy.” Raven said quietly. 

“I’m going after her.” He said.

“The hell you are!” She raised her voice. “You’ll never make it in time.”

“Raven, I can’t leave her here. She’ll die.” His voice raising to meet her own.

“Just give her a couple minutes Bellamy.” Raven pleaded. “What if you go out there and miss her? She makes it back and you’re stuck out there? Then she goes back out for you and you  _ both die.” _

He closed his eyes. She was right. Clarke had told him to use his head but he couldn’t. He felt dread in every inch of his body. Two more minutes went by in silence.

“Bellamy.” Raven said sadly. “We have to go now.”

“Can’t we give her a minute?!” Emori shouted.

“Raven, we have to wait.” Murphy urged.

“If we wait any longer, we won’t get off the ground!”

“I’m not going.” Bellamy said. “She’s coming back. We have nightblood, both of us. I’m waiting for her.” His voice was sure and calm.

“Bellamy, it’s untested!” Raven was sounding frantic now. They had to get him on the rocket. “You stay here and you die!”

“Then I die.” He wasn’t scared. If she didn’t make it back, he didn’t want to live anyway, he’d already decided that. If he didn’t die, that meant Clarke wouldn’t either, and he wasn’t about to leave her here alone for 5 years.

He looked back and Raven was crawling out of the rocket. 

“What are you doing, Raven? Get back in there and go.” He sounded angry, and honestly, he was. He should’ve never let Clarke go alone. He should’ve gone with her. Should’ve gone in place of her. 

“She said you had to get on this rocket, Bellamy. She made me promise.”

“I don’t care what you promised.” He said matter of factly. “I’m not going.”

“Bellamy,  _please_ _.”_ She begged him, tears welling in her eyes and pulled his arm towards the rocket.

“I  can’t!” He yelled, yanking his arm away. “I’m not leaving her. Nothing you say is gonna change that.”

“Don’t make me do this, Bellamy. Please get in.” She was fighting herself but they were out of time.

He shook his head to protest again and she jammed the syringe into his neck with a sob. He hit the ground, immediately losing consciousness.

“Raven, _what the fuck?”_ Murphy yelled, yanking off his seatbelt and darting out of the rocket.

“I promised her.” She cried. “I promised her.” She said weaker. “Help me get him in and get his helmet on.”

“He’s gonna fuckin’ kill us.” Murphy complained but grabbed Bellamy under his arms. Monty reached down and helped pull him in and they both got him strapped in.

“You’re sure we don’t have more time?” Echo asked.

“We ran out of time 3 minutes ago.” Raven said through her tears. “We leave now.”

•

Clarke climbed the tower and paused as she heard the rocket take off. She watched it rise for a second, her heart dropping completely, before even more urgently climbing up.

She didn’t make it. But they still could. It took every bit of strength she had, but she got it turned and she watched as the rocket disappeared. She had to get back to the lab if she wanted to live.

•

Back in the rocket, Bellamy shifted. 

“Well, that didn’t last long enough.” Murphy sighed.

As he became fully awake, he tried to shoot up.

“You need to stay still Bellamy.” Harper tried. 

“No.” He whispered, looking around. “Where is she?!” He yelled.

“Listen Bellamy, you’re going to run out of oxygen.” Murphy said. “You _have_ to calm down.”

“Fuck, Raven! What the hell is wrong with you?” He yelled again.

They were landing on the ring by this time. All of them running low on oxygen.

“You can freak out later, Blake. Right now we have to get the fuck off this thing and get the oxygen on the ring going or we’ll _all_ die." She said as calm as she could.

He was breathing hard and fast. His mind couldn’t wrap around what was happening. He heard Monty’s voice but couldn’t process it. Suddenly Murphy was in front of him.

“Come on, Bellamy. Don’t bail on us yet. We need you to get all the way there. Stay with us.”

He blinked and unbuckled, standing up.

They almost didn’t make it. They all shared the oxygen masks as Monty and Raven fought to get the air on, but it almost wasn’t enough

Bellamy couldn’t bring himself to care as his lungs fought for air. He saw her face in his mind as his eyes closed. 

_This was it_ _,_ he thought. He was ready to embrace death.

Just before he lost consciousness, he heard the air kick on and he gasped in a lung full of it against his will. 

Everyone around him did the same. He heard their laughs of relief as they got their breath back. He turned his head and saw Murphy and Raven lean on each other, exhausted but smiling because they were alive.

They all caught their breath and one by one stood up - all except him. He couldn’t find any strength to get up and even though there was air flowing it hurt to breathe. 

They were all safe and alive... Except the person he needed most. He stayed slumped against the cold metal, wishing he would’ve died before the air kicked on.

_It would be better than what I feel now,_ he thought.

“Bellamy?” Monty calmed his name softly.

“No.” He forced out, eyes closed tightly shut. No to what- he didn’t know. But it was all he could muster. He was still processing what had happened.

The smiles everyone had worn in relief just moments ago had vanished. The reality sinking into their souls.

Raven knelt down in front of him.

He shook his head. “Get away from me.” He warned, his voice shaking.

“I  had to .” She said weakly. “She-“

“She’s down there, Raven!” He finally shouted, finding the strength to stand. 

She jumped up like him and backed away a few steps while he yelled. 

“She could be dead or she could be hurt. She could be lying somewhere burning from radiation! She’s  alone.” He was frantic. “That’s your fault!”

He searched his mind, trying his hardest to feel something,  anything from her. He was overwhelmed and he couldn’t tell if anything he was feeling was his or her emotions.

He ripped off the suit. It was too hot. His skin burned and he was sweating.

“Hey, come on, guys. Let’s give him some space.” Harper said. 

Murphy pulled Raven back and she fought him for a moment.

She turned to Murphy. “We can’t leave him, Murphy. He’s not stable.”

“Considering we just left the woman he loves to die at the end of the world, I’d imagine not.” He snapped quietly. “I’ll get him into a room and settled. I’ll come find you guys as soon as he’s down. He’s not gonna last long like this.”

She nodded and they all shuffled out.

“Murphy, I have to get back down there.” He rasped. He sunk down to his knees. “I have to-“

“There is no way down Bellamy.” He said kneeling in front of him. “Let’s get you to a room, alright?”

“No, I- I just want to go back, Murphy. I want...” he trailed off. “She’s alive,  I know she is . I feel like I’m burning and I feel scared. That’s her. She  has to be alive. I can’t leave her there.”

Murphy watched him quietly. He wasn’t going to shatter his hopes that she could be alive. What did he know anyway? The nightblood could’ve worked. She could’ve made it to the lab and shut the door before it hit.

“I would know if she was dead. I- She doesn’t... she doesn’t feel dead to me.” He was a mess, on his knees, tears in his eyes, and his whole body shaking.

“I believe you.” Murphy said. He didn’t understand what Bellamy and Clarke had, but it wasn’t something he would question. He’d seen him be right about Clarke over and over again. He knew how they were connected.

“I don’t know how you guys always know, but you do... so I believe you, Bellamy.”

Bellamy’s eyes shot to his. Terrified but grateful for the belief. “What do I do?” He asked Murphy.

“We...” Murphy trailed off. Comforting had never been his strong point. “We can’t do anything right now.”

Bellamy let out a disbelieving huff. “So  _what_ _?_ We leave her there to die?”

“No. But we have to regroup. Think about the next step. We don’t have enough fuel to just go back down. We don’t know if it’s even safe.”

He leaned his head back, trying to keep his emotions under control. “Murphy... I need to get to her.”

“We’ll figure it out. Right now, you need to rest. C’mon, let’s find you a room.”

He nodded and let Murphy lead him down the halls. Murphy almost pulled back when he touched Bellamy’s arm- it was burning hot. “Dude, you’re burning up.”

“It’s her.” He said sadly.

He didn’t have anything to say to that for a moment. Thinking back to when Pike had captured Lincoln and Clarke. He’d felt her then. And Clarke had felt when he was stabbed by Azgeda and had to be cauterized.

“I-” he cut off and sighed. “At least that means that she is alive.”

Bellamy didn’t seem to take much comfort in that, but nodded.

“You gonna be okay?” Murphy asked him once he threw himself down on the bed.

“Not until I’m with her again.” Came his honest answer.

Murphy sighed. “Just... come and find me if you need anything.”

Bellamy didn’t respond so Murphy got up, closing the door and leaving Bellamy to his thoughts.

Once the door was shut, Bellamy let out a sob, finally letting his tears fall freely. He couldn’t breathe and he didn’t want to. Nothing felt right, nothing felt  _real_ _..._ Nothing but burning, like his skin was on fire.

Murphy stood at the door for a minute after he closed it. He heard Bellamy’s sobs and debated going back in there. He needed to get this out though. Maybe it’d help him sort everything out and he’d think clearer in the morning. Wishful thinking, he knew.

He didn’t sleep that night. He tried as hard as he could to separate his emotions from what he thought may be hers in his head, but he couldn’t focus enough to know for sure.

Murphy walked back to the center of the ring and found the rest waiting.

Raven jumped up when she saw him. “Is he okay?”

“What do you think?” He snapped. He was angry at her and angry at himself for helping her.

“John.” Emori said softly.

“No!” He snapped again. “She’s alive down there. _Alone_. Because we drugged Bellamy and forced him on that damn rocket.”

“She’s not alive.” Echo said looking out the window. The rest of them surprised to hear the remorse in her voice.

They moved to the window. Nothing but fire and smoke covered the earth. Raven let out a sob and grabbed on to Emori, who was closest to her. To her credit, Emori didn’t flinch away, wrapping her arms around Raven and letting her cry.

Murphy backed up and shook his head. “He said his skin was burning... She _is alive._ They...” he paused looking for a way to explain what he didn’t even understand himself. “He knows she’s not dead and I believe him.”

“He _hopes_ she isn’t dead.” Echo said quietly.

“No. He- they’re...  fuck.” Murphy mumbled. He literally couldn’t figure out how to explain it.

“They’re connected.” Harper said.

Echo cocked her head in confusion.

“They feel what the other is feeling.” She continued. “None of us have ever been able to understand it but we’ve seen it over and over. Neither have ever been wrong. If he doesn’t think she’s dead, she’s not.”

“He feels her burning?” Echo asked Murphy. 

He answered with a nod. “His skin felt like it was on fire. He said it was her.”

“You really think she’s alive down there?” Emori asked.

“I have to think that.” Murphy said. “Otherwise Bellamy might smash his way off this ring, killing us all in the process.”

Raven sniffed and lifted her head off of Emori. “I have to get the radio working. Find a way to get past the radiation.” 

“I’ll come with you.” Echo offered.

Raven paused, but nodded. If they were all going to be up here for the next five years, they’d have to learn to get along.

Monty went to try and get the algae farm up and running. They’d need it soon if they were going to live.

Raven worked all night. Everyone took a turn staying with her. She was determined. Murphy swung by to check on Bellamy, who much to his dissatisfaction, had not fallen asleep.

Raven had the speakers set up to sound throughout the whole ring at any radio sound. She’d finally passed out across the table around 6am.

The rest had slept on and off and now they were all up, trying to do anything helpful and stay busy. Harper helped Monty with the Farm, Echo and Emori scrounged for any rations that may have been left behind until they could get it running, and Murphy was trying the radio. 

He sighed and sat down the receiver. It was no use. He was about to go check on Bellamy when static filled the ring.

His heart skipped a beat and he looked up at the nearest speaker. “Raven!” He pushed her sleeping form.

Bellamy shot up from his bed, holding his breath.

Raven woke up with a start and the static played again. She gasped and immediately started tinkering with the system.

“Bell-my...” they heard Clarke’s voice come through.

Murphy let out a breath and smiled.

“Oh my god!” Raven gasped through tears. “He was right.”

Murphy grabbed the speaker. “Clarke? Can you hear me?”

“Bellamy?” She called again. “I doubt you can hear me, but... I’m alive.” Her voice was too weak.

Raven and Murphy jumped back as Bellamy ran in, grabbing the radio.

“ _Clarke?!"_ He called urgently. “Clarke, I hear you.”

“I’m alive.” She repeated. She couldn’t hear them.

Bellamy looked at Raven with a desperation she’d never seen before. She kept messing with the system but didn’t want to lose Clarke’s signal.

“I don’t know for how long though.” Clarke continued. “I- I’m burned pretty badly but I think it’s already healing... the nightblood is working. It probably didn’t help I was outside when the death wave hit.”

“Clarke, please.” Bellamy called into the radio.

“Please tell me your alive.” Her voice cracked.

“I’m here, princess. We’re okay.” His voice cracked with hers. He turned to Raven again. “Raven...”

“I’m trying Bellamy. I- I don’t even know how we’re hearing her.” Raven responded hastily.

“I feel like you are... like I can feel you still and you’re scared, but I’m okay so you don’t have to be... I’m going to have to leave the lab in a day or two. There’s nothing here to keep me alive. I don’t know if there’s anything out there either, but I’ll try.”

Everyone was in the room now. Harper had tears in her eyes and everyone else looked shocked.

“I’ll radio again when I can. Maybe I’ll get it to work... I’m sorry I didn’t make it back Bell. I just hope it worked and you’re all okay.”

“Clarke!” He tried one last time and heard the radio static click off.

“ _Fuck!”_ He yelled and slammed his hand against the table the radio was attached to, then pushed all its contents to the floor.

They all stared at the radio in disbelief.

Bellamy wanted to feel relieved but he didn’t. He just felt panicked. He had known she was alive but hearing her voice just shook him to his core. She was hurt. She had no food, no water. How could she survive?

Murphy, however did feel relief. “There she goes, commanding death.” He joked. “And they call me a cockroach.”

Bellamy sucked in a breath and closed his eyes tightly.

“She’s okay.” Monty said, placing a hand on Bellamy’s arm.

“For how long?” He asked. “I have to get down there.”

“How?” Harper asked.

“...There’s a single person ship on board.” Raven admitted through closed eyes. “I’d have to get it running. It’s old and broken, and I’d have to teach you to land it but-“

“Then let’s do it.” He said moving towards her.

“I need time, Bellamy. It’s not immediate. It’s not going to be running.”

“So get it running.” He said firmly and walked out. He was going to get back to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me yet guys. Next update tomorrow!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I won’t stay here, Murphy. I won’t. If she dies and Raven can’t get me down there, I’ll still find a way out of here.”
> 
> Murphy heard the meaning behind his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of angst, fair warning. All I Want by Kodaline is a good song for this chapter. Hope you guys enjoy. Much love ❤️

The next two days went by quickly for everyone but Bellamy. He felt useless. Clarke had radioed both days and they still couldn’t answer her. She was leaving the lab the next day. He was stuck in his own head, focused only on getting to Clarke and trying to answer her. 

It felt like an eternity to him.

Raven worked on the ship and Emori quickly became a big help. Learning fast and not getting in the way. 

The third day she radioed, she sounded tired. “Hey, Bell. It’s 100 miles to Polis. I’m gonna try to make it there... if I can get in the bunker, I’ll survive.”

He still tried to answer her. “Clarke, you won’t make it that far without water.  Please,  just stay there. I’m coming.”

No luck. “If you can hear me, please don’t worry... I know you’re alive. I feel how worried you are, but I’m still here, Bell. I’ll take the radio with me and keep trying.”

Raven’s heart broke every time she radioed in and Bellamy couldn’t answer her. _She_ did this to him. She’s the reason they all came to the lab in the first place. If it wasn’t for her, they’d both be safe, underground in the bunker.

The next day she radioed, she sounded even worse. Thirsty, hungry... but at least alive.

The next she found the Rover and dug it out. Bellamy had practically been living by the radio.

She finally made it to Polis. 

_Thank god for the Rover,_ Bellamy thought.

“I can’t get in.” She said into the radio. “I’m stuck out here and I’m- I have no water. I haven’t eaten in days.”

Bellamy sat, radio clutched in his hands. His body looked so stiff that it had to be painful.

“It’s the first time I’ve felt truly alone.” Her voice crackled through. “I don’t know what to do, Bell.”

She was crying, he knew. And _god, if he could just answer her._ He closed his eyes and breathed deep- tried to hold himself together.

“Maybe Jasper had it right,” she continued. “What’s the point if all there is a pain and suffering... Why am I even here?” Her voice was clear but her mind sounded far away. 

“I- I think I’m gonna try to head back to the lab.” She said with a little more confidence. “Maybe the house is still there. Maybe... maybe there’s supplies we didn’t see.” She sniffed and sighed. “I’ll radio again soon.”

He ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Raven, please tell me you’re closer.”

“So what, Bellamy? So you can go die with her?” Raven asked sadly.

Murphy winced. That was not the right thing to answer with.

“So you’re giving up?” Bellamy asked, angry and standing up.

“I can’t send you down there to die.” She sounded desperate.

“ _How long_ till the damn ship is ready?” Bellamy asked again.

Raven clenched her jaw and met his stare. But relented. “I still need a week.”

_ “A  week?”_

“I’m working as fast as I can.” She defended.

“It’s not fast enough!” He snapped.

“Bellamy...” Harper called softly. Everyone knew he was upset, but Raven was doing her best.

He closed his eyes and tried to take a calming breath. “Just- hurry.” He said, turning to leave.

Murphy gave him a few minutes then followed.

“Why do I keep doing this?” He asked himself out loud. He slowly opened Bellamy’s door, finding him sitting on the bed, staring at the floor.

“Hey,” Murphy started. He held out a bottle of moonshine. “Thought you may need this.”

Bellamy barely looked up, so Murphy sat beside him, popping the bottle open and taking a drink. He passed it to Bellamy and he quickly tipped it back.

“Hey, take it easy now.” Murphy said as he downed it. “You gotta go slow enough for Monty to keep up.”

He passed the bottle back to Murphy. They both sat in silence for a few minutes before Bellamy spoke.

“I don’t want to be here.” He said.

Murphy said dryly. “Join the club.”

“What if she doesn’t make it? What if it’s my fault? I could be there, helping her.”

“She’s the commander of death, right? So she should have no problem.” He tried to make light.

“This isn’t a joke, Murphy.” Bellamy said tonelessly.

Murphy’s face went straight and he sighed. “I know... I’m sorry.”

Bellamy kept his gaze on the floor. “If she dies... I will too.”

“That’s not what she would want and you know it.” Murphy responded firmly. “Besides she’s not dead. So let’s not worry about it.”

“She’s losing strength.” He said quietly. “She’s- struggling. Her body, her mind. She isn’t- it doesn’t feel right.”

“She just needs food and water. It’s been days. She’s not going to be in the greatest mind set right now.”

“I won’t stay here, Murphy. _I_ _won’t._ If she dies and Raven can’t get me down there, I’ll still find a way out of here.”

Murphy heard the meaning behind his words. 

“Clarke...” Murphy hesitated for just a moment, trying to think of how to ask his question without sounding stupid. “She can feel you, right? Like, your mind?”

Bellamy paused and met his eyes, simply nodding.

“So, let’s just- think positive for now, shall we?”

Bellamy didn’t say anything, but nodded again. He was drawing deeper into himself everyday. No one knew how to help him. He looked like death walking. 

Murphy sighed. “Try to get some sleep, man. Gotta be prepped and ready for that ship, right?” He tried to encourage.

He nodded again and Murphy sighed once more, getting up to leave.

•

The next morning, Bellamy wouldn’t speak to anyone, save for a few words to Murphy. 

“Something is wrong.” He’d said, somberly.

He sat by the radio moments before Clarke’s voice came through, like he knew when she’d radio.

“Bell... the Rover broke- or I- I broke it? I don’t know.”

He closed his eyes tight and sighed.

“There was a sand storm and the solar panels got carried away and broken.” She sounded  so tired .

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it back...” she admitted quietly. “I’m gonna keep going though. I have to try, right? I’m still breathing so...” He heard her trying to be positive but he felt the pain from her.

“Clarke...” he called softly into the radio. He got no response and he felt a tear fall. “Please, don’t give up.” He said into the air.

Later the same day, she radioed again.

She was crying this time. “I can’t do it, Bell. I tried but I-“ she cut off and took a deep shaking breath. “What becomes of the commander of death when there’s no one left to kill?” She asked, steeling her voice. “She dies.” She answered herself harshly. 

His heart dropped and he shot up, the chair he was sitting on flying backwards. He felt fear grip him with a force he didn’t know possible. It felt like his chest was being crushed. “No, Clarke, listen to me!” He frantically called into the radio.

Raven rushed, trying again to get the radio to work through her forming tears.

It seemed like everyone was holding their breath.

“Listen to me, baby.” He tried frantically. He knew it couldn’t be helping her frame of mind if she could feel it, but he couldn’t help it. “I’m coming for you, okay.  _Please, Clarke.”_

“Maybe I should’ve done this back in Lincoln’s cave all that time ago... maybe I would’ve been better off. That’s what Jasper thought.”

“Raven, can’t you do something?!” Emori asked, sounding panicked.

Raven let out a sob. “I- I don’t know. I-“

Monty ran to try to help her. They were losing time.

“Tell Raven I said thank you for getting you on the rocket.” His heart broke with her voice. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it back, Bell.”

He heard her tears and he would’ve given absolutely anything to have been able to hold her in that moment.

“I know you’ll take care of them. Maybe...” she cut off with a sob before she continued. “I know I promised you that I would never try again Bellamy, but I can’t anymore.” He let out a sob, feeling her pain. “Just  please, Bell, _please_ _don’t let this break you.”_

Everyone stood now in shock. There was nothing they could do, they realized. She couldn’t hear them. Maybe they could get the system fixed but it could take weeks. It’d be too late.

“But it will, princess.” He cried into the radio. “You can’t do this.”

Monty and Harper had embraced each other, both letting their tears fall. Echo slowly sat down on the floor, her gaze focused on her hands. 

Raven sat by the comms system crying freely and Murphy stood in the middle of the room, looking petrified.

“Don’t leave me, baby, _please.”_ Bellamy said weakly. His voice didn’t even sound like his own. “I need you.”

“Tell them all that I love them. Tell Echo that I understand the things she did and tell her she can grow from it. Tell Monty that even if you all hate his algae that he’s at least keeping you guys alive. I know Harper will band you all together and Murphy will try to shy away from any important conversations or emotions, but you know deep down he cares, so don’t let him... Emori can keep him in check. Keep all of you in check for that matter.” She let out a weak laugh through the tears.

“Don’t be mad at Raven, Bellamy. She did what I made her promise me. She’s always stood next to us... even when we didn’t deserve it.”

Bellamy shook his head again. He felt like he was drowning. His heart was pounding erratically, but at the same time he didn’t feel like it was beating at all.

“I’ve lost everything now. I always knew I needed you but... I know you think you need me, Bellamy, but you’re strong... stronger than me... you’ll be okay. You  have to be. ”

“I love you so much, but I just can’t do it anymore. Everything I’ve done-“ She was in hysterics now, talking through her sobs. “I didn’t even deserve to make it this long... please- don’t hate me.”

He let out his own sob. “You don’t deserve this. I could never hate you, princess. Please just- I need you to hear me.”

“I love you, Bell... May we meet again.”

“Clarke, no!” He yelled.

Time slowed down- he was sure of it. An excruciating pain shot through his entire being. He dropped to his knees with a sob, in time with the gunshot. Raven gasped through tears and put her trembling hand on the wall to keep herself up in the chair, covering her mouth with the other hand.

Murphy ran to Bellamy as he fell. He saw his mouth moving, but he couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t focus on anything. The room around him was swaying. He was dizzy and he was sick.

“Hey!” Murphy yelled, putting his hands on either side of Bellamy’s face. He finally caught back up with time. “Look at me, Blake. You _have_ to breathe.”

_Right._ He thought.  _Breathing._ Maybe that’s why he felt dizzy? He took in a shuddering breath, even if it felt like it would kill him. 

“There ya’ go.” Murphy said.

After he took the first breath though, it seemed he couldn’t slow down. He started to hyperventilate. He was having a panic attack.

He gripped his chest, and pushed his knees out from under him so he was sitting.

“Shit.”  Murphy cursed. He moved to get behind him. “You’re really gonna make me do this?”

He pulled Bellamy’s arms to his side and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tight. He felt Bellamy fight, but he had no strength in his body.

He heard Murphy’s voice, but didn’t process what he was saying and the pressure squeezing against his chest gave him something to focus on. After what felt like hours, his breaths evened out and his body relaxed.

No one moved. No one spoke.

The only sounds that filled the room were from cries and shaky breaths.

Murphy slowly let Bellamy go when he felt like he was controlling his breathing properly, but scooted next to him and they both leaned against the wall.

Murphy’s eyes were filled with tears that he wouldn’t let fall. He had to keep it together.

Bellamy pulled his legs up to his chest and put his head in his hands. He was still crying- didn’t know if he’d ever stop. Murphy put a comforting hand on his knee and leaned his head back against the wall. There was nothing he could say to make this okay and he knew that.

Raven, apparently, didn’t. She got up and knelt in front of Bellamy, still crying herself.

“Bellamy,” She started.

Murphy’s head shot off the wall to look at her.

“Raven, don’t.” He warned. It was too late though.

_ “ What?”_ Bellamy rasped out forcefully. 

She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“Spit it out, Raven.” The venom in his voice clear. “You wanna tell me  _ you’re sorry?”_

“I am. I-“ she choked out.

“Sorry for what, exactly?” He said dangerously.

“Bellamy,” Murphy said cautiously.

“No, Murphy.” Bellamy spat. “I want to hear it.  _Which part are sorry for?”_ He asked, his attention turning back to Raven.

“The part where you sent her to align the satellite? The part where you  drugged me?  Or where you put me on that  _fucking rocket_ against my will?!” He was yelling now, leaning closer towards her.

“Or the part where you left her behind and she killed-“ he cut off with another sob and leaned back again, the fight leaving him.

“All of it...” Raven cried so softly he barely heard it.

Murphy stood up and grabbed Raven, pushing her back. Emori moved to hold her arms and Raven gripped onto her.

“Get her out.” Bellamy whispered through closed eyes.

Raven tried to move forward to speak but Emori held her back, firmly. “No, Raven.” She whispered in her ear.

“Murphy, _get her out!”_ He yelled.

Murphy motioned them out and squatted in front of Bellamy. Echo stood and tried to usher Harper and Monty out of the room, they hesitantly followed. Raven took a little more coaxing, but Emori and Echo managed to get her out. 

Murphy just watched him for a minute. He didn’t know what to do here. What do you say to the man who just lost the love of his life- The man who was ripped away from her and forced to listen to her die.

So instead of saying anything, he took his place back beside him, both of their legs pushed up to their chests and was just there with him.

After what must’ve been an hour, Bellamy’s rough voice filled the room. “I couldn’t save her.”

Murphy sighed sadly, but didn’t answer. He wanted to tell him that this wasn’t his fault. But what good would it do? He wouldn’t listen or believe him.

“It doesn’t feel real, Murphy. She- it’s not real.”

Murphy thought for a second. “Let’s get you to your room, man. You need to lie down.”

He shook his head. “I don’t- I don’t want to. I just... where’s the moonshine?”

Murphy looked around the room. He remembered Bellamy’s words- the essential promise that he’d kill himself. There were tools that he could use to accomplish that everywhere. 

“I’ll make you a deal,” Murphy started. “Let’s get you to your room and I’ll bring you the moonshine?”

Bellamy was silent for a beat, but nodded eventually.

Murphy helped him up and led the way. He looked around the room when they got there, scanning for anything Bellamy could use to hurt himself. “I’ll be right back. Just stay here.” He told him.

Murphy practically ran back once he had the moonshine. Bellamy’s head jerked up at his sudden entrance.

“Worried I was gonna off myself already?” Bellamy asked dryly.

Murphy titled his head and shrugged. “The thought had crossed my mind.”

Bellamy huffed a humorless laugh. “If only it was that easy.”

Murphy knew what he meant. He’d wanted to kill himself when he was stuck in that bunker, but he couldn’t pull the trigger. 

He sat next to him on the bed and handed him the bottle.

“You don’t have to stay here.” Bellamy told him.

Murphy eyed the bottle in his hand. “I think maybe it’s best that I do.”

“What? You think I’m gonna kill myself with the bottle? Break the glass, slice it against my wrists?”

Murphy shrugged again. “You clearly thought about it.” He said.

Bellamy bit his lip and nodded ever so slightly. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“No, you don’t... but maybe you could use a friend.” Murphy suggested.

Bellamy didn’t argue, so he took that as a good sign. He got up and plopped in the chair in the corner. 

“It should’ve been me.” Bellamy’s voice was rough and low.

Murphy thought before answering. “She would just be in the position you are now. She’d still be in pain, Bellamy. That wouldn’t change. Losing you would kill her.”

“It’s gonna kill me too.” He said, falling back against the pillows and throwing the bottle back.

Murphy settled in and watched as Bellamy slowly drank himself into unconsciousness, his tears never once stopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay. Please don’t kill me. Just hang in there!!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I couldn’t leave you guys hanging for too long. It’s a short chapter, but it should hold everyone over till tomorrow!

Murphy jumped awake. He looked around and saw Bellamy was missing from the bed. “Mother  _ fucker.”_ He complained.

“Relax.” He heard Bellamy call from the floor.

He sighed in relief. “Jesus. What the hell are you doing down there?”

“I still feel her.” Bellamy said, looking at him. “She’s still alive.”

Murphy swallowed hard and leaned down to him. “Bellamy... we heard the gunshot. She said her goodbyes-“

“Then why can I feel her? She’s- she feels relieved.” He sounded confused, like he was trying to understand it.

_Could he feel her in the afterlife?_ Murphy wondered.

“Murphy, I have to get down to her.” He said firmly.

“We can’t send you down there to die, man.”

“Then I’ll _die here!”_ He raised his voice, angrily. He sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Murphy clasped his shoulder. “It’s okay. We just want you to be okay.”

“I just wanna be alone, Murphy... please.”

Murphy hesitated.

“I promise I won’t kill myself.” Bellamy said quietly.

He still just looked at him. He fought himself on what to do. “The way you’ve been talking, I’m inclined to not believe you.”

“You think I’m crazy.” Bellamy accused quietly.

“I don’t think you’re crazy.” He defended. “I think you’re hurt and you’re confused and I think you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I’m  not _confused_ about the fact that I can still feel her.” He said confidently.

“What if-“ Murphy cut off. “What if it’s relief from it being over, Bellamy? What if you’ll always feel her?... no matter what?”

It seemed like he hadn’t thought about that.

Bellamy paused and shook his head in thought. “I don’t think that’s what’s happening.”

Everything seemed to hit Murphy at once. He thought back on everything that Clarke had done for them. He thought about the bad, the good, the pain and the happiness. He thought about when she had convinced Bellamy not to kill him after Charlotte, how she pleaded for Bellamy’s life in the woods after Azgeda’s attack, when she had put the flame in her head to save everyone from the city of light, risking her own life while he pumped Ontari’s heart with his hands, how she reacted when she tasted his cooking at the mansion .

He shook his head and his eyes filled with tears. He tried to push them down, but this time he couldn’t. “Bellamy...” he choked out. “She’s-“

“Don’t do that, Murphy.” Bellamy practically begged him, pushing his own tears back down. “I can’t-“

“Bellamy,” Clarke’s soft voice filled the ring.

“Oh, thank god.” Bellamy gasped a breath, shooting up.

“Holy fuck...” Murphy breathed and jumped up to follow Bellamy who was already running towards the comm room.

Every single one of them ran to the room and froze, waiting to hear her voice again.

“I’m sorry if I scared you... I’m pretty sure you hear me. I- I feel how scared you were. I guess scared isn’t really the right word for it.” she said carefully. “I was... I was done. I was about to pull the trigger and a- a bird flew by, so I shot it.” He heard the tears in her voice but they weren’t from sadness. “I know I scared the shit out of you.” She laughed a bit. “And I know that’s not funny but... Bellamy, I found a valley, and-  it’s green .”

He closed his eyes and let out a laugh of relief.

Harper hugged Monty tight and even Emori and Echo embraced. Murphy and Raven caught each other’s eyes. Raven looked like she’d seen a ghost but a soft smile played on her lips and Murphy, who’s eyes were still red, let out a laugh and dropped to put his hands on his knees, shaking his head in happy disbelief.

“I’m okay.” She said. “I know you’re worried. I feel how badly you panicked, but I’m okay... there’s animals here and water and...” she trailed off and let out a laugh. “I’m gonna be okay. It’s one of the villages- or it was. Shadow Valley. I’ll radio later, okay?”

“You fucking knew it.” Murphy exclaimed happily. “Don’t ever let me doubt you again.” He said, walking to Bellamy.

Bellamy let out a breath and flung his arms around him. _“She’s_ _ alive.”_

He stepped back and turned to Raven. “It’s time to get me to the ground.”

So that’s what they did. Raven took another day and half to get the ship running. Then one more to make the controls into Bellamy’s brain and set the coordinates for the landing. He didn’t have to do much, really. The ship was small so it was mostly auto pilot. They just had to hope nothing went wrong.

Bellamy took a deep breath. It was time for him to go home. He hugged each one of them and stopped at Raven and Murphy. “Thank you.” He said. “ Both of you. ” He emphasized.

Raven nodded and Bellamy pulled them both in for a hug.

“Remember what I taught you.” Raven said when she pulled back. “Don’t overthink it.”

He nodded and tried to stop his hands from shaking.

“Now go get our princess.” Murphy smiled slyly.

“See you in less than 5 years.” He said, climbing in. “And Raven... get that radio working. I know you can.”

She smiled at him and gave a nod. The doors were shut and the countdown began, the ship dropping from the ring, straight down to earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Everybody a bit better now?


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stopped short and they both jumped as something clattering on the floor above them.
> 
> They met each other’s eyes and both pulled their guns.
> 
> He made sure Clarke stayed behind him as they walked up the stairs. He turned the corner and lowered his gun. “Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re going on a fluff trip, guys. Enjoy it while it lasts!

The landing was rough. The ship ended up landing on its side, but he was alive and not gravely injured. 

He shook his head clear, trying to shake off the pain that he felt in his left shoulder.

He was on the ground.

He undid the seatbelt and hit the ground with a grunt. He peaked out the window and smiled. Green. He’d landed right on target.

He pried the door open with a creak, and stepped out.

“Bellamy?” He heard her unmistakable voice behind him and smiled, turning around. She’d had a gun aimed at him, because of course she had no idea who’d step out of the ship.

He grinned at her and she dropped the gun. “Hey, princess.”

“Oh my god.” She cried and ran at him. He reached to pick her up in his arms, ignoring the pain in his shoulder. How could that matter when he finally had her in his arms again. 

“You’re real.” She whispered into his neck.

He squeezed her tighter. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“I scared myself too.” She laughed through her tears. He put her down so he could look at her, putting his hands on the side of her face. Her smile making him forget all the pain he’d felt on the ring. 

“Everyone’s okay? They all made it?”

“They’re all safe. Everyone’s on the ring. We heard you, Clarke. Every message.”

“Bellamy, I-“

“It doesn’t matter.” He cut off. He knew she’d be worried about him being upset at trying to kill herself again, but how could he blame her. “What matters is you’re here. We’re both here.”

She nodded and let her tears fall, hugging him again. “God, I missed you, Bell.”

“You have no idea, princess.” He kissed the top of her head.

She moved to kiss him and he pulled her against him firmly. She pulled her shirt off immediately, then tugged at his. She needed her body against his. She needed her skin on his.

He ended up moving her down to the grass, the blades tickling her sides. He let his hands roam up her body while he kissed her like it was his air. She felt wetness pooling, already ready for him. The love she felt for him and that she was feeling _from him_ almost overwhelmed her. She never thought she’d have this again.

She reached between their bodies, undoing his pants frantically, and reaching in his boxers, grasping him. He groaned into her mouth, bucking into her hand. He undid her bra, lifting her up off the ground, just far enough to reach behind her.

He moved his mouth from hers, sucking one of her nipples into his mouth. She gasped and her hands found their way to his hair. His hands moved over her body, just wanting to feel her skin. To feel that this was real. He needed to be inside her.

He undid her pants and slid her underwear down with them. She was wet and ready, and he wasted no time burying himself inside her.

She held onto him tightly, and let out a whimper as he pulled and thrusted back into her, deep.

He tried to hold back. He wasn’t going to last long. He needed her too much. He’d thought she had died and now she was here in his arms.

He knew his dominance turned her on, but this didn’t feel like the time for it, so he pulled out and let himself slide across her clit before slamming back into her. She let her head roll back and closed her eyes. “Yes, Bellamy.” She muttered.

Reaching down he rubbed her clit in circles, timing them with his thrusts. He felt her tightening around him already and he let his head fall to the crook of her neck, growling in pleasure.

She cried out as she came, her nails scraping down his back. She fisted a hand in his hair, and she felt him release inside her, his body shaking.

He moved to kiss her forehead and then rolled to the side to catch his breath.

She rested her head on his shoulder and caught her own.

After a few minutes she stood up, pulling her clothes back on, and throwing him his.

“Where you going?” He asked. 

She moved to pull him up, and grabbed his hand. “I have something to show you.”

He slipped his pants on, but didn’t bother with the shirt. What was the point?

She led him to the village. It really was beautiful. Colors were everywhere. Everything left behind, untouched by Praimfaya.

“It really didn’t touch the valley.” He said amazed.

“It did in some ways.” She said sadly. “I buried the bodies, but most of the animals survived. There’s deer, chickens, everything.”

He looked down at her and rubbed her back. “You’ve eaten right?”

As if I’m cue, his own stomach rumbled.

She gave a soft laugh. “I have. Have you?”

He shook his head. “I, uh... I had a pretty rough time up there. Food hasn’t been a real thought until now.”

“Raven...” She trailed off and looked down. “She only did what I asked her to do, Bell.”

“It almost killed me, Clarke.” He said honestly. “When I woke up on that rocket and you weren’t there... I didn’t want the air to turn on. Then I knew you were alive and when I heard you on the radio, I wanted to be relieved, but all I was, was freaked out because you were still here alone with nothing to keep you alive.”

Tears came to his eyes and he tried to push them down. “When I... when I heard that gunshot, Clarke, I thought I’d die right there. I _wanted to_ _._ If it weren’t for Murphy I probably would have... I thought I lost the only thing I had left.”

She’d known it deep down. She’d felt all his emotions, but hearing his words... she couldn’t say anything to take what he’d felt away. She couldn’t undo what she’d done, so she just leaned up to kiss him. He gripped her waist and pulled her tightly against him, kissing her back with everything he had. They came together and it felt like their souls fell back into place. They were both where they needed to be.

•

Over the next few days, they made sure to radio the ring, letting them know Bellamy had landed and just keeping them updated. They couldn’t hear them in response just yet, but they knew Raven could get it working eventually.

They set their own cabin up, a cozy, two bedroom with a loft and a fireplace.

They slowly went through each house, gathering anything they thought they’d need and any food they could find.

They were in one of the houses searching for clothes and Bellamy held up a dress to show her. 

“Here,” He said holding it up. “We’ll make a real princess out of you.” He smiled.

She laughed at him and shook her head. “In your dreams.”

“Oh, come on, princess.” He complained. “Just for fun. No one else will-“

He stopped short and they both jumped as something clattering on the floor above them.

They met each other’s eyes and both pulled their guns.

He made sure Clarke stayed behind him as they walked up the stairs. He turned the corner and lowered his gun. “Shit.”

Clarke looked around him and lowered her own gun. It was a little girl, no more than 4 years old.

“Hey...” Clarke started to walk forward but the girl crammed herself further into the corner of the room.

“It’s okay. We won’t hurt you.” She paused as the girl let out a whine.

“Clarke...” Bellamy started. “She’s a grounder. She probably doesn’t speak English. She’s too little.”

He leaned down and squatted next to Clarke. “Oso won’t laksen yu. It’s kei.”

_We won’t hurt you. It’s okay._

“Flaimkeepa.” The girl whispered.

“She’s a nightblood.” Clarke said. She looked at the girl and shook her head. “No, no flaimkeepa.”

She pulled her knife and the girl startled, but Clarke slowed her movements.

“Chek au.” 

_Look_ _._ She said, sliding the knife across her palm. 

“Natblida.”  The girl leaned forward, curious. She seemed to accept it, then looked to Bellamy. He knew what she wanted. She wanted to confirm he was a nightblood too.

Poor kid,  he thought. Her parents must have taught her to live in fear from the rest of their community, terrified someone would find her.

“Ait. Hir.” 

_Alright. Here._ He said, taking out his own knife and slicing his hand.

She scooted herself out of the corner completely and sat in front of them on the floor. She was covered in dirt and her hair was starting to mat in a tangled mess. Her clothes were torn and she was too thin.

“God, Bellamy. Look at her.” Clarke whispered.

“Yu enti?” He asked her.

_You hungry?_

Her eyes lit up and she nodded at him.

“Come on.” He said in English, standing up. 

_They’d have to teach her English_ _,_ He thought. 

Clarke stood with him and offered her hand out to the girl.

“It’s okay.” She said softly. “Come on, natblida. We’ll get you food.”

The girl hesitated. She couldn’t fully comprehend what they said, but she understood food and she hadn’t eaten in days.

Slowly she stood up and placed her hand in Clarke’s.

She followed them quietly to their own house.

“Stay out here with her.” Bellamy said. “I’ll go grab her some food.” He offered.

Clarke sat her down on the steps of the porch.

“Ste yu laksen anywhere?” Clarke asked her.

_Are you hurt anywhere?_

The girl just shook her head, but looked like she wanted to speak, so Clarke waited her out.

“Weron ste en?” The girl asked quietly.

Where is everyone?

Clarke sighed and looked out at the forest before looking back to the girl.

“Der ste non else nau. Jos osir.”

_There is no one else now. Just us._

“ No mou flaimkeepa?” She asked.

“No more flaimkeepa.” Clarke confirmed.

Bellamy opened the door slowly, so he didn’t scare the girl and sat on the other side of her. She looked at the plate he held out. He’d put berries and dried meat on it, cutting the meat small for her, and it made Clarke smile. 

The girl smiled and immediately took a handful of berries.

“Don’t gyon au too snap nau. You’ll ge hake.” 

_Don’t go too fast now. You’ll get sick._ Bellamy said softly.

“We need to get her cleaned up.” Clarke said as the girl ate. “I think I saw some clothes that’ll fit her in one of the houses. I’ll warm up some water in the tub so we don’t have to put her in the cold lake water.”

“You should find a brush while you’re at it.” Bellamy teased. “Her hair’s a mess.”

“What are we gonna do with her, Bell?”

“What you said.” He answered. “Let her eat, we’ll clean her up, get her some clothes, brush her hair... she’s just one girl. How hard can it be?” He smiled.

She thought back to everything that had gone wrong when they first hit the ground- thought of Charlotte. Taking care of the 100 had been hard.  So hard . But he was right. This was one girl. They could do it.

She finally smiled back at him. “Easier than 100 of them right?”

He laughed at that. “Much.”

•

Once she had finished eating, Clarke warmed up some water and Bellamy went in search for a brush and some clothes.

Clarke poured water over the girls hair and hummed softly to her. The girl seemed to be comfortable enough, watching the water splash around her.

“Ai laik, Clarke.” Clarke said. “My name. It’s Clarke.”

The girl looked at her and Clarke noticed just how blue the girls eyes were. She had dark, wavy hair and freckles covered her cheeks. She reminded her of Bellamy.

“Madi.” The girl whispered. “My name.”

Clarke smiled. Her words weren’t perfect, but what 4 year olds were.

“Madi.” Clarke repeated back to her.

Bellamy came up and leaned against the door frame, clothes and a brush in hand. Madi turned and looked at him.

“Name?” She asked.

He huffed a small laugh and smiled at her. “Bellamy.”

“Bellmy.” She said back without the ‘a’. 

He laughed again and nodded. “That’s right, kid.”

Clarke smiled and finished rinsing the girl off, wrapping her in a makeshift towel.

Her heart felt light for the first time she could remember. She was happy and carefree. Looking at Bellamy, she knew he felt the same. 

They spent a good part of the afternoon detangling Madi’s hair, but they got it done. Clarke braided part of it when they were done and tied off the bottom. Miraculously the girl sat still the whole time, patiently waiting for them to finish.

The air outside had started to chill a bit and Bellamy started a fire, while Clarke made them food.

After they ate, Madi squeezed between them on the couch. Her small body was cold and Bellamy grabbed a blanket, covering all three of them. She drifted off quickly after that, her upper half resting on Clarke and her legs and feet on Bellamy.

Clarke ran her hands through Madi’s newly brushed hair. “She reminds me of you.” She said. “Her freckles, her hair.” She sounded far off, like her mind was somewhere else

He felt her mood shift and it felt... dark.

He reached and grabbed the hand that wasn’t running through Madi’s hair. She met his eyes and smiled but she looked sad. 

“What’s wrong, princess?”

She shrugged a little. “She lost everything. She’s so little. Her parents had to have been raising her to be afraid of everyone. And now she’s lost them. Probably watched them die. She’s been on her own for so long. I don’t even know how she’s still alive.”

“She’ll be okay. She’s got us now at least. We won’t let anything happen to her.”

She smiled at him. “It’s so weird.”

“What’s that?”

“We kinda have a kid now.” She teased.

He chuckled softly. “I guess we do.”

Clarke laid her head against Madi’s and Bellamy scooted down further into the couch, and closer to the two of them. He squeezed Clarke’s hand and felt sleep start to catch up with him. 

Clarke squeezed back and watched the fire until she heard Bellamy’s breaths even out.

She smiled and closed her eyes, drifting off, surrounded by warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How cute are they?


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He moved to kneel next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, princess, look at me.”
> 
> She met his eyes and a tear fell.
> 
> “It’s okay.” He said softly. “She was already gone before we got here. Just take him to the Rover. We’ll get him home and clean him up. We’ll worry about who we can save, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff before the storm rages once more! Song for this chapter is Save Yourself by Kaleo. It’s really such a beautiful song and the verses, (not so much the chorus) really just hit right. I put some of the lyrics in the chapter. Tell me if you hate it 😂

It was proving remarkably easy to teach Madi English. She was young and so smart, catching on quickly. They made sure to talk to her in both languages, keeping the Grounder in her alive.

She’d cried one night for her mom. Bellamy had picked her up, carrying her to their own bed, both of them holding her until her cries quieted and she drifted back to sleep.

She was so young, Clarke knew soon she’d forget they even existed. Or at least most things about them. That was one good thing about her being so young. Kids were resilient. They adjusted well.

During the night, she’d end up crawling in bed with them. Neither minded. She’d curl into Clarke, and Bellamy would wrap them both in his arms, holding them into the night.

They told her stories of the people underneath the ground and the people in the sky, and her eyes would light up each time. She looked forward to a new one each day, sometimes asking to rehear one they’d already told her. Clarke let Bellamy do most of the story telling. He was better at it then her and she loved to listen to him talk anyway.

They were outside one afternoon some months later when the radio crackled beside them. Clarke and Bellamy both looked at each other, eyes wide.

“Clarke?... Bellamy? Do you read me?”

They smiled at Raven’s voice before running to the radio.

“Raven, I hear you.” Clarke called into the radio. 

She heard Raven laugh and smiled. “Took you long enough.” Clarke teased.

“That’s what I said!” They heard Murphy call over the radio.

Clarke fought back happy tears. “It’s so good to hear you guys.”

“It’s good to finally be able to answer back.” Raven said. 

“How’s the kid?” Murphy asked.

“She’s good.” Clarke smiled. “We’re all good. She’s excited to meet you guys in 5 years.”

“Less than 5 now.” Raven responded. “You guys, we can see more green land. There’s not a lot of it, and it’s spaced out far, but by the ocean, there’s a large patch of it and mountains. They’re still green. There’s random patches throughout the country.”

“Any in traveling distance?” Bellamy asked.

“With a Rover, sure. On foot?... that’d be a rough trek.”

They’d thought about heading to Becca’s lab, seeing if there was anything they could use to fix the Rover, but they’d been worried to with Madi. 

“We haven’t found a way to fix the Rover yet. We will once we venture out, I’m sure, but...” she glanced over at Madi. “We’re taking things one step at a time.”

“I get it.” Raven answered. “So, Madi... she’s okay?”

They’d talked into the radio about Madi on an almost daily basis.

“She’s doing really well.” Clarke said. “She’s so smart you guys. You’re gonna love her. Are you guys okay? The algae farm is running?”

“You know Monty. He got it up in no time. Took a minute to get it edible though. Tan into a few, uh,hiccups... but we’re all good.”

“I’m glad you guys are all safe.” Clarke said.

“Us too.” Murphy piped up. “Although it’s pretty fucked up you guys are getting all the good food when Monty’s algae put me in a coma.”

“It _what?”_ Clarke asked.

“Nothing.” Raven responded quickly. “He’s fine. It was just for a couple days. He’s back to his annoying self. Like I said... a few hiccups.”

“You did good, Raven.” Bellamy said taking the radio. “I knew you’d get it working.”

“I’m sorry it took so long.” She sounded sad.

“Don’t be. Everyone’s okay. And now you can harass us whenever you want or need.” He made his voice light hearted. He’d need to apologize to Raven eventually, but now didn’t feel like the right time.

“We’ll talk to you guys later okay?” Raven said.

“Talk to you later.” He confirmed. 

Bellamy turned and smiled at Clarke. “I think maybe it’s time we make a trip to the lab.”

•

They gathered everything they’d need for the trip. Getting to the lab should take them no more than a day, they should be in the lab by nightfall. They overpacked rations and blankets and water, but you could never be too safe.

The weather wasn’t bad, so the trip was relatively easy. Madi had insisted walking part of the way, trying to show them that she was “big like them”, only giving up when her eyes started to droop and Bellamy scooped her up without any protests from her, carrying her the rest of the way.

She’d tucked her head into his neck and quickly fell asleep.

They made it just before dusk and they had been right. There were plenty of solar panels they could use for the Rover, maybe even some to power the house if they could figure out how to rig it. 

Madi was mesmerized by all the lights and equipment. Bellamy followed her around, making sure she didn’t touch anything that could hurt her.

Clarke smiled watching them. He was so good with her. She never thought this was where she’d be a few months ago, but here in this moment, she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Bellamy sensed her happiness and looked over to her, giving her a grin.  _They were happy._

They found some food in the house, which was amazingly as untouched as it was after the first bombs had hit, and slept the night there.

The next morning, they headed for the Rover. They’d taken the radio with them and Raven was able to talk them through hooking up the panels.

Bellamy got behind the wheel and turned the key, smiling big as it came to life. He revved the engine and gripped the wheel. God, he’d missed this thing.

“Ready to have some fun, ladies?” He asked, before punching the gas and taking off. 

Madi squealed with surprise and then laughed and threw her hands up. They rolled down the windows and headed back home.

•

It was starting to get dark by time they reached the first green part of the valley. Madi was asleep on a pile of blankets in the back and Clarke had her head leaned against the window while Bellamy drove.

She squinted, seeing something in the distance. 

“Hey Bell, what’s that?”

He looked over to where she pointed, but he couldn’t tell what it was. Some kind of animal, but what?

“I don’t know.” He turned the wheel, headed towards it.

As they got closer, it came into view. “It’s a wolf.” He said.

But it was lying on its side, not moving.

He had barely stopped when Clarke jumped out and starting running towards.

“Clarke!” He started to yell, but she was already going.

“Christ...” he mumbled, stepping out of the Rover, making sure Madi was still sleeping.

He pulled his gun and ran over, but Clarke was already leaned over it, hand on its chest. It was breathing shallow, and it was struggling.

There was a single puppy laying next to it and he sighed.

“What’s wrong with it?” He asked softly, so he didn’t scare it.

Her eyes didn’t leave the wolf as they scanned its body. “I don’t know.” Her brow furrowed. “I don’t see any injuries. She’s not bleeding from anywhere.”

“Radiation?”

“Maybe.” She answered sadly. “She’s completely unresponsive.”

“What about him?” Bellamy nodded to the puppy.

Clarke looked to the wolf puppy. It jumped when she reached for it, reminding her of when they found Madi.

“Shhh...” she soothed. “Chil au daun, strik guy.”

He crouched down into himself but didn’t fight as Clarke picked him up. She hummed softly and scratched his ears, his leg kicking when she hit a certain spot. “He looks okay to me.”

She looked back to the mother and Bellamy felt her heart drop.

The wolf’s breaths were almost nonexistent now. “Bell... I can’t help her.”

“I know.” He sighed. He looked at the puppy in her hands. He was a little scrawny, much like Madi when they found her, and his black coat was covered in dirt. “Go put him in the truck. I’ll be there in a second.”

She looked like she wanted to cry and she didn’t move right away.

He moved to kneel next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, princess, look at me.”

She met his eyes and a tear fell.

“It’s okay.” He said softly. “She was already gone before we got here. Just take him to the Rover. We’ll get him home and clean him up. We’ll worry about who we _can_ save, okay?”

She nodded and stood up, heading back to the Rover.

Bellamy ran a hand gently over the wolf’s head. “Yu gonplei ste odon.” He slid his knife into her heart, stopping her already shallow breaths completely.

He looked up to the sky and let out a breath. It never got easier. He only hunted to eat, to keep food in his family’s mouth. Seeing the wolf, looking into her eyes, seeing her pup curled next to her... it was hard.

He closed her eyes and stood up, making his way back to the Rover.

He got in and just sat for a moment, leaning his head against the seat. She grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. He finally looked at her, the puppy had fallen asleep on her lap. He gave her a small smile.

“We done taking in strays now?” He tried to joke. 

She gave him a small, sad smile. “We’ll see.”

He nodded and started the engine. “Let’s go home.”

•

They pulled up to their cabin and Madi started to stir.

“Wake up, princess.” Bellamy called to her. “We’ve got a surprise.”

Clarke smiled watching them. He’d taken to calling Madi princess too- Said she’d gotten Clarke’s ‘attitude’.

It was funny how she’d caught on to their personalities and how she picked up so quickly on things like facial expressions and how to speak.

Madi blinked a few times, looking around the Rover.

“You gotta be really quiet and calm though, okay?”

She nodded at him, already looking excited.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” She mumbled, still sleepy.

He laughed and picked up the puppy from Clarke’s lap.

She gasped and leapt forward, before remembering her promise to keep calm. “A fetcha.”

“Dog.” Bellamy told her, gently placing him down in front of her. “Puppy, actually.”

The puppy put its front paws on Madi’s lap and promptly started to lick her face. Madi giggled, turning her face away from the licks.

“Now, you’re gonna have to help us clean him up, alright?” He told her.

“Yeah.” She said still giggling. “Can he sleep with me?” She asked.

“Once he’s clean, natblida.” Clarke answered. “Now come on, let’s go warm up some water for him and get him some food.”

•

The wind had picked up and the temperature dropped incredibly fast. Just a day or two ago, the heat had been almost unbearable.

Bellamy started a fire while they cleaned up the puppy and got him fed. It was too cold in the cabin and he needed to warm it up quickly if they were putting the puppy in water.

He pulled the blankets from Madi’s bed and was placing them on the couch when the girls walked in, Madi holding the puppy.

Bellamy let out a short laugh. He was as big as her entire upper half already, his feet almost dragging the ground as she carried him. Clarke smiled and gave him a shrug.

“It’s getting cold. Madi, why don’t you sleep on the couch in front of the fire tonight.” Bellamy said.

“With puppy?” She asked.

Bellamy nodded. “With the puppy, yes.” He looked to Clarke. “But we need to give him a name, because it’s not gonna be puppy.”

“Murphy!” Madi shouted.

“Absolutely not.” Bellamy deadpanned and Clarke laughed.

Madi huffed out in annoyance.

“Why don’t we let dad name him?” Clarke suggested, and then realized her mistake, eyes snapping to Bellamy. She’d called him dad. 

Panic ran through both of them and they stared at each other, waiting for a reaction, but Madi just sighed. “Fine.” She said dramatically.

Clarke looked to her and they both let out a sigh of relief. 

Bellamy recovered quickly, feigning in attempt at a name. “Hmmm...” He drew out, scratching the stubble that was growing on his chin.

It made Madi giggle as she pulled herself under the covers on the couch.

“How about we call him... Leo?” He said.

“Leo...” she repeated slowly. “I like it.” She decided firmly.

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Go to sleep, princess. I’m gonna go cut some firewood outside for a while. Come and get us if you get too cold.”

She nodded and snuggled further into the blankets, already falling asleep. She’d had a long couple days. Leo laid at her side, tucking his feet underneath him.

Clarke pushed a bit of Madi’s hair behind her ear. “Night, natblida.”

“Night.” Madi mumbled, sleepily. “Love you.”

_**~ It weighs heavier on one's heart  
** _

_**I could tell right from the start that sweet ones are hard to come across ~** _

Clarke paused, feeling tears come to her eyes. She felt Bellamy’s hand come to her back and she blinked, clearing the tears. “We love you too, Madi.”

With one last kiss to the top of her head, Bellamy grabbed his jacket and Clarke grabbed a thick sweater, pulling it right across her body and they headed outside.

The air was cold, much colder than it had been the day before. He paused turning to look at her. He felt her happiness and at the same time sadness.

_**~ Well there is more than meets the eye** _

_**I like yours as red as vine ~** _

He pulled her close to him, wrapping her up in his arms and brushed a tear away. “You gotta stop crying, princess.” He said gently.

“I know, I just...” she shook her head. “I _do_ love her, Bell. And I called you dad and she didn’t even blink. She- she loves us.”

“I know.” He whispered. “I love her too. So why are you sad?” He asked.

“Because I-“ she cut off, holding back a sob. “I never thought we’d have this. I can’t... Everyone was tested on the Ark. I only had a 5% chance of ever having kids and I was okay with that. I never thought I’d want one. Now... after Praimfaya, I know I’ll never be able to.”

He pulled a lock of her hair behind her ear and let her continue.

“I see how you are with her, Bell. I can’t... I can’t give you a baby. I’m-“

“Hey, whoa, slow down, baby. Look at me.” He waited until she met his eyes and put a hand on her cheek. “You and Madi are _all I need._ You hear me?”

She searched his eyes and tried to feel anything that would indicate it wasn’t the truth.

“That’s it.” He continued. “Blood or not. Just because you didn’t give birth to her doesn’t mean she’s not our child. I love that little girl like my own. Just like I know you do... you two mean everything to me.”

She’d squirmed her way into his heart just like Clarke had. 

“Okay?” He asked.

She sniffed and nodded, looking into eyes. “Okay.”

“Wait here.” He let her go and walked to the Rover. 

He turned the headlights on, illuminating her, and she blinked to adjust to the light. He watched her for a moment, smiling. She had a sweater with an open front wrapped around her and she was barefoot despite the cold, her hair loose around her shoulders. 

He turned on the iPod and music filled the speakers. 

“What are you doing?” She grinned as he walked back to her.

“What’s it look like?” He grabbed her and spun her around, before pulling her back to him, getting a laugh out of her.

“Who knew you could dance?” She teased.

“Not me.” He smirked.

_**~ Well little things that make you smile** _

_**Dancing barefoot in the dark** _

_**If only I had strength to change your mind** _

__

_**Oh for what you need** _

_**You will not see** _

_**Choose your words before you speak, oh** _

_**Can you see that all you've got is time? ~** _

She gave him the sweetest smile and he could swear he felt his heart stop. She reached up as they swayed and pushed the hair out of his eyes. “I love you... More than anything, Bellamy.”

“I love you too, princess.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. When he pulled back he brought her head against his chest, while he moved.

_**~ Tell your secrets to the night** _

_**You do yours and I do mine** _

_**So we won't have to keep them all inside ~** _

“I meant it when I said you two are all I need, Clarke. I never even could’ve wished for this... for you two. I was never going to have kids after what happened with my mom. Never fall in love... we see how well that worked.” He joked.

She closed her eyes against him.

_**~ Oh, for one so pure** _

_**Count these off** _

_**Let your feelings take control** _

_**Hold on to the world that he's begging for ~** _

“But this isn’t the Ark... and I’m  _so happy_ _,_ Clarke.” His voice cracked a little and she felt his happiness embrace her. “I don’t want this to change. I love you.”

She lifted her head and put a hand on his face. “I don’t want it to change either.”

“And it won’t. I’m not letting anything ever happen to you. Any of you.” He kissed her forehead and the song ended. “Go inside, princess. It’s getting too cold out here. I’ll be in soon.”

He watched her walk inside. To him, what they had was a miracle and he loved every second of it. He didn’t need anything more to make him happy. Madi may not have biologically been their daughter but she was every bit a part of them. 

He finished cutting the wood and carried it inside. Leo popped his head up, alert, but laid it back down at the sight of Bellamy.

He quickly stripped his layers off and crawled in next to Clarke’s warm body, pulling her close. With Leo curled next to Madi, it was the first night she hadn’t ended up in their bed, sleeping soundly all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the wolf idea isn’t off the wall. I really love how he becomes part of the story.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He dropped his hand from hers to wipe her tears away.
> 
> She looked to him and sniffed, trying to get herself together. “I never meant to hurt you.” She whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter here. We’ve got a mix. Starting with some more fluff/love/deep conversations and ending with drama. There will be a time jump. As much as I love them being peaceful and happy, I can’t write 5 years worth of it. Haha.

When they woke up in the morning, snow covered everything in sight.

Bellamy looked out the window, frowning.

“How does this make sense?” He asked Clarke. “Two days ago it was blazing hot.”

“I don’t know. Affects of the radiation maybe.” She shrugged.

“How far did Raven say that ocean was?” Bellamy asked.

She looked up at him and smiled. “Perfect distance for the Rover.”

“I think it’s time we took a little road trip.” He grinned.

“What’s a road?” Madi mumbled sleepily. She sat up on the couch and rubbed her eyes.

Bellamy’s opened his mouth to answer, but didn’t really have a good one. He hadn’t ever actually seen one in real life himself, just learned about them on the Ark. 

“Good point.” He said. “More like a uh... well just a trip I guess.” He finished, unsure.

Clarke laughed at him and reached out for Madi’s hand. “Come here, let’s fix some breakfast.”

Madi wiped the sleep from her eyes and grabbed Clarke’s hand. “Daddy’s kinda weird sometimes.” She yawned.

Clarke felt her heart grow lighter and felt the warmth of Bellamy’s happiness. 

“He is, isn’t he?” Clarke whispered back to her and Madi giggled.

After they ate, they gathered everything they’d need for two weeks worth of being gone. They radioed Raven to make sure the area at the ocean looked clear of snow and she gave them the best route to take. They bundled up Madi as best they could and Madi and Leo pounced around in the snow while they loaded the Rover.

“Alright kids.” Clarke called once they were ready. “Let’s load up.”

Madi jumped into the Rover, Leo following and they were off.

They actually did end up finding a road, covered in ash as it was, following it most of the way. The snow had disappeared quickly and the air where they drove was warm.

They found a large building that was still standing. It must have been some trade-post before the first bombs. It was filled with clothes, supplies, tents blankets, everything they could possibly need.

Madi walked into a section of the building and her eyes lit up. There was jewelry everywhere.

“Mom?” She called.

Clarke smiled, it was the first time she called her that. She walked to her and her eyes lit up the same as Madi’s. The cases of jewelry had been left untouched. Dust covered the outside of the cases but the inside was sparkling like it had 100 years ago. 

Bellamy walked up behind both of them and smiled. He leaned down to Madi. “Why don’t you pick something out?” He asked her.

“Can I?” She asked, excitedly.

He laughed and pushed her forward, standing up next to Clarke. “You too, princess.”

She smiled but shook her head. “Seems kind of silly doesn’t it? After everything that’s happened. Something so... materialistic.” She shrugged.

He nodded in understanding and they watched Madi pull out a necklace with a small paw charm on it, smiling.

“It’s like Leo’s feet!” She exclaimed and Leo pounced at her own feet. 

Bellamy laughed and nodded. “Is that the one you want?”

She smiled and nodded quickly.

“C’mere.” He said, motioning with his finger.

He took the necklace and moved her hair out of the way so he could clasp it.

Madi smiled and turned to face him, holding the charm in her fingers. He moved the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead.

“Like a princess.” He told her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing and he held her tight against him for a moment.

God, he really did love this little girl. She pulled back and looked at Clarke. “Are you gonna pick one, mommy?”

Clarke shook her head. “I don’t think so, baby. Why don’t we get some nice clothes though. Maybe some for the beach?”

They’d told Madi about the beach. Or at least what they thought it would look like. What it looked like from pictures, since they’d never seen it themselves.

Clarke grabbed her hand and started walking across the building to where some of the clothes were.

They grabbed everything they needed- no everything they wanted, because Bellamy insisted that they enjoyed having something they wanted now that they weren’t worried about dying every minute of the day, then continued on. He wanted them to be happy and have the things that they wanted.

As they drove, he felt Clarke’s lightness. She reached to turn on the music and opened the top of the Rover. She looked over and smiled at him.

He couldn’t help but smile back, but looked at her in confusion. “What are you doing?” He chuckled.

She stood up and popped her top half out the top of the Rover. She took a deep breath and smiled. The air was warm and the sun was setting, the music was perfect. She had everything she wanted. She lifted her arms to the sides and closed her eyes, breathing in.

After a moment she ducked back in and grabbed Madi’s hand, pulling her out with her. Their hair flew around them and Madi laughed, throwing her hands up.

Bellamy looked up at them and laughed, shaking his head. Clarke’s hair looked golden in the sunlight and they both looked so happy.

Leo was standing on his back legs, trying to reach them and he let out a howl. Madi leaned down to grab him and pulled him up best as she could. 

Bellamy smiled and kept the Rover straight, so they wouldn’t lose their balance and as the song ended, Clarke pulled them back, all three of them crammed in the seat. Madi in Clarke’s lap and Leo covering them both.

Bellamy reached over and put his hand on the back of her neck.

“It’s almost time to stop for the night.” He smiled at her. “We should get to the beach tomorrow afternoon sometime.”

She nodded and Madi leaned her head into her chest. “I’m excited to see it.” She told him quietly.

“Me too.” He smiled.

He didn’t think he’d ever smiled as much in his life as he had the past few months.

He pulled the Rover over and they set up the sleeping bags. It was nice out and they decided to sleep under the stars, and forgo the tent. They made it to the beach the next afternoon, like Bellamy had said.

They smelt it before they saw it. It smelt salty and fresh and there was a light breeze.

He parked the Rover and Madi busted out the back doors, Leo hot on her heels.

Bellamy jumped out after her. “Don’t get in the water yet, Madi. Wait for one of us!” He called out as she ran.

“Come on, mom!” She called.

Clarke ran after her and they jumped in the water, the waves splashing against their legs.

Bellamy caught up and watched them from the shoreline. Leo was jumping and barking playfully at them. Clarke picked Madi up and spun her around, both of them laughing.

Bellamy smiled softly, seeing them so happy. His heart was full.

Madi shrieked as Clarke pushed her into the water and fell on her knees. 

“Daddy, come on!” Madi yelled. 

Clarke looked up at him smiling and held her hand out to him. He walked to her and pulled her in, kissing her. 

When he pulled back he grabbed Madi and growled playfully, pushing her up in the air. She squealed and laughed and he pulled her closer, tickling her ribs. “Daddy, stop!” She cried through her laughter.

Leo barked and jumped up at them, and Bellamy set her down. Madi ran at him, her attempts at tickling him feeble, but he stuck his hands up in surrender anyway, letting himself fall in the shallow water. “Okay, okay!” He laughed. “I give up!”

Madi let him go and ran down the beach a bit, Leo following as they ran through the water.

Bellamy pulled Clarke to the shoreline so the water was just barely lapping at their feet.

He pulled her body against him, pushing her hair out of her face. His gaze was so soft and she felt his love so strongly that it brought tears to her eyes.

She ran her fingers across his jaw where his beard was growing out and he leaned into it for a moment before kneeling down.

She watched him, curiosity in her eyes and he pulled out a ring.

“Bell-“

“I know you said that you didn’t want anything.” He cut her off smiling. “But I want this... I want you to be my wife.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek and she let out a laugh. “I want that too, Bell.”

He slipped it on her finger and stood up to kiss her, then pulled her under his arm, turning to look at Madi and Leo, still jumping in the water.

She looked at the ring on her finger, shifting her hand on his chest, watching it shine. It really was beautiful. The band twisted and tiny diamonds lined the edges, leading to the modest diamond in the middle. The perfect size. He knew she wouldn’t want a giant ring. He picked one that fit her perfectly.

He smiled down, looking at her without her realizing. Even if she didn’t think she needed it, he wanted it for her. And as he watched her smile at her hand on his chest, it warmed him even more. He made the right choice.

They made a fire and they all laughed as Bellamy tried and eventually succeeded in getting some fish to eat. They heated up the fish over the fire and Bellamy threw one to Leo, who caught it easily.

His thoughts eventually wandered to the bunker and the ring. He wasn’t even sure how his mind went there, but it had. He felt a pang if guilt for how he’d acted. Especially towards Raven, but in the moment, he’d never been in so much pain, never been so bone chillingly terrified. Clarke grabbed his hand and looked up at him.

He tried to give her a small smile, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. The sun was almost completely set on the horizon and Madi had finished her fish, now fighting sleep on the blanket they’d laid out on the sand, Leo beside her.

He sighed, knowing he needed to tell her what was wrong. “I need to talk to Raven. Murphy too, really.” He said quietly, to not disturb Madi.

She just waited patiently for him to continue.

He shook his head and looked out to the ocean. “I... the way I treated Raven... the things that I said to her- she should hate me for it.”

Clarke squeezed his hand and then followed his gaze out to the ocean. It still took her breath away. How big and beautiful everything around them was.

“She understands, Bell. But I’m sure an apology wouldn’t hurt.” She nudged him with her arm lightly.

He nodded and she looked back to him, feeling his turmoil still. He finally looked at her. “Murphy saved me, Clarke.” His voice cracked. “I would’ve died up there, after the gun went off.”

It was her turn to look away, her own guilt encompassing her.

“If Murphy wasn’t there to pull me back from the panic attack and if he wasn’t there after that, before I could feel you again, and sort out my emotions... I would’ve killed myself.”

A tear slipped down her cheek as he said the words and her heart ached.

“He knew it though.” Bellamy continued. “He stayed with me the whole time. Even after I begged him to just leave me alone... he wouldn’t.”

He dropped his hand from hers to wipe her tears away.

She looked to him and sniffed, trying to get herself together. “I never meant to hurt you.” She whispered.

“I should’ve gone with you, princess. I should have never let you go to the tower alone. I hated myself for it.”

She opened her mouth, no doubtedly to argue with him, but he stopped her.

“But I didn’t go with you. And I can’t go back and fix it...” He kissed her forehead and pulled her close. “We’re both here now. Thanks to them. I need to talk to them.”

Her hand was absentmindedly running across his stomach and he felt himself growing hard.

He looked over, making sure Madi had fallen asleep. Her back was turned to them on the other side of the fire and Leo was tucked around her, both sleeping soundly.

“Tomorrow.” He said, his voice husky.

He pushed her down, his body hovering just above her own. He slid his hands under her shirt and she exhaled, her body relaxing under his touch. “I thought that I’d lost you, Clarke. I was so scared I’d never see you again- never touch you again.”

She brushed the hair out of his eyes, looking at him softly. His eyes were dark with desire, with fear. She could feel him relieving when he’d lost her and it broke her heart. 

She had a loose beach cardigan over her swimsuit top and he pushed it off her shoulders. He pulled the string of the top and it came undone. Her sharp intake of air urged him on, her nipples coming to hard peaks.

He undid the button of his shorts, sliding them down. She ran her fingernails lightly down his bare back, then back up, feeling the ridges of his muscles there. He groaned and his hips bucked against her. Slipping her bottoms off, he positioned himself above her, slowly sliding in.

She let out a soft gasp and he stilled once he was fully inside her, resting his forehead against hers. He caught his breath and moved to kiss her neck, slowly starting to move.

“God, I missed you so fucking much.” He rasped into her hair. 

It had been months now, but thinking about it still hurt. It probably always would. Thinking she was dead had been the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

He ran his hands down her sides, then brought one up to the side of her neck, holding it there.

“I’m right here, love.” She comforted, her voice soft and breathy as she ran her hands through his hair. “I’m right here.”

He took comfort in her words. _She was here._ He felt her underneath him, felt himself moving inside of her. She was in his arms and she was safe. There was nothing out to get them. No one else to worry about.

He moved slowly, wanting to make this last, to feel her as long as he could.

His strokes were slow but deep, and she had to keep herself from moaning. She moved her mouth next to his ear. “I love you, Bell.”

He brought his body even tighter against hers and turned his head to kiss her before pushing his face into her hair. “I love you, baby.”

And he did. _So fucking much._ The love she felt for him and he felt for her was all consuming. Tears filled her eyes and she grabbed the back of his neck, guiding his mouth to hers. He swallowed her moan as she came around him, finally letting go. He let a low groan of his own out, coming inside her. His body shook from the force of it and Clarke held his head against her, catching her breath.

“You’re here.” He whispered.

“I’m here, Bell. I’m okay.” She soothed.

“I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t.” He confessed.

“You don’t have to. I’m not going anywhere.” She told him, pulling his face gently to look at her.

He pushed back tears and nodded.

“I’m yours.” She whispered.

He kissed her once more and pulled his shorts back up, then grabbed her suit for her. He pulled her into his side, one hand under his head, looking up to the sky.

His mind couldn’t still. Clarke ran her hand across his chest, trying to ease him.

He didn’t know what would happen when they opened the bunker, if they were even able to open it, but it scared him. He’d be putting his family at risk. Madi was a nightblood- a real nightblood, and he didn’t want the people in the bunker to use her.

The clans were on the verge of warring before the bunker, _who knows_ what 5 years underground would do to them.

“We need to train her.” He said still looking at the sky.

He felt Clarke’s question without her asking.

“Madi.” He confirmed. “She needs to be able to fight, to shoot. She needs to be able to protect herself. We don’t know what will happen in four and a half years when we open that bunker.”

Clarke thought about it for a moment before nodding. “You’re right. We’ll train her.”

He nodded, grateful she understood. He knew Skaifayakru, as they’d named themselves, wouldn’t be any harm, but the bunker? He was worried.

Eventually, focusing on Clarke’s hand running consistently across his chest, his mind quieted and he drifted off to sleep.

•

He woke up before anyone else. He carefully slid away from Clarke, standing up to stretch. The sun was just starting to rise, and seagulls flew above them.

He looked to see Leo stretch out his legs and walk up to him, tail wagging. Bellamy leaned down to scratch his head, then walked to the Rover.

He opened the door and Leo jumped in, sitting in the passenger seat.

He took a deep breath. He knew Raven would be awake. She was always an early riser. It was time to stop putting it off.

“Raven?” He spoke through the radio. “You up?”

It took about 10 seconds for her response to come. “Hey, I’m here.” She called. “Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, everyone’s okay.” He said calmly. “The beach is...” he didn’t really know how to explain it. “We’ll have to take you guys to see it when you come back down.”

“I can’t wait.” He heard the smile in her voice.

“Raven...” he trailed off. Maybe he should’ve planned out what to say. “What I did up there- how I treated you...”

“Bellam-“ She tried to start, but he cut her off.

“No, I know you were doing what she asked. You promised her and you’ve been by her side no matter what... I know that leaving her was hard for you. I just couldn’t see past... I couldn’t see past the pain and I- I took it out on you.”

She stayed quiet, knowing he wasn’t finished.

“I was angry because I felt like you betrayed me, but you were just doing what you promised Clarke. When we heard that shot, I felt like you had killed us both... but I wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”

She took a second to respond and when she did, he heard the tears in her voice.

“I didn’t want to Bellamy.” She said. “I didn’t want to leave her. I didn’t want to have to drug you and put you in that rocket but I... I couldn’t lose both of you. And I couldn’t let you die after I promised her that I’d save you.”

He sniffed and wiped a stray tear. “I’m sorry for how I acted. You didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s okay, Bellamy.” She sniffed and he heard her take a breath. “I’m just so happy you’re both okay. That you have Madi.”

“Me too.” He smiled. “Hey, is Murphy around?”

“I can go grab him. He’s probably still sleeping, but I’ll wake him up.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to wake him up.”

He could almost hear her eye roll. “It’s fine.” She said. “Need to give him something to do up here, besides annoy us.”

He laughed and shook his head. It must’ve been a full 10 minutes later when Murphy’s voice came through the speakers. “This better be damn important for me to get up this early.”

He chuckled and hit the button to speak. “Good morning to you too.”

“You know I have to get my beauty sleep.” Murphy complained.

“I don’t think it’s been helping.” Bellamy joked.

“Ha. Ha.” Murphy said dryly. “You’re so hilarious.”

Bellamy laughed and then sobered himself for a moment.

“You alright, man?” Murphy asked, turning serious.

Bellamy thought for a second and smiled. “I’ve never been more alright, Murphy.” He said honestly. “I’ve got Clarke and Madi. I’ve even got a dog.” He laughed, looking at Leo. “Never thought I’d say that.”

“Yeah, you’ve got a _wolf.”_ Murphy dead panned. “Not a dog. And that thing better not bite me when I come back down.” He joked.

“It’s all thanks to you, you know?” Bellamy told him. “Murphy you... you kept me alive. I’m only here because of you.”

“You woke me up to be emotional?” Murphy asked.

“I’m serious, Murphy.” Bellamy chastised.

Murphy sighed. “I know. But we don’t have to do this, Bellamy.”

“I _do..._ Murphy, I would’ve died up there. That night... I would’ve killed myself.” He admitted.

“Why do you think I was glued to your side?” Murphy asked quietly.

“Thank you, Murphy. For everything that you’ve done for us.”

Murphy was silent for a beat then spoke again. “Does this mean you’re sorry for trying to hang me?” He asked, lightening the mood.

Bellamy laughed. “Yeah. Not my shining moment.”

Bellamy looked out to where Clarke and Madi were still sleeping and smiled softly.

“I gave her a ring.” He told Murphy.

“Mom and dad became husband and wife.” Murphy said approvingly. “She took it I assume?”

“Of course she took it.” Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“I’m happy for you guys.” Murphy said seriously. “If there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s you two.”

“I’ve never been so happy, Murphy. I’m scared of it changing.” He said honestly.

Murphy knew he had to be talking about the bunker opening in the years to come. “We’ve got a while to worry about that, Bellamy. We still gotta figure out how we’re even gonna open it.”

He nodded even though Murphy couldn’t see him. “I know... I do wish you guys were down here though.”

“Us too.”

He saw Clarke start to stir and he smiled again, watching her.

“Well I’ll let you get back to your beauty sleep.” He told Murphy.

“Well you’ve sufficiently ruined that.” Murphy said. “So I guess I’ll just have to go find something else to occupy my time on this glorious ring of nothingness.”

“I’ll talk to you later.” Bellamy smiled and clicked off the radio.

He felt lighter. He had needed them to hear that. He grabbed some of the packed rations from the back of the Rover and headed back to the girls, Leo following.

He tried not to worry about the bunker, about Octavia, Lincoln and Miller. There was nothing he could do about them now.

He sat down next to Clarke, who had sat up and handed her the ration.

She took it and looked up at him. “Feel better?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He smiled.

“Good.” She leaned her head against his shoulder and they both looked at to the water.

“Do you think they’re okay? In the bunker?” He asked.

“I wish I could say yes, but... I don’t know.”

“She’s not a leader.” Bellamy said.

“No. She’s not.” Clarke agreed. “But she has Lincoln and she has Kane. Indra. People to help her.”

He nodded and rested his head on hers. “Too bad we can’t stay here forever.”

“It’ll be our place when the cold storms come.” She said softly.

They stayed at the beach for a week and two days before heading back. The valley had melted from all the snow, revealing the grass underneath again, and the air had turned warm.

They trained Madi, and she learned quickly. Bellamy hunted with Leo, Clarke foraged for fruits and any edible plants she could come across, they fished. 

They talked to Skaifayakru daily, Madi had started talking to them as well. They all grew closer, despite their distance. She loved talking to Echo and Raven, but Murphy was her favorite.

Echo and Clarke grew close, talking frequently. 

Murphy and Emori had broken up at some point during the years. Murphy found comfort in Raven’s arms and Emori had found it in Echo’s. Even with all the drama, they were family. And they were happy. 

Raven admitted it may be harder to get down than she initially had let on. She needed more time to work out the logistics. It was gonna be tough to land without crashing. They didn’t have enough fuel.

Just around the 5 1/2 year mark, Raven had an all out meltdown, they spotted a ship.

“Bellamy, Clarke?” Raven called through the radio.

“What’s up, Raven?” Bellamy asked concerned.

“We’ve got company up here.” Her eyes watched a ship leave the larger ships dock station. “It looks like you may have it too... There’s a ship. We don’t know who they are.”

Monty was trying to get in contact with it across from her, with no luck.

“They’re not responding. We can’t get in touch with them.” She said. An idea hit her. “This is our shot. Bellamy, we’re getting on that ship.”

“Raven, you don’t know who they are. It’s too dangerous.” He argued.

Raven looked at Murphy and he shrugged. “This is how we get home, Bellamy.”

He sighed. “I’ve gotta find Clarke. If these people are coming down, I have to get her. We have no idea what they’ll do.”

“We’ll radio soon.” Raven said.

Bellamy turned to Madi.

“What’s wrong?” She asked him.

“We need to find mom.” Just as he spoke, a ship appeared in the sky, plummeting down.

“Let’s go.” He took off in a run to the Rover, Madi and Leo following.

An hour later, they’d been shot at with some kind of weapon that had launched what Bellamy guessed was a bomb, Bellamy had killed three people, Madi had killed one and they still hadn’t found Clarke.

“Bellamy?” Murphy’s voice sounded through the radio at his side. “We’ve got some bad news. Our new friends may not be as nice as we’d hoped.”

“You don’t fucking say?” He answered angrily.

“Bellamy... I think they have her.” Murphy said carefully.

He swallowed and closed his eyes. He knew. He’d been trying to deny it, but he felt her. _He knew._

“It’s a prisoner transport ship that got taken over by the prisoners. They’ve been in cryo for years. They must’ve taken a small group down to scout it out.” Raven said.

“Not small enough.” Bellamy said.

“We have their people up here. They’re in cryo. I think they know we’re up here, because they woke some of them up and they tried to kill us.”

Bellamy’s eyes lit up with an idea. “Cryo... can you override their ability to wake them up?”

“Already done.” Raven said.

“You have the ability to cut the oxygen off to the pods?” He asked.

“Murder Bellamy is back.” Murphy quipped.

Bellamy ignored him and continued. “Can you do it remotely?”

Raven looked to Monty and he nodded. “We can figure it out.”

“Then do it, and get your asses down here.” He said.

Raven grinned. “Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I renamed spacekru, skaifayakru for this fic. Way cooler. Plus Bellamy and Clarke are apart of it. Love me some emotional sex and emotional Bellamy/Murphy talks. I love the dynamic Bellamy, Clarke and Madi all have. Hopefully the beginning parts of the chapter aren't too cheesy. I just really wanted to show them happy and carefree, loving each other! Get ready for shit to go down, guys.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They moved their weapons to him, ready to shoot. Echo moved to stand on the side of the Rovers steps, arrow aimed over the door.
> 
> “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Bellamy warned them as they aimed towards Leo. “I think you have something of mine... And I have something of yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, a lot more action here then the last few chapters. Enjoy!

By the time they landed it was dark. Bellamy and Madi had to kill three more prisoners, as they almost killed Skaifayakru when they landed.

They ran to each other, Bellamy relieved to see them.

Raven held out a mug that said ‘Greatest Dad In The Universe’.

“This was on the ship.” Raven said. “Prove we’ve been there and have their people.”

He smiled and wrapped her in a hug, then turned to hug everyone else. He looked over to Madi, who was sticking a bit back, looking worried.

Raven and Echo looked at each other then smiled to Madi. “You gonna come hug us or what, kid?” Raven asked.

Madi’s face relaxed and she smiled, running to Raven. 

Murphy steadied Raven so she didn’t fall back as Madi jumped onto her, wrapping her arms around her. She then ran to each of the others, hugging them equally as forceful.

Bellamy looked to Raven, Murphy and Echo while Madi was occupied hugging the others.

“We’ve got to get to her.” He said. “You’ve got a way to cut the oxygen?”

Raven nodded.

“Good.” He said. “Murphy and Echo, you two come with me. The rest of you go with Madi. She’ll take you somewhere safe and we’ll meet you after we get Clarke back.”

Bellamy felt a shock run through him and paused, confused.

Fear ran through him. They were electrocuting her. “We gotta go. Now.”

He turned to Raven. “Follow Madi to the cave. Keep her there and keep each other safe.”

Raven nodded and Madi ran to him, hugging him tight around his waist.

He leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “It’s okay.” He whispered to her. “I’m gonna bring her back. I promise.”

“Be careful.” She whispered back to him.

“You too, princess.”

She pulled back and grabbed Ravens hand, starting to lead them away.

“Leo.” Bellamy called. “Kom ai.” _With me._

They loaded in the Rover, driving to the village that had now been taken over.

His heart stopped when they pulled the Rover up. Clarke was on the ground, some metal collar around her neck and her body was convulsing. He’d felt the shocks running through his own body, but it was nothing compared to what she felt, he was sure.

He tried to reign in his anger. “Stay in here.” He told Murphy and Echo.

Everyone had stopped to look at the Rover approaching aiming their weapons at him as he stepped out.

Clarke looked up to see Bellamy’s figure, illuminated by the Rovers lights. The shocks must have done more damage than she thought because she saw another figure step out. A mans figure.

She couldn’t find the strength to push herself all the way off the ground.

Bellamy looked back, unsurprised to see Murphy hadn’t listened.

He held his hands up in surrender, the mug carefully dangling from his left hand. Leo jumped out and ran straight to Clarke.

They moved their weapons to him, ready to shoot. Echo moved to stand on the side of the Rovers steps, arrow aimed over the door.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Bellamy warned them as they aimed towards Leo. “I think you have something of mine... And I have something of yours.” The woman who appeared to be in charge just looked at him.

He watched her and saw Clarke start to try and move out of the corner of his eye, grabbing onto Leo’s fur. The man with what looked like the control for the collar started to lift it.

“He touches that button again, I’ll kill 283 of your people.” Bellamy said calmly.

The woman held her hand out to the man, stopping him.

“That’s also how many of your people will die if we can’t make a deal.” He said.

“283 lives for one.” The woman said. “She must be pretty important to you.”

“She is.” He confirmed. No point in hiding what was obvious. “Now take that shit off my wife.” His voice was even and controlled, but sounded deadly.

She nodded to one of her men to take off the collar. He looked at her with wide eyes. “That’s a fucking wolf!” The mans voice trembled. 

“Leo.” Bellamy called. “Bak op.” Back up. 

Leo huffed in annoyance but backed away from Clarke, keeping his head lowered and teeth bared at the man. 

The man moved to take off the collar and backed away quickly. Clarke blinked. She still couldn’t see straight- couldn’t get her limbs to move properly. Her whole body was shaking uncontrollably.

“What do you propose?” The woman asked.

“We’ll tell you anything you want. Everything that happened.” He said. “I take my wife and one of those weapons.” He gestured towards the blaster.

“And what do we get out of this? Information isn’t enough.” She said. 

Bellamy itched to get to Clarke, but weapons were still raised. “We’ll share the valley. We have people that aren’t here right now, but there’s more than enough room for all of us. We don’t have to fight. No one has to die.”

”You mean no one else?” The woman offered. “You’ve already killed 7 of my men. And your wife killed 9.”

Murphy huffed behind him, a smile on his face. Of course she wouldn’t be taken easily.

”No one else has to die.” Bellamy said.

Murphy held his breath behind Bellamy.

“Our people know how to build. We can help you build more shelters, we can show you how the land works. We can show you how to hunt the animals.” He added. “This...” he gestured around the village. “Is ours. We’ll split the valley down the middle.”

The woman thought it over for a moment, but Bellamy knew she didn’t have much of a choice if she wanted her people to live.

“We have a deal.” She finally said.

Relief ran through him and Murphy let out a breath behind him.

“Lower your weapons.” She said.

Bellamy finally ran to Clarke, Murphy right behind him. Clarke grabbed Bellamy’s arms as he leaned down, trying to stop her body from shaking. She looked behind him to Murphy and gasped. “Murphy.” She said, her eyes filling with tears.

She let Bellamy go and his hand went to support her. Her arms flew around Murphy’s neck as he squatted down.

“You’re here.” She said pulling back.

“We’re all here.” He smiled. “Come on. We’ve gotta grab everyone else.”

She tried to get her feet under her, but her legs were too weak.

“Hang on, baby.” Bellamy scooped her shaking body into his arms and turned to Murphy. “Get that blaster.”

Echo opened the back of the Rover, helping them in. She wrapped her arm around Clarke, and Clarke did her best to hug her back.

The friendship that had grown between the two women surprised Bellamy at first, but the longer in went on, the more it made sense. They were both fiercely strong, loyal women and Echo had easily become one of them.

“Are you alright?” Echo asked, pulling back.

Clarke nodded, but her body still shook.

“You don’t look alright.” She said concerned. She pulled Clarke to lean against her for support.

Clarke didn’t fight, letting her head fall back on Echo.

Leo jumped in the open back door and Murphy jumped in the drivers seat, blaster in tow.

Bellamy shut the Rover and walked to the woman before they went to grab the others.

“Names Diyoza.” She said.

“Bellamy.” He told her. “I need you to get your men to the other side of the valley before we get back.” He snapped. “I’ll send some of my people to talk to you soon. Explain what happened down here.”

She smiled and turned to her men. “Let’s move out!” She yelled to them.

Bellamy ran back to the Rover, jumped in the passenger seat and looked back. Clarke’s head was lying in Echo’s lap and her hands were on the side of Clarke’s face.

“Is she okay?” He asked worried.

Echo looked at him, expression concerned. “She’s passed out. How do we help her?”

Bellamy’s mind raced and he swallowed. The only person that could answer that was Clarke and she was the one passed out.

He had no idea what to do.

“Her body needs to rest.” Murphy assured them. “She’ll be okay. Let her sleep.”

Echo and Bellamy both looked unsure, but they didn’t know what else to do.

Truthfully, he had no idea either, but he tried to calm their nerves.

“What the hell are we gonna do with this?” Murphy motioned to the blaster. “Not that I’m complaining. I’m all for weapons that can accomplish mass murder but-“

”It’s how we’re gonna get the bunker open.” He said.

Bellamy directed Murphy to the cave where Madi had taken everyone. Clarke had stopped shaking for the most part by the time they got close, but tremors ran through her and she still hadn’t woken up.

Bellamy’s hands were in tight fists, knuckles white. He kept looking back to Clarke and each time he felt Murphy’s eyes on him.

“Bell-“

“I’m fine.” Bellamy said tightly, cutting Murphy off before he could speak.

“Yeah, sure.” Murphy said sarcastically.

“Murphy.” Echo said his name, with an unspoken warning to let it go.

He rolled his eyes and luckily they pulled up to the cave.

Madi ran out, hearing the Rover, Raven and Emori running out behind her.

Bellamy jumped out and kept Madi from opening the door. “Hey, hey. Hold on.” He said grabbing her. He didn’t want her to see Clarke passed out.

“Did you get her? Is she okay?” Madi asked quickly.

He looked up, Raven and Emori awaiting his answer as well.

“Just relax, princess.” He was trying to relax _himself._

His mind tried to form words to tell her that her mom was passed out, electrocuted by convicts that he just agreed to share their home with.

The Rover door opened before he could form an answer. He looked back and Clarke was stepping down, arm around Echo. He let out a relived sigh.

“Mom!”

Bellamy released his grip on her and she ran straight to Clarke.

Raven and Emori’s faces lit up with smiles and they ran to her.

“Hey, easy guys!” Murphy said coming around from the front of the Rover. “She needs to rest. She doesn’t need us hounding her.”

Clarke just smiled and let them all embrace her.

Bellamy shoved his way through the group and wrapped his arm around her. She was acting like she was fine, but she wasn’t. Her body was weak. He still felt tremors shaking her.

“Everybody load up.” He said. “We’re going back home.”

“They left?” Monty asked.

“They’re taking the other side of the valley. We made a deal. Tomorrow, we get the bunker open and get the rest of our people.” Bellamy said. “When we get back to the village I need you and Echo to go explain everything that happened.” He told Raven.

He felt Clarke’s weight become heavier on his side. He moved to pick her up and put her back in the Rover.

Everyone crammed in, almost having to sit on top of each other. He moved Clarke to sit on his lap and let her rest her head against his chest.

He had his arms tight around her. “What can I do, baby?” He whispered in her ear.

She shook her head against him. “There’s nothing you _can do.”_ She said quietly. “My body just needs sleep, time to recover. Probably some aloe for the burns though.”

He nodded, but she felt his anxiety.

“I’m okay, love.” She told him gently.

“You shouldn’t have been alone.” He chastised himself. “We got comfortable. I got careless.”

“Bell, it’s not your fault.” Her eyes were starting to close.

“Are you sure you should sleep?” He knew some injuries weren’t good to sleep after. He was worried.

“It’ll be fine.” She mumbled, eyes finally drifting all the way shut.

Madi was pressed into his side, her eyes glued on Clarke.

“Daddy?” She whispered, fear in her voice. “What did they do to her? Why are they here?”

His heart clenched in his chest as he looked at her. She’d killed a man today. She’d gone through the fear of losing her mom and met people for the first time in almost six years. Her home had been invaded. She was still so small at only 9 years old and she was going through hell.

Thank god they had trained her. It had saved their lives today. He just wished she hadn’t had to.

He opened his mouth to answer, he didn’t even know what he was going to say. Luckily Echo saved him from having to.

“Not everyone is good, natblida.” Echo told her. “You know that from our stories. She’ll be okay though. Your dad got your home back.”

Bellamy nodded to her grateful. “It’s _all our home_ now.” He said, looking around the Rover.

The Rover came to a stop and they all climbed out. Murphy helped Bellamy out since he was carrying Clarke. He nodded towards a house.

“That one.” He said.

Harper went to open the door and Murphy immediately grabbed some wood from the porch to start a fire.

Bellamy laid her on the couch so she’d be in front of the fire and covered her with a blanket.

“There’s other houses we’ve had ready for you guys.” Bellamy said, quietly. “I can show you.”

Murphy looked at the rest of them, all wearing the same face. “Why don’t we just stay with you guys tonight?”

Bellamy nodded. “Come with me. We’ll grab some cots from next door.”

Once outside, Bellamy took a deep breath, grabbing the post of the porch with shaking hands.

“Fuck.” He whispered.

Murphy gripped his shoulder and squeezed. “You okay?”

Bellamy sighed and shook his head through closed eyes. “No, I...” He took another shuddering breath. “My daughter killed people today. My little girl had to kill people to survive. And my wife was kidnapped and electrocuted, because I wasn’t with her... and now we have to share this fucking valley with them.” He hit his palm against the wood, angry.

“I’m supposed to keep them safe.” He admitted, his chest tight.

_“You are.”_ Murphy told him firmly. “Sharing the valley... that’s how you got Clarke back. You were smart and you trained Madi and as much as it sucks that she had to use that training, _it saved her.”_

“I can’t even help Clarke, Murphy.” His voice was strained and his face was distraught.

“Hey, you heard her yourself, man. There’s nothing we can do. Her body has to recover on its own. A good nights sleep and she’ll be okay. The burns will heal.”

He took a moment to calm down and nodded.

“Now lets go get the cots, okay?” Murphy said.

When they came back, Madi had crawled onto the couch, spooned against Clarke’s front, now sound asleep. Leo was laying right in front of the couch, still awake and alert.

They set the cots up and Bellamy lifted Clarke’s head, sliding underneath her so her head was in his lap.

He sighed and rubbed a hand down his face, through his beard, letting his head fall back.

_Fuck, he was stressed._ This morning they’d woken up like normal. They ate breakfast, he’d hunted with Madi, and Clarke had gone to pick berries. The next moment his life was being shattered into pieces.

It was all too overwhelming.

His head jerked up, someone knocking on their door.

Leo growled deep and Murphy jumped up to answer the door.

“Just relax.” He told Bellamy. “We got it.” He jerked his head to Raven and Emori. Leo jumped up and they followed him outside.

Echo looked at Clarke and Madi softly, then looked to Bellamy. “She’s okay.” She tried to comfort.

He sighed and nodded, looking down to Clarke and running his hand through her hair.

“I know it must be a lot.” Harper said.

“That’s an understatement.” He answered.

“We can go to another cabin if it’s better for you.” Echo offered.

Bellamy shook his head. “No. It’s okay. I want you guys here. It’s just... been a lot to take in. I’m not used to so many people anymore... today was rough. Thank you, Echo.” He added.

She gave him a small smile and nodded. He let himself relax back against the couch and tried not to get up and go outside to see what was going on.

What must’ve been an hour later, they walked backed in and Murphy put his hand out, seeing Bellamy tense.

“It’s alright.” Murphy said. “Everything’s fine.”

“What did they want?” Monty asked.

“Apparently they thought we were taking too long to come talk to them.” Raven said annoyed. “It’s all good. We explained everything. Told them we’d help them more in a couple days.”

He let out a breath and relaxed again. He moved Clarke’s hair back and his anxiety rose, looking at the burn marks around her neck.

“Shit.” He mumbled to himself. “Aloe.”

Echo stood. “Do you have any in here?”

He nodded to the kitchen. “She keeps it in a pot by the window.”

She brought it over to him and broke a leaf open for him.

He rubbed it on the burns, lifting her head carefully to get the side that was laying on his lap.

“We should all sleep.” Emori said softly. “It’s been a long day for everyone.”

That sounded like a great idea to him. He was exhausted.

“Do you want a cot? Or do you want to move them to the bed?” Raven asked. “You can’t be comfortable sitting up to sleep.”

He looked down at the two of them, Clarke’s head still in his lap. He didn’t want to move her away from the fire and he definitely didn’t want to disturb her, but he also needed to be touching her.

“It’s alright.” He answered. “I’ve slept in worse positions before.”

She gave him a sad smile, but nodded. She understood that he needed to be with her, to be touching her.

They all settled on their cots. Echo and Emori on one, Harper and Monty on another and the last for Raven and Murphy.

Bellamy placed his hand gently on Clarke’s ribs. He needed to feel her chest rising and falling to tell himself she was alright. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of everyone’s breathing.

His family was surrounding him and that itself had brought him a new comfort that he wouldn’t have had by himself.

He let his eyes close and tried to clear his mind, tried not to think about tomorrow.

Because tomorrow... everything would change once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still put some Skaifayakru love in there. You guys, I really do love Echo. I hate, hate, hate Becho, but have no hate for the actual character and I think Echo and Clarke could have a great friendship. Next chapter takes us down to the bunker, so get ready for some hell raising.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’ll be careful of what you tell me I can’t do, Wanheda.”
> 
> “And you’ll be careful who you threaten, Blodreina.” Clarke shot back, moving closer to Octavia, daring her to make a move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little domestic fluff at the beginning, with Skaifayakru all bonding. Then to the bunker!

The next day most of them woke just as the sun was rising. Madi slowly slid from the couch, trying not to wake up her parents.

Raven, Echo, Murphy, and Harper were all awake already.

Madi wiped her eyes from sleep and sat on the floor next to Leo. He pushed his head forward and licked her cheek and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He’d grown to be huge. He was as tall as Bellamy when he stood on his back legs, but the gentleness he showed with Madi was beautiful. 

Raven and Echo watched the interaction smiling softly. Madi lifted her face from his fur and looked to them unsure. “I usually go out with Leo in the mornings.” She told them quietly. “But those people are out there.”

Echo stood and held out her hand. “I’ll come with you. We’ll take him out together.”

Madi smiled, thankful. “Can we can get some eggs from the chickens too? I wanna make mom and dad breakfast.”

“Of course, natblida.” Echo told her. She led her outside and Harper went to sit on the porch. 

Raven looked to the couch. Bellamy still had his hand on her ribs and his head was leaned back against the couch. Clarke’s arms were pushed into her chest and her head was nestled in his lap.

She was so glad to be back down here with them.

“Do you think she’s okay?” Raven whispered to Murphy.

Murphy sighed. “She’s had a lot worse than what they did to her. I think her body just needed time to catch up. The sleep is good for her. She should be okay when she wakes up.”

Raven nodded. “Why does the bad shit always happen to her?”

Murphy’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know. They’ve been safe down here for years. Look at them, Raven. You see how they all are with each other. Then some fuckheads come down and their entire world gets destroyed in seconds.”

“What do you think is gonna happen when we open that bunker?” She asked.

Murphy thought for a second. Honestly, he didn’t know. Everyone was quietly dreading it. They couldn’t leave them down there and there were people that they loved down there, but they were worried. Who knows what they’d find when they opened it.

“Hopefully the whole Wonkru thing stuck and we’ll find a bunch of sun-deprived, yet happy people.” He tried to joke.

Raven smiled at him and shook her head, but sobered quickly. “What if... what if they want Madi?”

“That’s _not_ gonna happen.” Murphy said firmly. He may have only physically met the girl last night, but he’d known her for years. He loved her. They all did and they wouldn’t let anything happen to her. “We won’t let it. They don’t even need to know she’s a real nightblood.”

“I don’t want anything else bad to happen to anyone.” Raven whispered.

“Hey,” Murphy moved to her and kissed her head. “We’ll all protect each other. Especially Madi, okay?”

She seemed to relax a little and nodded.

They’d grown close to Madi quickly. They hadn’t ever seen her sure, but in their own way they’d seen/heard her grow up. They’d talked to her everyday, told her stories, made her laugh, heard her cry, listened about her accomplishments and about her failures. They loved her. She was their family.

After a while, Echo, Madi and Harper walked back in with Leo. 

Madi had a hand woven basket full of eggs and a smile on her face. Her and Harper went to the kitchen to make them for everyone and Echo sat back down.

Monty and Emori woke up and Murphy rekindled the fire.

Bellamy started to stir, his hand on Clarke’s ribs tightened and his head shot up, looking startled.

Murphy looked at him from the fire. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s just us.”

He visibly saw Bellamy’s mind catch up and his body relax.

Bellamy turned his head to look behind him, finding Madi and Harper cooking the eggs over the makeshift stove they’d rigged up years ago.

Madi turned and ran up to him, reaching over the couch to kiss his cheek. “Morning, daddy.” She said softly.

“Morning, princess.” He answered a little groggy, still waking up.

“We’re making eggs. I think mom is gonna be hungry when she wakes up, because she didn’t eat last night.”

Bellamy smiled. She was keeping her voice low and quiet, trying not to wake up Clarke. “I’m sure she will be. She’s gonna love it.”

Madi smiled and went back to Harper.

Murphy tried to hide his smile. He felt his chest warm watching them all together. Bellamy was so good with her. Madi looked at them both like they were her world and Murphy realized they had been. Bellamy, Clarke and Leo, they were all she’d ever really known.

Leo rested his head on the couch, his eyes watching Clarke.

Bellamy reached to pet his head. “She’s okay, bud.”

He didn’t really want to wake her up, but he was almost desperate to see her eyes open and make sure she was fully okay. 

He moved her hair back gently and ran his hand through it.

She sighed in her sleep and pushed her head further into his lap.

He felt a smile come to his mouth as he watched her.

“Hey.” He whispered to her softly. “Wake up, baby. Madi and Harper made us breakfast.”

Her eyes slowly blinked open and she looked confused for a second until her brain caught up and remembered yesterday’s events.

He helped her sit up and she leaned against his side. Leo jumped onto the now empty space next to her and laid his head on her leg.

She rested her hand on the back of his neck and lightly scratched him.

“You’re all really here.” She said looking around. “It wasn’t just some weird dream brought on by electrocution.”

Emori laughed lightly. “We’re all here.” She confirmed.

Madi wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck from behind the couch. 

Clarke leaned her head into Madi’s. “I’m okay, natblida.” She assured her softly.

Madi pulled back and Clarke turned her head to look at her. “You feel better now?” Madi asked.

“Much.” Clarke nodded. “My body just needed a little rest.”

“Are you hungry?” Madi asked.

“Very.”

Madi bounced up and turned back to the kitchen, grabbing the plates that Monty had set out. 

They all ate and a silent dread started to fill the room. They had to open the bunker today.

Murphy finally broke the silence. “Anybody else terrified of what we’re gonna find down there?”

He knew full well everyone was, but he couldn’t take the quiet anymore.

“It’ll be fine.” Echo had a warning to her voice, telling him not to stir things up.

“I’m just saying.” He ignored her warning. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

“I do too.” Bellamy admitted.

Clarke squeezed his knee. “We won’t know until we open it.”

“Everything could be fine.” Monty offered. “There’s a lot of smart people down there.”

“Well,” Bellamy stood up, helping Clarke up next to him. “I guess there’s only one way to find out.”

They loaded everything they needed and all squeezed into the Rover. 

•

They made their way to the bunker, Raven ready and armed to get the door open. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Bellamy asked Clarke.

“I’m okay. The only thing bothering me now is the burns, and that’s nothing.” She assured him.

All but Bellamy, Clarke, and Madi, looked around in shock. The city really had been destroyed. Not even a shell of what used to be. 

“Wow, who knew this place could get even more grim?” Murphy quipped.

“Let’s just get this bunker open and get out of here, okay?” Echo said. She was seemingly uncomfortable here. Clarke didn’t blame her. It was the place that she had been banned and Roan had died. And whether or not Echo has admitted it to herself or not, she had loved him.

They all climbed out of the Rover, walking to where the bunker was hiding underneath the rubble.

“Let’s do this.” Raven breathed. “Everybody back!” She ordered. “It’s gonna take at least two blows from this thing.”

Bellamy and Clarke pushed Madi behind them, shielding her from anything that could fly their way. “You okay?” Clarke asked Bellamy.

“I don’t know if I want to know what’s down there.” He admitted. Clarke gave him a sad, understanding smile and grabbed his hand. The first blow rattled the ground under them and almost completely cleared the rubble from the door. As the blaster warmed up the second time, Bellamy held his breath, squeezing Clarke’s hand tighter. The next thing they knew, the bunker door had broken.

They all shared a smile and ran up to the door. It took all of them to pull it open and out of the way, but they did it.

“Ready?” Clarke asked him.

Bellamy nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The bunker was eerily quiet as they walked through the halls. Bellamy and Clarke were in the lead, Madi pushing close to Bellamy and the rest trailing closely behind. Leo brushed up against Clarke, sensing her uncertainty.

“Where is everyone?” Emori asked.

Then they heard a faint chanting, like a crowd roaring.

Bellamy stopped. “Raven, Echo, maybe you should take Madi back up.”

“Wait!” She protested. “I wanna stay with you.” She looked to Clarke. “Mom, please?”

They heard her voice tremble. They knew she was scared and she didn’t want to be without them. This was a lot for her. For all of them really. And yesterday had been hard for her.

Bellamy gave a short sigh. “Stay behind us, you understand?” He said firmly.

Madi nodded and Echo fell closer in line to her, almost shielding the view of her completely. 

They moved closer to the center of the bunker and the crowd got louder and louder. Clarke almost stopped when they got near, the stench of blood filling her nostrils. She made eye contact with Echo and Murphy, who then shielded Madi completely. Leo let out a low growl and his hackles raised.

“Guys,” Harper started. “I don’t know about this. It doesn’t feel right.”

They rounded the last corner and all startled at the sight. Wonkru was all surrounding a pit, edges covered with fencing and walls below, decorated with blood and gore. They were hitting the cage, screaming absurdities. In the pit there were 4 people. One lying on the ground, blood spilling out, two fighting and one in the middle on his knees. Looking up, Clarke saw Octavia, sitting on a make shift throne with Gaia and Indra by her side. Her eyes were cold and her expression was blank.

Clarke felt like she couldn’t breathe. She pushed closer to Bellamy and he grasped at her.

Octavia must have sensed them because she looked down, making eye contact with Clarke.

“Bitam!”

_Enough!_ Octavia yelled.

She looked down to them, her face not changing. 

Bellamy’s mouth was dropped open, staring.

Clarke stepped forward. “Octavia,” she started. “Wha...” she trailed off, looking around her. “What is this?”

“This is Wonkru, Wanheda.”

Clarke blinked, hurt at the use of a name she hadn’t heard in years.

Octavia didn’t even looked surprised to see them, let alone happy.

Bellamy pushed Madi even further behind him and reached out with his other hand to keep Clarke from going any closer. He felt Murphy move next to him, trying shield Madi from Octavia’s view completely and even though Bellamy couldn’t show it, he was grateful.

He was trying to process what was happening, but he knew wanted to keep Madi away from whatever it was.

Clarke gasped as the person in the middle of the ring turned their head.

“Kane?” Bellamy rasped.

“Holy shit.” Murphy stepped towards Kane, but stopped when weapons were shoved in his face. He met them with a scowl, but put his hands up.

Kane shook his head at them. “You shouldn’t have opened this bunker.”

Octavia stood up and made her way down to the lower level where they were standing.

“What is _she_ doing here?” Octavia asked looking at Echo. “And who is that?” With a nod at Madi.

Leo moved in front of Bellamy, letting out a deep growl, snarling in Octavia’s direction. The guards raised their weapons to Leo, who was unfazed.

Madi grasped Bellamy’s jacket tightly, pushing into him. The fear was radiating off of her and he pulled her against his side.

“Dad?” She whispered, fear lining her small voice.

Octavia’s eyes flew to his, then to Clarke. She was smart enough to know that Madi was too old to be there biological child. 

Clarke moved to block Madi from her view. “You’re free to leave the bunker!” She yelled up to the people surrounding the pit. “The door is open and the ground is safe.”

No one moved. Raven and Emori shared a look and Monty and Harper stayed towards the back looking unsure of everything.

“Return to your rooms!” Octavia yelled. “You’ll be informed of my decision when it’s made. Indra, take the prisoners back to the cells.”

Bellamy turned around, looking to Echo and Raven. “You guys take Madi back to the ground. Get her out of here.” He moved to push Madi their way, but she didn’t let go of him.

“I don’t want to hear it.” He cut Madi off firmly, before she could protest. “You’re going with them. You guys too.” He said looking at Monty, Harper and Emori. “Keep her safe and out of here. Murphy you stay with us. Leo, gyon au kom Madi.”  _Leo, go with Madi._

They nodded and he watched as they walked away, his heart beating fast.

He turned around and looked at Octavia. “We need to talk.”

•

They gathered in her “office”, guards slamming the door shut behind them with two at her sides.

“What the hell are you doing, Octavia?” Clarke demanded once the doors were shut.

She’d been processing before, but now she was angry.

“You’ll call me Blodreina. And I’m keeping my people _in line._ Keeping them safe.”

“You’re killing them.” Bellamy argued. _“_ _ Killing Kane?” _

“He knew the punishment before he spoke out against Wonkru and he did it anyway. I make my people own up to their mistakes. They all know the consequences. Sorry that you were never held accountable for your actions.”

Clarke scoffed at that.

“And we thought she was crazy before?” Murphy quipped.

There was no emotion in her eyes and a million in Bellamy’s. “Octavia, you can’t let them slaughter each other.” He said. “The bunker is open. Let them out.”

“They’ll leave when I say they can. Right now we have more important things to address.” She looked at Clarke. “Like why you have the nerve to bring a traitor in to my bunker.”

_“Roan_ banned her, Octavia. And she isn’t the same person. She went with them to space.”

“With them?” Octavia questioned. “Not us?”

Clarke sighed. “We didn’t all make it. Someone had to stay behind and align the dish so the ship could take off.”

“You two always have been self sacrificing.” She said dryly. 

“Octavia, Echo is a part of our kru.” Clarke said.

“Your kru?” Octavia seethed. “There is only Wonkru.”

“Maybe down here. But up there Echo has _more_ than earned her place and you can’t take that from her.”

“You’ll be careful of what you tell me I can’t do, Wanheda.”

“And you’ll be careful who you threaten, _Blodreina.”_ Clarke shot back, moving closer to Octavia, daring her to make a move. 

Her guards weapons shot up but Clarke didn’t even flinch. Bellamy, however felt nervous with all weapons pointed at Clarke.

“Octavia.” He said. “What are you doing? Look at this. You have your guards armed, weapons aimed on Clarke. You have people scared to get out of this bunker until you give word, and people murdering each other, fighting for their lives in a pit. This is ridiculous.”

Octavia’s gaze reached him, her face still unreadable. _“This_ is how we survived.” She said with anger in her voice. “You wouldn’t know.”

“Where’s Lincoln?” He asked. “And where is Abby?”

“Who’s the child?” She asked back.

“She’s-“ Bellamy cut himself off, thinking how to respond. He felt Clarke’s panic rising. He wasn’t about to tell her that Madi was a real nightblood. She was power hungry, he could see that and she may think of Madi as a threat. “Clarke and I found her, injected her with the synthetic nightblood like us, before Praimfaya hit.”

“How did you survive?”

“We found a valley that was still alive. Now it’s your turn. Answer my questions.” He said.

“Lincoln is no longer part of my council. Nor is Kane, as you can see. Abby is dead...” she dead panned.

Clarke left her expression carefully blank. 

“She overdosed a year ago. She killed herself.”

Clarke looked away for a second and Bellamy stayed quiet. He didn’t feel sadness from her. Surprise maybe, but not sadness. When Clarke looked back, her face was hard, just like Octavia’s.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re doing down here but it has to stop.” She said. “Let these people out. There’s other people from space, a prisoner transport ship called Eligius. They’ve agreed to share our valley.”

“Share?” Octavia rolled her eyes. “Wonkru will not _share_ with them. If they are not Wonkru, they are an enemy. And are these the same people who left those marks on your neck?” She nodded to the burns.

Clarke’s jaw tightened.

“If they won’t leave the valley, then we will fight them for it.” Octavia said.

“Octavia, I don’t think you understand. It’s not your valley. It’s  _ours_ _._ There’s more than enough room for everyone.”

“You’re not in charge here, Wanheda. I am.” She spat.

“We’ll see for how long.” Clarke threatened. She couldn’t be in this room any longer. She felt confined and she wanted to scream. The guards tried to block her way, weapons up.

“If you don’t move the hell out of my way, you’ll see who Wanheda really is.” Clarke shot darkly.

Bellamy winced and closed his eyes. The anger coming from her was heavy. This was not going well.

They eyed Octavia, looking for permission to let her by and she nodded. They moved out of her way, Murphy following.

Once they were gone, Octavia looked at him. “Dad, huh? Dark hair like you, blue eyes like Clarke. She really could be your daughter.”

_“She is.”_ He said firmly. “Biology has nothing to do with it. She’s our daughter. Our  family .” He leaned forward. “Octavia, this isn’t worth fighting over. There’s enough of the valley to share. It’s not worth the risk of a war.”

“We will go to war, big brother. Don’t doubt that. If these people won’t leave the valley, we will attack.”

“What happened to you?” He asked. “What have you done to these people?”

“What I  _had to do."_ She raised her voice. “You have no idea what went on down here.”

“No, and I don’t think I want to.” He said standing up. He went to open the door and turned around. “Octavia... stay away from my daughter.” 

He thought he saw a flash of hurt on her face, but it quickly disappeared. And with that, he was gone.

He shut the door and found Clarke and Murphy waiting on the other side. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Murphy cut him off. “We need to find Lincoln and figure out what the fuck is going on.”

He just nodded and followed them down the hall. “Bellamy, Clarke, Murphy!” They heard a familiar voice behind them. The both smiled when they saw Miller behind them. Clarke ran forward, wrapping him in a hug. “Miller, thank god.” She pulled back. “Where’s Lincoln?”

“He doesn’t like to watch the fights. He’s in his room, I’ll take you to him... you guys have missed a lot.” He said grimly.

Miller led them to a room and lightly knocked. Lincoln opened the door and his mouth dropped open. “You’re here?” He said in disbelief. “Octavia-“

“We saw her already.” Bellamy said.

“Or what used to be her...” Murphy added.

“We need to know what happened.” Clarke said. “She won’t let these people out the bunker, Lincoln. More people came down from space and we can share one of the last green lands with them, but Octavia wants a war.”

He was quiet for a moment, taking in the information.

“If Blodreina wants a war, you won’t be able to stop her.” Miller said.

“He’s right.” Lincoln said.

“We may eventually be able to move some people to other lands, but they’re far and not even close to being as big as shadow valley. It’s not enough for everyone.” Clarke told him.

“Get in here. We shouldn’t be talking where people can hear.”

Lincoln went into great detail, more than the other three cared to hear. The pits, the cannibalism, how she killed ruthlessly if people dared to even question her.

How she’d pushed him away and how Abby had manipulated her into killing people who refused to eat the dead. Then she’d spiraled. Lost control of herself, but taken over others.

They told Lincoln about Madi and his eyes widened. “You can not tell Octavia. She will kill her.”

Their worst fear confirmed.

“Octavia is not who she was. She’s just a shell of herself. The power has turned her into someone I no longer know. People fear her.”

“We have to get out of here. We have to get back to the valley before Octavia does.” Clarke said.

“What about the rest of these people?” Murphy asked. “Are we just gonna leave them here.”

“They will be too scared to follow. They’ll listen to Blodreina out of fear. Some may follow Wanheda and The Mountain Slayer... but only the brave ones. Or what’s left of them.” 

“She’ll lead them into a slaughter.” Bellamy said.

Miller looked at them sadly. “And they’ll follow.”

“If Octavia catches wind of what we’re doing... she’ll either have you executed on the spot or she’ll put you in the pits.” Lincoln said.

“Let her.” Clarke said harshly. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, this was led Wanheda. “I will not stand here and bow to her like a scared little girl. And I won’t leave the people who want a second chance at life behind.”

“Clarke, didn’t you hear him?” Bellamy asked. “She’ll kill you. She’ll kill me too. And if she finds out Madi’s a real nightblood-“

“Then we send Madi back to the valley with Echo and Raven. Echo can find her way there and they can protect her. And Harper, Monty and Emori aren’t threats to her. They can help us.”

“What am I, chop liver?” Murphy asked.

“You’re with us, Murphy.” She said. “We’ll need you here. We may need to talk our way out of something.”

He gave a smirk and sat back.

“You know she’ll find out, Clarke. I can’t let her kill you.” Bellamy was getting annoyed. “This is a _bad idea.”_

Murphy laughed. “Aren’t like, all of your ideas bad ideas? Can’t we just kill her?”

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up, Miller and Lincoln were carefully quiet, but didn’t seem surprised by his words. Bellamy couldn’t help but wonder if they’d thought it before.

“We can’t kill her, Murphy. She’s still my sister and-“

“And what if she _does_ try to kill Clarke, Bellamy? What then?”

Bellamy was silent for a beat, looking Murphy square in the eyes. “You already know the answer.” He said.

“Then _why_ are we  _waiting?_ We all know she’ll find out what we’re doing. She’ll charge us with treason and throw us all in to duke it out with each other to the death.” Murphy was losing patience. “And I don’t know about you, but I’m not keen on killing my friends, or better yet, being _killed_ by said friends.”

“What if she’s still in there, Murphy?” Clarke reasoned.

“Octavia has been gone a long time.” Lincoln almostwhispered. 

Clarke could feel Bellamy fighting the emotions in his head.

She sighed and stood up. “We’re not killing her... not yet. We opened the bunker not even two hours ago. Let’s try to give it some time before we start murdering each other again.”

Bellamy looked up at her. His emotions were whirling and she knew it, but one thing was certain. 

“We need to get Madi out of here.” He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, if you thought Octavia wasn’t going to be crazy, you were very wrong 😬


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your faith in the fleim is completely gone now?” Octavia asked.
> 
> “My faith in you has shown me that the time of the commanders is over. But others will not see it that way. And others will follow Wanheda and The Mountain Slayer.” Gaia waited for a response but Octavia stayed deep in thought. “You must find her, and end her.”
> 
> “You’re suggesting killing a child?” Indra sounded disgusted.
> 
> Octavia stood, ending their conversation. “Call everyone to the pits. My decision has been made.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decently long chapter. I want to make it clear that I love Octavia, but right now, after everything in the bunker, she is our bad guy. Don’t hate me for it.

They managed to get out of the bunker and onto the ground without passing any guards. Miller smiled when the sun hit him, feeling relief for the first time in six years. Lincoln just titled his head back to the sun, closing his eyes.

“Lincoln? Miller?!” Harpers voice hit them and they back away so she could had room to run at them.

Clarke headed to Echo. “It’s not good.” She said.

“Octavia doesn’t want to share the valley with Elligus. Probably not with us either for that matter. She’s willing to go to war for it.”

Echo nodded. “Does she know about Madi?”

“I don’t think so, but...”

“You’re worried she will figure it out.” Echo said.

She sighed and nodded.

“So what’s the plan?” Emori asked.

Clarke looked to Bellamy who was now holding Madi’s hand tightly. “Lincoln thinks some people may follow us. But it’s dangerous. Octavia will try to kill us if she finds out.. and she _will_ find out.”

“So we leave. Forget them.” Raven said. “We’ll go back to the valley, warn Eligius and prepare for a war if Octavia even makes it that far.”

“We can’t, Raven.” Bellamy said walking up. “You know if there’s people that want out, we can’t leave them.”

“So _then what?_ You let Octavia kill you?” Raven asked. Tempers seemed to be flaring high and Ravens was no exception.

“She won’t kill us.” Clarke said. “We’ll figure this out, but if there’s people down there that want to leave and want to share the valley, we can’t leave them here.”

“Why can’t we just all go home?” Madi asked from Bellamy’s side. Her eyes were wide. This was a lot for her to take in. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment until Bellamy gave her hand a squeeze. “We’re gonna figure it all out, princess.”

“Why isn’t anyone up here?” Monty tried to change the subject. 

“She still hasn’t given the okay.” Miller said. “They’re not all loyal. They’re just scared. Octavia will kill them before they can even blink. And no one wants to go into the pits even if she doesn’t kill them on the spot. Octavia isn’t a leader, she’s a dictator who’s lost her mind.”

“Where’s your mom, Clarke? What’s going on with Kane?” Harper asked.

“My mom is dead.” She said calmly. “Kane is their prisoner. She’s not going to be letting him go.”

Harper have a sad sigh. “So, what do we do?” 

“We stay here. You, Monty and Emori pose no threat to Octavia. You guys will lay low, be our back up if we need and Bellamy and I will spread word.” She turned to Echo and Raven.

Echo nodded before Clarke said a word. “I’ll protect her and warn Elligus of the potential threat.”

“Raven, it’s safest if you go with them.”

“I’ll go too.” Miller said.

Bellamy moved closer. “Are you sure, Miller? If Octavia catches you-“

“Then she catches me.” He says matter of factly. “I won’t march to war for her. I’ll help protect them.”

Bellamy nodded. He couldn’t lie, he felt better with Miller going along for back up.

“Take the Rover.” Clarke said. “It’ll be faster and she won’t be able to catch up to you. Take Leo too.”

“I’m not going.” Madi said.

“Madi-“ Bellamy started.

“I can help here.” She said. “I wanna stay with you guys. Please, don’t make me leave.”

Bellamy squatted in front on her, taking her hands. “It’s too dangerous here. Octavia isn’t the same as our stories anymore. She’ll hurt you, princess.”

“She’ll hurt you too.” She argued. “You said we’d all be a family, but she doesn’t want that. She wants to hurt us. What if something happens to you, or to mom?” Her voice was uneven and it hurt him to see her like that. “She already got hurt once!”

She was starting to panic and Bellamy had to push down his own, because she was right.

“Madi, this isn’t a decision that you can make. You’re going with them.” He put on his dad voice.

“But-“

“No, Madi.”

Clarke heard the panic and slight tremble in his voice even if no one else did. He was terrified to let her leave them, but even more terrified to let her stay. She’d never been away from them before.

“You _have_ to go with them. End of discussion. Echo, Miller and Raven will keep you safe. You stay with them at all times, and keep Leo with you, you understand?” 

She looked like she was holding back tears, but nodded and then threw herself into his arms, hugging tight. Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut and held her tight against him. 

“It’s gonna be okay.” He whispered. He pulled back and kissed her head. “I love you so much. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you too, daddy.” She whispered and wiped a stray tear away.

He stood up and walked away. He couldn’t stand there and wait for them to leave. He stopped by Echo and Miller, holding back tears. “Take care of my little girl.” He said firmly.

“We will.” Echo said and Miller nodded, giving his shoulder a quick reassuring squeeze.

“Find Jackson and tell him what I’m doing.” Miller said. “He would want to come with me, but he can’t. Not right now.”

Bellamy nodded and walked away. He didn’t know where he was going but he had to walk.

Clarke leaned down to Madi. “Hey, you’re gonna be okay, baby.”

“What about you guys? What happens if Octavia gets mad.”

“Its gonna be okay. You know I can fight. And you know we can’t leave people who need help.” Clarke sighed and looked around making sure Bellamy wasn’t near. “Remember what I’ve told you Madi... if anything does happen to me, you have to be strong, okay? Dad will need you. You have to be strong, be there for him.”

“But I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Madi’s voice was small. She was trying to be brave but Clarke felt her shaking. 

“I know, natblida. And maybe nothing will. Be strong. I love you, Madi, _so much.”_

“I love you, mom.” She said hugging her tightly.

When Clarke pulled back she pushed a strand of Madi’s hair back and smiled. “We’ll be back in the valley before you know it.” She kissed her cheek and they all loaded in the Rover.

“Be careful, Clarke.” Raven pleaded. “We all need you. Take this.” She handed her a small radio. “You’ll be able to reach us that way.”

Clarke nodded her thanks, and leaned down to Leo. 

“Hon daun care of emo, en ste kefa.” 

_Take care of them, and be careful._

She scratched his ear and placed a quick kiss on top of his head, shutting the door.

As the Rover drove away, Clarke felt her heart dropping slowly and the anxiety creeping in. She felt Bellamy’s arms go around her and she let out a shaky breath. She turned into his arms and he held her. Both of them holding back tears.

“They won’t let anything happen to her.” He rasped. “She’ll be okay.”

“Will we?” She asked, for the first time sounding unsure.

“We have to be.” He said.

•

Octavia sat with Indra and Gaia in the council room.

“The girl is a nightblood.” Gaia said.

“Not a real one.”

Gaia shook her head. _“She is._ I am trained to know a true natblida when I see one, Blodreina. She is a threat to you.”

“She is a child.” Indra argued.

“The child of two of the most powerful people on this earth.” Gaia shot back. “You know they will try to dethrone you, Blodreina, and with the child, they can do that.”

“Your faith in the fleim is completely gone now?” Octavia asked.

“My faith in you has shown me that the time of the commanders is over. But others will not see it that way. And others will follow Wanheda and The Mountain Slayer.” Gaia waited for a response but Octavia stayed deep in thought. “You must find her, and end her.”

“You’re suggesting killing a child?” Indra sounded disgusted.

Octavia stood, ending their conversation. “Call everyone to the pits. My decision has been made.”

•

Clarke and Bellamy stood next to Octavia while the rest of Skaikru stood with Wonkru below.

“Wonkru!” Octavia yelled. “It’s time we move from the bunker. Wanheda and The Mountain Slayer have set us free...” she paused looking at them. “We always knew they would. But there is only one piece of land that can sustain life for us all and it has been  taken by prisoners from over 100 years ago. Make no mistake Wonkru, we  will fight for what is ours and we will  take the valley !”

“You don’t have to take the valley!” Clarke interrupted.

Bellamy hung his head, knowing this was not a smart choice and Murphy shook his head below.

“The people that inhabit the valley with us are willing to share it. They’re learning the ways of earth and there’s more than enough room for all of us to thrive and grow.” She continued. “We can’t condemn them to death because we were here first. If they’re willing to learn and live with us, we can make a better life for _everyone.”_

“I don’t remember asking you to speak, Wanheda.” Octavia growled lowly. She turned her attention back to the crowd. “We _will fight_ for this valley. These people are prisoners who have no right to that land. We will not let them take what we’ve worked so hard for and what we’ve been waiting for, _for six years!_ We will take the valley and we will thrive. They will go back where they belong!”

The crowd cheered, but Bellamy watched them carefully. Most people’s cheers didn’t met their eyes. They were scared. Scared of what would happen it they didn’t? Bellamy heard from Lincoln what Octavia would do if she was defied. These people were traumatized.

Clarke looked at Bellamy with a concerned look before Octavia continued. “We will set camp above the bunker for now. Tomorrow, we prepare for war.”

People scurried to move out of the bunker and get supplies.

Clarke shook her head, her and Bellamy starting to walk away. Octavia grabbed Clarke’s arm as she passed. “Where’s the girl?”

Clarke wrenched her arm away and glared. _“What girl?”_

“Your nightblood daughter.”

“Why?” Bellamy asked.

Octavia looked down to Skaifayakru. “And where’s the traitor?” She asked, ignoring Bellamy’s question.

“It’s none of your business.” Clarke’s anger radiated off of her. “I’m not Wonkru. None of us are.”

“Then you are an enemy of Wonkru.” She said darkly.

“So be it.” Clarke said shrugging.

Octavia stepped closer to her. “You dare defy me, Wanheda? Tread lightly. Being my brothers bitch won’t save you for long.”

“What are you gonna do, Blodreina?” Clarke moved even closer, squaring up. “Throw me in the pits like the coward you are?” Wanheda was out and ready to go.

“Maybe I’ll just fight you myself.”

“Enough!” Bellamy yelled. “This isn’t helping anyone.”

“Where’s the girl, Bellamy?” She demanded.

“She’s gone!” He shouted. “We sent her away. Away from you. I told you to stay away from her and I meant it.”

“You lied to me. The girl is a nightblood.”

“Because we made her one.” His voice was confident, but angry and it made her pause. “What is this about, Octavia?”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, silently thinking. “If they’re in the valley by the time we attack, I won’t hesitate to kill them all.” She turned to the guards. “Lock her up.”

Clarke huffed a laugh. She knew it was coming.

_“What?!”_ Bellamy spurred forward, his heart dropping. “Octavia, no!”

He ran in front her, stopping her and weapons went to his throat. “No! We’ll leave.” His voice was frantic. “All of us. All of Skaifayakru.”

“She’ll fight, Mountain Slayer.” She spat. Bellamy blinked at the name coming from his own sister. “And if she wins... you can all go and die with Eligius and the rest of your kru.”

“Octavia, this isn’t you. You don’t have to do this. Any of it!” He struggled to keep his composure. _“Please, O.”_

“My name... is Blodreina.” She kept her face blank and stared at him. “She fights at sundown.” Octavia looked down to Skaifayakru. “And if any of you try anything, you’ll join her.”

Murphy saw Bellamy starting to lose it.

Bellamy fought against the guards and Octavia glared.

“Octavia, you can’t do this!” He yelled. “Let her go!”

“Don’t make them kill you before you get to see her fight, big brother.” She said it with malice and it made his skin crawl, but he stilled.

_The head. The head._ He repeated to himself. If they killed him, he couldn’t help her.

When Octavia was gone, her guards lowered their weapons and followed. The rest of Skaifayakru ran up to him.

“I take my previous statement back.” Murphy said. “Forget about these fuckers. Let’s get Clarke and get the hell out of here.”

“I agree.” Monty said quickly.

“How do we get to Clarke?” Emori asked.

Bellamy was trying to get his breath under control.

“You can’t.” Lincoln’s voice surprised them all. “You won’t be able to get her. She’ll have to fight.”

“Always bringing the optimism, thanks.” Murphy said sarcastically. 

“She will fight, but she will win.” Lincoln continued. “I’ve seen her fight. We all have. She will fare well in the pits.”

“Octavia said we can leave if Clarke wins.” Bellamy said. “And die with Elligus in the valley.”

“So what, are we prisoners too?” Harper asked.

“Yes.” Lincoln nodded. “We all are.” 

Bellamy closed his eyes ran a hand through his hair. He knew realistically that of course she could win the fight. He still felt like a weight was crushing his chest regardless. His sister wanted to kill Clarke.

“She has to fight?” He asked, already knowing the answer. 

Lincoln looked at him and nodded. “She has to fight. I can get you to her, but there’s no way to get her out. And you’ll have to be quick.”

Lincoln started walking without waiting for a response and they all ran after him. They were at war... again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is building guys. Not sure if the next update will be tonight or tomorrow. Hope you guys are all still enjoying. Also, I love Bellamy as a dad/husband, SO MUCH.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guards were holding Murphy and Bellamy back and Clarke faintly heard their yells.
> 
> “They think I’ll kill you.” Octavia said.
> 
> “You’ll try.”
> 
> Octavia gave a smirk and drew her sword, swinging it at Clarke. She ducked fast and grabbed the sword on the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! I was supposed to update yesterday and life caught up to me. Anyway, here’s a chapter! We are getting close to the end and I’m not sure how I feel about it. On one hand I’m excited for you guys to see the end, but I’m sad it’s ending.

Lincoln got him past the guard and Bellamy ran into the hallway with cells lining it. “Clarke?”

“Bell, I’m here.” She called and put her hand through on of the bars.

He ran up to her and grabbed it. He tried to stop his shaking.

“We’re gonna get out of here.” He promised. “Lincoln says there’s no way to get you out except-“

“To fight.” She cut him off. “I can do it.”

“Kane is in there, princess.”

She closed her eyes briefly. “I know. I know, but we have to get out of here and back to the valley.”

“We’re done with Wonkru, okay?” He said it like a question but it wasn’t. “You win and we get the fuck out of here. We get back to Madi and the others. If people are brave enough to follow, then fine.”

She nodded but her face was scrunched up and he felt her concern.

“Hey, I’m okay, baby. Now is not the time to worry about me. Keep your head in the fight.”

“This is a lot Bellamy. Madi is away from us, my mom is dead and your sister-“

“Is _not_ my responsibility anymore.” He cut her off. “You and Madi and Skaifayakru are. You win this and we’re out of here.”

He leaned forward and kissed her through the bars.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Bellamy!” Murphy whisper/yelled. “Someone’s coming, we gotta go!”

He closed his eyes and steeled himself to leave her. He knew she could win but that didn’t stop him from being terrified.

He gave her one last kiss and turned away, trying to keep his heart in his chest.

•

“Raven?” Monty called through the radio. “Raven, do you read me?”

“I’m here, Monty.”

Bellamy sighed in relief and grabbed the radio. “Did you make it to the valley? Is everyone okay? Where’s Madi?”

“Whoa,” Raven said. “Slow down there, dad. We’re all here.” Sarcasm lacing her voice.

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Is Madi there?”

“She’s with Echo and Miller. Do you want me to get her?”

“No!” He almost yelled. “No.” He said quieter. “Just... we have some bad news.”

“Us too.” Raven said grimly. “McCreary has a group that’s rioted against Diyoza... they want to fight Wonkru. Diyoza’s group is bigger but McCreary’s guys are angry. They don’t want to share the valley either, Bellamy... not even with us.”

He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. We can’t stop Octavia anyway. She’s making Clarke fight.”

“She’s _what?!_ Bellamy, you have to get her out of there!”

“We can’t, Raven. We...” Bellamy stopped, his emotions starting to take over. Murphy knew he was starting to lose grip on his sanity and grabbed the radio from him.

“We tried, Raven. There’s no way we can get her out. Even Lincoln said so. Octavia was looking for Madi and Echo. We can only imagine why. But if Clarke wins this, Octavia says we can all come to the valley. Says she’ll kill us all, but at least we’ll be together, right?” He ended sarcastically.

“But what if she-“

“She’ll win.” Murphy interrupted. “I know she will. We can’t stop this war, so we’re gonna have to fight in it... this is just the beginning.”

He heard Raven sigh on the other end. “We just got back and we’re fighting again. This time against Octavia.”

“I know.” Murphy’s voice was softer than usual. “Clarke’s got this. We’ll be back in the valley faster than you can say ‘Wanheda’.” He joked.

It earned a chuckle from Raven and Emori and smiles from the others.

“Stay safe.” Raven said. And with that, they were off to the pits.

•

Bellamy watched as they entered the ring, his heart pounding. He didn’t know what it felt like to have a heart attack, but he was pretty sure this was it.

Two large men, one woman and Kane were led in and Clarke took up the back. Kane went to his knees, just like when they had found them. 

Clarke couldn’t look up. She had to focus. She saw a small dagger and a sword and zoned in. That was what she wanted. 

Doing her best to filter out Bellamy’s feelings of panic, she examined each fighter. The woman couldn’t fight, that was obvious. She’d be easy to take down. The two men were larger and stronger but she was smaller and faster. And Kane... well-

“Be the last.” Her thoughts were cut off by Gaia and from the other prisoners movements, that meant fight.

She ran and slid under one of the men, grabbing the dagger. She turned and dug it into the mans back, yanking it up with a yell. The crowd cheered for Wanheda. She sensed someone at her back and turned to find the woman racing at her with the sword. Clarke pulled the knife out of the man and ducked out of the way. The woman’s sword went straight through the mans chest, finishing him off. One down.

The other man was taunting Kane, doing whatever he could to get him to fight back. Kane never faltered though, keeping his head high and his eyes straight in front of him.

Clarke threw the dagger straight at the woman, who had turned to her and the crowd let out a collective cheer as it went straight into the woman’s eye. She dropped hard and Clarke moved to grab the sword.

The man looked at her and smiled. “Wanheda.” He said slowly. “I will enjoy this.”

He had an axe and lifted it, swiping at her. She backed away easily and swung her sword. The man caught it with the axe and tried to grab her arm. That was where he messed up. She dropped her arm and sword fast and with a quick movement from her other hand, landed the dagger in the mans neck, sending him down.

She looked to Kane, trying to catch her breath, then up to Octavia. She looked unimpressed, like she always did.

“I won’t kill a man on his knees, not willing to fight for his own life!” Clarke yelled to her, breathing hard. “So if you want me dead, Blodreina, come down here and do it your fucking self!”

Octavia stood and jumped down to the center of the pit, facing Clarke head on. Neither one of them blinked.

Guards were holding Murphy and Bellamy back and Clarke faintly heard their yells.

“They think I’ll kill you.” Octavia said.

“You’ll try.”

Octavia gave a smirk and drew her sword, swinging it at Clarke. She ducked fast and grabbed the sword on the ground. They were both good fighters. Neither of them made a real hit on each other until Octavia faked a move and sliced her arm. Bellamy saw Clarke’s anger boil over. She went at Octavia with everything she had. Octavia struggled to keep up now and Clarke finally dropped and swept Octavia’s feet out from under her.

She kicked Octavia’s sword away and slammed the dagger into her shoulder, holding her down. The crowd was completely silent now. Clarke saw the fear in Octavia’s eyes. The first emotion she’d seen from her since they opened the bunker.

She looked to Bellamy who was watching her with weary eyes. If she killed Octavia right now, Bellamy wouldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t hold an ounce of resentment or anger towards her. His sister was gone and Blodreina had taken her place.

A million thoughts ran through Clarke’s head and she paused, staring down at her. Clarke stood up and tossed the dagger. 

“I’m not gonna kill you, Octavia. You’ve done that to yourself.” She said. “But I’m leaving with my family to go to the valley and if we have to fight you, then we will... But I will not stay here and watch you lead people to their death.”

Clarke moved to exit the pit and the guards didn’t move. “Do you want to fight too?” She asked.

They looked at each other and backed out of her way. Bellamy’s arms went around her immediately. “Are you okay?” He pulled back and took her arm in his hand.

“I’m okay, Bell. We have to go. She’ll come for the valley and we have to be ready.”

Bellamy turned to Lincoln. “Get Jackson and let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Any of Wonkru that doesn’t want to be dictated, that doesn’t want to live in fear, but wants to defend the only place that can keep us all alive, come with us!” Bellamy yelled. “We’ll need fighters but no one will be forced! There are safe places for people who don’t want to fight... places for your children.”

Nobody moved for a beat. They seemed to be taking in his words. Slowly, most of what was left from the original Skaikru started to move towards the bunker door and in the end, almost half of Wonkru ended up following them.

Octavia didn’t try to stop them, but Clarke and Bellamy both knew she’d be coming after them. Wanheda had just pissed off The Red Queen and she wouldn’t back down now.

•

They made camp the next night, not being able to make it all the way without stopping. Clarke radioed Raven. Madi was safe and no one was hurt yet, but McCreary’s group had separated and was armed. They were going to fight. Which meant they were going to have to fight too.

“We’ll stay here for the night.” Bellamy told Wonkru. “The valley is going to be under attack. I meant it when I said none of you have to fight. We won’t force anyone. But we will have to fight if we want to keep the valley and keep it from being destroyed. Anyone who volunteers, we’ll be grateful for, but it’s not mandatory.”

One of Wonkru that Bellamy vaguely recognized as Trikru, slowly stood. “You have saved us, yet again. I pledge my life to you, Mountain Slayer and Wanheda.”

One by one, every single person stood, pledging themselves to fight. For the valley, for themselves, for what they could make of this world once the war was over.

They started fires and passed around rations that they had managed to bring from the bunker. Clarke and Bellamy slipped into their tent and quickly laid down.

She curled herself around him and he pulled her close. This was the first time they’d been alone together since they’d left the valley and so much had happened since.

“My mom is dead.” She whispered.

“My sister is a dictator who kills people.” He whispered back.

“I killed people too.”

“So they wouldn’t kill you, Clarke.” He argued. “She forced you... you kicked ass, by the way.” He tried to lighten the mood.

He heard her huff a small laugh and they were both quiet for a moment until he spoke again.

“She wanted Madi.” His voice sounded broken. “She wanted to kill her, Clarke, _I know_ she did. She would kill our daughter. She would kill  _you. ”_

Clarke stroked his beard, absent mindedly. “She isn’t herself Bellamy. And we got Madi out of there. She’s safe.” 

“Maybe you should’ve killed her.” He admitted softly. “Then we’d only have to worry about McCreary.”

“Maybe...” Clarke said. She sniffed a bit and hugged Bellamy closer. “I miss her.”

He knew she was talking about Madi.

“Me too, princess.” His voice was uneven and raspy and he pressed a kiss to her head. “We’ll get to her tomorrow.”

“Do you think anyone is awake?”

“You wanna try to call them?”

She nodded. “I just wanna hear her voice.”

Bellamy went to grab the radio and laid back down. “Raven, Echo? Someone awake?” He called into it.

“Dad?”

Bellamy huffed a laugh. “Hey, princess. What are you doing up?”

“I can’t sleep without you guys... I-I’m not used to it. I miss you a lot.”

“We miss you too, Madi. Is everything okay?” He asked.

“Echo says that we’re going to have to keep the valley safe because McCreary and Octavia want to fight. So she says that we have to stay in here and guard it in case they get too close.”

Clarke silently thanked Echo. She knew how to talk to her and keep her safe.

“She’s right, Madi.” Clarke said, knowing that they wouldn’t let anyone get close enough to the village for Madi to be in danger.

“Mom,” Madi’s voice got excited at Clarke’s voice. “Octavia didn’t hurt you did she?”

Clarke looked at her arm briefly before responding. “No, I’m okay. We’ll be back tomorrow, natblida.”

“Good.” Madi started. “Because I think Raven has been really worried about you guys. And she talks about Murphy a lot.” Madi said exasperated. 

They both smiled, listening to her talk.

“She taught me a lot of stuff today with the Rover. I don’t think you guys have been doing it right. She seemed kind of annoyed and called you ‘buffoons’? I don’t know what that means, but she didn’t sound happy.” Madi ended with a giggle.

“That was always Ravens specialty.” Clarke said, smiling.

“Yeah that’s what she said. And Miller and Echo helped me train today so I don’t fall behind. Miller isn’t as good as you though, dad. Oh! Also, I can shoot better than Echo. Not with the bow, but the guns.”

“You learned from the best, princess.” Bellamy smiled at her enthusiasm.

She was quiet for a second and they waited for her voice to fill the tent back up.

“Is it- is it bad that I wish we didn’t open the bunker?” Her voice trembled and Clarke felt her heart clench at the sound of it. “It was just us and we were happy. Even when everyone came down from space, they didn’t want to fight. And now you guys are away from me and Octavia wants to hurt me  and you. It- it’s not fair.”

“It’s not bad, Madi. Everything changed and it’s hard... But I promise you, we’re coming home. Everything is gonna work out. We’ll be okay and we’ll be happy in the valley again.” Bellamy promised.

“I love you guys. I love everyone from space too.” She said honestly.

“Us too, princess. We love you too.” Bellamy wiped a stray tear from his eye and cleared his throat before he continued. “Now try to sleep, Madi. We’ll be home soon.”

“Goodnight.” Her soft voice filled the tent one last time and they heard the radio go silent.

Clarke blinked a couple tears away, but they were happy tears.

“Feel better?” He asked.

“Yeah, I just wish this all didn’t have to happen. I want to be home with them.”

“We will be soon, baby... I’m sorry I couldn’t get you out of fighting.” His voice was somber.

“I did it to myself Bellamy. I knew what I was doing and I knew how Octavia would react.”

“Are you glad?” He asked. “About your mom?” It was a tricky question but he had to ask it. He hadn’t felt any real remorse about it from her.

“I don’t think I’m happy but more... indifferent?” She sounded confused. “Does that make me a bad person?”

He looked at her softly, realizing how much of her was in Madi. Their words always so similar. “Does it make me a bad person that I wish my sister was dead?” He asked.

She shook her head. “No.”

“Then, no. It doesn’t make you a bad person either.”

“Bellamy,” She scooted up so she could see his face better. “I wish we hadn’t opened the bunker too. Now our whole family is in danger. Kane was right when he said we shouldn’t have opened it.”

“We will win this fight, Clarke. You and Madi stay in the village-“

“I’m not staying in the village, Bellamy. You know I can’t.”

“You can-“

“I won’t then.” She said firmly. “And I won’t send you out there while I sit and wait to see if you’ll come back.”

“Clarke, please. I have a bad feeling about this. Please, please just stay in the village.” He begged.

She held his face. “I’m going to be out there with you, Bell. Fighting with everyone else.”

“You’ve been trying to give me a heart attack for the past couple days. You know that, right?” He said dryly.

She leaned forward and kissed him and the furrow line on his brow slowly disappeared. He pulled her closer and kissed her harder. His hands moved up to her waist, squeezing and then back down to the hem of her shirt. He pulled it over her head, breaking the kiss only for a moment. They moved slowly, staying in the moment. He touched any part of her that he could. He turned them so he was covering her. She dug her nails into his back, arching into him as he kissed her collar bone and sucked hard on the hollow of her neck. 

She reached down grasping him hard and he groaned into her neck. He kissed her again, deeper this time then pulled back to pull his boxers down and slipped her underwear down her thighs. He pushed into her agonizingly slow, dropping his head onto hers, breathing hard.

She tried not to gasp as he moved, thrusting back into her. He didn’t move fast but he pushed deep inside of her. She ran a hand through his hair and kissed him, holding back a moan. This was one of those times were the savored every touch, every moment.

The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach had been forgotten about for the time and he didn’t want it to end. He leaned down and took her breast in his mouth and she threw her head back with a sigh. He finally felt her clenching around him and knew she was close. He slowly brushed his fingers down her neck and he felt her shiver. He pushed into her even deeper and she covered her mouth as she came around him. He moved to kiss her and with a couple more thrusts, released inside her. 

They held each other as they rode out the last of their orgasms. He kissed her head and she ran her hands up and down his back. He rolled them so he was on his back and laid her head on his chest.

“You know I can’t lose you, princess.”

“And I can’t lose you, Bell. We’ve been through so much already. This is just another hurdle.”

“Hopefully the last damn one.” He mumbled.

“I love you, Bellamy Blake.” She said softly.

He smiled and squeezed her to him. “I love you too, Clarke Blake.”

“You know, you’re an amazing dad.” She lifted her head to look at him. “And she loves you so much... if anything _does_ go wro-“

“Don’t.” He stopped her. “I can’t stand when you talk like you’re going to die. It scares me and it pisses me off. So don’t... please, baby.”

She nodded and kissed him again, laying her head back down. He felt her breaths even out as sleep took her.

When he was sure she was out, he slipped out of the tent, too restless to sleep just yet.

He found Murphy by the fire, staring into it. He sat by him, shaking him out his thoughts.

“Hey.” Murphy greeted.

“Hey... you okay?”

“Yeah I just- I’m not used to being away from everyone, you know?”

Bellamy let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, I know the feeling... Madi’s been...” he paused trying to think of the right words. “Madi and Leo have been a part of us and not having them with us... it sucks.”

Murphy nodded. “I get it. I’ve been with the rest of Skaifayakru for almost 6 years and now I’m away from them... it’s also weird not having to talk to you through a radio.” He joked.

Bellamy let out a chuckle. “Yeah, it’s a little different.”

They sat in silence for a while until Murphy piped back up. “I’m sorry about Octavia.”

Bellamy turned to look at him, a little surprised. “Me too.” He sighed. “I lost my sister, but I still have to look at her... And I’m- I don’t have a good feeling, Murphy. Clarke shouldn’t be in this fight. I feel it.”

“Maybe you’re just scared of losing her?” Murphy suggested.

“I’m always scared of losing her.” He admitted easily. “This is different. Something feels wrong.”

Murphy nodded. “But you can’t stop her. You know she won’t just sit by while the rest of us fight.”

“I know.” He said sadly. “I can’t lose her, Murphy. Any of them. They’re my everything.”

He briefly wandered back to a time where he would never have been spilling his guts to Murphy but somewhere along the line they’d become friends. Best friends even.

“You’re a really good dad, Bellamy.” Murphy told him. “I see you with Madi. And we always knew you’d be a good husband.” He smiled.

“Never thought I’d have a kid.” Bellamy said. “But I love them. They’re my family. Just like Skaifayakru.” He added. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want to keep them safe and lately it seems like I’m failing on all fronts.”

“At least you’re there. And you’re trying. That’s all that matters. You should see the way Madi looks at you, Bellamy, the way Clarke does, hell even the way the dog does.” He smiled. “They trust you and they have faith that you’ll do whatever you can for them. You’re doing your best and they know that... it’s not all on you, man. You and Clarke are the best team I’ve ever seen.”

Bellamy thought for a second. “Together.” He whispered to himself.

Murphy rolled his eyes, but smiled. “God, you guys are sickening... but we love you guys too, you know? Skaifayakru all does.”

“I know.” Bellamy smiled softly.

Murphy stood up and cleared his throat. “Alright enough of this mushy, bullshit. I’m going to bed. Go to your wife, man.”

Bellamy laughed at him. “Goodnight, Murphy.”

He sat a moment longer. He felt a slight chill in the air and felt another pang of worry. A cold storm.

The last thing they needed was ice and snow covering everything in sight. With one last sigh, he walked back into the tent and tried to clear his mind.

The war was coming and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a lot that’s going to happen the next couple chapters. I threw some very sweet Madi/Bell/Clarke moments and a Murphy/Bell moment, bc I honestly love them so much. I don’t mean for it to seem like Bellamy doesn’t care about Octavia, but he’s only known Skaifayakru for 6 years. They’ve loved each other and kept each other going. Bellamy’s priority is them, especially with Octavia threatening them. He’s hurt and isn’t sure how to deal with her.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! There’s only three chapters left after this one 😧 plus an epilogue, IF I decide to do it. I don’t even know what to do with myself.

* * *

They woke the next morning and the pit of dread in Bellamy’s stomach hadn’t eased off. Clarke sensed it and tried to calm him, but there wasn’t much she could do. It was getting colder. It had been in the 80s yesterday and now they were already dropping near 40. By tomorrow, there’d be ice and snow everywhere.

“It’s gonna storm.” Bellamy said as they walked towards Shadow Valley.

Clarke nodded. “I know. It’s okay. We’re used to it. It won’t affect us.”

He stayed next to her the whole way, always keeping a hand on her, trying to calm himself.

As dusk approached they saw the valley in the distance.

“We’re home.” She smiled at him so brightly that he couldn’t help but smile back at her, despite his worry.

They saw Leo run to the edge of green and Clarke let out a laugh. He could smell them coming from miles away.

They radioed Raven who let them know Mccreary’s group had taken up the south end.

They got to the village and Madi ran out of their house, throwing her arms around both of them and they sunk to her level. 

“You’re back.” She said into their clothes.

Echo and Miller walked out of the house and stood on the porch, waiting quietly.

Clarke kissed Madi’s head and stood up, walking towards them.

“Raven’s got eyes in the sky using the Eligius ship.” Echo started. “Wonkru is already marching... it looks like she has one of the blasters.”

“Fuck.” Clarke closed her eyes for a second. “We left it when we ran out of there.”

“What’s wrong?” Murphy asked walking to the porch behind Bellamy.

“Wonkru is headed our way. Blaster in tow.” Miller said.

“We have to get the army ready. Fast.” Echo said. “They’ll be here by tomorrow morning.”

“And by that time this place will be covered in snow. Making things that much harder.” Bellamy sighed.

The temperature had already dropped another 15 degrees and with nightfall coming... as if on cue thunder rolled in the distance and the wind picked up.

Clarke nodded. “We’ll prep the army. First, let’s get fires going, tents up, and people fed... it’s gonna be a cold night.”

•

The soldiers were ready to fight. They had fed everyone real, warm food for the first time in 6 years. Moral was up. They were on the ground, cold or not, they were on living land and they were ready to protect it. They had plenty of weapons, plenty of fighters. Diyoza’s men and the Grounders all stood together as one. They would win this. Wonkru would be no match for them. That’s what they thought anyway.

•

That night, they all sat in Clarke and Bellamy’s cabin near the fire.

Clarke and Bellamy were leaned against each other on the couch, Madi squeezed between them and Leo at their feet.

Everyone was curled around the person, or people they loved- Worried about what the morning would bring.

Madi hadn’t left their side the entire night. They’d have to leave her again tomorrow and they dreaded it. She had fallen asleep, head on Bellamy’s chest and hands wrapped around Clarke’s.

“Someone has to stay here with her.” Bellamy said. “We need good fighters in the field, but someone has to protect her.”

“I’ll protect her with my life.” Echo responded quickly.

Raven nodded. “Same here. She can stay with us on the ship. She’ll be safe. Even if they get close, we have an advantage. We can take off, they won’t be able to touch us.”

Bellamy gave a sigh of relief. She’d be safe. Now what about Clarke.

“Clarke-“

“Don’t start, Bellamy. I’m fighting with everyone else.”

“He’s right, Clarke.” Lincoln spoke up. “You took her down once. She’ll be out for blood. It’s not safe for you.”

“It’s not safe for anyone.” She argued. 

“But especially for you, Clarke.” Murphy tried. “She wants you dead. You should stay here.”

Bellamy felt her anger. They weren’t going to get her to agree.

“I’m fighting with the rest of you. That’s it.” She said.

Bellamy sighed. “Okay. Harper and Monty, you guys stay here too. You can help remotely if we need it and Raven and Echo may need you too.”

“Mccreary’s group will probably be hit before us, which may or may not be good for us.” Emori said.

“The blaster should be our main concern.” Monty said. “Between Octavia and Mccreary there’s at least three of them.”

“With our other weapons, we should be able to outgun them easy. We just have to fight smart and careful.” Bellamy said. “There’s not much else we can do till sunrise. We should all try to sleep.”

They all knew there wouldn’t be much sleeping, but they took comfort in being with each other, all hoping it wouldn’t be the last time they’d all be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the last few chapters guys. I can’t wait to share them, but I’m also getting sad it’s almost over. Also, sorry this one is so short. I just wanted to break it up, bc the next one is longer.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She ran hard, as hard as she could but she had sprained her ankle during the explosion and he was faster. Everywhere it seemed she’d be able to hide, people were fighting. She ended up running to the lake, slipping when she reached about 300 yards out. She stood up quickly, but froze hearing a gun cock behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s almost over 😫 the next chapters will feature lyrics from In My Body by SYML
> 
> I really hope you guys have loved this fic. Still two more chapters to go. I’m still undecided about an epilogue, but enjoy my loves ❤️

The next morning, sure enough they stepped out to a thick sheet of ice and snow across everything. It was at least a foot deep and everything was frozen solid.

It took a bit of convincing, but they got Madi on the ship with Raven and Echo and they all set off for a war they didn’t want to fight. 

Sure enough, Wonkru’s attack started at Mccreary’s group. They had already diminished Wonkru by a good number, but they were in their territory now.

Gun shots fired and there was smoke, and some kind of explosion. The blaster... Clarke thought. She had lost Bellamy and Murphy when it hit and her ears were ringing. They had to be near, along with Miller and Lincoln.

“Clarke!” She heard Bellamy yell from somewhere in the distance.

“Bella-“ she cut short, seeing a figure in front of her.

“McCreary.” She felt the same dread Bellamy had been feeling for days, take place in her own stomach.

His grin made her skin crawl and she felt around with her hands, looking for something to grab on to. She’d lost her gun in the explosion.

“Clarke, where are you?” She heard Bellamy yell again.

_He was far,_ she thought. Too far to help her.

Her hands grabbed a rock and she hurled it at Mccreary, hitting him dead between the eyes. He stumbled back and she took the opportunity to run. 

_**~ In my body** _

_**I fight fire** _

_**With the snow** _

_**My hell is cold~** _

Bellamy couldn’t see anything. He felt Murphy next to him and he shifted. He blinked, trying to clear his vision from the explosion. They were surrounded by fire. He tried to cough the smoke from his lungs. 

“Clarke!” He yelled. He tried to look through the fire, but couldn’t see past the smoke. 

He thought he heard her yell, but then he felt her panic rise. “Clarke, where are you?!”

Murphy stood and helped Bellamy to his feet.

“Something’s wrong.” Bellamy said.

“Yeah, no shit. We’re surrounded by fire and we’re under attack.” Murphy responded. 

Bellamy’s eyes were wild, looking for a way to escape the fire surrounding them. The snow would kill it out, it had already gone down some, but he had to get to Clarke _now._ “It’s Clarke. It’s- something’s wrong.”

“Bellamy, lets just take a min- _fuck.“_ Murphy cursed as Bellamy ran through the fire.

Murphy braced himself with a quick shake of his body. “Here we go.” He said, following Bellamy through the fire. 

•

She ran hard, as hard as she could but she had sprained her ankle during the explosion and he was faster. Everywhere it seemed she’d be able to hide, people were fighting. She ended up running to the lake, slipping when she reached about 300 yards out. She stood up quickly, but froze hearing a gun cock behind her. 

She let out a breath and slowly turned. “We don’t have to do this, Mccreary.”

_“We’re_ not doing anything, bitch.  _ I, _on the other hand, am ending this.” The look on his face was pure evil.

“You won’t be ending anything.” She said. “You think  _this_ is a war? If Bellamy finds out you killed me... Then you’ll see a war.”

He grinned at her. “I guess I will.”

•

Murphy caught up with him quickly and they caught sight of Miller, in the middle of killing two Wonkru fighters.

“Miller, where’s Clarke?” Bellamy yelled at him.

“She ran that way.” He pointed towards the lake. “That guy was behind her, Bellamy. Go! I’ll catch up!”

They ran towards the lake and Bellamy’s heart dropped as she came into view. She was out on the ice, McCreary in front of her with his gun aimed. He sped up, which he didn’t feel was possible. He had to get a good shot on him and he was way too far to get one from where he was.

He stumbled as a shot sounded off, echoing across the lake and the clearing.

•

Clarke looked down. She was expecting it, really she was- but for some reason it still came as a shock. She put her hand, shakily over her upper abdomen where the blood was already spilling.

She heard Bellamy yelling somewhere in the distance but she couldn’t focus on it. All she could really hear was the ice cracking around her. Her heart dropped. Maybe, just maybe she could survive a gunshot wound, but if she went into the ice...

McCreary smiled. 

_Cocky son a bitch,_ Clarke  thought.

But she won’t go down without him. If the ice breaks, he’ll go with her. Still, her mind raced to find a way out of it. She sank to her knees, starting to feel dizzy already. If she thought she was cold before, it was nothing compared to now.

Clarke turned her head and saw Bellamy running towards her, Murphy not far behind. When she looked back she saw movement far behind McCreary and that was when she lost all hope.

Tears sprang to her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop them... 

“Oh God.” She whispered.

Octavia stood with the blaster pointing straight at McCreary. It would kill him, the war would be over... and her life with it.

Bellamy’s eyes followed Clarke’s and he slammed to a halt, Murphy crashing into him from behind. “No.” He sounded like he was in disbelief. 

“Motherfucker.” Murphy whispered, his own heart dropping.

“Octavia, no!” Bellamy yelled as loud as he could, but she didn’t even glance his way. He aimed his gun at her and fired, but couldn’t get a good shot through the trees.

“Sorry, big brother.” She rasped, with not an ounce of remorse showing on her face for what she was about to do.

“Clarke!” Murphy screamed at her.

She heard them both, but she couldn’t look over. She was scared of what she’d see there. She didn’t want to say goodbye, she wasn’t ready. So she closed her eyes and listened to the high pitched whining sound of the blaster charging up.

This was it. This was how she would die after all that fighting.

Wanheda meeting her end by the hand of Blodreina. Looking back, she should have seen it coming. 

McCreary turned hearing the noise and immediately the blast shot him far beyond the lake, leaving him in pieces.

Bellamy felt like he couldn’t move. The ice cracked and splintered, disappearing around Clarke. One second he saw her and the next, she was gone. 

Then he was running, running like he never remembered before. He faintly heard Murphy yelling his name as he dove in the water after her.

He couldn’t even feel the cold. His heart was racing and all he could feel was panic and his heart icing over from the fear of losing her. He could barely see, and the water hadn’t settled from the explosion, but that didn’t stop him.

He felt something brush against him, swimming past and he had to come up for air. He saw Leo diving under and in less than 15 seconds, reappear with Clarke’s arm between his teeth. Bellamy let out a breath and followed him back to land, all the ice from before, broken.

Murphy and Miller had ran to the shoreline and were already waiting for them. They grabbed her and Leo released her arm gently, but immediately curled around her. Bellamy silently thanked the fact that they had found him all those years ago.

His thankfulness faded though, taking in Clarke’s condition. Blood was still pouring from the bullet wound and now there were cuts scattering her body from the ice shards, one lodged deeply in her side. 

He reached his hands to put pressure on the bullet wound, but found his hands were shaking.

Lincoln appeared at her side, leaning and placing his hands over Bellamy’s. “Listen to me, Bellamy. We have to move.” His voice was calm, but the urgency rang through to Bellamy’s ears.

There was still shooting. He could tell it was few and far between now, but they were still in the battle field.

Bellamy slid his hands out from under Lincoln’s and scooped Clarke up in his arms, careful of the ice shard sticking out her side and keeping her at an angle where Lincoln could still keep pressure on the wound. The ice in her side was staring to melt from her body heat and blood was starting to seep through, but her body was starting to freeze.

“We need to get her to the Rover and back to the med cabin, now!” Lincoln yelled to the others.

Miller and Murphy both ran ahead to the Rover, Miller jumping in the drivers seat and Murphy slinging the doors open for them.

Bellamy was in shock, he was sure of it.

This couldn’t be happening. He felt like he was in a bad dream and his body was on autopilot, because he wasn’t sure how he was even moving.

Leo jumped in and lied down. Bellamy followed, placing Clarke’s head on his back.

“We’ve gotta get her out of these clothes, her temperature is dropping.” Lincoln said. “You too, Bellamy.”

He worked as calmly, but quickly as he could to remove her clothes, trying to stop his hands from shaking, and Murphy dug through the crates, finding blankets. Once she was down to her bra and underwear, he stripped down to his boxers.

“Get next to her Bellamy, as close as you can.” Lincoln said. “She needs your body heat.”

Bellamy lied next to her and Leo curled around them as much as he could.

Lincoln sighed. “There’s nothing we can do until we get to the cabin except try to control the bleeding and get her warm.”

Bellamy hadn’t said a word. He couldn’t process a thought to speak, couldn’t find his voice.

Murphy threw the blanket over them, Lincoln’s hands staying underneath to hold pressure and he when he met Murphy’s eyes, his fear conveyed to him... she might not make it this time.

The blood from the bullet entrance wasn’t slowing down. She was losing it too fast.

He spared a look at Lincoln, then squatted down next to Bellamy. “Hey man, you gotta stay with us. Don’t lose it now.”

Bellamy’s breaths were coming in short puffs and he was shaking. He looked up and opened his mouth but no sound came out. He was a mess and it worried Murphy. He’d already seen Bellamy just _thinking_ he lost Clarke once. This time, he knew it’d be worse. Watching her die... Bellamy wouldn’t survive this.

Her skin was loosing color and her lips were starting to blue.

“I know, man, but you have to calm down. She’s right here, Bellamy. Keep it together.”

They were all jerked forward, the Rover skidding to a stop.

“What the fuck?!” They heard Miller yell.

Murphy looked up to find Octavia standing directly in front of them. “It’s over!” She claimed.

Bellamy closed his eyes and held Clarke tighter. He heard Leo let out a growl at Octavia’s voice. 

“Mother fucking bullshit.” Losing what may have been the last of his patience, Murphy swung the door to the Rover open and without even thinking pushed Octavia out of the way.

“There wouldn’t have been a  _start_ if you would’ve just let it go!” He yelled. “You’ve killed all your people! You shot the blaster at her? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Octavia drew her sword and put it against his neck.

“Do it, Blodreina.” He dared, his voice getting low. “You’ve already condemned Clarke to death and that’ll kill your brother, so why not me too.” His voice was cold. 

He saw her mask slip.

She sheathed her sword and dropped her gaze.

“Now stay out of our fucking way.” He turned around to run back to the Rover.

“Let me come.” She said. “Abby trained me in case of emergency. I can help.”

“We have enough help.”

“For fuck sake, we don’t have time for this!” Miller yelled from the window. “Get in and let’s move!”

With one last glare, Murphy jumped in the back and Octavia hopped in the passenger seat.

“Murphy,” Lincoln started. “Get Echo and Raven on the radio- tell them to have the med cabin clear and ready, and keep Madi away from it.”

He nodded and set to it. 

“And Miller...” Lincoln said looking at Clarke. “Hurry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys hate me yet?


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck, bc I didn’t update yesterday. Hopefully this very long chapter makes up for it!

_**~ In my body** _

_**I'm a disaster** _

_**I break down** _

_**When you shake the ground ~** _

Murphy had explained to Raven, in short, what had happened. As they pulled up, Raven was already opening the Rover doors.

Bellamy started to stand and she threw a pair of sweat pants and a grey shirt at him.

“You can’t help her if you freeze.” She said without even looking at Clarke.

She still had to hold it together and from what Murphy had told her, if she looked at Clarke, she knew she would lose it.

Bellamy slipped on the clothes without a word and carefully lifted Clarke’s lifeless form.

“We need to get her warmer.” Lincoln said. “Move the table closer to the fire. We gotta stop this bleeding.”

Bellamy placed her down carefully, and backed away, looking like he’d seen a ghost. He leaned over, putting his hands on his knees and tried to slow his breathing- to stop his body from shaking.

Raven stood at the door, now looking petrified.

Murphy looked at Bellamy. He was waiting for him to break and he knew it was close to happening. 

They were all so focused on Clarke, that none of them heard the door to the cabin open.

“Mom?” Madi’s soft voice filled the room.

“Someone get her out of here!” Lincoln yelled from Clarke’s side. He had his hand around what was left of the ice, scared to pull it, but trying to stop the bleeding.

Bellamy couldn’t look up. Now that Clarke wasn’t in his arms, he couldn’t breathe. The sound of Madi’s voice almost sent him to his knees.

His breaths were coming fast but, he wasn’t getting any air. 

He knew looking at Madi would be the last thing it took to break him. He couldn’t do it.

Octavia moved towards her, but Echo appeared at the doorway, moving forward and unsheathing her sword.

“You don’t go near her.” Echo warned.

Octavia looked like she was going to fight, but slowly backed away instead.

Raven grabbed Madi, tears running down her own face and tried to usher her out but she fought.

“No!” Madi screamed. “Daddy, please! What happened?! Mom!” She yelled. Her voice was breaking and fear was radiating off of her and Bellamy both. Between the two of them, the room felt suffocating.

Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut tighter and shook his head.

_This wasn’t happening,_ he kept telling himself. 

His heart was being ripped open. Threatening to tear itself out of his chest... and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Madi fought Ravens hold and Murphy sprung forward.

“Hey, Madi,” Murphy spared another glance at Bellamy, he really was going to lose it. He leaned down in front of her and grabbed her shoulders. “Hey! You’ve got to calm down, okay? _Look at me.”_

He waited until she did and continued. “I need you to stay calm. Your _dad_ needs you to stay calm, Madi. He needs you.”

She tried to hold back her tears and her eyes darted between the table where Clarke was laying, Bellamy, and Murphy.

“Come on, kid, you gotta focus on me. Listen, we’re trying to fix her, okay? But I need you to go outside with Raven and let us do that.”

“What if you can’t?” Her voice was so small and tears finally fell from her eyes. Murphy’s heart almost couldn’t take it. “What if- What if she-“

“Hey,” he cut her off, but dropped his eyes and searched for the right words. At first he wanted to tell her that wouldn’t happen but... he didn’t want to lie to her and tell her that Clarke would for sure make it out of this- that they would fix her, because he didn’t know if that was true.

He looked back up, meeting her gaze. “Then you’re gonna need to be there for your dad.” He told her honestly.

Clarke’s voice echoed in her ears. _‘_ _He’ll need you.'_ But it wasn’t  _ fair._

Her lower lip trembled, but she held her head up and nodded, tears still streaming down her face. 

“Now go with Raven and Echo.” Murphy said.

Raven and Echo led her out and Murphy rushed back to Clarke’s side. “What do you need me to do?” He asked them. 

“She’s not gonna make it.” Octavia said, like a realization had struck her.

**_~ Every time I stand to leave my cage_ **

**_In my broken body I stay ~_ **

Lincoln and Murphy both glared at her, but Lincoln quickly turned his attention back to Murphy. “Come here and hold pressure against this. Bellamy, we need you over here! She needs blood and I need to get the bullet ou-“

“Fuck!” The dam broke. They all jumped at the sound of Bellamy’s voice as he sent a chair flying into the wall of the cabin. He turned, his fist swinging into the wall and sunk to his knees. It was the first word he’d said since the explosion. 

“And there it is .” Murphy mumbled.

“God, this can’t happen. Clarke, please. Don’t- don’t do this.” His voice broke. He hung his head and ran a hand through his hair, talking into the air. “Jesus Christ.” He sobbed. “She can’t- Murphy I- I can’t do this.” Tears rolled down his face. He’d broke. He couldn’t take it anymore.

He’d been talking to Murphy, the only person that had been able to help him the last time this had happened, but Octavia answered first.

Octavia stared at him. “Bellamy, you need to be over here.If Clarke’s not going to make it-“

“Don’t!” Bellamy screamed at her, standing back up. “Don’t you dare say that. And don’t  _fuckin_ _g_ say her name! You don’t have that right. She’s here because of you and I swear to God, Octavia, if she dies, I’ll fucking kill you myself! Get away from her!”

“Bellamy-“ Lincoln started.

“I _can’t._ She’s everything, Lincoln. I need her. She’s- she can’t die, please.” He was going to have a panic attack. Murphy saw it coming. He needed to pull him back and fast. “I can’t breathe. I- _fuck!"_ He yelled, hitting the wall again.

Lincoln and Miller looked at Murphy, pleading silently for him to do something. They needed him helping if there was any chance for her and they had to move quick.

“Hey! Bellamy, look at me.” Murphy said, but Bellamy just shook his head, grabbing a desk with shaking hands. In fact, he could see his entire body trembling.

“Murphy, she needs blood or she’s not gonna last much longer.” Miller said quietly, so Bellamy couldn’t hear them.

“I feel sick- I can’t-“

“Blake! _Look at me."_ He yelled and Bellamy finally met his eyes. Murphy took a second to keep talking. The pain in Bellamy’s eyes was almost too much to look at. 

“You’ve gotta pull yourself together, you hear me? You do _not_ _get_ to break down yet. Clarke isn’t done fighting. She’s right here on this table, still breathing- _fighting_ for  you and that little girl outside. But she’s fighting by herself right now Bellamy and you need to help her. She’s not going out like this. Not now, okay? So you need to get your shit together, come over here and fight _with her,_ or get the hell out!”

Bellamy closed his eyes and gripped the table harder, trying to slow his heart, to ease some of the pressure and panic that was squeezing him so tightly that he couldn’t breathe.

They all held their breath, waiting to see if he got through to him.

_The head and the heart._ Her voice came to him out of nowhere. It was time to use his head. Push the panic and pain aside and help her. He took two deep breaths and pushed himself off the desk.

“What do we do?” He asked, walking over. His voice was still shaking but he had determination written on his face.

Lincoln let out a sigh of relief and Murphy smiled. “We save her.”

“Bellamy, Miller’s going to pull the ice and you need to put your hand over it as soon as it’s out and press hard.” Lincoln said. “Murphy, we’re gonna get this bullet out, alright?”

Miller pulled the ice out and Bellamy immediately put his hands down, pressing hard and Octavia reached for gauze. 

“I got it, big brother.” She placed her hands on his, but he couldn’t seem to move his own away from Clarke.

“No.” He rasped.

“Bellamy, she needs blood and you’re the only one that can do it.” Lincoln said. “Without it she  _will_ die."

“She’s not touching her.” Bellamy’s voice left no room for debate.

Miller lightly pushed Octavia out of the way and placed his hands over Bellamy’s. “I got it, man. Go save her.”

He let out a shaky sigh and nodded. Lincoln moved to set up for the blood transfusion. 

“We’re just going to take enough for her to be stable. You’re warmed up now, so the temperature should help her too.”

Bellamy just nodded and grabbed Clarke’s limp, cold hand. “You should next to her, she still needs more heat. Just be slow and careful.”

Lincoln helped him move behind her and went to work with the transfusion.

They finally got the bleeding to stop enough for Lincoln to see, but Clarke let out a groan, startling them all. 

“The blood is helping.” Lincoln said.

“Bell,” Her voice was hoarse but it was there.

Bellamy had to keep himself from jumping up. “Hey, I’m here, baby. You’re gonna be okay.”

He carefully moved his body so he could slip under her a bit. She leaned her head back against him, but looked down to her stomach to see nothing but black blood, gauze and hands.

“I don’t know, Bell.” She said weakly. “That doesn’t look so good.”

“It’s okay, Lincoln’s gonna fix you, okay? And I’m right here. You’re gonna be okay.” He sounded scared, he tried not to, he really did, but he just couldn’t help it.

“Then why do you sound like you’ve been crying?” She called him out.

“You know me, princess, always a little dramatic.” He tried to joke.

Leo stood from his place on the ground and nudged is head under her hand. She smiled and scratched his head best she could.

“He saved you.” Bellamy said fondly. “Found you and pulled you out.”

“You’re a good boy, Leo.” She said weakly. She didn’t realize she had been crying, but at some point, she had started.

“Bell,” She started. “I don’t think-“

“Then _don’t,_ Clarke.” He cut her off firmly. “Don’t think, just fight.”

“Maybe this is what I deserve.” She said, tears still falling and her voice breaking. “After all I’ve done, this is my punishment.”

Murphy shook his head, but stayed silent, flashing back to when they thought she killed herself after Praimfaya.

“You do _not_ deserve  this.” His voice was stronger than before. Determined now to be strong for her and make her fight. “You’re not done here, Clarke. The war is over. We’re safe.”

She closed her eyes and tried to stop her tears. She leaned harder into him. “I love you, Bell. You, Madi and Leo... you’re all I ever wanted. And I love you _so much.”_

“No, Clarke. Don’t do that. Remember what I told you after we left the bunker? This isn’t over. You’re still here. Don’t you dare give up.” His voice cracked and he tried yet again, to stop his tears. “You can’t, princess. I need you. Promise me, Clarke. Don’t stop fighting. Because I swear if you do, I will too.”

She swallowed and looked up, meeting Murphy’s eyes and he nodded his encouragement.

“Okay.” She whispered. “I promise.”

“Brave princess.” Bellamy let out a sigh of relief.

Murphy and Miller smiled at the memory, despite the situation.

“Clarke,” Lincoln said, getting her attention. “We’ve gotta clean them out... I’ve gotta get this bullet out of you and stitch you up.”

Clarke laid her head back against Bellamy and let another tear escape. She took a deep breath and nodded. “Bellamy, you’re gonna have to hold me down.”

“Ready?” Lincoln asked.

She could only manage a nod and Bellamy moved his head to indicate Lincoln could start. He picked up the moonshine and looked at him.

“Hold her tight, Bellamy.” He warned.

•

Outside, Raven sat on the ground, Madi sat between her legs, head pressed to her chest. Raven thought she had heard some awful things, but nothing compared to the bone rattling screams that came from Clarke that night.

Madi cried harder, pressing her hands to her ears and squeezing her eyes shut. Raven put a hand on Madi’s head pressed her harder against her chest, her own tear falling. “Shh,” She rocked Madi slightly and held her tight. “She’s gonna be okay. She’s gonna be okay.” She kept repeating. For her sake, or Madi’s- she didn’t know.

•

Bellamy’s heart broke with every scream. God, he just wanted to take it all away. He’d take it all, every bit of it, to ease her pain. He whispered in her ear the whole time, he didn’t even know what he was saying and he doubted Clarke heard him anyway, but he wanted to comfort her anyway he could.

Finally she passed out again, falling unconscious but Bellamy didn’t stop talking to her. His whole body was shaking and he couldn’t stop it.

“I’ve almost got it, Bellamy.” Lincoln was deep in her abdomen and laser focused. Miller had some kind of surgical tools in his hand, waiting for Lincoln to call for something and Murphy was stitching up where the ice shard had been.

He let out a breath as he heard the bullet cling against the pan on the table.

“Bellamy, we have to stop the transfusion. You’re at the safe limit.” Octavia said.

“No.” He said calmly. He wasn’t stopping. “She needs it more.”

Murphy and Miller looked at each other- they both knew better than to argue this one. So did Lincoln it seemed.

“Bell-“

“I said  _no,_ Octavia!” He raised his voice. “Why are you still in here anyway?”

She blinked, but she didn’t have an answer right away.

“I’m here for you.” She took a step towards him and Leo stepped in between them, hackles up and growling, stopping Octavia in her tracks.

“You’re not here for me... you’re here because you feel guilty. Because you put her in the pit, you started this whole war, then you aimed the blaster at McCreary with Clarke feet away, and now my wife is lying on a table, fighting for her life because you were in a pissing match and you were too selfish to share the valley... I won’t forgive you for this one Octavia.” His voice was eerily calm and it unnerved them all. He didn’t even look up from Clarke while he talked, all his attention focused on her.

She backed up against the wall and slid down it, silently watching the others work to save her. She felt like his words were slowly breaking her.

Eventually, Lincoln convinced Bellamy that Clarke had enough blood. He had visibly paled, where some of her color had returned. Miller managed to get him to drink some water and eat a ration. “You’re no good to her passed out, man.” He said.

What seemed like hours later, they had finished. The bullet was out, she was stitched up and cleaned. Lincoln took a deep breath and sunk to the ground, leaning against the wall. “She’s stable for now. We need to move her though, get her comfortable.”

Bellamy started to move, Murphy helping him carefully out from under Clarke.

“Can you get the bed ready in the cabin?” Bellamy asked.

Murphy tried not to sigh at him. “Look Bell, you’ve given a lot of blood, you’re not as strong as usual. Let me or Miller carry her.” He offered carefully.

“I got her, John.” His voice was soft but left no room for argument.

He nodded and went ahead, making sure it was easy for Bellamy to lay her in the bed. Leo leaned against Bellamy as he walked, giving him support and Miller followed behind them slowly. There in case he decided he needs help, though they all knew he wouldn’t. Or would ask for it at least.

Lincoln grabbed a med kit- just in case, and followed them all, Octavia ran up to him. “You know she probably won’t make it, Lincoln.” She grabbed his arm and yanked him around to face her. “She lost a lot of blood. She’s in hypothermic shock. Don’t give him false hope, you’ll break him.”

Lincoln looked at her, keeping his calm resolve. “He’s already broken, Octavia... he will be until she wakes up. So you better hope she does.” He turned back around and continued walking.

Murphy had cleared the bed and went to work on starting a fire. Bellamy laid her down, his arms and legs shaking.

Echo had walked in and she covered Clarke’s body with blankets, still trying to keep her warm.

Miller came up and grabbed his arm. “You need to sit down, Bellamy. A lots been taken out of you.”

He nodded and let out a shaky breath. He felt weak, he felt sick, he felt like his world was being shook and turned upside down, breaking into pieces.

He sat in a chair that Miller pulled up for him. His tears were back. He couldn’t find it in himself to care though. His wife was lying in a bed, fighting for her life. He had a right to cry.

“Bell,” Octavia started. “You need to be ready to say goodbye.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Murphy asked, incredulously.

“What happened to you?” Bellamy asked weakly. “You turned into someone I don’t know... Lincoln couldn’t even help you. What you’ve done, O, the fighting pits, the killing, the war, forcing other people to... and now what? You don’t have faith in Clarke anymore? The woman who saved you, who saved  all of us so many times. Who’s fought harder than anyone I know. She survived the end of the fucking world. And now because you think she’s done fighting, I should too?!” His voice was slowly rising and he stood up from his chair, walking dangerously towards Octavia.

“You  _want_ her gone.” He accused.

“I want you to face reality, Bell. The injuries she has-“

“The ones  _you caused_ _!”_ He yelled and grabbed her by the throat, pushing her against the wall, his strength somehow coming back with a vengeance. 

Murphy jumped forward and Echo watched silently. 

“You did this, Octavia! I wasn’t kidding when I told you if she dies, I’ll kill you.” His voice was low and dangerous. “She’s the reason you’re even alive!”

“Bellamy, let her go.” Murphy tried to grab his arm but he pushed him off.

Lincoln sat with his eyes on the ground. Miller remembered a time where Lincoln would never have let Bellamy even get close to her with that kind of rage going on, but now... now things were different. She’d lost herself and taken a piece of him with her. 

“Bellamy, come on man. You don’t wanna do this. Clarke wouldn’t want you to do this.” Murphy tried again.

“But we don’t know, do we?” Bellamy cried. “Because she’s trying to stay alive, again!”

The situation was escalating quickly and Murphy wasn’t sure he could talk him out of this one. He was going to kill her. And no one else seemed inclined to talk him out of it.

“Daddy?” A soft voice called from the doorway. 

Bellamy immediately dropped Octavia and turned around. Octavia sunk to the floor coughing, holding her neck and holding back tears.

“Madi.” Bellamy said her name softly. His voice so much different than seconds before.

“You can’t kill her... mom will be really mad at you.” She said it simply. She was right, Bellamy knew. Looking at her, he felt an overwhelming need to have her in his arms. To ground himself to something other than anger and fear.

“Madi,” Bellamy let out a sob and walked towards her and she met him halfway. He dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms all the way around her. She pushed her face into his neck and held tight.

Murphy and Miller both let out a sigh of relief.

Echo quietly went back to Clarke’s side and grabbed her limp hand.

Raven walked in and went up to them. “Is she gonna be okay?” She asked, looking at Lincoln.

“If she can make it through the night, she has a chance. But she has to wake up and fast. Her body needs nutrients and water. We can’t give them to her since we have no way to get them _in her._ If she doesn’t wake up soon...”

Raven nodded, understanding and turned her attention to Bellamy and Madi.

He pulled back from Madi and held her face. He was still crying- couldn’t seem to pull himself together. “She’s gonna be okay, princess. Your mom is a fighter.”

“She wouldn’t want you to cry.” Madi whispered and reached her hand up to brush his tears away.

How this little girl had grown into such a strong, logical mini-Clarke, he didn’t know. But damn, he was glad. Looking at her, holding her, it helped him more than he knew it could.

“I know, princess. I’m sorry.” He told her.

She wiped his tears one more time and moved the hair out of his eyes, just like Clarke would have. It made his heart ache. “Can we sit with her?”

He nodded and grabbed her hand. Raven and Murphy pulled up the couch in the room and put it next to the bed. Bellamy sat down and Madi curled around his chest, looking at Clarke, while Murphy and Raven took the other end. Lincoln sat by the fire, Miller took the chair Bellamy had previously been in, opposite from Echo and Leo laid on the end of the bed around Clarke’s feet.

“Everyone else?” Bellamy asked.

“Everyone’s okay.” Raven said. “They’re all headed this way. Some Eligius are still alive, but they’re not fighting... They surrendered.”

“Probably Dioyza’s followers.” He said nodding.

They all sat in silence for a while and Bellamy gave a small, tired smile when he heard Madi’s soft snores.

He brushed the hair out of her face and turned back to Clarke.

“She’s strong.” Raven said. “They both are.”

He smiled again and nodded. “That’s Clarke coming through her.”

“It’s you too, you know?”

He shrugged, not taking his eyes off Clarke.

“Clarke always taught her to stay calm in crisis, and bad situations.” He thought back to breaking down with Clarke on the table, hitting the wall, and then holding Octavia’s throat between his hands. “Clearly, that parts not me.”

Murphy let out a huff. “You think?” His mind going back to the same thing as Bellamy’s. “Your kid talked you down, though. That’s not just Clarke, that’s you too. You always _have_ had a way with words.” He joked.

Bellamy smiled, but it quickly disappeared.

“She’s gonna be okay, right?” He was scared. They all knew it- they heard it in his voice.

“Of course she is.” Echo said confidently. “She’s Clarke.”

“I just- I can’t... I can’t lose her again. And now we have Madi and I-“ He held Madi closer with one arm and reached out to Clarke with the other. “I need her.” He whispered.

“We know, Bellamy.” Murphy said quietly. 

“What if Octavia’s right?”

_“She’s not.”_ He said, firmly. “You know Clarke doesn’t stop fighting for you. She never has. And now she has even more to fight for.” 

Bellamy ached to hold her, Murphy could see it. He nudged Bellamy’s arm. “Here, scoot her to me. I know it’s killing you.” He tried to sound annoyed, but Bellamy could tell he wasn’t.

He pulled Madi from his chest and into Murphy’s, then carefully slid in on Clarke good side. 

“You need sleep, Bellamy.” Lincoln spoke up. “All of you. I’ll watch her for a while.”

Bellamy nodded, but knew he wouldn’t be able to. 

About half an hour after Murphy and Raven had drifted off, the cabin door opened revealing the rest of their family. Harper, Monty, Emori, and Jackson.

Jackson ran straight to Clarke wanting to check her vitals. Leo lifted his head and growled.

“It’s ait Leo, chil au daun.” Bellamy soothed him and he lowered his head back down.

“What happened?” Emori asked quietly, to not wake up the others, but with tears in her eyes. 

“Octavia.” Lincoln said from the floor. “...Octavia happened.”

Miller shook his head. “No, Lincoln. Blodreina happened... you and I both know that’s not Octavia.”

“I failed her.” Lincoln wasn’t looking up, keeping his gaze on the floor.

“You did everything you could.” Jackson argued. “She put you in the pits, were you supposed to keep trying after that?”

Bellamy’s head shot up. “She _what?”_

Lincoln looked up at him with a sad expression. “I don’t know what to do Bellamy. She’s lost.”

“She put you in the pits?”

“She did. I... I spoke out against Wonkru. Against her decisions. Therefore I was an enemy.”

Bellamy squeezed Clarke’s hand and shut his eyes. “There’s nothing we can do about her right now. We just need to focus on Clarke.”

He didn’t want to think about Octavia. He was so hurt by her- _betrayed_ by her.

Echo and Emori took the rest of the couch, quietly slipping beside Murphy, Madi, and Raven, filling the couch to its capacity. Harper and Monty grabbed a cot and pulled in near them. 

“Her heartbeat is a little weaker than I’d like.” Jackson said. “But it’s there. If she wakes up, the first thing we need to do is get fluids in her.”

“You don’t all have to stay.” Bellamy said as everyone was settling in.

“You’re crazy if you think any of us is going anywhere.” Monty said.

“Can you all shut up?” Murphy grumbled behind closed eyes. “You’re gonna wake the kid. And no one’s going to have _anywhere_ to go if I kill you all.”

Harper let out a light laugh and settled in next to Monty on the cot.

Bellamy’s heart was still clenched in his chest, but surrounded by his family, he had hope.

_We still breathing?_ His voice had said it first, but it was hers that played in his head now and it made him smile.

She wasn’t done here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looove this chapter. I’m really torn about this being over soon. Seriously, I’m fighting myself on taking it a little further but... ugh, idk. I hope you guys loved this chapter as much as I do!


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys... this is it. I have decided I’ll be posting one last follow-up chapter. I just don’t have it perfect yet. I really hope you guys have loved this story and love the way it ends. I never thought I’d get the support that you guys have given me. Every kudos, every comment, bookmark... seriously, you guys have been amazing and it means a lot. So thank you ❤️ I already have thoughts about my next one... maybe a modern au, which I swore to myself I would never do, but now thoughts are whirling in my mind. Let me know what you guys think!

****He must have drifted off at some point, because he woke up with a slight start. He calmed down a bit, taking in his surroundings and feeling Clarke’s breathing. It must have been early morning still.

Everyone was sleeping, most piled on top of each other and it made him smile. Madi was shoved in between Murphy and Raven, Echo legs were draped over Emori’s, but her head rested on Murphy’s arm. Monty and Harper were curled up on the small cot and Miller and Jackson had two chairs pushed together, heads resting on each other’s. The only ones separate were Lincoln and he spotted Octavia sleeping against the far wall on the ground.

Leo looked up at him and let out a soft whine, pushing his head in Clarke’s direction. Bellamy looked up at her and quickly sat up.

“Oh, thank god.” He tried to be quiet, but he couldn’t help it with the relief he felt. She was awake.

He moved to kiss her, finally feeling a bit of weight off his chest. When he pulled back, he let out a sigh of relief.

“Shhh,” she whispered. “Don’t wake them.” She looked around the room with a small smile while he tried to slow his heart beat.

He calmed down enough to think and jumped up to get her water. “Here, princess. You need to drink. Jackson and Lincoln’s orders.”

She winced as she tried to sit up and he slid his arm around her back to support her while she drank. His hands were shaky and he tried to slow down his breathing.

“Bell, it’s okay.” She soothed. “I’m okay, I’m right here.”

He met her eyes. He was a wreck. She put her hand on his face and he pushed her hand harder against it.

“You scared the hell out of me, baby.” And he was crying again. Just like he had been since they got back.

“I’m sorry, Bell.” She wrapped the arm on her good side around him and he moved so they were laying back down, pulling her close to him.

Once Bellamy had calmed down, they both looked around the room. “They’re all here.” She said, almost in awe.

“I tried to get them to rest in their own rooms, but they didn’t want to leave.”

“It’s over?”

He nodded. “It’s over. McCreary’s gone, his goons are dead and what was left of Diyoza’s crew... they’re not fighting us. We have guards posted still just in case but... a lot of Wonkru is dead.”

She nodded. “She led them all on a suicide mission. And they followed...” she sounded like she didn’t understand it.

“They were more scared of what she would do to them, then going to war and dying.” Bellamy said.

She sighed. “Is Madi okay?”

He nodded, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “Better than me... she talked me down with just a word.” He smiled.

She smiled back. “She learned that from you, I think.”

“She’s strong and she’s brave, just like her mom.”

_“And her dad.”_ She said sternly. 

He smiled and kissed her head. “We’ve done a pretty good job.”

“What’d she talk you down from, Bell?”

“I, uh...” he cleared his throat. “I may have not reacted well and Octavia kept telling me- she kept saying it was time for me to let you go... that you couldn’t make it and all I saw was her pointing that damn blaster at the lake and you going into the pit, so I snapped... Madi walked in before I- I don’t know, before I could hurt her I guess.”

Clarke just looked at him sadly.

“She told me you’d be ‘really mad’ if I killed Octavia.” He smiled despite the seriousness of the situation. He didn’t want Clarke to be mad at him.

“I would’ve been.” She said. “Especially after I let her live in the pit. And you would never forgive yourself if you killed her.”

“I would have if you died. That’s not Octavia, princess.” He argued. 

“But she’s in there. She has to be.”

He looked like he didn’t believe her.

“She’s here isn’t she?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, but-“

“No, Bell. I’ve been in dark places before. _We've_ been in dark places... You and I, we’re the same and we can talk each other back into the better places, but we’ve done some terrible things... Lincoln’s better than us all. He couldn’t take what she was doing and Octavia was too stubborn to listen. It tore both of them apart.”

He looked like he was contemplating if she was right, so she continued.

“She wasn’t made for this. She wasn’t made to lead, she was pushed into and now she’s done shitty things and gotten power hungry, but she-“

“She almost killed you.” He cut her off, his voice angry. “She almost killed you and she did it without even blinking.”

“I almost killed _her_ once.” She referred back to the bomb at TonDC.

“It’s not the same and you know it.” He said. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, softening his voice. “We can’t let her lead them anymore, Clarke.”

“I won’t.” Octavia’s soft voice made them both jump. She stood up and walked towards the bed. Leo looked up cautiously, but didn’t move.

She reached Clarke and stopped. Bellamy sat up, like he was ready to fight her.

“You were always better at this than me.” She started and stole a glance at Bellamy. “Both of you.” 

Octavia and Clarke stared at each other for what Bellamy thought felt like hours until Octavia spoke.

_“You’re alive.”_ Octavia whispered in disbelief.

“Commander of Death and all.” Clarke joked half heartedly.

“I...” Octavia started, but trailed off.

Clarke looked at her hard. There was no trace of Blodreina on her face at the moment. Her war paint had been wiped cleaned and there was no trace of makeup on her face.

She looked like... _Octavia._

“I fucked up.” Octavia finally said, her voice breaking. 

Clarke felt Bellamy, tense behind her, like he was waiting to strike.

Octavia took a deep breath and continued. “I thought I killed you.”

“Are you disappointed?” Bellamy’s rage still strong.

She briefly looked to him and then back to Clarke. This person that Clarke was looking at, it wasn’t Blodreina, she could see that. Her power had been stripped from her. She lost her people, her brother, her family. And now it had hit her. She couldn’t hide from what she’d done now that it was over.

“Clarke- I...” Octavia reached her hand out to Clarke. She stared at it for a moment before slowly reaching out her own, like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to.

“I fucked up so many times. I’ve blamed you both for a lot of things that weren’t your fault. And then I almost killed you... you’re right. I broke Lincoln.” Her eyes started to well with tears, but she pushed them down. “I never wanted this and now I... I destroyed my people. I destroyed _him.”_

Clarke looked at her, waiting for her to continue and Bellamy had started pacing the room. Clarke could feel the anger radiating off of him. 

“I don’t know what to do, Clarke.” She admitted. “I don’t know how to stop it.” She flitted her gaze to Bellamy. “And now I’ve lost my brother, I’ve lost Lincoln, I’ve lost all of you.”

“Octavia...” Clarke closed her eyes. She was fighting herself on what to say- if Octavia even deserved her words.  _Forgiveness is hard._

“You know you have to step down. That’s all you can do. You were put in a hard place. I know there were things that had to be done, but now... now we don’t have to war with each other.”

“I was so convinced you were dead... That I had killed you and I thought maybe that’d be easier, because then I wouldn’t have to face you and Bellamy would kill me anyway. Then it’d all be over. But he was right. You don’t stop fighting. I guess you never have... I almost killed you.”

Clarke let shrugged and gave her a small smile. “ I guess that makes us even then.”

A tear fell from Octavia’s eye and she looked like she wanted to hug Clarke, but stopped herself. “I’m sorry, Clarke.”

Bellamy had stopped pacing and was glaring at Octavia. Clarke didn’t say anything at first. She was contemplating how to approach it.

“Octavia, we’ve all done shitty things. It’s how we move past them that matters, right?”

Octavia nodded and looked to Bellamy. He just shook his head.

“Just because she has a big enough heart to forgive you, doesn’t mean I do.” He said coldly. “You almost cost me everything, Octavia. You wanted to kill my daughter. You tried to kill my wife. If you want back into my life, I don’t want to hear your apologies. I want to see you change. Until then, stay away from my family.”

Octavia let a few more tears slip and Clarke closed her eyes at his harshness. He was right and she knew it. She hadn’t excepted him to forgive that quickly.

“I’ll leave then. Can you... can you ask Lincoln to find me when he wakes up?”

Clarke nodded and she was off.

“Bell,” Clarke started.

_“No, Clarke._ I don’t wanna hear it.” He said in a tone that she couldn’t argue with. “I’m not going to lose my family because of her.”

“She’s your family too, Bellamy.”

“Not right now. Right now I have to focus on  _this family_ _.”_ He motioned around the room. He tried to stay quiet but this was something he felt strongly on. “You and Madi, you are my responsibility now. And I’m not letting anything get it the way of that. Clarke, if I lose you, I won’t make it. I couldn’t even comfort our daughter while her mother was bleeding out on a table, because I _couldn’t_ _breathe_ _._ I’m supposed to be strong for you two, but I couldn’t.” 

She felt his anxiety level rising and his voice starting to sound frantic. “I couldn’t think of anything other than losing you and it terrifies me. I broke, Clarke. You two are my life and I almost lost you.”

She cut him off, pulling him towards her. “Hey, Bell. I’m right here.” He sat down on the bed next to her and leaned until his forehead touched hers. “I’m right here. I’m okay. You didn’t lose me... you are  so strong , Bellamy. You keep us strong, whether you see it or not. We’re all okay and here because of you, and I love you so, _so much.”_

Now it was her turn to cry. “I was so scared when he pointed that gun at me and when I saw Octavia, I gave up... but I woke up and you were there and you made me fight again. Even when I wanted to give up. I don’t want to leave you, Bell.”

He kissed her and laid back down beside her, holding her close while she cried. Eventually she quieted down and fell back asleep. He just watched her for a while, not willing to take his eyes off her just yet. He was tired and sleep fought him, but he wasn’t ready.

He heard shuffling and looked up to see Madi uncurling from Raven and Murphy slowly.

“Dad, are you okay?” She asked, walking up to the bed.

“Yeah, princess, I’m okay. Mom woke up.” He smiled.

Her face lit up and she smiled back at him. “Really? She’s okay?”

“She’s okay. She’s gonna have a hard time for a while and she’s gonna be really tired, so we need to help her whether she wants it or not, alright?”

She nodded at him, still smiling.

“C’mon. Climb up here.” He patted the space on the other side of Clarke and Madi didn’t hesitate to climb in but moved slowly.

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

“You won’t, Princess. Just scoot in slow and don’t make sudden movements. Watch her stomach and you’ll be okay.”

Clarke was lying on her good side with Bellamy behind her. Madi scooted in and grabbed Clarke’s hand, holding it in between their faces and moving as close to her as she could, Leo still curled at their feet.

Madi looked at Bellamy’s hand lying on Clarke’s arm. “Are your hands okay?” She whispered.

He looked down at them, cut and bruised from hitting the wall. He scrunched his brows together and sighed. “Yeah, I... I just lost my cool a bit.” He admitted to her.

She let out a little laugh. “I couldn’t tell.” She said sarcastically.

He grinned at her. “You got a sense of humor, kid, I’ll give you that.”

She giggled once more and sobered down. “I love you guys.” She said.

He reached over Clarke and pushed her hair out of her face. “We love you too, princess... I’m sorry I freaked out.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay. Mom always told me that if anything happened to her, I’d have to be strong for you. I guess I didn’t do a good job at first...” she admitted quietly. “Uncle Murphy reminded me though.”

Bellamy smiled fondly. Of course Clarke had told her that. Clarke knew he’d break down if something happened to her.

“You did perfect, Madi. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“Aunt Raven helped me... I didn’t like hearing her scream and I- I got scared.” She said sheepishly.

“It’s okay to be scared. I was scared. I still am... I’m scared of losing you two. I don’t know what I’d do.”

“The war is over, right?” She asked. “We’re not fighting anymore?”

“We’re not fighting anymore.” He confirmed.

“Is... is Octavia still the queen?”

He shook his head. “No. No, she never will be again.”

“Then I think... I think we’ll all be okay. Everyone.” She said, thoughtfully.

For some reason, a weight lifted of his chest and he let out a breath, smiling again. “I think you’re right.”

He squeezed her arm and pulled them both a bit closer, careful of Clarke’s injuries and settled down. “Try to go back to sleep, okay. It’s still early.”

She closed her eyes and it wasn’t long before he heard her breath even out. He looked around the room one last time, feeling no sense of dread for the first time since they’d opened the bunker.

He closed his eyes and let himself drift off with Clarke and Madi in his arms and Leo at their feet. All of the people he loved, tucked inside their cabin.

Everyone was home. Everyone was safe.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don’t hate me for taking so long 😫 I got so caught up writing my new fic and I neglected this one. Anyway, here’s the epilogue I promised you!!

5 years later

Bellamy woke to an empty bed. The sun was shining through the window, so he must’ve slept in. He stretched and stood from the bed.

It couldn’t have been past 10:00, but the day was already hot.

He slipped on a t-shirt and shorts, slipped on his shoes and headed out of the cabin.

No one was in the village, which meant there could only be one place they were. He walked through the woods on the well beaten trail until he heard laughter in the distance.

As the lake came into view he smiled. Harper and Monty were by the shoreline, their son Jordan bouncing on Harper’s knee, teething on his own hand.

Echo and Emori sat with their feet in the water, content to just sit with each other.

Lincoln was holding his and Octavia’s son, Liam, who had just turned 4, teaching him to float, while Octavia watched smiling, hand over her swelling stomach, waiting for their second child.

After the war, Octavia had truly changed. It took her time. She needed a second chance to be happy, to show who she could really be after the bunker.

She and Lincoln had fallen back into place. Liam had been a godsend. Her and Lincoln still hadn’t been 100% when she got pregnant, but she let him heal her. Let him remind her of who she used to be... who was still inside her. Liam made them whole again.

Bellamy had taken a long time to even start to forgive her, to let her around Clarke and Madi without feeling like he was going to explode- without feeling like she was a threat to them. Eventually, seeing her with Liam, and seeing her try to interact with Madi, and letting her get to know her cousin, he had softened.

He didn’t forget it. He never would. He’d carry the scars of what she’d done to him forever... but everyone deserves a second chance. She’d been manipulated and the emotional damage took its toll. No she was overcoming it.

Bellamy had his whole family back and now had two nephews added to it, with a niece on the way.

Their numbers had diminished greatly, unfortunately not leaving much of Wonkru, but what was left was family.

Madi was in the water, having a splash war with Murphy, Miller and Raven. Jackson was laughing at them on a rock nearby, but far enough away to be out of the splash zone.

Finally he looked to Clarke, who sitting in the sunlight, looking around with a soft smile on her face. Leo was laid out next to her, relaxing, but still keeping a close watch of everyone. 

Clarke let out a laugh as Madi screamed, Murphy dunking her under the water.

He still felt his chest grow warm when he looked at her. He’d never get tired of that feeling.

She must’ve felt him, because she turned and smiled at him. He made his way to her, kissing the top of her head. She let out a content sigh and leaned into him as he sat down next to her.

“Don’t feel like a splash war today?” He smiled.

She grinned and shook her head. “Splash wars aren’t for me. I’d much prefer to watch Madi and Raven try to drown Murphy.”

He laughed and watched as they started a game of chicken. Madi on Miller’s shoulders and Raven on Murphy’s.

“You’re goin’ down clown.” Madi told Murphy with a serious face.

“Oh, we’ll see about that, hobbit.”

She let out a dramatic gasp. “Oh, you’re gonna pay for that. Let’s get ‘em, Miller!”

Miller surged forward and her and Raven pushed at each other, the boys struggling to keep their footing.

Echo and Emori had dipped in to cool down, and watch them.

“Everyone’s so happy.” Clarke said, quietly, leaning her head against Bellamy’s shoulder.

He smiled softly and kissed her head. “Yeah, never thought we’d all get here.”

He traced the scar lining her abdomen from the ice shard that had gone through her and thanked god that she’d survived. He didn’t know where he’d be if she hadn’t. Definitely not here. Not happy.

She lifted her head and leaned up to kiss him.

“I love you, Bell.” She smiled.

“I love you too, princess. That’s why I’m sorry for what I’m about to do.” He grinned.

Her smile dropped and she tried to scoot away. “No.”

She squealed and laughed as he grabbed her by the waist before she could get away.

He stood them up, and tossed her on his shoulder, jumping into the lake, taking them both under.

She gasped as she came up and splashed him.

He laughed and guarded his face. “Hey! You said you didn’t want to splash!”

“That was before you betrayed me!” She laughed, still pushing water at him.

Madi jumped from Millers shoulders and started splashing Bellamy from behind.

“Hey, hey! No fair!” He yelled. “I’m outnumbered. Murphy, help!

Murphy swam over quickly. “Don’t worry, man. I got you!” He promptly dipped under the water and dragged Bellamy’s feet down, pulling him under.

When he came back up, he looked at Murphy accusingly. “Traitor.”

“That’s cockroach to you.” Murphy replied.

Madi and Clarke both attacked him from each side.

“Okay! Okay, I give up!” Bellamy laughed. “You win!”

Madi laughed, giving him one last splash. “Thats what you get for pushing mom in.”

He smiled and pulled her into his side, kissing the top of her head.

Clarke smiled and pulled herself into his other side, pushing the soaked hair out his eyes.

“Shouldn’t have thrown me in, I have back up.” She said innocently.

“I see that now.” He grinned down at her.

He leaned down to kiss her and Madi pushed away.

“Ew, come on!” Madi laughed and splashed them both. “Get a room.”

Bellamy shielded Clarke from the water and pulled back laughing.

Madi had gotten some of Murphy’s humor now, but she smiled at them, nevertheless. She loved seeing them happy. Seeing _everyone_ happy. Sometimes she missed when it was just them on earth. Her, her parents and Leo... but now her family had grown. She had more people to love, and to love her. 

She looked around and felt warmth. Everyone was safe. She was happy. She was loved.

There were no wars except water ones, no fighting, no hate... just love. And looking back at everything... they couldn’t ask for anything better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, was I right to do an epilogue or did it suck? Regardless, I’m super excited to share my next fic with you, so keep your eyes peeled. Much love 😘😘😘


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